Crumbling Walls
by snwm
Summary: Jackie left Bloomington almost a year ago. Catherine is asked to speak at Stanford about her article on the Theory of the Reversal of Self-Denial. A few hours away in Hollywood Jackie's movie Neptune 26 is premiering.
1. Chapter 1

She put all of her weight down on the suitcase until she finally got the zipper closed. Catherine looked around the room one last time to make sure she wasn't forgetting anything. As she was skimming the room her eyes caught site of the stuffed bunny sitting on her headboard. It was preposterous how many emotions and memories could be tied to a stuffed animal. She tried many times to throw it out, I mean come on, she was a 33 year old well distinguished woman. She has a reputation to live up to. But it never failed, anytime she tried letting go of the small toy she never could. It was given to her as an Easter present from her mother when she was a young child. After her parents passed away in a plane crash she couldn't bear giving up any of the items she received from them, hence why she still lived in small town Bloomington. A woman like her strived for bigger and better things but this was home to her. She tried leaving once before when she attended Stanford for College, but came back as soon as she graduated. After she lost her parents it was all she had left. This and a few material items, including the stuffed bunny. She felt robbed of her life without a family so she held these items close to her, they were the only things that she sought comfort in.

All of a sudden the painful memory of Jackie insulting her inheritance came to mind. The tone of her voice, making her sound like an unmotivated, spoiled brat. Spoiled? Losing your family at the age of 15 is quite the opposite of living a spoiled life. Sure, the house was a lot nicer than everyone else's her age, or anyone else in Indiana for that matter. And sure she had nice clothes and a fancy Porsche, but what else was she supposed to spend the money on? She didn't have any children, no family, no spouse. She would give all of it up in a heartbeat to replace the emptiness she felt every night when she came home to an empty house, and every holiday she had to spend alone. Instantly, she felt the ache of her broken heart. It was that moment, almost a year and a half ago, when Jackie uttered those hurtful words that the rage inside of her just exploded.

She remembers trying to cool herself down all night at the fundraiser but she couldn't get the words out of her mind. When her date dropped her off she saw the glow of the TV through the window. She couldn't believe Jackie had stayed after all of the vicious comments they exchanged, just hours before. As much as she tried to cool down, it didn't work. Jackie crossed the line so she decided she would do the same. She invited her date to come inside for a nightcap. Catherine turned on the lights and from the corner of her eye, saw Jackie rise from the couch as she crossed the room, ignoring her presence on purpose. Her date then pointed out that there was someone on her couch. This was her moment to inflict the pain Jackie had instilled in her. "Oh, yeah, it's that kid from that TV show, it's called Saturn, something." Saturn, nice one she thought to herself. Jackie was so proud of Neptune 26, it was the one thing she sought comfort in, much like how Catherine felt about her house that Jackie insulted. She saw Jackie roll her eyes. Now it was time to finish this. She invited her date to go upstairs with her, then looked Jackie straight in the eyes and said, "Hey, uh, make sure that you shut off the TV when you finish watching your cartoons. Okay?" That was it, she saw the hurt in Jackie's eyes, mission accomplished. No one would ever hurt Catherine Stark and get away with it.

The sex was miserable. She thought it would make herself feel better, help get her back to her old self. The self she was before Jacqueline Kirk came in and made a mess of it all. She had spent half of her life building a fortress around herself, to protect her from never having to feel the pain of losing someone she loved ever again. How could she let one, quiet, awkward girl come and destroy it all.

Her connection to Jackie was instant, but lust usually was. It usually took her a few weeks to find her next conquest, but last year it only took her one day. When she entered Hecht's office and made eye contact with Jackie she felt an instant spark and could tell the young girl did too, with the bashful smile she flashed her. The next day Catherine paid close attention to the faces in her classes, searching for the one she saw the previous day. The cute and innocent girl with the cute and innocent smile. It was her last class and Catherine saw no sign of her. She felt disappointed, she was eager to start this new affair but then remembered that Thursday was the Psychology mixer. Any student taking a psychology course was required to come, and since the young girl was in Hecht's office, she should be there.

After her final class was over she headed to the library to pick up some books for the research article she was working on. It was a large heavy stack and she struggled getting them back to her office. Student's were bumping into her the entire time, causing her to become more frustrated. When she finally reached her office door she tried balancing the books on her thigh so she could get her key out. When she almost had it, someone bumped into her from behind, making her lose grip of it. It was then that she heard a soft voice behind her say "Here, let me help you with those." Catherine sighed a grateful "Thanks," in relief. Her and the student entered her office and set the books on her desk. "It's funny how these people can afford tuition but not manners," Catherine annoyingly stated. The girl responded saying "So I've noticed." She must be a freshman Catherine thought. She started checking off her list of things that needed to be completed when she heard the girl fumbling around her shelves, eventually asking Catherine a question that she didn't quite make out. Catherine looked up for the first time, and the moment the student turned to repeat herself, she realized it was the girl from the office. Catherine played it cool, let the game begin she thought. The girl kept making small talk about the ECT machine, they were alone in the office so Catherine knew this was her chance to test the waters. "Does this one work?" the girl asked, referring to the machine. Catherine smirked and made her way over to her. "I don't know. I haven't used it in a while," she responded in a playful manner. The look that came on the girl's face was one of both curiosity and fear. She fumbled some words around then stated she needed to get to class, quickly making her way out the door. Catherine laughed at her reaction and knew she needed a little more time to make her move.

The next day Catherine was asked to sub for Professor Newberry, he had a personal matter that needed tending to. Annoyed that she had to give up her free period, Catherine entered the class room already agitated. When she asked the class where they had left off, they all looked away. She was in no mood for this so zoned in on the first student to make eye contact. The girl nervously stuttered, not remembering, that's when she dropped her notebook and leant down to retrieve it. At that moment, Catherine spotted her newest conquest sitting behind the girl. She didn't let this break her stride and continued on, she did however notice that the girl could not keep her eyes off of her for the entire period.

The following day was the psychology mixer. Catherine made sure to look her best that day, knowing her conquest would be in attendance. Sure enough, she spotted her across the quad. Not only that, but she again wasn't taking her eyes off of Catherine. After Catherine finished talking to Professor Hecht she noticed the girl's friends were no longer by her side and she was not only still staring at her, but was now proceeding to make her way over to Catherine. Catherine stared back but then a staff member approached her to talk. Damn't she thought, but this is probably for the best. If she was going to start a relationship with a student, she didn't want anyone seeing them together, especially since she wasn't completely convinced the girl was interested. Thankfully the conversation didn't last long, she looked where the girl had been standing but she was now gone. She quickly looked around just in time to see her duck behind the rock wall on the side of the building, so she followed. When Catherine approached her she was leaning against a rock, nervously playing with her cup. Catherine immediately put up her intimidating front, but once she saw the despair in the girl's eyes she remembered her agreeing with Catherine in the office, that the people around here have no manners. She told her it was okay that she wasn't mingling, then decided it was time to formally introduce herself. The girl responded, stuttering, "Jacqueline Kirk." "Ah, the famous one" Catherine replied. She had no idea that the girl she sought after was the actress everyone was buzzing about on campus. She was shocked when Jacqueline responded saying, "So are you from what I hear." Catherine knew she had a reputation, but didn't realize that freshmen would hear about it so quickly. Jacqueline began sending flirtatious queues so she knew this was her moment. She tucked some hair behind Jacqueline's ear, when Jacqueline didn't give a negative response she went in for the kiss. After she slowly released her lips from Jacqueline's, she saw the shock in her face and asked if she was okay. When Jacqueline nodded she invited her back to her place, they needed to get away from campus before they were seen. Jacqueline was hesitant at first, but eventually gave in. Then began the scariest journey of Catherine's life, allowing herself to fall in love for the first time.

Catherine saw a tear drop land on the stuffed bunny. She quickly dabbed at her eyes remembering the morning after her and Jackie first slept together. She awoken to the noise of the door closing and saw an empty bed. At closer observation, she saw that it wasn't empty, there lay her stuffed bunny. She knew from that morning that Jackie was different. She usually didn't let her conquests spend the night, but Jackie had been so nervous the night before. Catherine wasn't completely heartless to kick her out after the emotional night they had spent together. Most of the other girls were nervous the first time too, but no one compared to Jackie. Jackie being a Hollywood star and all, had just as much to lose as Catherine did if anyone found out about them. They were equals. Catherine wished she would have been strong enough to let her walls completely crumble for Jackie. She had never opened up to anyone the way she had with her, but at the first site of trouble she built those walls back up in a hurry, protecting herself from the potential hurt. Little did she know, she was already too far in, and building those walls was the worst mistake she had ever made. She let her fear and anger get the best of her and let the love of her life walk away. Catherine held the bunny close to her heart before placing it back on the bed. She had to get a move on if she was going to make her flight. Before leaving the house, she bent down to give Ethan a hug and whispered in the dogs ear, "wish me luck."


	2. Chapter 2

Catherine laid back in the seat terrified. This was her first plane ride since her birthday last year, and this time she didn't have Jackie there to hold her hand. Once the plane took off she felt herself relax. This ride was a lot smoother than the small plane Jackie took her up in. Maybe this wasn't so bad after all. She immediately grinned knowing Jackie's theory was right, she faced her fear and now the fear had diminished. This just confirmed that even though Catherine was the college professor, Jackie had taught her equally as much in the time they had spent together. Catherine fell asleep after reviewing her notes and by the time she had awoken, the flight was over. She had survived. As soon as she exited the airport she felt the warm California sun on her skin. She didn't realize how much she had missed this place until now.

After checking in to her hotel she went up to her room to unpack and settle in. She turned the TV on in the background, "The stars will soon arrive for the Hollywood premiere of Neptune 26." Catherine immediately glanced at the TV. What were the chances, the day she lands in California is the same day Jackie's movie is premiering. When first being asked to speak at her alma mater, of course the first thing Catherine thought about was Jackie. But just because she was coming to California didn't mean she thought she would see her. Especially since Stanford and Hollywood are a good 5 and a half hour drive apart from one another. But sure enough, as soon as she stepped foot in California, she was reminded of Jackie. They hadn't spoken since the day Jackie left her house. As much as Catherine wanted to, she needed to put the pieces of her life back together and she also didn't want to hold Jackie back from her dreams. She was a little hurt that Jackie never made an effort to check in, especially knowing that Catherine was left with a shattered life, but she understood. After all, she was the one who told Jackie she wasn't worth it, and she was the one who brought a man home right in front of Jackie. Catherine paced the room for a good half of an hour until she finally grabbed her phone. This was Jackie's big day and she wanted to be the bigger person.

"Hi Jackie, it's Catherine. I know it's been a while but I saw on the news that your movie premieres tonight. I just wanted to wish you good luck and hope that you are doing well."

Catherine retyped this message a handful of times, making sure not to come off as pathetic.

Jackie was sitting in her hotel room having her hair and makeup done for her big premiere when she heard her phone go off. "Who is it now?" she asked her assistant. Her phone had been going off all day with people giving her their well wishes. "It's a text message from someone named Catherine." Jackie's heart dropped, "give it to me." She struggled to look down at her phone through all of the hair that was clipped in front of her face. She opened the message and suddenly felt a surge of emotions run through her body. She couldn't believe THE Catherine Stark had just texted her. She quickly replied knowing her time was limited.

"Hi Catherine! Thank you so much :) It's so good to hear from you. I don't have much time to talk right now, but we should catch up sometime soon." Sent.

Catherine couldn't believe how quickly her phone lit up.

She didn't want to sound needy so decided on a short and sweet, "Sounds good. Talk to you soon."

You would think sleep would be an issue that night considering she had just spoken to the girl she had longed for, for the last year, but after the tiring day of traveling she had endured, Catherine passed out as soon as her head hit the pillow.

The next afternoon, Catherine's phone begins to ring, it's Jackie. Her head is spinning a mile a minute and her heart is racing.

"Hello Jackie"

"Hi Catherine! How are you doing?"

"I'm good, how was your premiere last night?"

"Great! Thanks for asking, I was shocked to hear you saw it was on the news in Bloomington."

"Oh no, it wasn't. Well, not that I am aware of. I am actually in California right now."

Jackie stuttered, "Y-you are?"

"Yes, I was invited to speak at Stanford about my article on the Theory of the Reversal of Self Denial."

"Oh wow.. that brings back some memories," Jackie laughed. "It sounds like you did a great job on it if you were asked to speak at Stanford. Impressive. I know how hard you were working on it."

Catherine smiled on the other end of the phone, thinking about that day in the library.

"Thanks Jackie, there was one upside to losing my job. I found myself with plenty of time to really immerse myself into finishing it."

Jackie sighed, her tone suddenly filling with guilt. "Catherine, I still feel really terrible about that."

"Jackie, please don't carry that guilt around any more. I was too careless with our relationship. You were the one who was hesitant and cautious, it was my fault and everything happens for a reason. I promise you I am fine with it all."

"Cute, cute" Jackie said, "So we WERE in a relationship" she said in a sarcastic tone, mocking Catherine.

"Oh stop" Catherine responded laughing.

Before they knew it they were on the phone for an hour, catching up on the last year of their lives, making sarcastic jabs like their old selves.

"So when is your big speech? How long are you in California for?" Jackie asked.

"The speech is Friday and I leave Sunday night."

"I really wish I could meet up with you at some point considering you are in California, and who knows the next time you'll get on a plane." she teased, "but it being premiere week and all, my schedule is jam packed."

Catherine's phone starts to beep. She looks down, Stanford is calling her.

"Jackie I hate to do this but that is Stanford calling me and I need to take this. It was really great catching up with you, good luck with your movie, I'm sure it is great."

"Oh, okay… You too Catherine, I know you'll do great with your speech!"

After hanging up with Stanford, Catherine sits on the bed, she looks at the TV and sees Jackie. Jesus, she's everywhere. It's coverage of the red carpet at her premiere last night. Catherine's heart melts at the sight. It's only been a year but she looks so much more grown up. All of a sudden she sees a young man grab Jackie's arm and kiss her on the check. She turns the mute button off and hears the host say his name and it rings a bell. It's the costar Jackie was teasing her about, the one with the crush on her. The tingling sensation she felt in her heart immediately turns to pain.

The next night while at dinner, Catherine receives a text from Jackie.

"Hi Catherine. Just wanted to wish you luck on your speech tomorrow. You're going to do great! :)"

Catherine is at dinner with the Stanford psychology department so doesn't respond.

A couple hours later when she returns to her room she remembers Jackie's text.

"Thanks Jackie, sorry, I was at a dinner with Stanford. Also, sorry for jumping off of the phone so quickly last night."

"Don't worry about it, I completely understand how that can be," Jackie said.

"By the way," Catherine said. "I saw you on TV on the red carpet. So that's the Tommy guy you warned me about ;)"

"Haha, yup! Good thing you weren't the jealous type though, right?"

Catherine took a while to respond, not knowing what to say. She didn't want to come off sounding jealous, she wanted to keep her hard edge since Jackie clearly had moved on, with Tommy.

"You two look like a sweet couple. I'm really happy for you. I'm glad you're in a great place in your life and have everything you ever wanted. But listen, I need to practice my speech so I'll talk to you later. Good night Jackie."

Catherine was thankful she had an excuse to stop talking before this went any further.

A few moments later her phone lit up.

Jackie was calling.

Before Catherine could even say hello, Jackie began talking-

"Want some help practicing your speech? I'm really good at memorizing lines ya know."

Catherine really didn't want to talk to Jackie but it wasn't a bad idea, considering the only person she had practiced on was Ethan, her dog.

Catherine sighed saying "Fine" and quickly began her speech, leaving no time for small talk.

When she was done Jackie was silent on the other end.

"Jackie? Did I put you to sleep?"

"No" Jackie said. "I forgot how hypnotizing your voice was. Then add in your Reversal of Self Denial and my mind went straight to the library."

Catherine was silent. She didn't know what to say, then before she could stop herself she blurted out, "I don't think your boyfriend would appreciate that comment."

"Boyfriend? Oh, Tommy? He's not my boyfriend. As actors we are taught to flirt during our press tours to attract ratings, that's all."

"Ah" Catherine replied, "well anyway, what about the speech itself?"

"It's great Catherine, really. You sound confident and prepared as usual, you're going to nail it."

"Thanks Jackie, I appreciate your help but I really need to get some sleep now, big day tomorrow."

"Oh, okay" Jackie responded, "Good night Catherine, I wish I could come tomorrow but know you'll do great."

"Thanks Jackie, good night."

Catherine put her phone on the charger and went to the bathroom to get ready for bed. She turned off the light and closed her eyes when she heard her phone ding.

"I'm sorry, I know you're trying to sleep but I just wanted to get something straight. You said earlier that you were glad that I have everything I wanted and that's just not true. I'm happy out here and really enjoyed being back with my Neptune 26 family, but I just wanted you to know that leaving Bloomington was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life."

Catherine was going to ignore the text, she had enough on her mind as it was, but she felt her heart warm at Jackie's words. She knew she owed her at least a response so typed two short words to summarize it all.

"Goodnight Porcupine."


	3. Chapter 3

Catherine decided to go for run when she woke up to help shake off the nerves. She went over the speech in her head but something kept clouding her thoughts, Jackie. She thought about her text last night and wondered if Jackie still had feelings for her. She shook her head to shake the thoughts out. Jackie wasn't going to ruin this day for her, she had worked too hard and lost too much this year for it to not run smoothly. When she got back to the hotel she showered and got ready. She pulled her black skirt suit out of the closet and put it on. After she was finished with her hair and make up she looked in the full length mirror on the wall. Damn, it felt good to be back in a suit she thought. This is the first time she had worn one since leaving the university. After giving herself a pep talk in the mirror she made her way to Stanford. A few of her old professors met her backstage to wish her luck. She peaked out of the curtain and saw the packed auditorium. Feeling nervous, Catherine started doing her breathing exercises. Okay, this was it, her time to shine and get her career back on track. She looked out into the audience and felt a sudden spike in confidence. All of these people were here, at Stanford, to hear _her_ speak.

After she was finished, she felt a little piece of herself fall back into place. She hadn't felt this happy in a long time. Getting back to doing what she loved made her feel like herself again. She was led to the lobby for a meet and greet cocktail hour. So many people came up and praised her work. It was in between groups that Catherine spotted her. Jackie was standing in the corner of the room and smiled at her when they caught eyes. Catherine must have looked like she had just seen a ghost, but managed to flash a quick smile. After she finished talking to a group she politely excused herself and made her way over to Jackie.

"Jackie, how-what are you doing here?" Catherine asked, shocked.

"I was able to hop on a jet after the press junket was over. I'm sorry I've been hiding out back here. I had a few people recognize me and I didn't want to ruin your night. Wow, that makes me sound so vain."

"Jackie, don't apologize to me after you just went out of your way to come here. I really appreciate it. And you can't help it that you're a big movie star now," Catherine teased while poking her in the shoulder.

Jackie gave one of her infamous bashful smiles then said, "Hey! You did great! You were absolutely glowing up there, and I've heard nothing but good things as I've been back here eavesdropping."

"Thank you" Catherine said with a smile.

There was an awkward pause between them, much like there was at the library that last day when they hadn't spoken in months.

Catherine ended the silence by asking Jackie when she had to leave.

"I'm here for the night, but have to catch a flight back tomorrow morning."

"Well I'm almost finished here, do you want to go get a drink or something?"

"That'd be great" Jackie smiled. "I have a driver out back so he can take us if you'd like."

"Okay, let me go wrap up here then I'll come meet you out back."

Catherine left to go finish the meet and greet but Jackie stuck around for a few more minutes. She was in awe at the sight of Catherine. The moment she saw her in Hecht's office she was immediately drawn to her, and that hold she had over her only got stronger the more she got to know her. If she was being completely honest, she didn't think she would care too much for Catherine beyond her exterior. Growing up in Hollywood, she learned that people who looked like Catherine usually didn't have the best personalities. Boy was she wrong. Sure, Catherine was intimidating and somewhat of a bitch in class, but as soon as she was alone with Jackie, she shed her rough exterior. Jackie remembered the first time she saw her in sweats and not all done up, she didn't think it was possible but Catherine looked even more gorgeous.

Seeing everyone rave over Catherine made Jackie smile but she suddenly felt jealous standing there alone in the corner. She wanted all of Catherine's attention and was envious of everyone else in the room. She knew this is what Catherine must have felt the night of the Neptune party, the night of their fight. How was she so stupid to just leave her hanging that night with a group of strangers. With that, Jackie headed out to the car to wait for Catherine.

About 15 minutes later she saw Catherine exiting the college. The driver got out and opened the door for her.

"Oh Fancy, Neptune" Catherine joked.

"Yeah, I know.. Sorry but my manager insisted that I not travel alone, especially during premiere week."

"Well where would you like to go to? I'm not sure what type of privacy you're looking for" Catherine asked.

"Your choice, these are your old stomping grounds after all. I'm sure we will be fine."

While they were on their way to the bar that Catherine recommended, the driver cut in, "I'm sorry to bother you Miss Kirk, but there have been a few paparazzi following us since we left campus."

"Dangit" Jackie said. "I'm sorry Catherine, but do you mind if we just go back to my hotel? I have an unnecessarily big suite that they booked, might as well make the most of it." All of a sudden Jackie's face turned red. "I-I didn't mean it like that, I mean there's a separate sitting area and even a bar that we could hang out in."

Catherine smiled, "I knew what you meant. Don't worry about it Jackie, it's not like we never had to deal with this issue of not being able to be seen in public."

Jackie shot her her usual side smile.


	4. Chapter 4

Jackie slid the key card to her room, flipped on the lights, then held the door open for Catherine.

"Thank you Ma'am"

"You're very welcome. Do you want a drink?" asked Jackie.

"Sure."

Jackie laughed at herself as she got on her knees and cracked open the mini bar. "This is the best I can do."

Catherine laughed, "You're such a classy movie star."

"So what will it be?" Jackie asked.

"Surprise me."

Jackie skimmed the mini bottles then smiled. She grabbed two glasses from the shelf and poured the drinks. When she turned around she saw Catherine sitting on the couch and made her way over. She handed her the glass, it was scotch. They both laughed.

"This is really weird" Jackie said.

"What is?"

"You sitting on the couch, while I pour us glasses of scotch. It's like déjà-role reversal-vu."

"Fancy lingo there," Catherine laughed.

"Why thank you. I mean, I am the very studious Catherine Stark after all." Jackie stiffened her body pretending to be Catherine.

"Oh, you are, are you? Well then, I guess I-I'm Jacqueline Kirk and I-I'm on the verge of having a heart attack." Catherine stuttered, while nervously looking down, fiddling with her glass of scotch.

"Shut up!" Jackie said, smacking Catherine in the shoulder. "I wasn't that scared!"

"You keep telling yourself that Jackie, whatever helps you sleep at night," she laughed.

"You're so mean to me." Jackie playfully pouted

"You know... it's not a bad thing," Catherine smirked. "I found it extremely adorable."

They both flashed each other a smile.

Catherine could feel the tension forming between them. She loved how playful their relationship had always been, but it always led to more. They were never friends. As soon as they met things had escalated quickly. So sitting here, acting like they were was torture, when all she wanted to do was lean in and kiss Jackie. She quickly changed the subject.

"So you haven't said much about the movie yet." Catherine said. "Tell me how it went. How'd it feel getting back into character and back into your old world."

Jackie inhaled deeply then let it escape slowly, sighing.. "I'd be lying if I didn't say it took some time to transition back into this life. It was exciting to see my Neptune family that I left so long ago. But I hadn't been a part of that life for quite some time. There's a reason I decided to move across the country to go to school in Indiana. I craved normalcy after missing out on so many things, like school and being around people my own age. Don't get me wrong, I love acting but I really miss feeling like a normal person with a routine. And school. I really miss being in class as weird as that sounds. Can you believe Bloomington was the first time I attended class in a real classroom, with normal people, since kindergarten?"

"'I'm sure that is difficult, especially since you worked so hard to be seen as just another student in Bloomington." Catherine responded.

"It is. Filming went great though. Being on a soundstage is where i feel the most comfortable and confident," Jackie said.

Catherine felt a twinge in her heart. Hearing Jackie say how rough it was getting back into the Hollywood lifestyle, made her think maybe she was going to give it all up again. It was clear to her this is where Jackie belonged though, where she is the most happy, and she needed to accept that.

"That's great," said Catherine. "Do you have anything else you're working on?"

"No, nothing lined up at the moment. The Neptune 26 release is really consuming all of my time, but I'm hoping to do some more auditions once this all slows down. What about you? Have you found another teaching position?" asked Jackie.

"No, but I haven't really tried. I literally spent all of my time and energy the past year working on getting my article published. Now that it is, and after speaking tonight, I am hoping to get some offers or at least an idea on what I'd like to do next" Catherine said.

"Do you still want to teach?"

"I'm not sure. I'm a little burnt out on all of the drama that comes with working in a school, and not sure I want to go back to that."

"That's understandable. Honestly, you have far more talent than being stuck in a class room all day."

Catherine smiled, "Thanks, I am hoping I do."

"Did I ever tell you that you basically helped me get this role?"

Catherine scrunched her forehead, "What are you talking about?"

"It was the whole speech you gave me when helping me write my essay. The night after I auditioned I was in my childhood room and found a box that Mark had given me for my birthday. Until then I wasn't completely sold on the idea of returning to acting, but then I got emotional looking through the box and realized how lost I had felt since leaving the show. After that I took your advice from my essay and used it to persuade the execs as to why they should hire me. And it worked, so thanks!" Jackie smiled.

"Wow, well I'm glad I was able to help you but I'm sure it was all you that got you the job. You know you helped me too. This was my first plane flight since you forced me on yours and I must say, It's not as scary as I remembered, or as scary as yours at least" Catherine smirked.

"Forced you!? You know you loved it!" Jackie proclaimed.

"That was the scariest day of my life," Catherine joked. Little did Jackie know it was not only scary because of the plane flight, but also because Catherine finally admitted to herself, and a sleeping Jackie, that she had fallen in love with her.

Jackie involuntarily yawned as she laughed.

Catherine looked at the clock, "Oh my God it's 2:30 in the morning, what time is your flight?"

"10 a.m."

"I should go," Catherine said. "I'm sure you're already exhausted from today and need some sleep before your flight."

Catherine pulled out her phone and started dialing a cab.

"What are you doing? You're not taking a cab, I can have my driver take you back."

"Jackie I am not having that poor man drive me back to my hotel in the middle of the night."

"Catherine, why don't you just stay. The couch pulls out, there's plenty of room here. We can drop you back off tomorrow before we head to the airport."

Catherine shot her a look of hesitation.

"Please? I'm alone in these hotels enough, it's been nice having some company."

"Okay, fine. But, I'm going to need to borrow at least a T shirt, God knows any pants you have will be shorts on me," Catherine laughed.

"Very funny," said Jackie. She went into her bedroom and brought back a shirt and shorts, "These should work."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome. Well I guess I'll see you in the morning, we can order some room service," Jackie flashed a giant smile.

Catherine laughed, "Sounds good, goodnight Jackie and thanks for the clothes."

Ten minutes later Jackie peeked her head out, then came back with an armful of pillows and blankets. "How about you take the bed and I take the couch?"

"No Jackie, I'm fine here, you don't have to do that."

"Well, you are my elder so…"

Catherine's mouth dropped and she smacked her. "I don't sleep anyway, I'm a vampire, remember?"

"Oh yeah," Jackie laughed. She headed to her room but turned back one last time, "Hey Catherine.."

"Yeah?"

"Nice suit by the way," Jackie said with a wink.

Confused, Catherine looked over at her suit, nicely folded on the chair. Then it dawned on her, it was the same suit she wore the night Jackie first came to her house.

Catherine smiled and said "Good things happen when I wear that suit," then turned off the light as Jackie disappeared into her room.


	5. Chapter 5

Catherine woke up to the sound of the shower running. A few minutes later, Jackie entered the room. Jackie watched Catherine standing there wearing the clothes she leant her, folding the blankets. She was extremely turned on at the site. Usually it was her wearing Catherine's clothes since they always stayed at her place, so this was a first, and hopefully not the last. Her thoughts were interrupted when Catherine noticed her in the door way and began to talk.

"Great, you get to take a shower and put on fresh clothes while I'm here with bed head."

"Oh please, you could be wearing a paper bag and still look fucking gorgeous." Jackie said rolling her eyes.

Just then there was a knock on the door.

"I ordered some room service, I didn't want to wake you" Jackie said. "I wasn't sure what you wanted so just ordered a few different things."

Catherine headed to the bathroom to freshen up and change back into her own clothes. As soon as she looked in the mirror she was mortified. Her hair was a mess and her make up had smudged. While she was taming the situation on her head, she remembered Jackie calling her gorgeous and caught herself smiling in the mirror. It's been a long time since she's smiled like that and knew Jackie was to blame.

As they were eating, Jackie asked Catherine what she had planned for the next two days.

"Nothing in particular, just figured I would stay the rest of the weekend since it's not every day I get a free trip to California."

"You know, there's a lot more to do and see in LA than here at Stanford. You should just change flights and come hang out with me in LA," Jackie said, in a somewhat teasing manner.

"Right. Don't you have a full schedule with all of your press for Neptune 26?"

"Not really, I have an interview this afternoon but they were nice enough to give me Sunday off."

"As tempting as LA sounds, I'm meeting up with some old friends I haven't seen in a while for lunch" Catherine said.

Jackie knew it was a long shot but figured she'd try, which is why she made it sound like she was only half serious. The truth was, Jackie didn't have many friends, at least real ones, back in LA and it got pretty lonely. She had forgotten how much fun her and Catherine had anytime they were together.

After breakfast they got ready and made their way to Catherine's hotel. As they pulled to the front door Catherine turned to Jackie,

"Thank you so much for coming, it really meant a lot to me." Catherine placed her hand on Jackie's.

Jackie winked, "I couldn't let you come to California and _not_ see me."

Catherine smiled.

"My offer still stands if you change your mind, I'd be happy to entertain you in LA."

"I appreciate the offer but you need to get back to work. I'm sure Wade wasn't happy about your little adventure," Catherine smirked.

"You're right he wasn't, which is why I have to get back to LA so soon."

Catherine leaned in to hug Jackie. The smell of her hair alone was enough to make Catherine cancel her plans and join Jackie in LA. Jackie tightened her grip around Catherine's neck while Catherine tried hard to swallow the lump quickly forming in her throat. She gently rubbed Jackie's back, letting her know she was going to miss her too. As soon as she felt Jackie's arms loosen she quickly put on a happy smile to disguise the pain. "Have a safe flight."

"You too Catherine, don't be a stranger" Jackie said with a smile.

And with that, Catherine exited the car and waved goodbye.

When Catherine got back to her room she sat on the bed thinking about the night before. Part of her wished Jackie hadn't of come. She felt like she had fallen in love with her all over again, which was silly because all they did was talk. But Jackie had always been so easy to talk to, Catherine missed being able to confide in someone like that. All of a sudden Catherine began to cry. Instead of stopping herself she just let it all out for once. Despite their age difference, Jackie was everything she had ever wanted. The fact that Jackie had flown to Stanford, to surprise her and support her, made Catherine cry even harder. No one had ever been there for her the way Jackie always had. Again the guilt and regret kicked in, how could she of told Jackie she wasn't worth it when Jackie was willing to make it work back then?

Catherine looked at the clock, realizing she needed to start getting ready. She calmed herself down as she took a long shower.

Jackie was having a hard time keeping it together. As soon as they reached the airport she could see the paparazzi waiting. Funny how she can walk around her neighborhood in LA just fine, but cant even spend 12 hours here at Stanford without them finding her. They must have been here since last night, knowing she'd show up eventually. Great Jackie thought, just what I need right now. When the car came to a stop, her driver told her to wait so he could come and get her. As soon as the door opened Jackie put on her happy face. They began shouting questions, asking why she was here. Jackie ignored them and kept on smiling. By the time she got to her seat she was physically and emotionally exhausted. She pulled out her phone and texted Wade and her manager letting them know her flight was on time and what gate to pick her up at.

When she glanced at the empty seat next to her, she felt her heart ache. She wasn't surprised Catherine turned down her offer, it was a long shot after all. But she wasn't expecting Catherine to not even think twice about it. Unbeknownst to Catherine, Jackie had purchased two tickets back to LA, perhaps she was being a bit too optimistic. Although the trip wasn't a total bust, it didn't exactly go as Jackie dreamt it would. Usually Catherine couldn't keep her hands off of Jackie. Even last year after their fight and not speaking for months, Catherine took her back to her house the second she saw her again. Jackie let out a deep breath as she stared out the window, her eyes beginning to fill with tears, "I guess I'm really not worth it."

Catherine's eyes skimmed the tables as she entered the restaurant. "Good afternoon, can I help you?" asked the hostess.

"I'm supposed to be meeting two of my frien-" before she could finish she heard, "Catherine! Over here!"

"Nevermind" Catherine laughed to the Hostess.

"Oh my god!" Her old college friend Kelly, said as she got up from her chair and hugged Catherine. "You are absolutely gorgeous, it's not fair."

Catherine smiled and kissed her friend on the cheek as her other friend Jenny made her way over.

"Seriously woman, what is your secret other than not having children?" Jenny laughed. "It's so good to see you."

"It's so good to see you both as well, now stop. You both look stunning as always. How are you girls?"

Kelly went first of course, "I'm great! Jacob is about to graduate pre-K which is breaking my heart and Tyler just finished the first grade."

Here we go, Catherine thought to herself. She loves her friends and she loves children, but absolutely loathed when women couldn't carry on a conversation without talking about their kids.

"Aw, it seems like they were just in diapers" Catherine responded, forcing the words from her mouth. "What about you Jenny? How's teaching going?"

"It's great! I switched to Junior high this year which most people found crazy, but I really enjoy it. I feel like I've been able to really connect with the kids for the most part. What about you? Are you still teaching at Bloomington?"

"No, I quit last year. I needed a change of pace and have been really getting into more of the research side of Psychology."

"Oh wow! Good for you! I can't believe you got to speak at Stanford, you must be doing really well for yourself. I'm sorry we missed it, how did it go?" Jenny asked.

"Really well, I'm glad I got to do it and hopefully I get more opportunities like that."

"Sooo... Catherine, have you found yourself a man yet?" Kelly asked, winking.

Catherine laughed, "No, not yet." Here we go again, she thought. If there's one thing she learned from being single in her early-thirties, it was that other people her age only knew how to talk about two things: When you planned on getting married and when you planned on having babies.

"Oh come on, give us married girls some juice. And please, don't hold back." Kelly nagged on.

"I'm not holding anything back. There _was_ someone last year but it didn't end well, so I've just been concentrating on my work."

"There we have it! Didn't end well? Sounds like you really like this person. Was he maybe "The One."

"Kelly!" Jenny hissed. "Maybe Catherine doesn't want to talk about it."

"It's fine Jenny. Yes, they meant a lot me. I've never felt that way about someone before. You know me, I don't let people in very easily. But it could never work so I'm moving past it." Catherine wished she felt as confident about what she had just said as much as she made herself sound.

"Why can't it work? Is he married? Oh my god he's married isn't he?!" Kelly burst in excitement.

Clearly this woman needed to lay off the Daytime Soaps and get out into the real world.

"No, not married. He came to Bloomington from California but then took a job back out here last summer." Catherine didn't bother correcting the He to a She. She wasn't ashamed of dating other women, but didn't feel like diving into that conversation with Kelly.

"I'm so sorry, Catherine." Jenny placed a hand on top of her's. "So you haven't spoken to him since he left?"

"Funny you should say that. He actually flew in and surprised me at Stanford last night."

"What!? What happened!" cried Kelly.

Catherine realized she was Kelly's form of entertainment for the next hour, whether she wanted to be or not.

"Nothing juicy, we just talked and caught up all night."

"Why on earth are you here with us right now then?" Jenny asked.

"Sh.. He" Catherine caught herself, "Had to catch a flight back to LA this morning for work."

"Hold on a second.. This man that you say may be 'The One,' hopped on a flight to come see you for a few hours and NOTHING happened?! " Kelly was losing her housewife mind.

"Did you realize he might not be in the one after all?" Jenny was always the more down to earth one.

"No, I realized the exact opposite. I fell in love all over again and was even invited back to LA, but I just can't let myself fall back into that. We still live on opposite sides of the country and I don't want to deal with that pain again."

"Catherine excuse my French but you are dumb as hell," Kelly said bluntly. "This person is crazy about you. Probably more so than you are about him, considering he caught a flight just to see you, and you are throwing it all away because you live in a town all the way across the country that you no longer have ties to?"

"I hate to say this but she's right." Jenny looked at her sympathetically. "I know it's hard for you to leave Bloomington considering everything that happened with your parents, but you have a real shot at happiness here."

Catherine sat there absorbing everything her friends were saying. Why was she so heartbroken. They were right. Jackie found the time in her insanely busy schedule to FLY to where she was, just to see her speak at Stanford. Sure the speech was a big deal to anyone who had written a research article, but Jackie was a movie star with a giant blockbuster movie being released. She had much bigger and better things going on in her world. When Catherine came back to reality she saw Jenny and Kelly staring at her smiling.

"I'm sorry ladies, but I've got somewhere to be" she smiled.

"Both girls jumped out of their seats and hugged her, "Go on! Get out of here!"


	6. Chapter 6

Catherine decided she wanted to return the favor and surprise Jackie. The problem was, she didn't know where Jackie lived and didn't know anyone else to help her. She decided she'd have to get creative. She dialed Jackie's number but there wasn't an answer, she figured she was in her interviews so sent a text.

"Hey Jackie, my airline called to tell me I now have a layover in LA tomorrow instead of a direct flight. Maybe I can take you up on that offer after all?"

Catherine didn't waste time waiting for Jackie to respond. She called the airlines right away to find the next flight to LA. There was one at 5pm that night. After checking out of her hotel early, she headed to the airport.

Jackie didn't get out of her interviews until after 6pm. She was completely drained from the day. From Catherine, to the traveling, to faking a cheery exterior and putting on her best act for the interviews, she was ready to drown herself in a bottle of wine and crash. When she got into the car, she checked her messages and saw Catherine's missed call and text. She wasn't sure how to feel. She was excited to see Catherine again, but she was really hurting and wasn't sure if she could handle it.

"Hey Catherine, yes I live fairly close to the airport. What time do you land?"

When the car pulled up to her apartment, Jackie mumbled a thanks to the driver and made her way upstairs. The first thing she did when opening the door was go straight to the wine rack and crack open a bottle, not even bothering with a glass. She decided to take a bath to help relieve some of the stress. She grabbed another bottle "one for the road" she mumbled to herself, starting to feel the affect of the wine.

Once the plane had landed Catherine eagerly turned on her phone, seeing if Jackie responded. Her face lit up when she saw the message. After reading Jackie's text, she realized she was going to have be a little more blunt to try and get her address out of her.

"Tomorrow morning, what's your address? Maybe we can meet up near you?"

Catherine exited the plane and headed to baggage claim. She still hadn't heard from Jackie. She decided she'd give her 20 more minutes then call her. As she was waiting for her bags, she kept glancing down at her phone impatiently. Still nothing. After she finally found her bags she dialed Jackie's number. No answer. Maybe she should have thought this whole thing out more.

Jackie's phone rang on the kitchen counter. Currently, she was a bottle and a half deep in wine, and the warm bath wasn't slowing down her drunkenness. After she finished the second bottle and started to become dizzy, she decided it was time to get out of the tub. As she was getting out she slipped and hit her head on the door, "FUUCKKK!" She screamed. She looked in the mirror and saw the red mass starting to raise on her forehead. Oh great she thought. "Nothing a little more wine can't fix." Jackie headed to the kitchen to get another bottle but was deeply upset when she discovered she was out. She saw her phone on the counter and concentrated closely as she texted.

"Hey there, you should come over ;) and bring wine please."

"Be there in 30 ;)"

Catherine still didn't hear from Jackie and wasn't sure what to do. She tried calling her one last time.

Jackie's phone starting ringing, she picked it up without looking "Are you almost here?"

"Huh? No my flight doesn't land until the morning" Catherine was confused, wondering if Jackie somehow knew she was in LA.

"Oh, Catherine, hey sorry I thought you were someone else." Jackie was slurring her words.

"Jackie are you okay? You don't sound well."

"Yeah, I'm just really tired."

"Oh I'm sorry for bothering you. You didn't answer my text so I thought I'd try calling. My plane lands in the morning and I was wondering what your address was so we can meet up."

It was taking all Jackie had to act sober enough to talk to Catherine. "I can send a car for you so you don't have to waste cab fair, just let me know what time your plane lands."

Send a car? She wasn't going to come herself? Catherine tried not to read into it and said, "No that's okay, I don't mind. You seem really tired and I don't want you having to wake up early just for me. I'll come to you. After everything you did for me I owe it to you."

"Fine." Jackie didn't feel like arguing. Her head was already throbbing from hitting it, and the wine wasn't helping either. She slowly told Catherine her address, mostly because she had to concentrate really hard, but thankfully Catherine just thought it was for her own sake since she was writing it down.

"Got it! See you tomorrow Jackie! I'll call you when I land."

"Goodnight Catherine."

Catherine debated whether she should wait until the morning to surprise Jackie since she seemed so exhausted. Screw it, she couldn't wait any longer and didn't know how much time she had with her. She caught a cab and handed them Jackie's address.

Jackie woke up to a knock at her door. Her head was spinning. She stumbled to the door and opened it. "Tommy!" She shouted.  
She gave him a giant hug then grabbed the bottle of wine from his hand.

"Whoa Jackie, are you okay?"

Tommy looked at Jackie, who was wearing nothing but her bath robe. He watched her open the wine and start chugging it straight from the bottle. He quickly intervened, grabbing it from her hands. "Easy there tiger."

When Jackie turned around to grab the bottle back from him he saw the giant knot on her head. "Jackie what happened?!"

She slapped his hand away and said, "Nothing, I'm fine. I just stumbled and caught myself with my forehead." She laughed then started to chug the bottle again.

He grabbed it back from her, "I think you've had enough for tonight."

Jackie struggled with him for the bottle. "Jackie, tomorrow is your off day. You know you don't want to waste it hungover and no offense, but you are already in rare form."

All of a sudden Jackie burst into tears. He pulled her close to him telling her it'd be okay.

"No it won't!" Jackie cried, "I'm not worth it!"

Tommy grabbed a dish cloth and wrapped it around some ice then took Jackie to the couch. "Here" he said, while pressing the ice to her forehead. "What happened"

"My heart hurts, my head hurts, everything hurts."

"Where do you keep your aspirin? Your head doesn't look so good."

Between sobs, Jackie managed to tell him they were in the master bathroom.

While he was gone, a knock was on the door. Confused, Jackie stumbled to the door and looked through the peep hole. What in the hell, she thought. Catherine was standing outside of her door.

She knocked again. Jackie didn't know what to do, but she knew she couldn't leave her out there forever. Finally, after the third knock she opened the door.

"Hi Porcupine!" Catherine's excited expression immediately turned to concern when she saw Jackie's face. "Jackie, what's wrong?!" She took Jackie into her arms. Just then Tommy came out from Jackie's bedroom.


	7. Chapter 7

Catherine's heart dropped into her stomach. She released her grasp from Jackie.

"Uh, hey, I'm Tommy."

Jackie felt herself about to be sick and ran to the bathroom.

Tommy was in the kitchen getting a glass of water when he looked back at Catherine. "She's pretty messed up right now."

Catherine couldn't help but notice how comfortable Tommy looked in Jackie's apartment. She wondered if Jackie was lying to her about them not being an item.

"Are you friends with Jacks?"

"Uh, yeah. I'm visiting from Bloomington." Catherine replied, with a confused face.

"Oh cool! Well listen, I know a broken heart is something girls help each other out with, so I'm gonna leave you to it." He handed the bottle of aspirin and glass of water to Catherine. "Could you tell her I said bye? I'm not good with vomit."

Before Catherine could say a word Tommy was gone and she stood there frozen, holding the glass of water and aspirin. Did Jackie and Tommy have a fight? Did he mention something about a broken heart? Why was Jackie wearing a bathrobe? She pulled her luggage in from the hall and gently closed the door, still trying to wrap her mind around what she just walked into.

Catherine slowly made her way to the bathroom. She could see Jackie lying on the floor through the crack, so gently pushed it open. Jackie's elbows were resting on the toilet seat, one of her hands was holding her head up, covering her eye and exposing the knot on her forehead. "Jackie? Are you okay?"

Jackie looked up, embarrassed. "I'll live."

"Here, take some aspirin." Catherine removed two pills from the bottle and handed them, with the glass of water, to Jackie. Jackie leaned backwards and sat on the floor. "Come here so I can take a look at that head." Catherine closed the toilet seat, making sure not to look inside, and flushed it. She patted her hand on the lid for Jackie to come sit. Jackie struggled getting up and once she was on her feet, she lost her balance and almost fell into the bathtub. Catherine took hold of her shoulders and sat her down. She grabbed a towel and ran cool water over it. After wringing it out, she sat on the side of the tub. She grabbed Jackie's chin to turn her face towards her. Catherine winced at the sight of it, "Ouch, what happened?"

"I tripped and hit it on the wall," Jackie slurred.

Catherine looked at her suspiciously, "You know that's what abuse victims say. Did something happen between you and Tommy?"

"What? No! Tommy wouldn't hurt a fly. This was all me, he wasn't even here when it happened."

Catherine was relieved to hear this since she had just let him walk past her, out the door.

"So when did you take up drinking?" Catherine asked.

"About one week after I moved here. Stress and depression go great with California wine," Jackie drunkenly laughed at herself.

Catherine couldn't help to smile but this new discovery worried her a bit. "You know, me mending your face is starting to become a routine."

Jackie let a tiny smile escape her lips. "This is embarrassing. What are you doing here anyway?"

Since she wasn't sure what was going on, Catherine didn't want to reveal that she had completely changed her travel plans, so simply stated, "I caught an earlier flight and thought I would surprise you. Clearly this wasn't my best idea."

Jackie flinched as Catherine examined her forehead. "Sorry!" Catherine apologized.

Jackie closed her eyes, she couldn't face Catherine like this. Suddenly she felt her dabbing at her eyes, wiping her make up off that had run down her cheeks. It took everything inside of her not to start crying again.

Catherine could see Jackie's face twitching, fighting the urge to cry, so she decided to give her a minute. "Let me go get you some fresh ice."

As soon as Catherine left, Jackie slowly got up and brushed her teeth. As she was coming out of the bathroom Catherine walked toward her, ice in hand. "Here, keep this pressed on your head for a while, it'll keep the swelling down."

"Thanks" Jackie said softly.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" Catherine asked, trying not to pry.

"Don't worry about it" Jackie said, being somewhat short with her.

"Are you mad at me or something? Just say the words and I can go get a hotel."

"Just give me a minute, okay?" Jackie went into her bedroom and closed the door. She collapsed on her bed and buried her face into the pillow. She starting sobbing uncontrollably and hoped Catherine couldn't hear.

Catherine was sitting on the couch when she started to hear Jackie's muffled cries. She wasn't sure what Jackie was going through, but thought it was best to give her some space and check into a hotel room.

She headed back toward Jackie's room and softly knocked on the door. "Jackie? Can I come in?"

"Please Catherine, just give me a minute" Jackie said while trying to disguise her crying.

Catherine gently opened the door. She sat on Jackie's bed and began rubbing her back. "Jackie I think it's best that I go check into a hotel. You clearly need some time to yourself and I don't want to burden you. Can you just tell me you'll be okay if I leave you? I don't want you falling and hurting yourself again."

"I'll be fine."

Catherine bent down and kissed Jackie on the back of the head. "I'm sorry you're hurting Porcupine. You know, I do have mob connections and can have whoever did this to you killed" she teased.

Just then Jackie realized that Catherine had no idea this was all the result of her. Catherine must had thought Jackie was dealing with a heartbreak caused by someone else, probably Tommy given the way it looked tonight.

"Catherine?"

"Yeah?"

"You don't have a hotel room do you?"

"No, but it's no trouble. I'm sure I can find one"

"Stop, you're staying here." Jackie sat up and wiped her tears. "I'm sorry I'm not the best company tonight, but I'm not going to send you into the streets of LA at 10 o' clock at night with nowhere to go."

"Are you sure?"

Suddenly Jackie felt a million times better, minus the humiliation... And pounding head. "Yes. Let me get my hot mess of a self together and I'll be out in a second. Are you hungry? We can order take in."

"Starving." Catherine replied.

Jackie put on some clothes. She was mortified that both Tommy and Catherine had seen her like this. She went into the bathroom and washed her face, then applied some make up to help even out the swollen forehead and puffy eyes. After leaning her head back she began to spin again, she was still pretty hammered. Once she felt somewhat more put together, she grabbed the ice off of the sink and went into the living room to join Catherine.

She flashed her a smile then slumped down on the couch and stuck the ice on her head.

"Good to go?" Catherine asked, sounding half concerned and half joking.

"The room is still spinning and my head is pounding, but I'll make do. I guess you don't have to feel self conscious about this morning anymore. Jokes on me now, huh?"

"Whatever, you could be wearing a paper bag and still look fucking gorgeous." Catherine laughed.

Jackie took off the ice and looked at Catherine, who then winked at her. She started to laugh then winced in pain "Oww" she cried. "Wade and Matt are going to kill meeee" she whined as she carefully patted her forehead.

"Matt is your new manager I assume?"

"Yes. Shit! Food. Sorry. I'll go get the menus"

Catherine placed her hand on Jackie's arm, "Let me. Just tell me where they are."

After ordering food, Catherine got Jackie a glass of water. "You should probably drink as much of this as you can, or you're going to feel even worse tomorrow."

"Good idea. Can we just start this night over and pretend you just got here?"

"No, but we can try. I guess we won't be visiting any wineries tomorrow, huh?"

"You're lucky I'm not hungover yet, or I would be vomiting in your lap right now."

"That's attractive. How many glasses did you have anyway?"

"Two and a half bottles..."

"Two and a half BOTTLES?! Jesus Christ Jackie!"

"I know, I know. Trust me, my head is reminder enough of how bad of an idea it was."

"Speaking of..." Catherine got up and refilled Jackie's ice. She came around the back of the couch, leaned Jackie's head back and gently laid the ice on the bump. "On for 20, off for 15." As Jackie placed her hand on the ice, her fingers brushed Catherine's. She then placed her hand directly on top of Catherine's. Looking into her eyes she said "Yes, Professor Stark." Catherine bent down and whispered in Jackie's ear, "Good girl." As she began to lift her head back up, Jackie let go and moved her hands to Catherine's face, pulling her closer. Catherine grabbed Jackie's hands and pulled them away. "Jackie, you're drunk" she whispered.

Thankfully the buzzer rang to avoid an awkward moment, the food was here.

Jackie was only able to eat a few bites. She disappeared into the back and was gone almost 15 minutes before Catherine finally came to check on her. She found Jackie curled up on her bed, looking adorable as ever. She pulled the blankets up over her, kissed the top of her head and whispered, "Sweet dreams Porcupine." As she turned off the light she noticed the ice on the pillow. When she went to grab it Jackie sleepily turned over and grabbed her arm. "Catherine... Stay." Catherine climbed over Jackie and laid next to her, gently caressing her arm. Jackie's heavy eyes opened slightly as she whispered, "I miss you" before drifting back to sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

Jackie squinted her eyes at the brightness that had consumed her bedroom. She had a headache, but it wasn't as bad as she expected. She looked next to her and saw Catherine sleeping. Jackie smiled at the sight of her in her bed, wishing she could wake up to her every morning again. She quietly got out of bed and made her way to the bathroom to take some more aspirin. What she really needed, was to go for a run to sweat out all of the alcohol. Since Catherine was still sleeping, she decided that's what she'd do so she didn't feel miserable the rest of the day.

She quietly went back into her bedroom to change into her running gear. As she was getting changed, Catherine sleepily rose from the bed, "Where are you going?"

"Sorry! I didn't mean to wake you. I'm going for a run to sweat out this hangover. I'll pick up some breakfast on the way home, go back to sleep" she whispered.

"No, I want to come. Do you mind?"

"Of course not."

"I only brought one running shirt and I already wore it. Do you mind if I borrow a shirt again?"

"Yeah no problem, I actually have something perfect for you" Jackie smirked.

She shuffled through her drawers before finally pulling out a blue t shirt. She held it up and smiled.

"My lacrosse shirt! I've been looking for that forever! You stole it?!"

"I didn't mean to. I wore it home one day and then, well... You decided to sleep with a man in front of me so I never really had the chance to return it."

Catherine made an oops face, "Sorry."

"You should be. I would have burned it but I liked it too much." Jackie smiled as she threw the shirt at Catherine. I'll be in the kitchen when you're ready.

Jackie was stretching in the living room when Catherine came out. Catherine secretly bent her head to check out Jackie from behind before joining her. Those training sessions were really showing. Catherine started stretching her legs when she paused to reach out and poke Jackie, hard, making her lose balance and fall. Jackie stood up and pushed Catherine, "You bastard!" Catherine starting laughing uncontrollably. "What?! I didn't do anything! You're obviously still drunk and lost your ability to balance."

"Whatever, jerk."

"Expect me to give you plenty of hell today for being so hungover," Catherine beamed.

"Only if you can keep up!" With that, Jackie returned the favor and pushed Catherine back down before opening the door and running down the steps. Catherine ran after her. After a fifteen minute jog, Jackie led her to a gorgeous park. Once they got to the top Jackie slowed down to show Catherine the view. You could see all of LA.

"It's gorgeous!" Catherine said.

"Much better than Bloomington, huh?" Jackie teased.

"I won't argue with that" Catherine replied.

Jackie offered Catherine a sip from her hydration pack. Catherine scrunched her face, "You brushed your teeth right?"

"I hate you."

Catherine laughed as she grabbed the pack from Jackie.

"As much as I'd love to take in this view we should probably head back, our time is limited. What time is your flight anyway?"

"10 p.m., red eye."

As they were making their way down the mountain it began to sprinkle, by the time they hit the street it was an all out down pour.

"Shit! Shit! Shit!" Jackie was screaming as she ran. "Come on Professor Stark! Keep up the pace!"

"Not everyone has a fancy personal trainer you know!" Catherine yelled at Jackie.

"Oh and here I thought It was your age" she yelled back.

With that Catherine ran as fast as she could, passing Jackie. They were one block from  
Jackie's apartment. Catherine reached the door first, "Ha! I win!"

"Not so fast, we're not in my apartment yet!"

Jackie slid the key in the door then burst through it, running up the steps. Catherine grabbed her arm, pulling her back. They wrestled on the steps as Jackie tried blocking her. Catherine stole the key from Jackie's hand and jumped over her. She unlocked the door and covered it with her body as Jackie tried to sneak in. Jackie backed up then slid through her legs. Catherine pounced on top of her. "I won!" Proclaimed Jackie. "I don't think so! I'm taller and winning by an arm's length!"

"That's not fair! I'm vertically challenged!"

Jackie squirmed under Catherine until she was completely flipped around. She began tickling Catherine, so she had no choice but to retreat her arms to stop the torture.

"Winner!" Jackie laughed.

They were hysterically laughing and breathing heavily, both out of breath. Suddenly their laughing slowed as they looked directly into one another's eyes. Catherine brushed the hair out of Jackie's face and gently touched the knot on her forehead.

"How's your head?" She asked before gently kissing it.

"Suddenly it stopped hurting" Jackie replied.

Catherine's lips were so close to Jackie's that they brushed against her's whenever she spoke.

"That's good she said" her warm breath on Jackie's lips.

Jackie wasn't going to make the first move, she tried last night and was shut down, so the ball was in Catherine's court whether this went any further.

Catherine smiled and looked down, "your heart is beating so fast."

"We just raced 3 miles" Jackie replied.

"Oh that's the only reason, is it?"

"Yu-u-p." Jackie over pronounced the word so that her lips would brush Catherine's.

That was enough to push Catherine over the line. She bent down and grabbed Jackie's bottom lip with her teeth, gently nibbling before she let go. Jackie closed her eyes and sucked in the lip that Catherine had just released.

"Don't forget to Breathe" Catherine smiled.

"It's hard to when I'm around you" Jackie said, her face becoming serious as she looked deep into Catherine's eyes. "Catherine.."

"Yes?" Catherine moaned, before leaning down to kiss Jackie on the neck. Jackie swallowed so hard that Catherine could hear it. "I love you."


	9. Chapter 9

Catherine suddenly got up and ran to the bathroom. She turned on the shower then sat on the tub and began crying. Jackie laid on the floor where Catherine had left her, confused.

She got up and headed to the bathroom. Pressing her ear to the door, she heard the shower running. Seriously? This was the third time in two days that Catherine had shot her down each time she put her heart on the line. Fed up, Jackie grabbed her keys from the floor and walked out the door.

A street down from her apartment was a small coffee shop she frequented often. It was still pouring down rain but Jackie didn't care. She slowly walked to the coffee shop, allowing the rain to pour over her. Once she arrived, she realized she couldn't walk in soaking wet, so she just kept on going.

Catherine let the warm water run down her face. She took her time in the shower, not knowing how to face Jackie. When she finally got the courage to open the door, she headed to the bedroom to get dressed. It was silent in the apartment. She slowly walked into the living room and didn't see Jackie. She looked around but Jackie was nowhere to be found. Assuming she went to go get food, Catherine went back to the bathroom to finish getting ready.

Jackie was now a mile away from her apartment but still didn't stop, she was so angry that she physically couldn't stop moving. She wanted more than anything to be with Catherine but she was at her breaking point. Catherine was the one who told her she wasn't worth it. Catherine was the one who mocked her when she called them a couple. Catherine was the one who cheated on her, right in front of her face. All of the shitty things Catherine did and Jackie continued to always be there for her, like a fucking lap dog. Why was she allowing Catherine to have this hold over her? She wasn't some sex slave to be kept locked up in Catherine's house. She was a Hollywood actress, with a summer blockbuster movie about to hit theaters. She deserved better and finally started to realize that just because Catherine was her first love, it didn't mean they'd be together for ever. Most people didn't end up with their first loves. She decided to see Catherine as just a stepping stone, who helped build her confidence back up enough to get her to return to Hollywood. Jackie finally started to feel better. That's it, she thought. I'm done with Catherine Stark once and for all.

Catherine was sitting on the couch as she glanced at the clock. Jackie had been gone for 2 hours. She began to worry and dialed Jackie's number. No answer. She decided to go pack her bags to try to stop from worrying, maybe Jackie just needed a little time.

Jackie's phone rang, it was Catherine. She hit ignore. She was on her way back but didn't want to give Catherine the satisfaction of knowing that.

Catherine heard the door close, a few seconds later Jackie was standing in the bedroom doorway. "Did you catch an earlier flight?"

Jackie's face was stone cold.

"No, I was worried about you, and sitting around doing nothing wasn't helping. Do you want me to catch an earlier flight?" Catherine nervously asked.

"No use now, it'd be pointless to waste the money moving it just a few hours. I'm going to take a shower."

Before Catherine could get a word out, Jackie disappeared into the bathroom.

Catherine could tell Jackie wasn't happy with her. She didn't seem sad though, just angry. Catherine was kicking herself for responding the way she did when Jackie told her she loved her. She had been waiting for her to say those three words for nearly two years, and now she completely blew it. That's what Catherine did though. Fight or flight, and she always chose flight. Great, now she was psychoanalyzing herself. She sat on the bed trying to figure out how she was going to fix this.

She heard the shower shut off. Jackie came back into the bedroom wearing nothing but a towel. She made her way over to the dresser and started slipping on her panties underneath it. Catherine's heart ached at the sight of Jackie hiding from her.

"I don't know about you, but I'm starving" Jackie said with her back still to Catherine.

"I could eat." Catherine responded.

Jackie dropped the towel as soon as she had her bra on. She walked over to her closet to find something to wear. Catherine stood up and wrapped her arms around Jackie's waist. Jackie quickly grabbed a hold of her arms and pushed them off of her.

"Catherine, don't."

"Jackie, I'm so sorry."

"For which part Catherine?" Jackie whipped around.

Catherine sat back down on the bed after seeing the anger in Jackie's eyes.

"For telling me I wasn't worth it? For cheating on me, not even having the decency to wait until I was out of the house? But oh... That's right... You completely disregarded the fact that we were even in a relationship. So I guess it wasn't technically cheating, was it?."

Catherine opened her mouth to talk but Jackie continued on while violently putting on a shirt and jeans.

"Or are you sorry for shutting me down when I tried to kiss you, even though you've been coming on to me for the last two days? Oh, and let's not forget you literally running out on me when I finally told you that I loved you."

Catherine's eyes filled with tears. She was well aware of all of the awful things she has done to Jackie, but hearing her list them all out made her realize what a terrible person she was. "All of it," she said ashamed. "I'm sorry for all of it."

Jackie just stared at her expressionless with her arms crossed.

"I'm well aware of the person I am. I put up walls and run away when I feel vulnerable."

"Are you expecting me to feel bad for you? I know you've had a tough life Catherine. I've talked to you about it plenty of times, because I genuinely care. But I'm sick of being your punching bag and your toy you throw away once I've finished quenching your needs. Do you realize this is the first time since you've known me that you've ever apologized? I'm a person too Catherine."

"Jackie there's not a day that goes by that I don't feel the guilt of hurting you the way I did, but you hurt me too. The first opportunity to go back to LA that came your way you jumped on, even though we were getting pretty serious. It's like I didn't even mean anything to you."

"Do you know how nervous I was to tell you about the audition? It was all I could think about for two days. When I finally did, it didn't even seem to affect you. You even told me I should do it, without any sort of hesitation. Then, when I got back, it's like you turned into an entirely different person. You didn't even pick me up from the airport. It's like you were relieved that I would be leaving so you could move on to your next girl."

"You have it entirely wrong Jackie. I was completely heartbroken when you told me, but I was trying to be supportive because I never saw your face light up as much as it did when you talked about acting. I agree, I changed when you came back. I was scared and I put my walls up because I saw you making a life outside of us, and knew I couldn't be a part of it. It's something I struggle with and am trying to overcome which is why I came to LA. I wanted to make it up to you, but it's clearly not going as planned."

Jackie stared at the floor silently for a few moments before responding. "It doesn't matter anymore," she said quietly. "I should actually thank you. After what you did this morning, I had an epiphany. You were my first love but it's time to be an adult and let you go. This relationship or whatever it is between us is toxic. I would say I regret this entire weekend, but I don't because it's given me the closure I need to finally move on."

The words stung Catherine. All she wanted to do was take Jackie in her arms and tell her how much she wanted to be with her. She didn't want to lose Jackie again but after hearing how badly she had hurt her, she just wanted her to be happy, even if that didn't include her.

"Now can we finally move on and go get some lunch. We still have a little time left to not let this day be a total bust."

Catherine looked up at Jackie from the bed and shook her head yes, with a small smile.

Jackie held out her hands to help Catherine stand up then hugged her. "I'm glad we finally resolved all of this." Catherine was choking back the tears but managed to get out a, "Me too."

"Ugh!" Jackie let out a huge moan. "I feel so much lighter and better don't you?!"

"Yeah," Catherine laughed, hiding her pain.

The two hopped in Jackie's car and made their way to her favorite Italian restaurant.

"Screw it, I'm getting pasta," Jackie said.

Catherine raised an eyebrow as she looked at her. "Leave me alone, I don't have a red carpet dress I have to squeeze into for a few days, and I deserve it."

They spent the rest of dinner making small talk and friendly jabs at one another. Apparently they _could_ be friends, or at least Jackie could.

By the time they got back to Jackie's it was nearly 7 o'clock.

"We should probably head to the airport in an hour or so, LAX can be pretty crowded regardless of the time."

"Okay, I'm going to go finish packing." Catherine said, as she made her way back into Jackie's bedroom. She quietly shut the door and got out her phone. Catherine had lied to Jackie, she didn't have a flight tonight because she had hoped her and Jackie would have rekindled things by now. She dialed the airlines, hoping something was available. Right as the they picked up, Jackie had walked back to the bathroom and heard Catherine on the phone. She froze in the hallway trying to hear.

"Hi, I was wondering if you had any flights back to Indianapolis tonight? The last one left already? Oh, well what's the soonest one available? 6 a.m. tomorrow? Okay I'll take it." After Catherine gave them her information she asked to be transferred to the airport hotel. "Hi, I was would like to book a room for this evening."

As soon as she hung up she heard Jackie open the door. "What was that all about?" Jackie asked confused.

"Nothing, I was just confirming if my flight was on time."

"And is it?" Jackie asked, testing her.

"Yep. 10 p.m. sharp." Catherine said with her back turned to Jackie, hunched over her suitcase.

"Catherine you're lying to me. I heard you book a flight for 6 a.m. tomorrow and a hotel room for tonight."

Catherine was silent.

"What's going on?" Jackie grabbed Catherine's arm turning her around. Her face had tears streaming down it and her lip was quivering. Jackie took Catherine's face in her hands, she didn't understand what was happening and had never seen Catherine so upset before.

"I lied about my flight. I never had a layover here. After you left Stanford I realized how much I wanted you back in my life, so I hopped on the first flight here to try and win you back."

Jackie stared at her but said nothing, she was speechless. So that's why she showed up so early.

Catherine grabbed her hands and removed them from her face. "It's okay Jackie. I don't want you to feel bad, I just want you to be happy. You are right, we aren't healthy for each other. Please just know that I never meant to hurt you, and I honestly wish the best for you." Catherine kissed her on the cheek then grabbed her suitcase.

Jackie was paralyzed, standing in her bedroom. Her mind was spinning from what Catherine had just said. The sound of the door made her snap back into reality. The woman she loved just told her everything she had ever wanted to hear, and now she was leaving, thinking Jackie didn't feel the same.

She grabbed her keys and shoes and stumbled out the door trying to put them on.

When she finally got down to the street she saw Catherine close the door to a cab.

Panicking, she ran as fast as she could to her car and headed to the airport. Traffic was a mess as it usually was in LA, which was making her more frantic than she already was.

When she finally got to the hotel she pulled up to the valet to save time. She quickly handed him the keys and took her ticket. She ran to the front desk and asked if Catherine Stark had checked in yet.

"I'm sorry Ma'am but I can't tell you that information."

"Please," she pleaded. "It's an emergency."

The receptionist motioned her head to the elevators. She looked over and saw Catherine getting into one.

"Catherine!" She shouted, but was too late. The door had closed. She looked up to see what floor it was going to, 3, thank God. Jackie ran up the steps and got there just as Catherine disappeared behind the door.

After taking a minute to catch her breath, Jackie gently knocked on the door. "Catherine... Please let me in."

Silence.

She knocked again, pleading.

Still nothing.

Jackie realized it was going to take a little more convincing to get Catherine to open the door.

"Catherine. Remember how upset I was last night? It was because of you. I secretly had purchased two tickets back here, one for me and one for you, so I was really depressed when I ended up back here alone. Looks like we both had the same idea in mind for how this weekend was going to end." She said softly, as she brushed her fingers against the door.

After a few moments, Catherine slowly opened the door. She stood there for a minute then let out a deep breath and shrugged her shoulders as to say, now what?

Jackie offered a slight smile.

"Am I really toxic?" Catherine asked, with a heartbroken face.

"Am I really not worth it?" Jackie answered with a question.

Catherine's eyes filled with tears again. "That's the problem Porcupine, you are the only one who has ever been worth it."

Jackie pushed open the door and pulled Catherine into her arms. When they slowly broke their embrace, Catherine cupped Jackie's neck with her hands then kissed her deeply, with a passion that she never fully let herself release before. Jackie started moving Catherine towards the bed. When they got to the edge Jackie stepped back slightly and reached for the bottom of Catherine's shirt, gently tugging it up over her head."You're so beautiful," she whispered before kissing her again. Without breaking their kiss, Jackie gently laid Catherine down on the bed as she straddled her. Catherine grabbed Jackie's shirt, slowly pulling it up over her head. Jackie then leaned forward and put her hands down on the bed, hovering over Catherine.

"I'm scared," Catherine whispered, as a single tear rolled down her cheek.

Jackie could feel Catherine's heart racing against her own chest as she lay on top of her. She brought her hand up to Catherine's face and wiped away the tear then placed her hand over Catherine's heart.

"Don't be" she whispered, then leaned down and kissed Catherine.


	10. Chapter 10

Catherine slowly opened her eyes, remembering where she was. She rolled over and saw Jackie curled up next to her. The sight of her made her wonder why she ever let her go in the first place. Catherine could feel the giant smile expanding across her face. She couldn't believe how perfect last night was. Jackie looked so peaceful but she couldn't help herself, she leaned in and gently kissed her forehead. Jackie cracked her eyes open and smiled. "Good Morning Gorgeous," she said.

Catherine softly tucked Jackie's hair behind her ear. "I love you" she said, tilting her head.

Jackie smiled then leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. Catherine took her hand and intertwined their fingers.

"I know you're probably self conscious about last night, 'cause I know you..." Jackie grinned, "So we don't have to talk about it, but just know that I love you, and am well aware of how hard it was for you to be that vulnerable. I didn't take it lightly."

Catherine offered a sincere smile, letting her know she was right and appreciated it. Jackie lifted her hand up and kissed it.

"I'm glad you know that's not going to happen often," Catherine smiled smugly. "I prefer to keep quiet."

Jackie started laughing

"What?"

"Quiet is not the word I would use to describe you. Especially after last night."

Catherine started laughing and pulled the sheet over her face, embarrassed. "Some people are just more vocal when they're enjoying something. And you're the one to blame anyway!"

Jackie pulled the sheet down, "Don't hide, I like it" she grinned. "What? Now that we've bared our souls to each other, we can't give each other hell anymore?"

"Absolutely not, that will never change." Catherine said sternly, it was what she enjoyed most about their relationship.

Jackie's phone started vibrating on the nightstand.

"You might want to get that, It's been going off nonstop since last night."

"I don't want to!" She groaned. "I just want to stay in bed with my girlfriend all day," she said as she rolled over into Catherine's arms.

"Girlfriend?" Catherine repeated, stunned by the word.

"Yeah. Do you have a problem with that?" Jackie raised her eyebrows smiling.

"No. Say it again." Catherine said while staring at Jackie's lips.

"Girl-friend" Jackie repeated slowly.

"That sounds sexy" Catherine said as she rolled on top of Jackie.

"Again?! You're going to kill me Professor Stark!"

Catherine came out of the bathroom and saw Jackie curled up sleeping. "Every single time," she laughed to herself. Thinking how Jackie falls asleep after sex no matter what time of the day it is. She guessed she should take it as a compliment. She heard Jackie's phone vibrate again so went over and got it. 12 missed calls, 8 voice mails and 17 text messages. Catherine crawled into bed next to her and rubbed her cheek with the back her finger.

"Catherine, I love you but I need rest," Jackie mumbled without even opening her eyes.

She laughed, "I don't want that, well yes I do... But you need to wake up. You have a ridiculous amount of missed calls and messages. As much as I don't want to let you leave this bed, you have a job waiting for you."

"Fine" she groaned. She lifted herself up on her elbows and took her phone from Catherine. Matt was yelling so loud on the other end of the phone that Jackie had to pull it away from her ear. "Matt, I know. I'm sorry. I really don't feel well this morning, I was up all night getting sick" she glanced at Catherine and winked. "Yeah I think I have one of those 24 hours bugs that's going around... Yes, I promise I will be there tomorrow. 11 a.m sharp." As soon as she hung up with Matt she dropped her face into the pillow then whimpered "Oww." She lifted her head up and dabbed at the knot, forgetting it was there.

Catherine leaned over to get a closer look at it, "How's the head? It looks like the swelling has gone down a bit."

"Still hurts. Kiss it to make it better?" She plead, flashing Catherine a pouty lip.

Catherine smiled at her pitiful face, then gently kissed the bump. "So what was that all about, what did you miss?"

"An audition."

"Jackie!" Catherine flashed her a stern look, the last thing she wanted was to negatively affect her career.

"Not you too," she groaned. "I'm sorry, but it was the last thing on my mind during round 4... Or was it 5?" Jackie paused while counting on her fingers, mumbling to herself. "I lost count. Anyway, the last thing on my mind was some stupid audition."

"As flattered as I am, it's still your career Jackie, and it's important." As serious as Catherine was, her voice suddenly lightened when she fully processed what Jackie had said, "and it was 4, but 5 sounds like a good idea." She teased. "Later of course though," she ended in her stern professor tone.

Jackie smiled then leaned over and kissed her. She turned to lay on her back and stared up at the ceiling. Catherine moved over, setting her head on Jackie's chest and they laid there for a good while in complete silence.

Catherine's mind was moving a mile a minute, thinking about everything that had happened yesterday. "Are you happy?" She asked.

"I've never been happier" Jackie responded, almost immediately.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I am. Why, what's up?"

"Nothing, you were just pretty set on being over me yesterday so I just want to make sure this is what you really want." Catherine was feeling completely vulnerable, but couldn't help bring up what Jackie said to her yesterday. The words had been resonating inside of her since.

Jackie scooted her body up until she was sitting, causing Catherine's head to slide down into her lap. She looked down into Catherine's eyes while she played with her hair, "Catherine I was hurting. I thought you didn't want me, so I was trying my best to convince myself that I was better off without you. Why do you think I was gone for so long? As I recall, you did the same last year."

Catherine stared up at her, knowing she was right, and offered a small smile.

"Now stop this talk, we are both crazy about each other and we're not going to fight it anymore."

"I'm sorry, it's just we still have so much to figure out, like the fact that we still live 2,000 miles apar-"

Before Catherine could finish Jackie put a finger over her lips.

"Shhh... Let's just enjoy the day. Now how about that round 5?" Jackie said, before bending down and kissing Catherine.

Jackie started gathering her clothes that were scattered all over the floor, "It's getting late, we need to check out soon."

"Okay I'm going to get a quick shower," Catherine said as she rolled out of bed. Jackie grabbed her arm and pulled her towards her.

"No, just wait and we can shower at my place." She pulled her in close, cupping Catherine's neck with her hand and kissed her.

"I like that idea, but we need to talk eventually too. I need to get back home to Ethan and figure out what my next move will be." There were so many things they needed to work out, and as much as she wanted to enjoy the moment, Catherine couldn't with all of the familiar issues they were keeping at bay.

"I know, I know. Can you at least stay one more day?" Jackie plead.

"I think I can manage that" she smiled.

When they got back to Jackie's, Catherine called the airlines to reschedule her flight for the following day, and the dog sitter to make sure she could watch Ethan for one more night. As soon as she said goodbye she felt Jackie take the phone out of her hand and set it on the counter. Jackie's arms reached around her waist as she began kissing her neck. "Now how about that shower?"

As they were getting dressed, Catherine asked Jackie what her schedule was like for the day. "I have a meeting with Wade at 3, maybe you could come with me and we can get a bite to eat after?"

"Sounds good to me. So when are we going to have that conversation? You tend to use sex to distract me anytime I bring it up." Catherine knew she was nagging, but wasn't going to let her keep putting this off.

"Since when do you complain about sex?" Jackie's puzzled face was quite amusing.

Catherine laughed, "I'm not, trust me. I just feel like your avoiding the elephant in the room... And using my weakness against me." She flashed Jackie a look.

"Ok, let's talk"

They both sat on the bed in silence, waiting for the other to speak.

"I don't know what to say," Jackie said breaking the silence. "I can come to Bloomington when I have time off, but you didn't seem to think that would work last time."

Catherine hesitated before revealing to Jackie what she had been brainstorming in her head all weekend, "I've actually been thinking about applying for jobs here in California. I haven't stopped thinking about it since I met with my friends for lunch the other day. They made me realize there's nothing for me in Bloomington anymore, and I need to stop letting that house hold me back. I'm not sure I'll be able to find something right here in LA, but we could at least be in the same state. I guess once I get a job I'll put my house on the market and-"

"What?! No you are not!" Jackie interrupted.

"I'm not what?" Catherine asked, confused.

"You're not selling your house Catherine! I could never let you do that. It means way too much to you. It means way too much to _me_."

"Jackie I can't just have an empty house sitting in Bloomington, nor can I afford it."

"Then you'll rent it out or I'll help you with it, but you're certainly not selling it."

As much as Jackie's reaction was making her fall even more in love with her, she knew she needed to start learning how to let go. "It's time for me to move on with my life. Sacrifices are going to have to be made for us to work, and you're an LA based actress. There's no way around that."

Jackie moved over to where Catherine was sitting. "Catherine we're only going to make necessary sacrifices. I want us both to be happy and I only want you to move to California if you find a job here that you love. Just because I'm an actress in LA doesn't mean all of my roles will be here, we can make it work. First and foremost you need to decide what _you_ want to do with _your_ career and we'll make do in the mean time."

Catherine couldn't believe how mature and selfless Jackie was being. "You're right. I guess I have some soul searching to do."

"Yes you do," Jackie smiled and kissed her cheek. "Now let's get ready so Wade doesn't get even more mad at me."

Jackie couldn't believe Catherine was willing to give up her entire life in Bloomington to come be with her. She felt guilty hiding things from Catherine, but she didn't want to cause unnecessary stress and ruin how happy they were until she knew it was a for sure thing. She would know soon enough.


	11. Chapter 11

They pulled up to the agency with plenty of time to spare, thankfully. Wade was a stickler when it came to being punctual. Jackie had Catherine wait in the sitting area while she went back to Wade's office. After a few minutes, Catherine grew bored so began catching up on her email. She had a few emails from some of the staff at Stanford asking if they could pass along her information. She began to grow excited, hoping this meant people wanted to work with her. As soon as she got home she would have to start polishing up her resume, she thought. About an hour later Jackie came out and got her, "Sorry it took so long! Wade wants to meet you." They walked down a hall way lined with framed photos of actors and before Catherine could ask Jackie what she should say, they entered Wade's office. He was sitting behind his desk typing on his computer with a bluetooth headset clipped on his ear. He looked exactly like she imaged a talent agent would look.

"Wade this is Catherine. Catherine, Wade."

"So this is the famous Catherine from Bloomington," he said as he stood up and shook her hand.

She shot Jackie a look, not knowing how much she had told him. "That's scary" she laughed.

"No, I've only heard great things. It's a pleasure to meet you. Thanks for taking care of our little star while she was in Bloomington."

"It was my pleasure," Catherine replied with a smile, glancing back at Jackie.

"Alright well we're out of here, we have dinner plans to get to. Bye Wade." Jackie said, rushing Catherine out the door.

As they were leaving Wade called Jackie's name. "Jackie, think hard about this, the Neptune movie was pure luck. Don't let your career disappear again, because it may be more permanent this time."

"I will." Jackie said as she closed the door.

Catherine was curious as to what he meant and wondered why Jackie rushed her out the door so quickly. "So that's Wade. What all does he know about me?"

"Just that you're my close friend from Bloomington, who helped me out a lot last year."

"What was he talking about, not letting your career disappear?"

"The audition I missed today, he wasn't too happy. Sorry I made you wait so long, I didn't think he'd lay it into me that hard."

Catherine could tell Jackie was hiding something by the way she was being so short with her. "Sounds like a pretty important audition. What's it for?"

"We'll talk about it later, let's go get some dinner first."

Jackie seemed distracted at dinner. She hardly even looked at Catherine the entire time, and kept spacing out. Catherine could tell something serious was up but didn't want to keep prying. She was acting the exact same way she did before telling her about the Neptune movie. "You okay, Porcupine?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry." She smiled. "So what do you want to do since its your last night?"

"It doesn't matter, we can just go back to your place. I don't mind."

"Don't be silly, let's do something fun. It seems like we've spent the last three days locked inside."

She almost made it sound like she was bored with her. Catherine continued to wonder what was causing this sudden shift in her demeanor. "You pick."

Jackie paid for their meal after having to basically tear the bill out of Catherine's hand. It felt good having someone take care of her for a change, she thought. As they were leaving the restaurant Catherine grabbed hold of Jackie's hand but Jackie quickly dropped it. "Catherine," she looked around, "We can't."

Catherine was starting to get agitated and was wondering what was going on, she wanted answers. Obviously something happened in that office. They silently waited for the valet to bring Jackie's car around. As soon as they got in, Catherine couldn't bear it any longer. "Jackie, is something the matter? I don't want to keep prying but you've seemed different since leaving Wade's office, hostile almost."

"Hostile? How am I being hostile to you?"

"You introduced me to Wade for about 5 seconds before literally pushing me out the door, you hardly paid attention to me at dinner, then when I tried to hold your hand you shooed me away."

"Catherine you know I'm not public about any of this yet. Don't take it personally, I just have to be careful when we're out."

Catherine suddenly began to feel a familiar feeling, the one she felt after the Neptune party when Jackie introduced her as her college friend, then ignored her all night. Was this how it was going to be if she moved here?

Jackie looked over and saw Catherine staring out the window. "Hey" she said softly, as she reached over and grabbed Catherine's hand. "I love you."

"Is that enough?" Catherine quietly sighed.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

As soon as Jackie uttered those words, Catherine felt the déjà vu kick in to their big fight. She thought it best to stop before things got out of hand again.

"Nothing."

Jackie turned up a hill and drove down a secluded path.

Catherine looked around confused, "Is this the part in the story where you kill me and dump my body? I know I don't have a family, but the dog sitter would at least report me missing I would hope."

Jackie laughed then parked the car. "Come on."

She walked over to Catherine's side of the car, took her by the arm, and led her to a picnic table that looked over the city. Jackie climbed up and sat on top of the table and motioned Catherine to come sit in between her legs on the bench. She hesitated then sat down. Jackie put her arms around her shoulders and kissed her cheek. She felt Catherine's body tense up.

"Hey…What is it?" Jackie asked, turning her chin to face her.

"You tell me."

"Well I do need to tell you something but there's obviously something that's bothering you, so I'd rather we fix that first."

Silence. Catherine was trying her hardest not to explode.

"Catherine...?"

She couldn't keep it in any longer, "I just didn't realize we would have to hide out again. I didn't know Wade and Matt didn't even know about me."

"I know, I'm sorry. It's just not something I ever got around to telling them. You were out of my life by the time I started working with them, so it never really came up."

"Is this how it's going to be if I move out here? I can't touch you anytime we're in public or around anyone you know? We have to pretend we're just friends?"

Jackie was silent, she didn't know what to say.

Catherine stood up and faced her.

"Well?"

"I-I don't know. This all happened so quickly that I haven't really had the chance to think about it."

Catherine threw her hands up, "That's just great," she sarcastically laughed. "This is exactly why I kept trying to get us to talk. So what else did you have to tell me?"

Jackie was terrified. Catherine was already furious and she knew telling her the details of her audition might drive her away again. "I don't know if this is a good time."

"No, if you have something to say, then say it. I don't want any more surprises."

Jackie stayed silent, nervously playing with her hands.

"Out with it!"

"Catherine how can you be so cruel to me after the last 24 hours we just spent together?" Jackie's voice began to crack.

As terrible as she felt hearing Jackie's reaction, her own anxiety was taking control of her. "Because those 24 hours are going to make it even harder to walk away from this, if we aren't completely open this time around."

"Can you please just calm down first? You're extremely intimidating when you're mad and this isn't the way I wanted to tell you."

Catherine just stared at her, not saying a word. She knew she was right but she couldn't help her temper, or fear.

"Okay. The truth is I missed that audition today on purpose. It's a really big role and would be great for my career but I'd have to leave the country for at least 5 months, and I'm not sure I'm willing to do that." Jackie was too afraid to look up. She felt her throat tighten and tried to fight the tears but couldn't. When she could no longer wipe them away fast enough, she gave up and covered her eyes with her hands.

Catherine was so angry and hurt, but she hadn't seen Jackie cry this hard since she had gotten in that fight with her mom last Thanksgiving. Maybe she had been a little too hard on her.

"I'm so sorry Catherine. A few days ago we weren't even in each other's lives any more. Now here we are, and I want nothing more than to be with you, but I don't have the answers to all of your questions."

Catherine realized she was right. She couldn't expect her to have it all figured out when they had just gotten back together last night.  
"How is it possible that our student/teacher affair seems so petty now. It turns out that was the least of our worries," Catherine said, while running one hand through her hair as the other rested on her hip. She looked down at Jackie who still had her head down. She slowly made her way over to her and knelt down on the bench in front of her. She lifted Jackie's chin up and looked her in the eyes. They were filled with tears and Catherine felt awful for putting so much pressure on her. "I'm sorry, you're right. It's not fair of me to think you had this all figured out. I was just hoping one of us did."

"What are we going to do Catherine?"

"Well you are going to go to that audition tomorrow and nail it." She smiled. "Okay?"

"But, I don't want to lose you again."

"Jackie, what happened to not having to make sacrifices? I'm not letting you turn down this role for me."

"Five months is a really long time, especially without you. I would rather sacrifice the movie than you. I know you wouldn't get on a flight that long and I wouldn't be able to come back here."

"For you I would," she smiled. Catherine stood up, "But I'm not traveling across the world for just a friend."

Jackie wrapped her arms around Catherine's waist. "Please just don't give up on me again."

Catherine's heart broke at the words. She kissed her on the head before sitting next to her. "This is what we're going to do. I'm going to go back to Bloomington and figure out what I'm going to do with my career. And you… You're going to go to that audition tomorrow, and any others that come your way, and you're going to decide how you want me in your life. But Jackie, I can't sneak around anymore. I did it for so long and it did nothing but cause damage. I just can't live life like that anymore, it's not healthy. I want to be able to kiss you in the middle of the street and spend my life with you."

"I know, I want that too, so badly."

The two sat there on the table, trying to enjoy the sunset but they had too much on their minds.

After what felt like an eternity of silence, Jackie finally spoke. "I wish we were back in Bloomington. Do you know what I miss the most?"

"What?"

"Walking down the hallways, knowing at any second I could be pulled into a classroom and be completely ravaged by you." She laughed.

Catherine laughed, "Yes, I miss that too. _Very_ much," she said, bumping her shoulder into Jackie's.

"Can't we just go back to this morning when everything was perfect?"

"I wish, but this is reality."

"Reality sucks."

Catherine thought about what Jackie said, how new and exciting things were when they were in Bloomington. Their relationship had always been so hot and heavy. Just then she got an idea in her head as she looked around. "You know, it doesn't have to…"

Jackie looked over at Catherine and scrunched her forehead. Catherine slid closer to her with a smirk on her face. She took Jackie's face in her hands and began kissing her slowly. Her lips slid over to Jackie's cheek, then down her neck, and before she knew it, Catherine's hand slipped down her pants.

"Catherine! We can't, we're in a park. We could get arrested for this!"

Catherine laughed as she looked around, "There's no one here, we'll see the headlights if anyone does show up, now relax. I thought you missed this?"

Screw it, Jackie thought. She put both hands on Catherine's face and began kissing her, deeply. She moaned quietly as Catherine pleasured her. Jackie draped one arm over Catherine and grasped her shoulder, digging her fingers into it. Catherine leaned her face into Jackie's, smiling, then proceeded to kiss her neck. Jackie breathed heavily into her ear, "Catherine I'm about to…" Catherine stopped, "No you're not. Not yet..." she said as she quickly pushed Jackie down onto the table. She climbed on top of her, kissing her neck down to her stomach, then began removing her pants. "Catherine!"

"Shh... trust me," She smiled.

When she finished, Catherine laid down next to her on the table. "Jesus Christ," Jackie said, putting her hand on her forehead.

"You needed that" Catherine laughed.

"We needed that," she responded, as she leaned over and gave her a kiss.

They both stared up at the stars in silence for a while before Jackie turned over and faced Catherine. "What am I going to do here without you?"

"Well you lasted a year without me here already, I'm sure you can survive a little longer," she said as she tucked a piece of hair behind Jackie's ear.

"Yeah, but we also didn't have the last three days that we just had. I can't just erase that from my mind."

"After what I just did, you better not be able to erase it from your mind," she teased. Just then they saw headlights coming up the path, Jackie quickly got up from the table. "Come on, let's get back to my place."

Jackie parked the car and her and Catherine slowly walked down the street towards her apartment. "Do you want to stop and get some wine? I'm fresh out at my house" she said, flashing Catherine a guilty smile.

"I'm not sure I trust leaving you with wine in your house," Catherine teased. "Plus you have that big audition tomorrow."

"How about coffee or ice cream? My favorite coffee spot down the street has both."

"Sure," she said.

"Okay, come on." Jackie said, taking her hand.

Catherine was in shock, looking down at their hands. But as soon as Jackie reached the door she let go.

"Hi Jackie!" The girl from behind the counter greeted her.

"Hi Sarah, how are you?"

"Good! I'm shocked to see you here."

"Yeah, I sure have been busy! Sarah, this is my friend Catherine."

There's that word again, Catherine thought. She knew she needed to be patient with this though.

"Hi Catherine, it's nice to meet you! I like your necklace!"

"Oh, thanks!" Catherine said, reaching up and touching her necklace. She wasn't use to people being so friendly to her, especially since most of the people in Bloomington were petrified of her. It was refreshing.

"After they received their drinks they continued on their way back to Jackie's.

"Are you mad?" Jackie asked.

"Why would I be mad?"

"Because I introduced you as my friend again."

"It stings, but I understand. I wasn't exactly telling my colleagues about you back in Bloomington."

Jackie was becoming paranoid ever since her talk with Catherine. She was scared she was going to lose her. She needed to prove to her that she was serious. As they were approaching an alley Jackie stopped, she grabbed Catherine's arm and pulled her into it. "What are you doin-"

Before she could finish, Jackie kissed her. "Who are you?" she smiled. Jackie just smiled back, grabbed the coffee out of her hand, then pushed her against the brick wall. She began kissing down her neck when someone yelled, "Get a room!" from the sidewalk.

"Jackie, people can see."

"I don't care," she smiled as she placed her hand behind Catherine's neck.

Catherine just stared into her eyes before saying, "Let's go back to your place now."

Jackie bent down and picked up their cups, then held her arm out for Catherine to grab hold.

"Are you sure?"

"I've never been more sure, and we're only a block away. Baby steps right?"


	12. Chapter 12

Jackie walked straight to the couch and plopped down in exhaustion. "I'm going to go change," Catherine said as she started making her way back to the bedroom. Jackie got up and grabbed her arm "Not so fast," she said, pulling her onto the couch. "Just lay with me here for a little while first." They cuddled in each others' arms for few minutes in silence, before Catherine looked over and saw Jackie staring up at the ceiling. "What's on your mind Porcupine?"

"You." She said, without hesitation.

"Good answer" Catherine smiled.

"Good rhyme" Jackie teased.

"Don't you need to prepare for your audition tomorrow?"

"Should I? Yes. Do I want to? No."

"Come on, I'll help you. I owe you for helping me with my speech." Catherine said as she began pulling her up.

Jackie didn't want to, she just wanted to spend as much time as possible with Catherine before she left.

"You know I'm going to bug you until you go get that script."

Jackie stood up, groaning. "Fiiine. God! Why do you always have to make me do better!" She sarcastically yelled as she pouted her way back to the bedroom.

Catherine laughed, she knew things would be rough between them if Jackie got this role, but she knew Jackie would eventually regret it if she passed up this opportunity. She would have to try to her best to hide her insecurities this time around.

Jackie made her way back to the living room, dragging her feet, script in hand.

"Oh, poor baby. So what's this one about?"

"Sci-fi again, go figure. It's one of those books they're making into a trilogy."

"Oh wow, is it a big part?"

"Not the lead, but a regular. I would have to sign on for all three films."

Panic began to set in. Catherine had no idea the role was this major. Instead of exposing her shock, she tried her best to project it onto Jackie. "How are you not freaking out about this, Jackie? This is a big deal."

"You know why. And honestly, I'd rather do something I'm passionate about. But since I've only played Tyler, I'm stuck in this typecast. I shouldn't complain though because I'd have consistent work for 3-5 years, which is an actors dream.

"No you shouldn't. And your typecast isn't a bad thing when the genre you've been pushed into is huge right now."

"Yeah I know, I sound like a spoiled brat."

Catherine could tell Jackie was holding back on this role, and knew a lot of it had to do with her. In order to get her excited about it, she knew she had to be supportive. "Well let's try it out."

As they ran lines, Catherine kept thinking how she was always so attracted to Jackie when seeing her act. She was always so reserved and quiet, but whenever she was acting she became confident and sure of herself. They continued to read through it until Jackie no longer needed to look at the script. She then threw it on the table and they proceeded to relax again on the couch.

"Did you ever dream this would happen again?" Jackie asked, rubbing her thumb over Catherine's hand.

"Us?"

"Yeah."

"Dreamt of it? Of course I did. But honestly, I thought I'd never see you again after that day."

"I didn't either. Then you came crawling back." Jackie said, cracking a smile that extended across her face.

"What!? Excuse me, but you were the one to make the first move. Plenty of them, actually." Catherine said defensively, smiling.

"Keep dreaming!" Jackie yelled, "You texted me first. You started all of this!"

"I was keeping it casual and friendly. I was just being a nice person." Catherine stated, defending her ego.

"And the jealousy about Tommy?"

"I wasn't jealous, you guys made a cute couple," She smiled sarcastically.

"America seems to think so," Jackie said, rolling her eyes.

"So they really think you guys are together?"

"We've never said we are, but yes they all assume."

"And were you?" Catherine wasn't going to admit it, but she began to feel jealous.

"Not like that, we just kept each other company a few times."

"Kept each other company?"

"Do you really want the gritty details?"

"No, that explains why he seemed so comfortable here though." Catherine suddenly put two and two together. "Wait, so if I wouldn't have shown up here that night…"

"Maybe, but I just wanted more wine and knew he'd come."

"Ah" Catherine said.

"Why are we talking about this?" Jackie asked, "Next subject please."

"I told you, we need to be completely honest this time."

"Okay, fine. I'll play this game. How many were there then? And I want a number this time."

Catherine gave her a look. She didn't want to get into this again.

"Go on," Jackie said, waiting for a response, smirking.

"How many students?" Catherine asked, trying to kill time.

"Yes."

"Six."

"Including me?"

"Seven."

Jackie just looked at her with her eyes brows raised. She was expecting no more than 4, so was a little taken aback.

Catherine didn't say anything else. She could sense Jackie wasn't finished with this conversation.

"So what really happened with them then? That's a lot of students to disappear."

"They didn't disappear. Whenever I felt them getting too serious I would end it, they'd transfer to a different class, and I'd never seem them again. People just assumed and made up rumors."

"Catherine Stark, heart breaker" Jackie laughed as she jokingly punched Catherine in the shoulder.

"They weren't exactly my shining moments" Catherine said, looking somewhat ashamed.

"We all have things we're not proud of. Come on, let's go to bed. Enough honesty for the night." Jackie said, slapping Catherine's knee.

When Jackie came out of the bathroom, Catherine was sound asleep. She was half tempted to wake her since this was their last night together, but decided not to since they didn't get much sleep the previous night. Instead, she crawled into bed and curled up next to her.

Jackie opened her eyes, she saw it beginning to lighten outside. Morning was coming and the thought of Catherine leaving made her nauseous. She was tired but didn't want to sleep away the last bit of time they had. Catherine was still asleep, so she quietly got out of bed and headed to the kitchen. She got out a piece of paper, and decided to write Catherine a little note for the plane ride to ease her anxiety. When she was finished, she snuck back into the bedroom and hid it in Catherine's bag before crawling back in bed next to her.

Catherine woke up as she felt Jackie rustle behind her. She noticed the sun beginning to rise through the window, she couldn't believe it was morning already. She turned around to face Jackie, "When did I fall asleep?"

"As soon as you laid down."

"I'm sorry." Catherine was disappointed that she wasted their last night together.

"It's okay. It was a long day and we didn't get much sleep the night before." She winked.

"True." Catherine smiled. "What time is it?"

Jackie turned to look at the clock, "6:30."

"Good, we have a little time."

"I need to call Mike to let him know what time to get us, is 8:30 good?"

"Yeah, you don't need to do that though, I can catch a cab."

"Don't be silly, my audition isn't until 11, I have plenty of time."

Jackie called her driver Mike, to arrange for him to pick them up. Then turned around and laid back down next to Catherine.

"When am I going to see you again?" She asked, avoiding eye contact.

"That's up to you. I'm the jobless one. However, some of my connections at Stanford did email me though, asking if they can pass along my information. So, maybe I'll have some interviews out here soon."

"That's great news!" Jackie said, as she rolled over and grabbed her phone from the nightstand. She pulled up her calendar and scrolled through it. "I have to go to Canada this weekend, but maybe I can arrange to stop through Bloomington sometime soon."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I'll have to talk to Wade and Matt and see when I have a few days off."

Catherine smiled, "I'd love that." The idea of Jackie back in Bloomington made her face light up.

"Oh, no. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to see you. I meant to see my main man Ethan. I guess I could squeeze in a little time for you though."

"Oh you could, could you?" Catherine rolled over and pinned Jackie beneath her.

"You're so violent! Ethan is a much better nurturer," Jackie said, playfully grinning.

"Shut up," Catherine laughed before she bent down to kiss her. They both took their time, not knowing when the next would be. Apparently too much time because when Catherine glanced at the clock is was after 8.

"Shit! Jackie it's 8:07!"

"What?!"

Jackie ran to the bathroom to take a quick shower then tried making herself presentable, as Catherine showered and got ready as well. Mike was knocking at the door at 8:30 sharp. "Catherine can you get that please? Just give him your bags and let him know we'll be down soon."

"Sure, no problem."

When Catherine came back, she saw Jackie frantically putting on make up. She wrapped her arms around her, "It's okay, calm down."

"No I can't, we need to get out of here! Please just give me a second to finish up."

"Okay, sorry. What can I do to help?"

"Nothing, just be ready to go" Jackie stood up and hurried to her closet as Catherine walked out of the room, it was clear she needed her space.

Jackie threw her clothes on as fast as she could and checked herself out in the mirror before scrambling through the apartment, looking for the script. "Catherine do you know where my script is?!"

She was standing by the door holding up the script smiling. "Here you go, I grabbed some waters and granola bars from the kitchen too. Are you good to go?"

Jackie walked towards her relieved. She hugged her tight, "I'm sorry for snapping at you. Thanks so much. You're the best."

"Don't be sorry, just relax." Catherine said, as she tucked Jackie's hair behind her ear.

Jackie smiled at the gesture, she always loved when Catherine did that. "Hurry back here, I need you" she said, then kissed her before they made their way down to the car.

Traffic was bumper to bumper. Catherine's flight was leaving in an hour and they were still at least 25 minutes away. "As much as I'd love for you to miss your flight and stay here, I think the airlines would kill you if they had to reschedule again."

"Yeah, no kidding. I think the dog sitter would kill me first though."

When they finally got to the airport Catherine turned to Jackie, "I guess I'll see you when I see you?" She said as she leaned in for a kiss.

Jackie interrupted her "I'll walk you in."

They entered the airport together but kept their distance, as they were walking to the check in line a couple of preteens recognized Jackie and approached her for a picture. "Sure!" She said, as she began to make small talk with them. All of a sudden more and more people started to come over until she finally had to leave the line. She looked over at Catherine with pain in her eyes, "I'm so sorry" she mouthed to her. Before she knew it, a mob of people were surrounding her. "Hi everyone, I'm sorry but I'm in a hurry." Her driver noticed the commotion and came in to help. "Mike, I really need to say goodbye to Catherine in privacy."

"Miss Kirk, I don't think you're going to be able to here. Why don't you have her meet you back in the car?"

Jackie saw Catherine finish checking in and tried making eye contact with her. When she finally looked her way she pointed to her phone. She texted her, asking her to meet her back in the car. Jackie parted through the crowd and made her way back into the vehicle. Catherine also proceeded to make her way over, but there were too many people surrounding it now and she couldn't get through. She didn't have much time since they were already late to the airport, so she called Jackie.

"Catherine, where are you?"

"I can't get through, there's too many people."

"Hold on, Mike is going to come get you."

"Jackie as much as I want to, I can't or I'll miss my flight."

"Catherine please..."

"I'm sorry...Thanks so much for the last few days, they were amazing. Good luck at your audition, let me know how it goes."

"This is not how I wanted to end this weekend. I love you."

"I know, this is your world now though. I love you too Porcupine. Talk to you soon."

As Jackie's car pulled away from the airport, she couldn't shake the feeling that this weekend could have possibly been just a one time thing with Catherine. She already told her she couldn't deal with the sneaking around, so the fact that they couldn't even say goodbye to each other was probably the last straw for her. She didn't even get to kiss her goodbye. Feeling terrible Jackie sent her a text, "I'm so sorry, please forgive me. Have a safe flight back and call me when you land. I love you. P.S. Check the front pocket of your bag xoxo."

I don't know if I can live like this, Catherine thought to herself, as soon as she was seated on the plane. As much as she wanted to be with Jackie, especially after this weekend, she wasn't sure if she could handle this lifestyle. Jackie was noticed back in Bloomington, but was still able to live a normal life. She had been out of the spot light for 5 years, so no one made too big a deal over her. Here she was a movie star, and it would only get worse if she got this new role. When Catherine went to turn off her phone for the flight, she saw Jackie's text. She checked her bag and found the note. She knew Jackie felt guilty and didn't want her going into her audition upset. "It's okay, I promise. Go crush that interview! Found the note, will read it during my flight :) Love you too Porcupine! xoxo." Catherine opened the letter. Jackie joked about the plane, trying to ease her anxiety, but then went on to completely expose her feelings for her. When Catherine finished it, she felt guilty about having doubts. She put the letter away and closed her eyes the rest of the flight, her mind heavy with decisions she would need to make about her future.

Jackie sat in the waiting room nervously tapping her fingers on the chair. She just wanted this audition to be over with, her anxiety levels were through the roof. "Jacqueline Kirk? They're ready for you."  
She stood up and made her way into the room. As she was reading her lines, tears began forming behind her eyes. This a nightmare, she thought. When she was done, the entire panel was silent. She apologized but the casting director replied, "don't apologize, that was great!" Jackie was shocked, she assumed they thought she was a basket case. "Thanks so much Jacqueline, we'll be in touch." Jackie smiled and shook their hands, as she thanked them for their time.

As soon as she got to the car she told Mike to drive to Wade's office. She took out her phone and dialed. "Wade, I need to meet with you and Matt ASAP. I'm on my way to your office." When she got to the Agency, Jackie walked straight into his office. "Jackie, what's going on? How was the audition?"

"It was great but that's not why I'm here. Is Matt coming?"

"He couldn't make it so he's going to conference in."

"Okay, call him."

Wade looked at her both confused and suspicious, as he dialed Matt's number.

"Hey Matt, Jackie's here."

"Hey Jackie, what's going on"

"I have to tell you guys something that you're probably not going to like."

"Okay..."

"I didn't go to Stanford to see an old friend, and I didn't blow off my audition yesterday because I was sick. I went to see my ex-girlfriend. Before you ask, I don't exactly classify myself as a lesbian, but I fell in love with a woman and she isn't just some stage I'm going through. I've experimented before and this is much more. She also happens to be ten years older than me, and a college professor who lost her job over our relationship back in Bloomington." Wade and Matt were both silent so Jackie continued to ramble on. "I know this is a PR nightmare, but I don't care. Because the truth is, I've been absolutely miserable this past year without her, and I'd rather give up this entire career than hide her or be without her. Also, don't schedule anything after the Vancouver premiere this weekend, I'm stopping in Bloomington on the way back."

Wade just sat there staring at Jackie, and Matt was silent on the phone. Finally, Matt broke the silence. "Well this is quite the news. First off, I'm completely okay with this, but are you telling me you want to come out? Because I've got to tell you, I'm not sure that's a good idea with the audition you just went on. It could skew their opinion of you. Not to mention you and Tommy are a hot item right now in the press."

"I don't want to announce anything, I just want to be able to hold my girlfriends hand in public."

"Can you tell me more about this Bloomington scandal? And why is this the first time I'm hearing about it?" Asked Wade, slightly angry.

"Because it wasn't made public. The head of the department is a family friend of hers, so he just asked her to resign rather than firing her. He didn't release the details to the public and shredded the photos."

"Photos?!"

"They aren't incriminating. Some paparazzi followed me to her house one day, and it just shows me going inside."

"Jackie, you know as soon as they hear her name they're going to figure this all out and leak the story," Wade said.

"I don't want her name released, I don't even want you guys to confirm it if they do find out. If they figure it out on their own, so be it. She didn't ask for this life and I damaged her career enough. Okay?"

"Yeah, okay. But they'll still eventually find out once they start digging, it's their job to." Wade warned.

"I still need more of this story, every detail please," Matt said.

"It's not as bad as it sounds. She was a Psychology professor but she didn't teach any of the classes I took."

"Okay, that's somewhat of a relief, but this is still going to cause an uproar."

"Yeah I know. That's why this is the first you're hearing of it."

"First and foremost, we need to schedule a meeting with PR to figure this whole thing out. And I really have to press that this may ruin your chance of getting that role, so think hard about it" Matt said.

"I want her to be a part of the PR meeting, this affects her too" said Jackie.

"Yeah of course, this needs to happen sooner than later though," Matt said.

"I know, I'll talk to her and get back with you."

"Alright Matt, we'll talk to you later to get this set up," Wade held a finger up to Jackie motioning her to stay for a minute.

He just stared at her before a sly smile slowly appeared on his face, "It's Catherine, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"Nice choice" he winked.

"I think so too," she smiled.

"You know I support you 100% but Matt's right, this could affect the movie so think hard about what can and cannot wait."

"I promise you I will. Thanks again Wade."

When Jackie got back in the car she looked at the time and figured Catherine would have called by now. She didn't want to bombard her, especially after that letter, so decided to clean her apartment to kill some time. An hour and a half later and Catherine still didn't call. She began to worry so texted her, no answer. Jackie headed down to the store a couple of blocks away from her apartment. She grabbed two bottles of wine, she knew Catherine wouldn't approve but she needed to ease the anxiety she was feeling. When she got back to her apartment Catherine still hadn't texted her back, so Jackie decided it was time to call. She called twice, letting the phone ring until it went to voice mail both times, then opened up the first bottle of wine.


	13. Chapter 13

Catherine looked out the window and saw the sun beaming down on Indiana. Life was so much slower and simpler here. As much as she already missed Jackie, she couldn't wait to get home to Ethan and her quiet life. Once the plane landed she got out her phone and noticed her battery was almost dead. She called the dog sitter, letting her know she was on her way home from the airport. After she hung up she went to call Jackie but her phone died. It was about an hour drive from the airport in Indianapolis to Bloomington, so she had plenty of time to think about the past week; about Jackie, about Stanford, about everything. When she finally got home, she thanked the dog sitter and apologized for staying longer than planned, giving her an extra tip. She then went upstairs to charge her phone and shower off her long day of travel. After unpacking and starting a load of laundry, Catherine retrieved her phone and saw 3 missed calls, two from Jackie and one from an unknown number. She checked her voice mail and it was the dean of the Psychology department at Stanford, thanking her for speaking. Catherine's hopes were let down a little, she thought maybe they were calling to offer her a job. Feeling down, she dialed Jackie knowing she could make her feel better.

"Catherine! Are you okay?!" Jackie sounded frazzled.

"Yes, I'm sorry my phone died. How was your audition?"

"I thought I bombed it but they seemed to like me, so we'll see. How was your flight?"

"I'm sure you did great. My flight was fine."

Catherine didn't seem like her usual spunky self. "Is everything alright?" Jackie asked.

"I'm just a little down. I had a voice mail from Stanford so got my hopes up about a job, but they were just calling to thank me."

"Aw, I'm sorry Catherine. It's only been a few days though, I'm sure you'll hear something soon."

"Yeah, I'm hoping so."

Hoping to cheer her up a little, Jackie decided to share the details about her meeting. "Well, I have two things that might cheer you up."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yup. I talked to Wade and Matt today."

"About what?"

"You."

"Oh really?" Catherine sounded intrigued.

"Yeah. They know all about you now, and what happened in Bloomington."

"And what was their reaction?"

Jackie told her everything that was discussed in her meeting with Wade and Matt. When she was done she didn't hear anything on the other end of the phone. "Catherine, are you there?"

"Yeah, sorry it's just a lot to take in."

"I know, I'm sorry."

"I just never really thought about how much this could affect me. I didn't even think about my termination getting exposed like that, it's kind of scary since I'm in the process of trying to find a job."

Jackie felt her stomach drop. Catherine's reaction wasn't exactly what she had hoped for. She was wondering if Catherine was having second thoughts now that she had a glimpse of what she was getting into. "I know. I told them I never want your name to be released and we want to keep you as private as possible."

"Thanks for that."

"Catherine, are you okay about all of this? I did it because I thought it's what you wanted, but we can move as slow as you want. I'll do whatever you want." Jackie was nervous to hear her answer.

Catherine hesitated before speaking again, she could tell her reaction hurt Jackie but she had her career to think about. "Maybe we should just keep it low key until I get a job, at least."

"Okay, I completely understand. So..." Jackie paused for a moment, "I was planning on coming to Bloomington on my way home from Canada. Should I not?"

"What? You were? No, of course I want you to come!" Catherine felt bad that Jackie was under the impression that she didn't want to see her. "Jackie, I'm sorry about my mood. It's been a long day. I really want to see you, that's enough to cheer me up."

"You're fine. I've just been a mess all day after everything that happened this morning, then my audition and meeting. I was a little nervous that you got scared away."

Catherine decided it was probably best to get off of the phone before causing any more stress to Jackie. She did love her, but her mind was spinning. "I'm still here, Porcupine. We both obviously just had rough days. Why don't we go get some sleep and start fresh tomorrow? I love you."

"You're right, I love you too Catherine."

Back in California, Jackie looked down at the half empty bottle of wine after and decided to finish it. She needed a good nights rest and wasn't sure she could without it.

The next morning as Catherine was eating breakfast and working on her resume, she heard the door bell ring. When she opened it there was a delivery man holding a bouquet of flowers. "Catherine Stark?" He asked.

"That's me."

Sign here please.

Catherine smelled the flowers as she headed to the kitchen. She set the vase down on the counter and removed the card. She laughed when she saw the name Ethan x'ed out and Catherine written over it. She opened it up and read,

 _Someone once told me, "Don't forget to breathe"_

 _Love, J._

Catherine smiled. She missed Jackie so much. She always had a way of calming her down, especially with her humor. It was still early in California so she just sent her a text. "I don't want to wake you up, but just wanted to say I love you so much. Thanks for the flowers, hurry up and get here! xoxo"

Catherine spent the rest of the day working hard on her resume and looking up job postings at universities.

When Jackie woke up and saw Catherine's text, she gave her a call. "Hey Porcupine."

"So you liked them?"

"Yes, especially the card, you goof. Thanks so much, I really needed that."

"I know you did, I wish I could do more. What are you up to today?"

"Working hard on my resume, you?"

"I need to pack for Canada and run a few errands before my flight tonight."

"Oh, you leave tonight?"

"Yeah, we're going to get there a couple of days early to do some press and sight see. First we're going to Vancouver then Montreal."

"Oh wow, don't wear yourself out too much before you get here," she teased.

"That won't happen. But hey, I'm going to let you get back to work, I'll talk to you later before my flight okay?"

Jackie felt relieved after their phone call. Catherine seemed to be back to herself, all she needed to do was get through these next few days in Canada until she could see her again.

Catherine spent all day and night perfecting her resume and gathering her referral letters. Professor Hecht had written her a nice one before she had left the university, perhaps feeling a little guilty. She decided to quit for the night and poured herself a glass of wine before retreating to the couch to watch T.V. with Ethan. She must have fallen asleep because she woke up to her phone ringing. It was Jackie.

"Hey Jackie" she rubbed her eyes and looked at the clock, it was past midnight.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you? I keep forgetting about the time difference."

"It's okay, are you at the airport?"

"We're on our way. How was your day?"

"Good, I got a lot accomplished. Did you schedule a flight for Bloomington yet?"

"Not yet, I'm going to when I get to the airport since I need to change my return flight. I should be there Monday hopefully, I'll let you know."

"I can't wait, neither can Ethan," Catherine said as she looked down at him on her lap.

"Me either, it's been too long. Hey, we're about to pull up so I'll talk to you tomorrow. Sleep tight, I love you!"

"Be safe! I love you too."

When Jackie got to the gate, Tommy was already there. She hadn't spoken to him since the night he came over when she was drunk, so she was feeling sort of embarrassed.

"Hey Jacks, how's the head?" He joked.

"Yeah, about that... I'm really sorry. Can we just forget about all of that?"

"You think I'd let you off that easy?"

Jackie cocked her head at him.

"I'm kidding, yes I'll try not to make too much fun. So are you in a better mood?"

"Much better."

"Because you know," Tommy leaned into her, "I can help you get over whoever made you that way."

"Sorry Tommy, that train has left the station. No more of that."

"Like I haven't heard that before" he smiled.

Jackie just rolled her eyes at him. She hadn't discussed how to handle Tommy with Catherine since they had gotten back together, but wasn't sure how to bring it up. First Catherine wanted her to make things public, now she wanted to keep things private so Jackie wasn't sure what to do. Her fake romance with Tommy was really making the press go wild at the Neptune premieres, and she figured Catherine would understand that it was all just for work. Thankfully their seats weren't together on the plane, the last thing she wanted to do was talk to Tommy for two hours.

When they landed in Vancouver their team of assistants and body guards met them at the gate. There were paparazzi and fans everywhere, Jackie was in total shock. Tommy came up next to her, "isn't this awesome?!" People were shouting their names, asking so many questions Jackie couldn't think straight, she just kept smiling and waving. As soon as they got in the limo she collapsed into the seat. "Holy crap." Tommy was still on a high, looking out all of the windows, jumping from seat to seat.

"Wasn't what you were expecting was it?" Asked her assistant, Rachel. "Not at all, it can get crazy in LA, but nothing like this."

"Well it's just going to get bigger once people see the movie."

They pulled up to the hotel and Jackie settled into her room. Her mind was in a whirlwind, she couldn't believe how crazy it was here considering how late it was. She had no idea it would come to this and thought about what Rachel said, how this was just the beginning.

Jackie was woken up at 4:30 a.m. to get ready for hair and make up. Rachel went over the day's schedule as she chugged her coffee while the team worked on her hair and face. She texted Catherine "Are you awake?"

Catherine was laying in bed when she heard her phone. She smiled when she saw it was from Jackie. She looked at the time and couldn't believe she was awake, considering the time difference. "Sure am, I can't believe you are, isn't it like 5 a.m. there?"

Jackie was happy to see Catherine awake. She snapped a picture of her and sent it.

Catherine laughed when she saw the picture. Jackie's hair was clipped all over the place and she had a sad face, holding her coffee.

"Poor baby. Send me an after pic ;)"

"Only if you send me a pic."

"I look terrible, later."

"No, right now, in bed. Nothing I haven't seen ;)"

This was foreign to Catherine. She didn't have a smart phone and wasn't technologically savvy when it came to things like this.

"You're forgetting the phone I have. And I'm too old for this ;)"

"Give me a break, you're 33. You're going to have to learn. I'll teach you next week."

"Okay, deal. Only if I get that after pic though."

Rachel noticed the giant smile on Jackie's face as she was texting. "Who has you all chipper this morning?"

"No one." She smiled guilty.

"Sure." Rachel replied. "I'll get it out of you eventually."

Catherine didn't hear from Jackie for a little while so went ahead and got a shower. When she came back out, Jackie had sent an after picture of herself all done up. Catherine sat on the bed and just stared at it for a while. Jackie was usually a more casual person, so anytime she saw her made up like this it would blow her away.

"You're gorgeous, and now I miss you even more."

Jackie was in the elevator when she saw Catherine's text. As soon as she hit the lobby there was a mob of fans outside. She quickly put her phone away and Rachel took her hand. "You got this."

"Can we talk to them?" Tommy asked.

Rachel looked down at her watch, "ten minutes guys then we have to head out."

Tommy and Jackie talked to as many of their fans as possible, posing for pictures and signing autographs until their body guards guided them into their car. Jackie took out her phone and video recorded them all going crazy against the car and sent it to Catherine.

"This is crazy!"

Catherine watched the video and was shocked. She couldn't believe this was Jackie's life now.

"I won't be able to talk much today :( hopefully I'll get done in time to call you tonight."

"Call whenever you're done, I don't care how late it is."

"You sure? Will do. But I gotta go, have a good day. Xoxo"

"You too, xoxo."

Catherine really missed Jackie now, she couldn't wait for her to get here. After seeing Jackie's career booming, it motivated her to want to work harder to get her name out there. At least this would keep her busy while Jackie was preoccupied in Canada. By the end of the day she had sent her resume to six different universities. She tried staying up for Jackie's phone call, but felt her tired eyes failing her. She turned the ringer on her phone all the way up to hear the call and went to sleep.

Jackie was so exhausted that she had to drink 6 coffees throughout the day just to stay awake. They didn't get back to the hotel until after 1 a.m. so all she had energy for was a shower before collapsing on her bed and passing out, forgetting to call Catherine.


	14. Chapter 14

When Catherine awoke, she eagerly leaned over and checked her phone. She felt guilty thinking she must had slept through Jackie's call. But when she checked, there weren't any missed, not even a text message. She must have been really busy Catherine thought. Trying not to let it bother her, she got ready and took Ethan on a long run.

Jackie's alarm went off at 4:30 again. She was exhausted and had a headache, probably the result of a caffeine withdrawal from having so many coffees yesterday. Rachel was knocking on her door not even a minute later. Jackie stumbled to the door and slightly cracked it open, but Rachel came bursting in, letting in the hallway light. "Whoa what's wrong with you?" She asked turning on all of the lights.

Jackie squinted at the sudden shock to her eyes, "You mean other than the 4 hours of sleep I got last night? Well I also have a pounding headache to add to the mix."

"I'll get you some aspirin. Now hurry up and shower, your _glam squad_ will be here soon" she said sarcastically.

As Jackie showered she remembered forgetting to call Catherine. Shit! She hurried up and went to grab her phone but Rachel came back with the aspirin and a water. "Here take these, now lay down for a second and let me get a wash cloth to put over your eyes, they're puffy as hell."

Jackie did as she said, the cool towel felt glorious on her pounding head. She almost fell back asleep until she heard hair and make up come trampling in. "Up and at em! No time to spare, you have a radio shows to get to!" Jackie got up, cursing, and plopped down in the chair. Rachel went over her schedule for the day as usual, then brought Tommy and the publicists in to go over what questions the radio hosts will be asking them. "They want to ask if you two are a couple."

"No, we aren't answering that," Jackie said bluntly.

"Come on Jacks, let's give 'em a little mystery at least. How about no comment or we're just having a good time together promoting the movie?" Tommy suggested.

"I like those last two. I agree with Tommy, keep them wondering and keep you two in the headlines" said the publicist.

"Fine, but that's it."

They went over the other questions until it was time for Jackie to get dressed. "Alright, get out and go get ready" Rachel said as she shooed Tommy out. Once they were ready they all went down to the car, this time not stopping for the fans. "Sorry guys, they're in a hurry! Tune into the radio today!"

As soon as Jackie sat down she asked Rachel for her phone. It was almost 11 a.m. in Bloomington and she felt awful, hopefully Catherine wasn't upset. She didn't want everyone hearing so she had to resort to texting her, which she hated. "Good morning Gorgeous! I'm sooo sorry! We got in really late last night and I passed out, then had another 4:30 wake up call and didn't have a chance to call you this morning :( please forgive me."

Catherine was cleaning her kitchen when she heard her phone, and was relieved that it was Jackie finally. "It's okay, I fell asleep early. Sounds like they're keeping you busy."

"It's torture. I hardly got 4 hours of sleep last night. We have radio interviews all morning and the big premiere and after party tonight, then catch a flight to Montreal tomorrow morning. I'm so tired and my head is pounding :("

"I'm sorry, try to stay sane. Only a few more days then I won't even make you get out of bed ;)"

"That sounds absolutely perfect. My plane lands in Bloomington at 6 a.m on Monday. It can't come soon enough. Sorry to do this but I have to go again, have a great day xoxo."

"Love you, feel better."

Catherine wished not being Jackie's top priority didn't bother her, but being a strong woman who liked to be in control, it did. She hated being the inferior one in a relationship, hence why she dated students. She needed her career back more than ever.

The radio shows ran smoothly even though it pained Jackie to, in not so many words, admit to being in a relationship with Tommy. They wrapped up around noon, giving them a couple hours to relax before having to get ready for the premiere. As as soon as she changed out of her clothes Jackie called Catherine.

"Hey there movie star" Catherine answered.

"Stop," she laughed, "I've finally got two hours to myself. How are you?"

"I'm good, are you feeling better?"

"I am now that I can talk to you. I'm sorry I've been so busy."

"It's okay Jackie, you don't need to keep apologizing. I know your schedule is crazy."

Jackie was silent on the other end.

"Are you okay Porcupine?"

Silence.

"Jackie?"

It was still silent. Jackie must have fallen asleep. She didn't want to wake her, but wanted to make sure she really was asleep so waited a few moments longer before hanging up.

Jackie woke up to Rachel knocking on her door. She was disoriented, then saw the phone in her hand and remembered she was talking to Catherine. "Damn't," she said to herself, before opening the door.

"Have a nice nap?"

"Apparently, I don't remember falling asleep though."

"Alright well let's get some food in you before the squad arrives. A caterer has set up some food for you all down the hall, so meet me down there when you're ready." Rachel looked her up and down confused, "I thought you were home schooled?"

"I was, why?"

"Then where did you get a high school lacrosse shirt?"

Jackie looked down not realizing she was wearing Catherine's shirt. "Oh, it's a friend of mines. I stole it from her. I'll meet you down there in a bit." After Rachel left, Jackie looked down at her shirt and smiled. She texted Catherine back then headed down to get lunch.

Catherine saw Jackie's text, "I need to just put a permanent I'm sorry at the beginning of every text :( sorry I fell asleep. Just realized I'm wearing your lacrosse shirt, it's the closest I can get to sleeping next to you. Talk to you soon love."

Catherine responded "I'm never getting that shirt back, am I? ;) "

The next couple hours were a whirlwind, before Jackie knew it she was squeezing into her dress and getting her final touches. When she was in the bathroom she snapped a picture to send to Catherine before heading down to the limo. It had been a few hours since Catherine heard from Jackie when she received her picture. It was Jackie in her dress for the premiere, she flashed another frown. "Wish you were my date :( "

"Me too Porcupine, have fun tonight. Not too much wine, I'm not there to mend your head ;)"

The limo was full of Tommy and Jackie's assistants and publicists. "Okay guys, we need you to walk the carpet together, be flirtatious, whatever, just get the crowd going okay?" They both agreed. Pulling up to the red carpet, they were both amazed at the crowd. This all felt so surreal to Jackie and she wished more than anything that Catherine was here to share it with her. As soon as they stepped out of the limo Tommy offered his arm out to Jackie and whispered in her ear, "You're absolutely stunning tonight Miss Kirk."

Jackie smiled and thanked him, "You clean up nicely as well."

As they made their way down the line of interviewers, Jackie answered the same questions over and over again; what she was working on now, what it was like to come back to Neptune, and what was her relationship with Tommy. "We had a great time filming and are having such a fun time getting to travel the world together. He's a great guy." Just then Tommy joined her and put his arm around her waist. As soon as he did, the crowd went wild. Jackie couldn't help but smile, this was an actors dream and she just needed to start enjoying it while it lasted, Catherine would understand. The rest of the carpet she began flirting with Tommy more and had her picture taken so many times her eyes were seeing spots. She took her time with her fans, making sure to connect with as many of them as she could. It felt so good meeting people who loved her work. After the premiere, they headed to the after party. Jackie was going to take Catherine's advice and not drink much, but everyone was having so much fun that she wanted to as well. After all, she was young, traveling the world, and living her dream. Why not enjoy it to its fullest, because God knows it could all end in an instant. Her and her cast mates danced and partied until 4 a.m. Jackie woke up at 6:30 running to the bathroom to throw up, not knowing how they even got home. She couldn't believe how drunk she had gotten and couldn't remember the last time she had blacked out. After literally emptying her entire stomach, she stumbled back into her room to find the bottle of aspirin. Before she got to her suitcase she froze in her tracks. She couldn't believe what she was seeing, Tommy was in her bed fast asleep.


	15. Chapter 15

Jackie was paralyzed until the panic finally set in. "Tommy wake up!" Jackie yelled, shaking him as hard as she could. "Wake up!"

"Ow, what! Stop! I'm awake!" He yelled.

"What the hell happened last night!? Why are in my room!? Why are you in my bed?!"

"Ugh my head! Stop shouting!" He groaned as he rubbed his temples.

"Tommy, answer my fucking question!"

"We were wasted, why are you so angry?"

"Did we..." She looked down at him and raised her eyebrows, insinuating what she feared.

"No, I tried but you smacked me." He reached up and touched his cheek, "Hard, I might add. You were so wasted that you kept telling me you had a girlfriend instead of boyfriend." He laughed. "And since when do you have a boyfriend?"

Jackie let out a sigh of relief, "Thank God! Now get out before someone sees you. They'll be at our doors soon to wake us up."

Tommy stood up and was wearing just his boxer briefs. "Why are you in your boxers?!"

"I was wearing skinny jeans! I can't sleep in those!"

She found his pants on the floor and threw them at him as he made his way to the door.

"What are you doing!?"

"Leaving like you asked!"

"You are not stumbling out of my hotel room at 6:30 in the morning not wearing any pants!"

When Tommy finally squeezed back into his jeans, Jackie pushed him out the door then grabbed her phone and sat on her bed. She was scared to check her phone, hoping she didn't drunkenly call or text Catherine. After getting up enough courage, she slid her phone on and checked her messages and call log, none to Catherine. What a relief. Even though she didn't do anything, Jackie couldn't shake the guilt. She knew she should call Catherine since they hadn't talked since yesterday afternoon, but didn't know what to say. She decided to take a bath instead, to help clear her head and help her hangover. As she was getting out, she heard Rachel banging on her door, "Be ready to go in 45 minutes."

Jackie's phone went off, her heart beat fast, thinking it was Catherine. It wasn't, it was a text from Matt. "Saw pics from last night on TMZ, glad you took my advice about Tommy. Looks like you two had a good time. Way to sell it ;)" Jackie's body went numb. She nervously went on TMZ's website and saw the pictures of the red carpet and after party. It showed her and Tommy dancing on each other, then leaving in the same limo holding hands. She didn't think Catherine would see them considering she didn't even own a smart phone, but knew she better say something before she found out. After getting dressed and packed, she paced the room until she got up the nerve to call her.

The phone kept ringing, "she must have saw" Jackie thought, but before she had time to freak out even more, Catherine answered. She wasn't sure what to say when she picked up.

"Jackie? Are you there?"

"Yes. Sorry. H-how are you?" Jackie said stuttering her words.

"I'm okay, how was the premiere?"

"Really good, but I'm paying for it today."

"Party too hard?"

That's an understatement, she thought. "Yes. Catherine..."

"Yeah?"

Jackie was terrified to tell her about last night, instead she chickened out and just said, "I miss you so much."

"I miss you too Porcupine, you're half way done though. When do you leave for Montreal?"

"We're leaving for the airport in a few minutes. I can't wait to have some down time there. All we have is press and radio, no premieres or parties."

"Good, no offense but you've sounded pretty terrible lately. You could use the rest," she teased.

"All I can say is thank God for the glam squad, or I'd look it too."

"Not possible."

Catherine being so sweet to her, was killing her inside. Just then Rachel knocked on the door, "Jackie, are you ready?"

"One sec!" She called out. This was the first phone call she didn't mind being interrupted. "Hey Catherine, I'm really sorry but-"

"You've got to go. I know the routine by now," Catherine joked.

They said goodbye and Jackie made her way down to the lobby. She spotted Tommy and pulled him aside before they got into the car. "Tommy not a word about last night, you hear me?"

"Yeah, okay. But I promise nothing happened."

"I don't care, not a word to anyone." She said sternly. Tommy was so caught up in his instant fame that Jackie feared he'd do anything to get attention.

"I got it Jacks, relax."

Jackie spent the next two days in Montreal doing press, a little sight seeing, but most of all- staying sober and out of trouble. Sunday night finally came around, they didn't get back to the hotel until close to midnight. Jackie had to be at the airport in a few hours so tried to get some sleep but kept worrying about Catherine. She was going to tell her about her night with Tommy and hoped she wouldn't be too upset, she didn't want the few days they had together to be ruined. She landed in Indianapolis at 6 and was on Catherine's door step at 7:30 a.m. She looked up at the house, not believing she was really back here, then knocked excitedly on the door until Catherine finally opened it, Ethan was at her feet. "Ethan!" She knelt down, baby talking to him and petting him as he licked her face.

"Jeez, you don't see me for a week and you make over the dog more than me?" Catherine teased.

Jackie stood up and smiled. "Come here" she said, pulling Catherine into her and kissing her. The two made out like a couple of a high schoolers before finally pulling away. "Better?"

"Much" Catherine smiled. "Follow me," she took Jackie's hand and flashed her a mischievous smile, the one that always hinted she had something up her sleeve. When they entered the kitchen, there was an entire spread of breakfast food lining the table.

"Oh. My. God. You are the greatest person on earth." Jackie was not a good cook at all and it was rare for her to eat a home cooked meal. When she wasn't eating catered food or fancy dinners on the road, she was living off of Chinese food and pizza at home.

Catherine sat her down and kissed her on the cheek. "I figured it's been a while since you've had a home cooked meal."

"You have no idea," Jackie said, stuffing her face. Catherine always took care of her, it was one of the many things that made her fall in love with her. After they were done eating, Jackie grabbed her suitcase before they headed upstairs. She dove on the bed head first, sprawling out. "God, I missed this place."

Catherine laid down next to her, "it's missed you too."

Jackie turned her head over to look at Catherine. She was so beautiful, Jackie wondered every day how she got so lucky. "You know, this house always felt more like a home to me than my parents' house."

Catherine's eyebrows scrunched together as she smiled sweetly and kissed Jackie's hand. It never felt like Jackie was a guest when she was here, it always felt like she belonged there. "Well it sure has felt empty without you." Jackie smiled back, Catherine couldn't help but notice how fatigued her eyes looked. She tucked her hair behind her ear before saying, "you look exhausted."

"Gee, thanks," Jackie laughed. "I think I look pretty good for only getting 2-4 hours of sleep a night, for the last four nights."

"Why don't you take a nap?"

"I don't want to waste the little time we have." A nap sounded marvelous but she didn't want to waste one second with Catherine.

"We're together aren't we? You're exhausted, you need to rest. It's still really early anyways."

"Will you stay with me? And please don't let me sleep all day."

"Of course I will, and I won't. But I need you well rested" she gave Jackie another one of her mischievous smiles.

Jackie got up and moved towards Catherine, snuggling into her. "This is exactly what I have been looking forward to all week." She meant every word of it too. After the fiasco with Tommy, all she wanted was to be back in Catherine's arms and know that everything was alright.

Having Jackie back in her bed, cuddled up next to her, made Catherine's heart almost burst with happiness. She couldn't believe that less than two weeks ago Jackie wasn't even in her life anymore, now here she was and everything was perfect.

It wasn't long after Jackie fell asleep that Catherine did as well. She had woken very early to make breakfast, so didn't mind the idea of a nap. A couple hours later Catherine woke up finding Jackie still sound asleep with her arms wrapped around her. She was shocked, considering Jackie usually liked her space to curl up into a ball when she slept. Catherine examined her closely, how adorable she looked when she slept, her little Porcupine. She noticed the dark circles under her eyes, the poor girl was exhausted. Not wanting to wake her, Catherine laid in her arms soaking up the moment a little longer, thinking about their relationship. It was crazy how fast things had changed between them. The ending of their relationship was almost as fast as it had began, they never really communicated in either event. They hardly spoke before they slept together then before they knew it, Jackie was spending almost every night at Catherine's and they were falling in love. The end was something she tried not to think about, but could never get it out of her head. She was shocked Jackie even wanted anything to do with her after the way she had treated her. But here she was, back in her arms and in her bed, where it all began. When she finally decided to get up, she gently removed Jackie's arms and slipped out of bed. Jackie hardly even stirred.

Once downstairs, Catherine checked her phone and saw a voicemail. Trying not to get her hopes up she took a deep breath before listening. It was UC Berkley saying they saw her speech at Stanford and received her application. They wanted to set up an interview. Catherine couldn't stop smiling, this day couldn't get any better. She immediately called them back and set up an interview for the following week. "Thank you so much for this opportunity and I'll see you next week!" After hanging up she grabbed her laptop to look at flights. She knew Jackie would want her to stop in LA, so decided to wait for her to make any final arrangements. Although Berkley was in California, it was rather far from LA. It wasn't her first choice but it was one of the top ten psychology departments in the country, so she couldn't help but be excited. She tip toed upstairs to check on Jackie who was still dead to the world, so decided to start dinner. She planned a big feast for Jackie's first night, all of her favorites, and figured by the time she was done Jackie would be awake.

Jackie woke up disheveled and looked around. She smiled as soon as she remembered that she was at Catherine's. Looking at the clock she suddenly felt panicked that she had slept the day away, it was after 5 p.m. She smelled something delicious in the air, Catherine must be cooking dinner. Jackie walked over to her suitcase and retrieved a box from her carry on, a gift she had gotten Catherine in Canada. Entering the kitchen she saw Catherine leaning over the stove and snuck up behind her. She wrapped her arms around her waist and kissed her neck. Catherine jumped, "Oh my God, you scared the shit out of me!" Jackie laughed as Catherine turned around in her arms, wrapping her own around Jackie's neck. Jackie leaned in and kissed her, then began kissing down her neck.

It was sending chills down Catherine's body. She pushed Jackie over to the island and picked her up, setting her down on it. They both paused, looking each other in the eyes, then smiled. The attraction between them had always been so natural and exciting. As things started to heat up between them, a pot on the stove started boiling over.

"Catherine, your dinner!"

"To be continued" Catherine said, then kissed Jackie on the forehead.

"Hey, I have a bone to pick with you" Jackie said sternly, popping a grape into her mouth.

"Yeah? What's that." Catherine asked as she stirred the pot of pasta.

"I told you not to let me sleep all day."

"But how do you feel?"

"Great, actually."

"Then there you have it. I feel great too. Guess what happened while you were sleeping?"

"You saved a man from a train and pretended to be his fiance?"

Catherine looked back confused.

"Sandra Bullock? Movie humor, never mind. Go on."

"I have an interview next week" Catherine smiled out of the corner of her mouth.

"What?! Where!" Jackie jumped down from the island.

"UC Berkley."

"Holy crap! That's awesome!" Jackie wrapped her arms around her. "When's your interview?"

"Next Tuesday. I need to schedule flights but wanted to check with you first. Maybe I can visit before or after?"

"You better! Let me check my calendar." Jackie grabbed her phone out of her pocket and skimmed through her calendar. "I'll be in New York this weekend, then will be in town the rest of the week."

"Great! Can you check flights while I finish up dinner? You're better at that than me."

"And you're better at cooking than me," Jackie laughed.

"This is true," Catherine teased.

Jackie was ecstatic booking Catherine's flights, she couldn't believe she may end up in California with her. As she was wrapping up, Catherine began moving the food to the table. Jackie slowly closed the laptop as she noticed what all Catherine had prepared. She looked up at Catherine who flashed her a wink. "Like it?"

"All of my favorites? Are you trying to make me fat?" She joked, getting up from her chair and moving towards Catherine.

"Yes, especially since you embarrassed me during our jog. Rematch next time I visit" She said, wrapping her arms around Jackie's neck.

"You're on," Jackie replied as she held her close. All of a sudden the guilt began to creep back in, "You're so good to me, I don't deserve it."

"Why would you say that? You've been working until the point of exhaustion. You deserve to relax and be spoiled for a couple of days."

"Because you've had to deal with me hardly talking to you, and didn't once complain." Among other things, like Jackie getting drunk and completely dismissing Catherine's feelings, all for the sake of her selfish gains of being adored by the media.

"Don't beat yourself up, I knew you were busy. Come on let's eat before it gets cold."

After dinner, they poured some wine and went to sit in the living room. "Oh! I almost forgot!" Jackie ran back into the kitchen and came back with the box. "You distracted me earlier." She smiled. "For you Miss Stark." She laid out her hands, presenting her with the gift.

Catherine looked at her, the corner of her mouth curving up suspiciously. "What's this?"

"Just a couple of things. Open the bigger one first."

Catherine slowly unwrapped it, it was an iPhone.

"Now you don't have an excuse not to send me pictures," Jackie grinned.

"Jackie this is too much, I can't accept this."

"Are you kidding me? You just cooked me two giant meals, and this is more for me anyway," she winked. "Okay now the next one."

Catherine carefully opened the tiny box and couldn't believe her eyes. It was a diamond necklace. "Jackie, It's gorgeous, I can't-"

"Stop it." Jackie stood up and fastened it behind Catherine's neck. "Now you have something to remind you of me when we're apart."

Catherine grabbed hold of it and looked down, completely mesmerized by it. She had never received something so beautiful or meaningful before. "I love you."

"I know, I am pretty great" Jackie joked.

Catherine went to put the boxes down on the coffee table but felt some weight still in it. She stuck her hand in and pulled out a big bone with a bow on it. "That's for my Ethan," Jackie took it from her and got on the floor with him, "Here you go buddy!" Catherine watched Jackie and Ethan playing on the floor in awe. Not only did she buy her two of the most thoughtful gifts, but she even brought a bone home for her dog. Catherine couldn't bear the thought of living without her again. "Come back here."

Jackie came back next to her and Catherine put her arms around her, holding her close for a long time. All of a sudden she started to get choked up. Embarrassed, she tried to play it off, but Jackie felt her trembling. She slowly pulled her away. "Catherine, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm just really happy. This day has just been so perfect. With you, the job, now this."

"Then why are you crying?" Jackie asked as she wiped her tears away.

"It's been a really hard year and I guess I'm just overwhelmed, this is embarrassing."

"Don't be embarrassed, I love seeing tough Stark's softer side. I'm not done yet though."

"You're not?"

"Nope. Stay here, I have something else upstairs." It felt good making Catherine so happy and Jackie had much more up her sleeve, it was Catherine's time to be spoiled.

Jackie disappeared upstairs and came back down 15 minutes later with a giant smile on her face. "Okay, come on." She took Catherine's hand and led her upstairs. When they reached the bedroom door she had Catherine go first, "go on."

Catherine slowly opened the door and walked inside. Her entire bedroom was lit up with candles. Her mouth dropped as she looked around, it was one of those moments that didn't seem real. It was too good to be true. Jackie silently came in behind her and shut the door. Catherine felt her arms wrap around her waist, "Do you like it?"

She held on to her arms tight, "I'm speechless."

"I have more, but you can't make fun of me okay?"

"Of course I won't."

"Promise?"

"Yes, I promise."

"This is the cheesiest thing I've ever done in my entire life, just know that." She laughed then turned on a playlist from her phone. "I have a lot of free time on planes, so made a playlist that reminded me of you."

Catherine stuck her bottom lip out and made a sad face. "Jackie that's not embarrassing, it's adorable."

Jackie laughed, "okay, last thing." She took Catherine's hand and led her to the bathroom where there were more candles and a bubble bath drawn. On the edge of the tub were two white fluffy robes and a bottle of wine.

"Seriously? Is there anything you didn't do?"

"I know, it's too much isn't it?" Jackie said, embarrassed.

"No, not at all. It's perfect." Catherine pulled her in and kissed her, "I love it."

Jackie smiled and began removing Catherine's clothes. She kissed her shoulder then made her way down her body, stopping to kiss each part before removing her pants. Catherine's body was on fire as she tried to control herself. They both slipped into the tub and Jackie grabbed the bottle of wine.

"Wine and bathtubs? This could get dangerous," Catherine teased.

"I'm never going to live that down am I?"

"Never." She smirked.

"You better watch your back Stark. First embarrassing thing you do, it's over."

"Do you remember the last time you were in this tub?" Catherine asked, as she began to indulge in the reminiscence.

"You passive aggressively mending my face, and telling me not to jerk off to myself on your couch?"

Catherine clamped her teeth together and smiled awkwardly, "okay, do you remember the _first_ time you were in this tub?" She laughed.

"Yes. I asked you if I was different from the others and you blew me off."

"You caught on to that?"

"Of course I did. I was looking for some reassurance in our relationship and you made me wonder even more."

"Well the answer is yes now."

"Better late than never," she laughed.

Catherine became quiet, thinking about the conversation they had that day. "Hey Jackie?"

"Yes?"

"When did you fall in love with me?" she asked, sheepishly.

"When you picked me up from my Uncle's house on Thanksgiving." Jackie didn't even need a moment to think about it.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I was so upset and you were the only person I wanted to call. Then the way you took care of me, I fell hard for you that day. Other than Mark, no one has ever cared for me that way."

Catherine realized that Jackie hadn't even mentioned her mother once since they've reunited."How are things with your mom?"

"Let's not kill the mood with that topic. What about you?"

"When did I know?"

Jackie nodded.

"My birthday. I told you, but you were sleeping." Catherine smiled, remembering that day perfectly, much like she would remember this one.

"Wow, I wish I would've known."

"You didn't think I did?"

"No, after our fight I was completely crushed. Why do you think I left so suddenly that last day here? If I would've stayed any longer, I knew I would've been hurt all over again."

Catherine felt terrible. She had always assumed Jackie had known, but now her taking the audition and abruptly leaving that night all made sense. "I'm so sorry."

"The past is in the past. Let's just enjoy the present," Jackie said as she put down her wine and moved to the other side of the tub, towards Catherine. She put her arms on either side of the tub and slid in between Catherine's legs. She started kissing her, but when she moved to her neck she could feel Catherine trying to take control. Jackie pushed her back down, "Stop. Let someone else take care of you for once." The acoustics in the bathroom made Catherine's moans louder than usual, good thing her neighbors were a decent distance away. By the time they were finished the water had started to become cold. Jackie got out of the bath and put on a robe before holding the other open for Catherine. She grabbed the wine and put it on the night stand. When she turned around Catherine placed her arms over Jackie's shoulders and kissed her. "Now your turn," she said as she started untying Jackie's robe. "Not so fast," Jackie said as she started retying it. "Tonight is all about you."

They were up until the middle of the night, Jackie's nap obviously paid off. In between rounds they just laid in bed surrounded by the candles, listening to Jackie's playlist on repeat. Jackie finally let Catherine have her way once she made sure she was completely satisfied, but of course once Catherine finished, Jackie fell asleep. Catherine laid in bed with Jackie sleeping next to her, closely listening to the songs for a little longer before blowing out the candles and going to sleep. No one had taken care of her the way Jackie had tonight. Her walls were completely crumbled and for the first time in her life, she wasn't scared of how vulnerable it made her. She knew Jackie would never hurt her.


	16. Chapter 16

The sun shining through the shutters in her bedroom was brighter than usual. Catherine rolled over and looked at the clock. It was 10:30. No wonder it was so bright, she couldn't remember the last time she had slept in this late. She looked over at Jackie who was still sound asleep. This wasn't surprising considering the lack of sleep she had gotten all weekend. Catherine slipped out of bed and began getting ready for the day. When she returned to the bedroom, Jackie was slowly opening her eyes. "Please tell me I didn't sleep all day again."

"No. It's only 11:15. I actually just got up 45 minutes ago, I guess you wore me out."

Jackie grinned, "mission accomplished."

Catherine smiled at her then made her way across the bedroom, and sat next to her. She leaned in for a kiss when Jackie's phone began to ring. "Hold that thought. It's Matt, I need to take this."

"Hey Matt! ... What? ... Which one?" Jackie suddenly moved to the other side of the bed and turned her back towards Catherine. "Why would I be happy about that? ... You know why ... Okay Matt, talk to you later."

Catherine was curious as to why Jackie seemed so upset. She kept her back towards her, completely silent, when she hung up. Instead of telling her what was going on, she was looking down at her phone intently.

"What was that all about?" Catherine asked.

"I made my first tabloid magazine." Jackie didn't seem thrilled.

"What's wrong with that?"

"They aren't exactly the most flattering pictures."

"Let me see, they can't be that bad," Catherine said as she moved to Jackie's side of the bed and stole the phone from her hands.

"Catherine, wait!" Jackie shouted as she whipped around, trying to stop her.

Catherine could feel the smile on her face slowly disappear as she stared at the pictures. She was well aware of Tommy and Jackie's fake relationship, but had no idea it was this physical.

"I was drunk. Too drunk. The publicists were pushing us to flirt and the crowd was loving it, so I just got caught up in it all."

Catherine stayed silent as she began reading the article. These pictures were from the Vancouver premiere, after they had gotten back together.

"Catherine say something, anything."

"I guess I just didn't know this was still going on."

"I know. I should have discussed it with you. But our publicists were there and kept pressuring us, and I didn't know what to say since we're not public. I'm so sorry, please know it means absolutely nothing."

Catherine paused before saying what was on her mind. "Is this as far as it went?"

Jackie was silent. Catherine looked up from the phone for the first time and Jackie wouldn't make eye contact. Catherine's skin began radiating, matching the burning she was feeling inside of her chest and behind her eyes. Something happened.

"Not exactly. I woke up the next morning and he was in my bed. We didn't do anything though. He told me he came onto me, but I slapped him across the face and told him I had a girlfriend. He figured I was drunk and meant boyfriend."

"What do you mean he told you?"

"I blacked out that night, I don't even remember getting back to my room."

"So it's possible that something could have happened?" Catherine wasn't convinced. If nothing happened, why did they sleep in the same bed when Tommy had his own room.

"I would remember something like that. And you know I would never do that to you." Jackie lifted herself onto her knees and moved over to Catherine, taking her hand. "Please don't be upset. I have been feeling absolutely awful about this. Not because I did anything, but because I remember the feeling I felt when I saw you with that man here, and I don't want you to ever feel like that. I love you so much and just wanted these couple of days here to be perfect."

Catherine stayed silent, carefully absorbing Jackie's words. She began thinking about everything that happened between them last night and started to question the sincerity of Jackie's actions. "So was last night all just to help relieve your guilt? The phone, the jewelry, everything that happened in this room? You know you went above and beyond last night, you said so yourself. I went to bed feeling the happiest I ever have in my entire life, thinking how safe I felt with you. Now it just feels like it was all just a show to mend your guilty conscience."

Jackie just stared at her, the expression on her face started to change as she let go of Catherine's hand. "That's what you think of me? You think I'm manipulative? I completely exposed myself to you last night, and you accuse it all of just being a guise?" Jackie got up from the bed, "I assure you Catherine, you just hurt me much deeper than these pictures hurt you. The imperative difference being I was putting on a show in these pictures, _not_ last night" she said before storming out of the bedroom.

Catherine sat on the bed thinking about everything that had just happened. How come every time they had a _really_ good night, it was all shot to hell the next day? Was all of this really worth letting Jackie storm out of her room, and out of her life yet again? They promised each other this time would be different but so far it hadn't been. As she made her way downstairs to go apologize, she almost ran over Jackie who was sitting at the top of the steps.

"This is as far as I got this time," Jackie said with her arms crossed around her knees.

Catherine smiled and sat down next to her. "And this the first time I've chased after you when you've left. Seems like we're both making progress."

Jackie offered a slight laugh but kept staring down the steps.

"I'm sorry. I know you're under a lot of pressure to keep this thing up with Tommy, it just makes my skin crawl knowing he's all over you."

"It's not that, it's what you said about last night. It was one of the best nights we've ever had and it hurts me to think it's all tarnished now."

"It wont be. I'll never forget that night, I promise. I was just hurting and being overly dramatic." Catherine swooped Jackie's hair out of her face to show her sincerity.

Jackie finally turned to face her, "I don't want to fight anymore."

"Me either. But can you maybe not get black out drunk around Tommy anymore?"

"That is a deal I will gladly accept."

Jackie laid her head on her shoulder as Catherine wrapped her arm around her.

"Come to New York with me." Jackie said softly.

"What?"

Jackie got down on the steps and knelt in front of Catherine. "I'm serious. Come to New York with me. It's our last premiere in the States and it'd mean a lot to me if you'd be there."

"I have my interview."

"Not until Tuesday, we will be back by then. Please? All I kept thinking about in Vancouver is how much I wished that you were there to share it with me."

"But we're not public."

"You can come as my girlfriend or you can come as my friend, that's up to you. I don't care about any of that, all I care about is you being there with me. Please?"

Catherine couldn't say no to the face Jackie was making. She remembered how much it meant to her having Jackie at Stanford and knew she owed it to her to return the favor. She flashed her a big smile before saying "Okay."

"You will?!" Jackie's face lit up.

"Yes." She laughed.

Jackie tackled her onto the floor, overcome with joy.

They spent the next couple of days, happy as ever, in the place they had fallen in love. Jackie handled all of the travel arrangements for Catherine to join her in New York, while Catherine received more good news, an interview at UCLA. She decided it best to continue to just be friends in the public eye until she accepted a job. The day of their flight Catherine was feeling a little nervous about being thrown into the spotlight with Jackie. Once they were boarded on the plane, Jackie must have noticed her uneasiness because she took Catherine's hand. "Everything's going to be okay."

"I'm fine with flying now, I've become quite the traveler lately," Catherine smiled.

"I don't mean the flight, I mean New York. I know this isn't easy for you, but I promise everything will be okay. We just need to make sure to communicate and be honest all weekend."

Catherine knew this trip was going to be their first real test of how their life will be when they go public. However, after the last few days they had, she felt confident in the current state of their relationship. They spent the entire flight perfecting their stories of how they knew one another. When they landed, Rachel met them at the gate. "Hey Rachel, this is my friend Catherine I was telling you about." After introducing themselves, Rachel went over their itinerary for the weekend. When they got to the hotel, she led them to their rooms. "I figured Catherine would want her own since you'll be having hair and make up in and out of yours, so I booked one on the same floor."

"Is there not anything closer?" asked Jackie.

"None that were available."

"Who's in the adjoining room next to me?"

"Tommy."

Catherine felt a surge of anger run through her but tried not to let it show.

"Can't Catherine just take his?"

"Hello ladies." A voice behind them shouted.

"Speak of the devil," Rachel said as she turned around.

"Talking about how attractive I am again, are we?"

"Hardly," Jackie blurt out. "Tommy can you switch rooms with my friend Catherine so we can have adjoining rooms?"

"Who, me and you?" he winked.

It was taking all Catherine had in her, not to punch this kid in the face.

"Funny. No, me and Catherine. She came to hang out with me so it'd be nice to be close." Jackie said, annoyed.

"Oh, hey Catherine. Nice to see you again. I'm glad someone else is here to handle Jackie's vomit" he laughed.

"Tommy!" Jackie interrupted, "Will you or not?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever. I see someone still has their panties in a twist."

Jackie grabbed the card out of his hand, not bothering to reply to his remarks. Her and Catherine made their way into their rooms as Rachel reminded her that hair and make up would be there in an hour.

Catherine rolled her eyes as soon as she closed her door. Dealing with Tommy was going to be a lot harder than she thought. After she had barely set her bags down on the bed, Jackie was already knocking at the adjoining door. She smiled as she opened it.

"Not bad huh?"

"Not at all. I'm glad the room situations worked out though." Catherine smirked.

"Don't let him get to you, okay? I don't want him ruining this weekend." Jackie wrapped her arms around Catherine.

"I'll try not to, but he's not easy to like."

Changing the subject, Jackie asked, "So how should we spend our last hour alone before we have to pretend to be friends all weekend?"

"I think we can think of something," Catherine smiled.

When the hour was almost over, Jackie sat up on Catherine's bed. "Before things get really crazy in there, don't lose sight of the fact that this is all just a job to me and a show I have to put on."

"I know," Catherine said, putting her hand up to Jackie's cheek. "We were pretty good actors in Bloomington, I think we can handle this." Catherine winked.

Moments later, hair and make up were pounding on Jackie's door. She kissed Catherine hard before slipping into her room.

"Here we go," Catherine whispered to herself.


	17. Chapter 17

The moment Jackie opened the door, a handful of people came barging in. She greeted them all then introduced them to Catherine, who was standing timidly in the corner. "This is my friend Catherine. She'll be hanging out with us all weekend." Catherine came over to shake their hands but they all ended up grabbing her and pulling her in for a hug. Jackie sat down in the chair and struggled to hold back her laughter. Catherine's reaction was priceless, she wasn't exactly what you'd call the hugging type.

"Well it was nice meeting you all, I'll let you get to work," Catherine said, inching her way back to her room.

"Don't leave! Come and have a seat," said Rachel, patting her hand on the bed. "We never get to meet Jackie's friends, so this is a real treat."

Jackie looked at Catherine through the mirror and smiled at her, Catherine smiled back and took a seat on the bed. She was relieved, considering Catherine wasn't too friendly the last time she brought her around a group of strangers.

"So Catherine, where are you from?" asked Jackie's hairstylist, Sean.

"Bloomington, Indiana."

"How in the world do you know Jackie then?" he asked.

Without missing a beat Catherine replied, "we met on campus while Jackie was attending college there."

"Jackie, you were a college girl?!" Sean teased, gently tugging her hair.

"Yup. Just for a year though, then Neptune came knocking again."

"So tell me, what on earth is there to do in Bloomington, Indiana? What do you do for a living?" He asked, turning his attention back to Catherine.

"Not much," she laughed. "It's just your typical, Midwestern small town. I used to teach Psychology, but I'm planning on moving to California to work at a larger University."

"Good for you, moving to the fun side of country," he teased.

"Yeah, I actually lived in California for a little while, so am pretty excited to go back."

"I'm sure Jackie would love to have you in California with her. You two seem pretty tight lately, considering how much you've been traveling together." Rachel said. Jackie was nervous for a second, wondering if Rachel was starting to pick up on their act.

"Yeah well like I said, there's not much to do in Bloomington, so you become pretty close with the friends you make there."

"So, got any dirt on Jackie? Any embarrassing party stories?" Sean asked, instigating Catherine.

She sat and thought for a minute before a smile started expanding across her cheeks, "did she tell you about the one time she almost got caught having sex in the library?"

All of their mouths dropped, before they burst into laughter. "Jacqueline Kirk! You naughty girl!" Sean teased, poking her in the back.

Jackie covered her eyes with her hands, "I hate you Stark. They're never going to let me live this down" she laughed, her face turning bright red.

"See, this is exactly why we had you stay." Rachel said, slapping Catherine on the knee. "I like this girl, Jackie."

Jackie glanced at Catherine in the mirror and mouthed the words "I hate you." Catherine just winked back. Jackie had never seen her be this open and fun with other people before. She continued to stare at Catherine and her friends through the mirror laughing and having fun, it gave her hope that the two of them could make this work.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door, "That must be PR," Rachel said. "The fun's over guys, I'll go get Tommy."

Jackie and Tommy's publicists made their way into the room and soon after, Rachel came back with Tommy. He smiled at Catherine and sat next to her before the publicists began their routine. "Okay, basically the same questions as last time except they're going to bring up those tabloid photos of the two of you. Just keep saying what you've been saying, keeping the curiosity alive. Jackie, don't mention the amount of alcohol you had that night. It could do more harm to the both of you. Next thing you know they could be saying you have a drinking problem and Tommy took advantage of you."

She glanced at Catherine in the mirror again but she wasn't looking. It was awkward having her in here for this, but she was glad she saw how persistent the publicists were. "Jackie, got it?" They asked.

"Yeah, okay," she responded solemnly.

After they were done Jackie got dressed for the interviews. "Hey everyone, can I have a second? I'll meet you all downstairs."

Once she shut the door behind them, she turned around and smiled at Catherine on the bed. "Look at you, Miss Social Butterfly"

Catherine smiled, biting her bottom lip. "You have some pretty fun people surrounding you," she said, grabbing her arms and pulling her close. "And you look absolutely gorgeous right now."

Jackie bent down and kissed her, "I have a surprise for you" she whispered.

"And what's that?"

"I made you a reservation upstairs at the hotel spa. The full treatment. Massage, manicure, pedicure, facial. Anything you want, just give them your name and everything's paid for."

"Jackie, you didn't have to do that."

"I felt bad leaving you here alone all day, so wanted to do something special. Feel free to order any room service too. But I have to get going, I love you," she said before kissing her one last time.

"I love you too."

Jackie spent the next 8 hours traveling in and out of more radio stations than she could count. She texted Catherine half way through asking how the day was going. She texted her back a picture of her in a towel getting a message. Jackie replied, "Glad I got you that phone ;) wish I was there :("

"Texting the boyfriend?" Tommy asked.

"Boyfriend?!" Rachel asked, "So you tell Tommy but play coy with me? Not cool Jackie."

"You know I like to keep things private. And drunk Jackie told Tommy, not this version of myself."

"You're not getting off that easy, I'll get all the gritty details out of you soon enough," Rachel said.

The premiere was only two days away, and Jackie was getting pretty nervous about having Catherine there to witness her and Tommy interacting for the fans. When they finally arrived back at the hotel after their strenuous day, Jackie asked Tommy if they could talk for a second. "Yeah, what's up?" He said.

"Look, I know they want us to keep up this charade and I'm fine with it. But can we maybe cool it down a bit? I'm in a relationship now and it's just not something I want thrown in their face."

"Jackie, come on," he sighed, "It's our last big premiere here, let's end it with a bang."

"I know, and we can still have fun but just take it down notch, okay?"

"Fine," he groaned, "just a notch though" he teased, in his typical annoying demeanor. "Night Jacks."

Jackie looked back at him, rolling her eyes, what a waste of a conversation. When she got to her room, the door to Catherine's was closed. She knocked softly and Catherine cracked it open, looking behind Jackie to see if anyone else was with her. "It's just me," she smiled. Catherine opened the door and was wearing nothing but a robe. "You look comfy," Jackie said, as she kissed her on the cheek. "And I think I'm starting to develop a thing for bath robes," she smiled, as she looked her up and down.

"I am very comfy, and relaxed, thanks to you."

"I'm jealous, I wish I could have joined."

"How about your own personal massage?" Catherine said smirking.

"That sounds wonderful, let me go get out of all of this," she said, motioning to her face and clothes.

Jackie took a quick shower and when she came back out, Catherine was sitting on her bed with a glass of wine. "Ohh, just what I need" she said, grabbing the glass and taking a long sip. She was so happy to come back to company in her hotel room for once, it made unwinding that much easier.

"How was your day?" Catherine asked.

"Exhausting, my cheeks hurt from smiling so much and my body aches from sitting in uncomfortable chairs all day."

Catherine took the glass of wine from her hand and set it on the nightstand. "Come on, lay down."

Jackie laid down on her stomach and Catherine pulled her robe down to her waist. She began digging her hands into Jackie's back and shoulders. Jackie couldn't help but moan in pleasure, she hadn't had a massage in so long, it felt so good.

"Oh, so you moan for this?" Catherine teased, as she continued to work her hands into Jackie's tight muscles. After a few minutes she bent down and looked at Jackie's face. She was sound asleep. Catherine covered her up with the blankets then curled up next to her, after turning off the lights. At 6 a.m. there was a pounding at the door. Jackie and Catherine both jumped up. "Shit!" Jackie whispered. "Jackie! Wake up!" Rachel was yelling from outside the door. Catherine hurried out of bed and tiptoed back into her room as Jackie put her robe back on. "I'm up!" She said, as soon as she swung open the door. The same usual morning routine took place; hair, make up, and lots of coffee. Catherine came in about an hour later and they all began joking around again.

"Catherine, why don't you join us today. I could use someone to talk to while Jackie and Tommy are doing press all day." Rachel suggested.

Catherine crinkled her forehead, "Are you sure I wouldn't be getting in the way?"

"Not at all! Pleeeaasse! It'd be nice hanging out with a normal person for once."

"Hey! I find offense to that!" Jackie cried out.

"Okay, I'll come," she laughed.

Jackie was thrilled that Catherine got to be there with her all day, even though they didn't get much time together. As her and Tommy made their way through the endless press junket interviews, Catherine and Rachel bonded. On their way back, things started to get awkward when Tommy kept hitting on Jackie in the limo. She kept pushing him away and telling him to stop. "You're going to come around again once you get rid of that douche bag. What the hell happened to you? You used to be fun." She couldn't believe this was happening in front of Catherine and didn't know what to say. All of a sudden Catherine chimed in, "She's still pretty fun, if you ask me."

"Oh really? Well you ladies are going to have to prove that to me at the after party tomorrow night. Maybe me and Jacks can end the night like we did last week, and you can join too Catherine," he winked.

"Sorry, I don't waste my time on little boys" Catherine snapped.

The entire limo started laughing and giving Catherine high fives, as Tommy sat there silent. "Tommy, silent? This is a first," Rachel laughed.

Jackie subtly grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze, smiling at her. Obviously Catherine wasn't letting Tommy get to her.

As they pulled up to the hotel Rachel snapped back into assistant mode, "Alright everyone, we don't have any time to spare so get up into hair and make up and meet down in the lobby at 6 p.m. sharp, the limos will be waiting to take you to dinner."

When they got to the restaurant, Tommy sat across the table from Jackie. While he continued to lay on the charm, Catherine slipped her hand on Jackie's thigh under the table. Jackie tensed up a bit, causing Tommy to shoot her a questionable look. "Cold chill" she said. Catherine then proceeded to slide her hand up Jackie's dress and gave her thigh a squeeze. Jackie flashed her an alarming look as Catherine just smiled innocently back. What the heck is she doing, Jackie thought to herself. She slipped her hand under the table, removed Catherine's hand from her thigh, and held it. She continued to talk to Tommy while she ran her thumb over Catherine's hand. As nerve wrecking as it was, it was pretty hot. Little did they know Rachel, who was sitting on the other side of Jackie, saw the entire thing. After a few minutes Catherine excused herself to the bathroom, asking for directions. Jackie rose from her chair and said she'd join her. As soon as she followed her into the bathroom, Catherine checked the stalls then pushed her against the wall and began kissing her. "Catherine, you're killing me out there!"

Catherine smiled and playfully bit her lip. "I'm just trying to be an optimist and find the perks of sneaking around," she said as she began kissing Jackie's neck. All of a sudden the door opened and Rachel walked in. Catherine grabbed Jackie's necklace, "your necklace is gorgeous, you should ask if you can keep it. Oh hey Rachel!" she winked back at Jackie before disappearing into a stall.

"Enjoying your night?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah, it's okay." Jackie said, trying to keep her composure.

When they returned to the table Tommy was quick to make another snarky comment, "what's with girls always having to go to the bathroom together?"

"We make the best kind of company." Catherine grinned. Jackie shot her a look as Tommy directed his focus to Catherine. "So Catherine, have you met Jackie's secret boyfriend yet?"

Catherine looked at Jackie and smiled big, placing her hand back on her thigh and giving it another squeeze. "I sure have."

"So what is he like? Is he as insecure as Jackie makes him seem?"

Jackie choked on her water.

"Does she now?" Catherine looked over at her but Jackie didn't make eye contact. This was heading into a direction that she wasn't thrilled with.

"Yeah, she wants me to take the public flirting down a notch tomorrow night, said he's a jealous guy. Can you blame him though? I mean, she's with my fine piece of ass more than she's with him, I'd be worried too."

"You know, he doesn't strike me as jealous. I just don't think he appreciates his girlfriend being degraded and forced to sell herself to the media. All for the sake of what? A few more movie ticket sales?"

Jackie grabbed the bottle of wine to pour herself another glass but Catherine stopped her.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" she asked.

"Yeah Jacks, we know what happens when you drink too much wine around me." He winked. "Catherine, load her up!" He teased.

Catherine filled both of their glasses, "why not. I'm up for a fun night."

"Now we're talking!" Tommy shouted. "So Catherine, what's this guy like? Can I take him?"

Jackie shut her eyes, wanting this conversation to end. "Can we _please_ stop talking about this."

"Come on Jacks, we're just having a little fun." Tommy said.

"Yeah _Jacks_ ," Catherine said sarcastically, "but I think you should take this one."

Jackie could feel Catherine staring at her. The blood was rushing to her head and she began to become more angry than anything. She was fed up with Tommy's comments and the entire situation that presented itself.

"Yeah, you've been pretty quiet about this guy. Is he really worth ruining all this fun we've been having?"

That was it. Jackie snapped her head up at Tommy.

"He's tall, blonde, has the prettiest brown eyes I've ever seen and an amazing body. Extremely intelligent. Confident, but has a good heart. And most of all, he's worth throwing this entire thing away for. He's the whole package and I wish you two would stop making light of this situation." Jackie said as she got up and stormed out of the restaurant.

"So pretty much the opposite of you, Tommy." Catherine said bluntly before taking one final sip of her wine, then getting up and following Jackie.

Jackie leaned against a wall down the street with her arms crossed, she saw Catherine approaching her from the corner of her eye.

"What the hell was that!" Jackie yelled.

"I'm sorry but I hate that guy, he's such a little jackass."

"It's not funny what you did in there. You went too far."

"And he didn't? Do you know how hard it's been watching him throw himself at you all day, acting like he owns you? How many times is he going to say that you'll come back to him. Do you know how irritating that is? Especially knowing that you two were fuck buddies until recently?"

"I know. I'm sorry. You being here was supposed to make it easier though, not harder." Jackie said, staring Catherine in the eyes, still angry.

"You're so hot when you're mad. Especially after all of those things you just said about me," Catherine smiled, coming closer.

"Stop!" Jackie pushed her away but couldn't help to smile.

Catherine just looked at her with that devilish little smirk she always had, and her adorable dimples that made Jackie go crazy. "Let's go back to the hotel," Jackie said, grabbing Catherine's hand before running towards the street for a cab.

"Jackie what about the part-" before she could finish Jackie had a cab open and drug her into it. She told the driver which hotel, then began making out with Catherine right there in the back seat of the cab. For the first time in her life she didn't care that someone was watching. Something had taken over her body and she couldn't control it anymore. When they reached the hotel they straightened their dresses before stepping out of the cab. They walked as fast as they could through the lobby into the elevator. "Don't you even think about it, there's cameras," Jackie warned, smiling. Catherine kept staring at her with that look. "This is torture!" She whispered. After what felt like the longest elevator ride of their lives, they borderline ran to their room. Catherine pushed Jackie against the door once it was closed. Jackie tore Catherine's dress off then worked on her own as they clumsily made their way over to the bed. Her leg got caught in her dress in the process, causing her to fall, smashing hard into the floor. They both started laughing uncontrollably, obviously they both had a little too much wine at dinner. Catherine kissed her knee then helped her up, but as soon as she was to her feet she pushed Catherine down on the bed. This new found confidence transferred itself into bed with her. She took the lead first and nibbled on Catherine's bottom lip before going further. Catherine was obviously enjoying this new side of her because her moans were getting a little excessive, more so than usual. Jackie placed her hand over Catherine's mouth and whispered, laughing "shhhhh! you're going to get us caught!" The feel of Catherine's warm breath and moans vibrating on her hand were sending her over the edge. Finally, Catherine grabbed her and pinned her beneath her. Jackie grabbed a pillow and pressed it hard onto her face, knowing the others could be back at anytime. Sure enough, just as she was finishing there was a knock at her door.


	18. Chapter 18

Catherine heard the knock and looked up at Jackie. They both stared at each other in silence, not moving a muscle until there was another knock. "Jackie, open up! Come on, I know you're in there! The receptionist said she saw you come in!" Rachel shouted.

"Shit!" Jackie mouthed to Catherine. "One sec!" She called out. She rolled out of bed, grabbed her robe and began collecting their clothes that were scattered all over the room. Catherine got up and began to help but then noticed Jackie's appearance. Her hair was tousled and make up smeared. She had lipstick marks all over her face, trailing down her neck. Catherine grabbed her and took her over to the mirror. Once Jackie saw her reflection her eyes grew big, she was frozen in place not knowing what to do. Catherine mouthed, "sorry!" as she looked at her through the mirror, but couldn't help the laughter that suddenly overcame her. She held her hands tight over her mouth before going to the sink to retrieve a wash cloth. She wiped Jackie's face and neck the best she could then tried fixing her hair before giving her the okay.

Jackie cracked the door open, making sure not to let Rachel barge in as she usually did. "Hey, sorry I was in the bathroom."

"You had me worried! No one could find you and you wouldn't answer my calls. You can't just disappear in New York City without any security!"

"I know, I'm sorry. I was really embarrassed about how I acted at dinner and didn't want to show my face."

Rachel was studying her closely, "what the hell happened to you? It looks like you got into a fight, and did I hear crying?"

"N-Nothing," Jackie stuttered, as she nervously smoothed down her hair with her hand. "I was in the process of getting a shower."

"Oh, okay," Rachel said, still looking at her suspiciously. "Well, I guess I'll leave you alone. You have the morning off, just make sure you're back here by 3 for hair and make-up."

"Got it. Goodnight Rachel, sorry again for worrying you."

Jackie closed the door and looked through the peep hole before letting out a sigh of relief. Catherine was standing in the doorway between their rooms, looking at her, smiling. "Talk about a close call."

"TOO close," Jackie responded.

The next morning they woke early, Jackie had half the day off for them to take full advantage of New York. Catherine couldn't wait to be alone with her during the daylight. The mere six hours they were getting alone while they slept wasn't enough. Once she was done getting ready, she headed into Jackie's room where she saw her wearing a hooded sweatshirt and pulling on a baseball hat. Jackie grabbed her sunglasses from the sink then turned around to face her, "do I look like Jacqueline Kirk?"

"No. You look like small town college student Jackie," Catherine smiled. "My favorite version of you."

"Mine too," Jackie said, returning the smile.

After deciding that having a driver would increase their chances of being noticed, they made their way downstairs to haul a cab. Since time was of the essence, they chose to take a boat ride to the Statue of Liberty, something neither of them had done. After grabbing a quick bite to eat at a bagel shop, they headed down to the dock. With her coffee in one hand, Jackie grabbed Catherine's hand with the other. A small gesture to anyone else, was something huge for them. To walk down the street in public, like an ordinary couple, was something that they had never been able to experience. Catherine wrinkled her nose at Jackie and smiled at the sweet gesture. No one had even looked twice at Jackie since leaving the hotel, so they were taking full advantage of being in a city where no one knew them. For once they could just be themselves out in the open. As they boarded the boat and began sailing to the island, Catherine looked over at Jackie. Jackie's hand was resting on Catherine's knee, gently circling it with her finger tips as she stared out at the city. She suddenly turned and caught Catherine staring at her.

"What?" She asked curiously, uncomfortably laughing.

"Nothing," Catherine replied, " just enjoying this moment."

Jackie smiled and leaned over to kiss her. Once they docked at the island, they made their way up to the top of the Statue of Liberty. The moment the elevator opened, they both gasped at the view. Jackie eagerly walked out and leaned into the railing as Catherine stayed back, uneasy with the height. When Jackie noticed she reached out her hand, "come on."

"I'm good back here," Catherine nervously answered. Heights, among other things, were not something she was good with.

"You don't want to miss this view, trust me. I won't let you fall." She reached her hand out again and Catherine timidly walked over. She held tight to the railing, the wind wasn't exactly helping her anxiety. Jacked leaned her head over and looked down.

"Stop!" Catherine yelled, grabbing her.

Jackie started laughing, "you really are terrified, aren't you?"

"Shut up." Catherine said, unamused. She despised the feeling of not having control.

Jackie took her hat and sunglasses off, "can we at least get a picture before we go?"

Catherine looked at her, not wanting to move even an inch, let alone turn her back to the railing.

"Please?" Jackie pleaded.

"Fine," Catherine sighed. She slowly turned, one arm grasping the railing behind her while she held tightly onto Jackie with the other.

"Excuse me," Jackie said to a woman standing near them, "could you take a picture for us?"

The second after the woman snapped the picture, Jackie jolted Catherine's shoulders, quietly shouting "AH!" Catherine jumped and ran back against the wall, visibly shaken. So much so that she couldn't even yell at Jackie. She began breathing heavily, grasping her chest. Jackie was hysterically laughing which wasn't helping the situation. Her laughing began to cease as she looked at Catherine. She came over to her, and tried to hug her but Catherine pushed her away. "Don't touch me, you asshole," she managed to say, while still finding it difficult to breathe.

"Come on, I was just kidding around."

Catherine glared at her, "not funny."

Jackie hugged her again, this time she let her. Mostly because she needed the comfort. "Jesus Christ Catherine, you're trembling. I'm sorry." She held her close for a moment until Catherine felt herself calm down.

"Can we just get down from here?"

"Yeah, come on." Jackie grabbed her hand and led her into the elevator.

Catherine stayed silent the entire way down, still fairly upset with Jackie. Once they reached the bottom and began their way back to the boat, Jackie stopped her in her tracks. "Are you seriously mad at me?"

When Catherine didn't answer, Jackie got in front of her and held her wrists. "You can't stay mad at me forever, this was supposed to be a fun day date." Catherine looked up at her this time, still supplying an angry face. "Come on Schnookums!" Jackie grinned. "Don't you dare smile. Don't do it!" Between Jackie calling her Schnookums and teasing her not to smile, Catherine couldn't prevent her lips from curling up despite how hard she tried. "I hate you."

"No you don't. But I am really sorry. Lesson learned, no more pranks."

"I'll believe that when I see it."

After the boat ride back to the city, they were able to squeeze in a little shopping before having to return to the hotel. While they goofing around enjoying their time, Jackie randomly blurted out, "be my girlfriend tonight."

Catherine looked at her, "right."

"I'm serious." Jackie was looking at her sincerely.

"You know we can't, you have to finish this thing with Tommy and-"

"Fuck Tommy! This day has been perfect. I'm sick of us having to suffer for the sake of other people's ignorances."

Catherine realized Jackie was being completely serious. "As much as I want to, you know we can't. It's not even just about other people, it's about us. Both of our careers could suffer."

"I don't care. A job doesn't make me as happy as you do," Jackie said, taking hold of both of her hands.

All Catherine could do was offer a heartfelt smile. "I know. We have to be logical about this though and think this all out before just jumping into it, especially at a premiere. I'll be there for you tonight. Physically, for once. We know what we have, that's what really matters."

Jackie dropped her hands, obviously upset.

"Come on, don't end the day like this. We just need to have a little more patience." Catherine said, pushing the bill of her hat down in an attempt to lighten the mood.

Jackie smiled as she readjusted her hat, "Fine. Well I guess we better head back to our fake life now," she sighed.

When they got back to the hotel, the redundant chaos of getting ready began. Sean had a friend come help get Catherine and Rachel red carpet ready, separating them from Jackie.

"I gotta tell ya Catherine, it's been nice having you here. Jackie's been in such a better mood."

"Really?" Catherine asked, it felt good knowing other people could see a difference in Jackie's demeanor just by her being around.

"Yeah, I mean except for last night. What was that all about? When I got up here I thought I heard muffled crying, and she looked a mess."

Catherine panicked, that certainly wasn't crying she heard. "She was really upset about her boyfriend, and the public facade she has to put on with Tommy isn't helping."

"I figured as much. I feel bad for her. She's caught in a tough spot between the two of them."

"What do you mean?" Catherine asked, curiously.

"She finally confided in me the other day after being tight lipped about her relationship. All she wants is her boyfriend to be around, but he doesn't want to be a part of this lifestyle. Then you have PR basically forcing her to be with Tommy, but she feels guilty doing that as well. Damned if she does, damned if she doesn't."

Catherine felt awful. She didn't realize she had been adding to Jackie's stress equally as much as the others had been. She thought back to last night and then earlier today, no wonder Jackie just wanted to end the entire charade.

After they were finished with Rachel she got up from the chair, "I better get back in there with Jackie, looking good so far Catherine!"

"Thanks, you look great!"

Even after hair and make-up were done with Catherine, she stayed in her own room and finished getting ready. She didn't want to get in the way of the chaos that was surrounding Jackie. By the time she finally entered Jackie's room they were zipping her up and putting on her jewelry. She was absolutely stunning but Catherine couldn't help to notice how unhappy she looked. In that moment, she wanted nothing more than to take the pain away.


	19. Chapter 19

"My God Catherine, you are gorgeous!" Sean proclaimed, as soon as she stepped into the room. Jackie's head perked up and she looked over, allowing her eyes to slowly trail down Catherine's body then back up until their eyes met. Jackie's somber face immediately lit up as the two exchanged a smile. "Yeah she is" Jackie chimed in.

"Thanks. I'm just trying my hardest to look half as good as Jackie," she winked.

"Honey please, don't make this girl's head get any bigger," Sean joked, poking at Jackie.

Rachel's phone rang over everyone's laughter, "Are we almost done here? That was the limo, he's downstairs."

"Yes, just a little more hairspray and we're all set" Sean said, spraying Jackie's hair one final time.

Catherine was hoping to get a minute alone with Jackie but before she knew it, the entire posse was heading out the door with Jackie caught in the middle. As they approached the limo, it was requested that Tommy and Jackie sit alone in back in order to be ready for the cameras. Catherine filed in with the others and tried to exchange a smile with Jackie, but she seemed preoccupied. When they were all seated she glanced at her again but Jackie was staring out the window, her hands fidgeting with her purse. She was obviously distressed and it was killing Catherine not being able to check in with her.

Jackie stared out the window, her stomach in knots. In a few short minutes she would be entering her Hollywood world, and Catherine was going to be there with a front row seat. She was too nervous to even make eye contact with her, considering she was sitting next to Tommy. Suddenly she felt a hand on her leg, it was his. She nervously looked up at him. "Are we cool?" He asked.

"Yeah. I'm just a little uneasy, these never get easier."

"You know you always loosen up after a few minutes. You'll be fine."

Jackie smiled at him, "Yeah, I know. Thanks Tommy."

She finally looked over at Catherine, who was looking back with a smile on her face. There was so much the two of them wanted to say to one another and it was becoming painful not being able to do so.

Before they even arrived to the red carpet they could hear the crowd roaring down the street. Tommy leaned down to the fridge and grabbed some mini bottles, asking if anyone else wanted one. "Yes please" Jackie desperately replied. Tommy threw one to each person in the limo, "Come on guys! Last U.S. premiere!" Everyone reluctantly opened their bottles and cheered to Neptune 26. Jackie chugged her bottle in one fluid motion as Catherine struggled drinking just a sip of hers, covering her mouth at the potency of it. Jackie leaned over and grabbed it from her before finishing that one as well, as Catherine looked back in shock.

"All right you two, get ready to go," Rachel said, directing her attention to Jackie and Tommy. "Here take some mints, we don't need your fans and the reporters smelling the vodka on your breath." As soon as she the car pulled up a man in a tuxedo opened the door. Tommy got out first, then held his hand out for Jackie as she nervously looked back at Catherine before exiting. "Breathe" was the last thing she heard before stepping out into the pandemonium.

As Catherine exited the limo she was suddenly caught up in the tornado of a Hollywood event. People were everywhere with headsets and clip boards, shouting so loudly that she was unsure how anyone could understand them. No wonder Jackie needed the liquid courage, to say this was overwhelming was an understatement. Sean was touching up Jackie's lipstick as she approached them, but her and Tommy were quickly pulled away as soon as she reached them.

"A lot to take in huh?" Catherine heard Rachel say from behind her.

"Very much so." She replied.

"Just stay with me, we'll be trailing in the background while they work their magic."

Before hitting the reporters they entered a tunnel of fans. Jackie and Tommy were both making their way through the line, signing autographs and taking pictures with the crowd. One fan was hysterically crying and Catherine watched on as Jackie leaned over and gave her a hug. Right after, she knelt down to a young girl who was wearing a Tyler shirt and took her picture with her. She was so good with her fans, it warmed Catherine's heart seeing the exchange. Rachel went and grabbed Jackie and Tommy to bring them back to be touched up yet again, before they went in front of the cameras. Jackie's cheery demeanor dropped as soon as she was away from the fans.

Rachel took notice, "What's up Jacks?"

"Nothing." she said shortly.

Her publicist overheard the conversation and cut in, "You need to drop this attitude right now before you get in front of those cameras and reporters. And would it kill you to smile today?"

"Can you just get off my back for once!" Jackie snapped back.

"Jackie shhh, calm down. You don't want to make a scene here," Rachel said, putting herself in between Jackie and the publicist. "Just let her be, I'll take care of this."

Catherine was taken aback by Jackie's behavior and decided to interrupt, "Do you mind if I talk to her alone for a minute?"

"Please do." Rachel said, before stepping away.

"What's going on?" She asked.

Jackie stayed silent as she clenched her jaw and looked off to the side.

"Hey, talk to me." It was extremely difficult to remember not to touch her.

"Give it thirty minutes and you'll see, that is if you're still talking to me at that point" she said solemnly, still not making eye contact.

Catherine hated the fact that her being there was negatively affecting Jackie so much. She looked around knowing anyone could be eavesdropping, then leaned forward to whisper in her ear. "I'm here to support you, not make things difficult. This is your job. Do it for those fans I just saw you light up for. Do what you need to do to make them happy."

Jackie finally looked her in the eyes.

"Go on Porcupine." She leaned into her one last time, "I know who you're going home with tonight, that's all that matters."

Jackie finally cracked a smile, "you're such a tease," she whispered.

Catherine flashed her a smirk, hoping their talk was enough to snap her back into her movie star role.

As Jackie walked away, she felt a sense of relief rush through her body. She was under immense pressure to make the fans, media, publicists and Tommy happy which in return, would all directly hurt Catherine. The only person she _wanted_ to make happy.

"Everything good now?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah, I'm sorry."

After reaching the photographers, she posed on her own for a bit as the fans screamed in admiration. She finally began to feel at ease and gain the confidence she would need for the interviews. Tommy stepped in and joined her which made the crowd even louder. He placed his arm around Jackie's waist and held her closely, as Jackie smiled big. He turned and kissed her on the cheek, at this point the screams were deafening.

"I know he can be a jackass, but you can't deny the fact that they look pretty great together. The fans adore them." Rachel said, staring at Jackie and Tommy.

"So I see," was all Catherine could respond. She couldn't help but wonder what it would be like if she ever joined Jackie at a premiere as her girlfriend. Would the fans adore them as much as they adore Jackie and Tommy?

"Are you okay?" Rachel asked. Catherine obviously needed to work on her poker face.

"Yeah, just a little overwhelmed."

"Only a little while longer, then we can all have some much needed drinks," they both laughed.

After pictures Jackie was led straight into interviews. She hadn't even attempted to talk, let alone look at Catherine, the entire red carpet. Catherine realized she was busy so tried not to let it bother her, but she wasn't liking the fact that she had left her to fend for herself. Jackie knew how nervous she was about this all and wasn't offering the same support she had given her. Perhaps Jackie was teaching her a lesson for not allowing them to be public yet. As Jackie made her way through each reporter Catherine was able to stay close behind her, hearing every word. "So how is the romance department? Anyone special in your life? Tommy perhaps?"

Jackie laughed. "That's the million dollar question isn't it?"

She was given this question, in varying forms, from every single reporter on the carpet. It was all starting to become too much for Catherine, but she knew the pressure Jackie was under and needed to follow through on the pep talk she had given her. Because of this, she thought it was best to take a breather, distancing herself from the group.

"I like to keep my personal life private but I'm in a very happy place right now," Jackie responded to the reporter.

"Is this a hint that maybe Tommy is the cause of this happiness?" Reporters were relentless at the subject.

Jackie laughed again, "We had a blast filming the movie, and are having so much fun together promoting it. The fans and media will believe what they want to believe, but like I said before, my personal life is going to stay private." After she thanked the reporter she was offered a tiny break until the next one opened up. Things had moved so quickly that she was relieved to be given a moment to check in with Catherine, but when she turned back to talk to her, she was no where to be found. "Where's Catherine?" she asked Rachel.

"She stepped away for a minute, I think this is all a little much for her."

Jackie began skimming her eyes through the crowd, suddenly realizing how lost Catherine must feel. "Buy me some time please?"

Before Rachel could respond, Jackie disappeared behind her.


	20. Chapter 20

Catherine walked to the back of the red carpet, keeping a close eye on Jackie's posse so she wouldn't lose them. In an attempt to calm herself, she pulled out her cell phone and began checking her email. After a few moments had past, she felt a hand on her shoulder. When she turned, she saw Jackie standing there.

"I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" Jackie asked, concerned.

As Catherine parted her lips to respond, she saw Rachel approaching them. "I think you're needed," she nodded.

Jackie whirled around and spoke before Rachel had the chance to, "One minute Rachel, I promise. One minute." She turned back around to face Catherine once Rachel reluctantly walked away. "This is all moving a lot faster than it usually does, and it's safe to say I haven't mastered the concept of bringing a date to these things. Let alone a secret one," Jackie offered a small, guilt-ridden smile.

Catherine realized how selfish she was being for assuming Jackie was playing games with her. Rachel appeared behind her again, this time looking angry. "Okay, we're coming," Jackie said, grabbing Catherine's hand. "Time to dip your toes into this, follow my lead" Jackie whispered to her, before going in front of another reporter.

Once again, Jackie was asked about her relationship status. "Actually, I brought a date with me tonight." Jackie turned around and grabbed Catherine's arm, asking her to join them. Catherine's heart beat fast as Jackie pulled her into the interview. She was completely blindsided and couldn't believe this was how it was all going to go down. She wasn't ready. "This is my good friend Catherine."

As soon as Jackie called her a good friend, she felt her heart begin to steady. Thank God.

"It's nice to meet you Catherine, is this your first time at a premiere?" he asked.

Although the shock of possibly being outed wore off, Catherine suddenly realized she was still being interviewed on a red carpet. "Yes it is," she replied nervously. "Am I being that obvious?"

The reporter laughed, "It was very sweet of Jackie to bring you."

"Yes it was, she's a great friend." Catherine said, exchanging a smile with Jackie.

"Jackie, how do you manage to stay so grounded? Especially looking at how most child stars have turned out?" He asked.

"I just try to live life as normal as possible. I prefer to live a quiet lifestyle. I was actually made fun of when I attended college last year, when they found out I had never been to any crazy Hollywood parties."

"So all of those drug rumors years ago were false?"

"Completely. I was suffering a loss and needed to take a step out of the limelight for a while. I'm a very private person and failed to provide any reasoning for my exit, so everyone just assumed the worst."

Catherine gently squeezed Jackie's arm, offering a bit of support since it was all she could do.

"So what's next for Jacqueline Kirk?"

"I've been on a few auditions and I would really like to take some more college courses this fall."

Catherine was shocked at Jackie's response. She had no idea she was thinking about college still, and was proud of her for not losing sight of what she really wanted. All of a sudden Tommy snuck in next to Jackie.

"There's the man of the hour," the reporter excitedly said, as he shifted his focus to Tommy. From then on it became the Jackie and Tommy show.

"There were some photographs taken of the two of you slipping home together last premiere. Care to elaborate?"

"We all stay at the same hotel and share the same limo. We leave together every night," Jackie quickly responded.

"Well you two were looking rather cozy," the reporter nagged on.

Tommy slipped his arm around Jackie's waist, pulling her towards him and away from Catherine. "What are you insinuating?" He winked. Catherine's temper started to flare, she absolutely loathed the way he controlled Jackie and these interviews. Jackie quickly slipped out of Tommy's embrace and grasped Catherine's hand, pulling her closer. "I've got my best friend here with me tonight. The only thing on my mind is having an awesome time with her" Jackie said, winking at Catherine. Judging by the looks on Tommy and the PR teams faces, they weren't happy with Jackie's remark. She smiled big and squeezed Catherine's hand before Rachel interrupted, letting them know it was time to make their way into the theater. Jackie looked over at Catherine and flashed her a smile. Not just any smile though. One that made Catherine feel like despite the thousands of people surrounding them, Jackie only saw her.


	21. Chapter 21

Catherine was completely in awe, sitting in the theater watching Neptune 26. Jackie was a natural and had gotten even better since the cheesy cult show. She squeezed her hand as they watched as a sign of her admiration. It was an interesting feeling, getting to see what she was up to the entire time they were apart. They both clearly submerged themselves into their work, something they both had in common. Afterward, the cast of the movie went up on stage and conducted a short Q&A session. Jackie was absolutely glowing up there, radiating a confidence that Catherine didn't get to see often.

Jackie couldn't remember another time in her life when she had ever felt so complete. Here she was, at the premiere of a movie she was the star of, with someone she was crazy about, being there supporting her. She felt such a rush on stage, and looking down and seeing Catherine in the audience made it even more perfect. Her smile was infectious and it only fed into Jackie's exuberance as she spoke to the crowd. Once the session ended, she met up with Catherine and followed the rest of the cast and crew to the after party. "So what did you think?" She asked. "Be honest."

"I'm not even exaggerating when I say you've drastically improved, and you were great to begin with. It was so good, I'm so proud of you," Catherine beamed, as she wrapped her arms around Jackie and hugged her tight.

"I'm so glad you came, it means so much to me." Jackie said, before whispering in her ear, "it literally has been causing me physical pain not being able to touch you all day. And you smell really good."

Catherine laughed as she released her embrace, "Except for that little stunt with Tommy and the reporter."

"I had to control myself, you're lucky all I did was hold your hand," she laughed. Jackie had been tempted to lay it all out on the line, right there in front of the reporter, but knew she couldn't do something that extreme without Catherine's consent. It was one thing to handle Tommy's advances alone, but with Catherine around, she refused. Thank God all these Neptune events were coming to an end.

As soon as they entered the party Jackie grabbed two glasses of champagne from a waiter who greeted them at the door. "Let me know if this all becomes a bit too much for you."

"Okay," Catherine responded, sipping her champagne and soaking in the atmosphere.

"I'm serious. Just say the word."

"I will," Catherine smiled. What a difference a year and a half had made.

After introducing Catherine to most of the cast and crew, Jackie headed to the bar. "I'm going to go get us a couple more drinks, be back in a sec," she told Catherine. As she was waiting on the drinks, she felt someone's arms wrap around her waist. She knew damn well Catherine wouldn't be that forward in public, so knew exactly who it was. She turned around, Tommy's face was inches away from hers and she could smell the liquor on his breath. She grabbed his arms and pushed him off of her. "Tommy, don't even start."

"Come on Jacks, it's been so long. I miss you" he said, putting his hands on her again.

"Tommy, stop it!" She shouted, trying to push him off.

Catherine was talking with Rachel and a few other cast mates when she spotted Tommy approaching Jackie at the bar. She kept a close eye on them as she pretended to listen. Tommy wrapped his arms around Jackie and Catherine could feel her jaw clench and her skin begin to radiate. She saw Jackie push him off but then he grabbed her again. "Excuse me," Catherine said, making her way over to the bar. As she got close she heard Jackie yelling at Tommy to stop. Without even giving it a second thought she grabbed Tommy's arm and pulled him off of Jackie. "She said no Tommy."

"Hey Catherine, what about you. Want to get out of here later?"

"In your dreams".

Jackie ran off to the restroom. "Leave her alone Tommy. I'm serious." Catherine warned, pointing a finger in his face before going to find Jackie. When she got to the restroom it was empty except for the handicap stall. "Jackie? Are you in there?" She asked, knocking softly on the door. Jackie opened it and pulled her in. As soon as the door was locked she hugged Catherine.

"Are you okay Porcupine?" Catherine asked, holding her closely.

Jackie didn't say a word, just hugged her tighter.

"What did you ever see in that guy?" she asked.

"Convenience, and a way to numb the loneliness."

Catherine's heart broke a little at her words, but knew exactly what she meant. They both had a rough year without each other. The door opened and Rachel called out their names, asking if they were in there. Catherine opened the stall door.

"What's going on?" She asked.

"Tommy being Tommy." Catherine replied.

"Are you okay?" Rachel asked Jackie.

"Yeah" she responded, shaking off her mood. "Let's go get those drinks now" she said, taking both of their hands and leading them out of the restroom.

"Excuse me sir, can we have some shots with these drinks?"

"Shots?" Catherine asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Yes. We're partying tonight" she grinned.

After three shots Catherine cut them off. Jackie attempted to drag her onto the dance floor but she managed to stop at the side, she was no where near drunk enough for that. Jackie and Rachel sure were though. They danced their little hearts out and kept calling out for her to join. "I'm good right here!" She laughed. This was the first time she had ever seen Jackie act her actual age and it was quite amusing. She deserved to have a good time and Catherine wasn't going to prevent her from doing so tonight. After a few songs they came back out to get more drinks. Jackie ordered another round of shots. "None for me," Catherine told her.

Jackie turned to Rachel, "Stark can't hang" she teased.

Catherine scowled at her then grabbed both her and Jackie's shots, downing them both in mere seconds.

"I stand corrected," Jackie said, staring at her in amazement. "I'm impressed, but now you owe me a shot."

"Here take mine, I need to slow down" Rachel said, slurring her words and sliding the glass over to Jackie. "I need to use the ladies room." As soon as Rachel left, Jackie eyed Catherine seductively and scooted closer.

"You better behave tonight," Catherine warned, smirking.

"Well if you keep looking at me like that I can't make any promises."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Catherine said, biting her lip.

Jackie stared at her bottom lip then swung around to the bartender, "shot!" She yelled.

Catherine laughed, "She'll have a beer."

"I'll have a shot _and_ a beer," Jackie said to the bartender, before looking back at her annoyed. Her eyes grew big again, "Stop looking at me like that!"

"I'm not doing anything!"

"Those fucking dimples!" she muttered.

As Rachel was walking back from the restroom, the song changed on the dance floor. "I love this song!" Jackie yelled excitedly, slamming her beer down. Obviously she was already quite inebriated. Her and Rachel started dancing together before ordering another drink and moving back to the dance floor. Catherine began mingling around with some of the people she had met earlier, making small talk while sipping her drink. The alcohol definitely contributed to this, considering she didn't have much in common with any of these people. She was surprisingly enjoying herself though. When she felt herself getting fairly intoxicated she stopped, she didn't trust both her and Jackie not having control over themselves. Looking out to the dance floor she noticed Jackie starting to wind down, this wasn't a complete surprise considering how much she had drank, not to mention how late it was. The two caught eyes and Jackie grinned at her, sticking her finger out in a come-hither motion. Catherine smiled and worked her way through the now thinning crowd. Without saying a word, Jackie turned and scooted up against her, dancing. "We're both too drunk for this," Catherine bent down and whispered. "Come on, let's go get you some water." She took her hand and led her to the bar, running into Rachel on the way. "Hey the limo is leaving in about 20 minutes, meet out front."

After getting water, Catherine took her to the restroom. Jackie stumbled out of the stall and struggled to wash her hands. She leaned against the wall and her eyes began to close. After Catherine was finished she went over and shook her shoulders, "Jackie wake up." She slowly cracked her eyes open, then smiled at her big. "You're really pretty."

Catherine laughed, "And you're really drunk."

Jackie leaned in for a kiss but Catherine pinned her against the wall, "Jackie stop, it's too risky here."

"So violent," Jackie mumbled, before closing her eyes once more.

"Come on we need to get to the limo." When they got outside everyone was standing around, the limo wasn't there yet. Catherine led Jackie to a bench and put her arm around her to keep her from falling over. Rachel found them right as the limo pulled up, Jackie was knocked out cold. "Can you help me with her?" she asked. Catherine got into the limo first and reached for Jackie as Rachel kept her steady. "Watch her head," she warned. Jackie's eyes were struggling to stay open as she stumbled into the limo. As soon as she sat down, she linked her arm through Catherine's and held her hand before dropping her head down on Catherine's shoulder. Within seconds her body went limp as she passed out. When the limo began its way back to the hotel, Catherine glanced around at everyone. They were all passed out or to that point, so she leaned down and kissed the top of Jackie's head before resting her own on top. The cool wind was blowing through her hair from the cracked window. The sky was beginning to lighten, a hint of the sunrise starting to peak through. Catherine hadn't experienced something like this since college, and couldn't remember the last time she felt this alive. She looked down at the girl resting on her arm, the girl who had completely changed her life, and smiled.

When they reached the hotel she tried to shake Jackie to wake her. After much convincing, she finally got her to her feet and wrapped her arms around her shoulders. One of the security guards helped Catherine get her up to the room, "I've got it from here, thanks" she said as she opened the door and led Jackie to the bed. Jackie immediately curled into a ball so Catherine went and got changed. When she came back she rolled Jackie over and unzipped her dress. She wrestled her arms through it then began tugging at the bottom until it was off. Reaching into Jackie's luggage she found her lacrosse shirt and smiled. "Jackie, can you sit up for me real quick so we can get you dressed?" Jackie slowly lifted herself up, not even attempting to open her eyes. After Catherine slid the shirt over her head she opened her eyes and began to gag.

"Oh no, come on" she said, hurrying Jackie to the bathtroom. She grabbed her hair and held it back as Jackie got sick. After some time had passed, Jackie leaned back and collapsed on the floor. Her mascara was running down her face as she moaned in pain. Catherine filled a glass with water and grabbed a towel. "Here drink this, all of it."

"I can't" she groaned. Catherine got on the floor next to her and wiped the mascara from her eyes. "I'm sorry" Jackie whimpered.

"What are you sorry for?"

"Drunk," was all she said, sounding like a caveman.

"You're a 23 year old Hollywood actress, it could be a lot worse," Catherine laughed.

Jackie quickly got up on her knees and got sick again. Catherine held her hair as she rubbed her back. "I'm so sorry" Jackie repeated, this time crying.

"Shhh, stop apologizing."

She leaned back again and Catherine took her face in her hands. "You have nothing to feel sorry about so stop punishing yourself. Do you not think this is what I did when I was your age? The only difference is I wasn't vomiting in a 5 star hotel toilet or getting drunk off of top shelf liquor at a Hollywood party," she teased.

Jackie smiled.

"I'm serious. You deserve to have fun and act your age for once."

"I love you" Jackie said softly, and probably the most romantic way she's ever said it, except for the fact that she proceeded to vomit seconds after.

Catherine grabbed some pillows and blankets and decided it was best for them to camp out in the bathroom for the night.

The next morning Catherine woke to muffled knocks on the door. It took her a minute to stand, her body stiff from sleeping on the hard bathroom floor. She looked through the peep hole and saw Rachel. "Good Morning, how are you feeling?"

"Miserable, where's Jackie?"

Catherine pointed to the bathroom, "you probably don't want to go in there."

Rachel made her way to the bathroom, holding her hand over her nose. "She slept here all night?"

"Yep."

"And you did too?" She asked, noticing all of the pillows.

"Yeah, she was in rough shape."

"Screw teaching, come help me be Jackie's assistant. You can handle all the dirty work," she teased. "I need to get out of here, I can't handle this smell anymore. Can you have her call me when she's awake? There's a few things I need to go over with her before I leave."

"Yeah no problem."

"There's coffee and pastries down the hall for you all, feel free to help yourself. I'm sure Jackie could use it."

"Good idea."

Catherine followed Rachel out to grab some breakfast. When she returned she made her way into the bathroom. The smell made her gag, it was much worse after getting some fresher air. She knelt down and brushed the hair from Jackie's eyes, causing her to slowly wake. She gradually got up and looked around confused. "Why did I sleep in the bathroom?"

"We slept in the bathroom because the toilet was your best friend all night," Catherine smiled.

"Oh no. I'm afraid to ask how I behaved," she said, ashamed.

"You were actually on your best behavior, well as best as an intoxicated person can be. You just had yourself a lot of fun" she laughed.

"You slept here too?"

"Yep."

"Well aren't you girlfriend of the year."

She handed Jackie a water, "there's some coffee and toast in the room, mind if I kick you out of your bed so I can take a shower? Rachel stopped by, she needs to talk to you before she leaves."

After they both showered and began packing, Jackie called Rachel letting her know she could stop by. Within a few minutes she was at the door.

"Hey what's up?" Jackie asked.

"Just a few things before we part ways." After going over Jackie's schedule for the week, she got up to leave but paused with her hand on the door handle, "one more thing" she said, looking back.

"Yeah?" Jackie asked.

"Are you ever planing on telling me that you and Catherine are sleeping together?"

Catherine was packing her suitcase with her back to them, when she heard the words escape from Rachel's mouth. She froze in place, drawing in one final breath as her entire body went numb.


	22. Chapter 22

Judging by the silence, Catherine knew Jackie was equally paralyzed.

"Holy shit, I was right?!" Rachel gasped, breaking the silence.

"N-No it's not-it's not what you think," Jackie stuttered.

Catherine pulled herself together and turned around, it wasn't fair to make Jackie deal with this on her own. "It's okay Jackie."

Jackie looked back at her with hesitation in her eyes. "Rachel can you sit down?" Catherine asked, trying to remain calm. Rachel looked like someone had just dropped a bomb on her, probably because they just did. She made her way across the room, switching her gaze between the two of them before slowly sitting down on the bed.

"Please keep this between the three of us for now, we're still trying to figure this whole thing out," Catherine pled.

"So there's no boyfriend?" Was all Rachel could ask.

"How did you know?" Jackie interrupted.

"I saw you two at dinner the other night. _Underneath_ the table," she emphasized. Jackie shot Catherine a look and smirked, "the irony that it was _you_ to get us caught."

"Then I was in the bathroom at the party last night, right before we left, and overheard some questionable things." Catherine returned Jackie's snarky comment, "That was all you sweetheart."

"Does anyone else know, or speculate?" Catherine asked.

"No, not that I'm aware of. Everyone thinks Jackie has a boyfriend back in... Ohhh, Indiana." The expression on her face let them know she was slowly piecing it all together. "So when you were venting to me the other day about your boyfriend... Oops. So I was talking to Catherine about... Catherine."

Jackie's eyes grew big as she looked at Rachel. She couldn't believe she told Catherine about her struggles with their relationship. "Rachel, that was supposed to be between me and you as friends. I was confiding in you."

"Well I thought Catherine was your best friend, and she knew your 'boyfriend'" she said, using air quotes.

"It's fine Jackie. It actually helped that she told me, but we don't need to discuss this right now, we have more important things to deal with."

Rachel sat on the side of the bed staring into space, her mind was obviously spinning a million miles a minute. "How did this even happen? When did you guys start, I mean-"

Jackie interrupted her once more, "We met my first week of college and it started almost immediately."

"Holy shit!" Rachel raised her hands to her mouth, "she's your ex too?! The one you were so tore up about all year?"

" _Yes._ " Jackie said through clenched teeth. She was not enjoying how exposed this was all leaving her.

"Damn Catherine, you did quite a number on her."

"Can we not talk about everything I've confided in you for the past year?" Jackie said irritably. "She's my girlfriend and you're my best friend. You need to grasp this concept because it's not fair to me to have my feelings be completely transparent between the two of you."

"Okay, I'm sorry you're right. This is really big news though so you're going to have to bear with me while I let it all sink in."

"I know, I'm sorry, you're right too."

After a long pause Rachel began to smile, "Aw, you guys have such a cute-and crazy, story."

Jackie glanced at Catherine and smiled, it was weird letting someone into their secret little world.

"Jesus, no wonder you've been such a bitch to Tommy, Catherine."

Catherine smiled at her, "it's been rather difficult."

"Everything makes so much sense now," Rachel looked as though she had just discovered the meaning of life.

"Rachel you need to keep quiet about this for now. Please promise us that we can trust you. Wade and Matt are literally the only other people that know." Jackie said.

"Of course. Wow. This is really going to change a lot for you Jackie."

"Trust me, I'm well aware of that. And it's going to change a lot for Catherine too, so we really need to keep it private until we work it all out."

"I promise. I won't say a word to anyone" Rachel said, placing her hand over her heart. She looked down at her phone, "I'm sorry but I really need to get out of here, I have a flight to catch." She got up and hugged Jackie, "thanks for confiding in me, it means a lot" she whispered. "And you Catherine, it's nice to meet the _real_ you," she said as she hugged her as well. "I've heard so many good things about you and I can see why Jackie is so in love with you. Whoops, sorry Jackie," she said looking back.

"It's okay," Jackie laughed. "She's very familiar with my feelings for her."

"Thanks so much for everything, it was really nice meeting you as well. I'm sure I'll be seeing you again soon," Catherine said as she hugged her tightly.

Rachel looked back at them again before leaving, "you guys are adorable."

As soon as the door closed Jackie and Catherine both looked at each other and let out a deep sigh, one they had both been holding in since Rachel spoke.

"Way to go Stark! Warning me to behave when your behavior is what got us caught." Jackie said, poking Catherine in the shoulder.

"Excuse me but you're guilty too."

"I need to sit down," Jackie sighed, suddenly feeling light headed.

Catherine sat down next to her on the bed, "are you okay?" She asked, rubbing her back.

"Yeah, I just can't believe this is all finally happening. I mean I know it's just Rachel but it's such a relief. I no longer need to hide from the people closest to me, except for Sean."

"You can tell him too if you want."

"Really? You wouldn't mind?" Jackie asked. She couldn't believe that Catherine was starting to come around to the idea of coming out of hiding, so to speak.

"No. I like Sean, and if I were him I'd feel pretty crappy being the only one left in the dark. Not Tommy though. I do not trust that little asshole."

"No way. He's too hungry for the press right now." Jackie fell back onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling. Her mind was racing, probably as much as Rachel's was. Catherine laid down next to her, propping herself up on her side with her elbow. "Are you sure you're okay Porcupine?"

"Yeah, it's just a crazy feeling. The little bubble we've been living in just popped."

Catherine reached over and caressed Jackie's cheek with the back of her finger as she smiled at her sweetly.

"Now I have to share you with the rest of the world," Jackie flashed a pout as she grabbed Catherine's hand from her cheek and intertwined their fingers. She felt her eyes begin to burn and stared at their hands for a moment, realizing everything they've ever known was about to change. When she finally looked up at Catherine, she noticed her eyes were glistening as well. Jackie leaned over and gently wiped away a tear that had suddenly escaped Catherine's eye. They both burst into laughter about how ridiculous they were being. "This is stupid, we're still us." Jackie said.

"Yes we are. And we better get going," Catherine interrupted, tucking Jackie's hair behind her ear. She rolled over and stood up off of the bed before pulling on Jackie's arms to help her sit up. Once she was sitting, Catherine took her face in her hands and gently kissed her forehead. "Are you ready for all of this, kiddo?"

Jackie looked up at her with a smile expanding from ear to ear, "absolutely."


	23. Chapter 23

Jackie opted for sunglasses and a sweatshirt, given her current hungover condition. No one seemed to notice who she was until she felt a gentle tug on her pants when they were in line for security. When she looked down, she saw a little girl. "Excuse me, are you Tyler?" She asked softly. Jackie smiled and crouched down next to her. "Hi cutie! Can you keep a secret?"

"Yes." The little girl eagerly responded.

"I _am_ Tyler, but shhh!" She said, placing her finger over her lips. "Don't tell anyone okay? I'm on a _very_ important secret mission."

Catherine watched as the little girls face lit up with joy. "I promise I won't tell anyone Tyler!"

"Pinky promise?" Jackie asked, sticking her pinky out.

"Pinky promise!" The little girl excitedly said, looping her finger through Jackie's.

"Is there any chance I can take your picture with her?" The mother asked. "I'll be discrete."

"Of course!"

After posing for the picture, Jackie autographed a piece of paper for them. "What's your name sweetheart?"

"Emma."

"You have a beautiful name, Emma. This is Catherine" Jackie said, pointing to her as she continued writing. "She's my best friend in the entire universe."

"Hi Catherine," Emma said, sticking her tiny hand out.

"Hi Emma, you sure are pretty" Catherine smiled, her heart melting at both the little girl and Jackie including her.

Emma flashed her a bashful smile, "thank you."

"Well it sure was nice meeting you, Emma!" Jackie said, as she gave her a big hug.

"I promise I won't say anything Tyler!" She whispered.

"How about this. You can tell whoever you want, just as long as you wait until you get home. Okay, sweetie?"

"Okay!" She said, obviously over the moon that she'd be able to tell all of her friends back home.

"Thank you so much! You're so sweet!" Her mom said graciously.

"It was my pleasure," Jackie winked, before they were separated.

"Well that was adorable." Catherine beamed.

"I know right? What a cutie. The smallest fans are my favorite."

The flight from New York to California was a grueling five hours. Catherine let Jackie have the window seat, both because Jackie wanted to sleep off her hangover, and mostly because Catherine was still uneasy with actually getting herself to look out the window. Baby steps. Jackie passed out soon after take off as Catherine worked on preparing herself for her interviews. After her eyes grew heavy and the words started to blur on the paper, she looped her arm through Jackie's and rested her head on her shoulder. About an hour later they both woke to the noise of the flight attendant pushing the drink cart. Jackie opened her eyes and noticed the compromising position they were in. She slid her arm out from Catherine's, "I'm sorry, it must've been out of habit."

"No it's okay, it was me."

Jackie looked at her questionably, "this is okay with you?"

"As long as they don't figure out my name and put two and two together right? And what are the chances they'd find out things that happened in small town Bloomington."

Before Jackie could answer, the plane began to shake then it suddenly dipped down. Catherine nervously grabbed her hand. Jackie pushed open the window, "it's just turbulence, looks like we're heading into a storm."

"Can you close that please" Catherine asked, as she laid her head back and closed her eyes, squeezing Jackie's hand hard.

"It's okay, it's completely normal. I promise." The plane dipped again and Jackie felt Catherine's body tense up against hers. She leaned in closer, putting her other arm on Catherine's to offer a little more support. "It's okay, I swear." Catherine didn't say anything, her breathing was incredibly fast and she was squeezing her eyes closed hard. "What can I do?" Jackie asked.

"I'm okay," Catherine said, trying to breathe slowly.

"You don't always need to act so strong," Jackie said smiling. "Come here" she said, as she lifted the arm rest and offered her her arm. Catherine lopped her arm through Jackie's, clinging on tightly as she squeezed her hand with the other. As the plane dropped again she buried her face into Jackie's shoulder. Jackie lifted her hand and kissed it slowly. Although she'd never tell her, Jackie loved when Catherine was vulnerable like this. It wasn't often that she was able to be the stronger one in their relationship, and she loved the feeling of providing some security to her as well. "Are you nervous for your interviews?" She thought maybe getting her mind off of the plane might help with her anxiety.

"Yes."

"You're going to do great, you're the most confident person I know. I mean you kissed me in the middle of campus during a department mixer, in broad daylight, not knowing how I'd react. You've got some balls woman."

"You wanted me." Catherine replied without even pausing, her face still buried in Jackie's shoulder.

Jackie laughed, "You know, one of the things that made me fall in love with you is your humbleness."

Catherine pinched her arm. "Ow! And how gentle you always are towards me. But sometimes I wish you'd be a little more aggressive, I'm not made of glass you know." Jackie said sarcastically.

This time Catherine couldn't help but laugh. She lifted her face up and smiled big at Jackie. "I know what you're doing."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Jackie replied, playing dumb.

"Who's the psychology professor here?"

"You are, Professor Stark," Jackie winked.

Catherine squeezed her knee, "thank you though."

"So we've got two more hours left on this flight, and were not going to see each other for a while after Thursday. Might as well make the most of it, plane turbulence and all," Jackie joked.

Catherine started to ease up a little, "is all of the Neptune stuff over after Europe?"

"Yeah. Well, the execs are throwing a big party once we get back, one last hurrah."

"Are you sad that it's all over?"

"Yes and no. It's surreal to think I'll be unemployed after this, but I'm exhausted and happy to get away from all of the Tommy drama." Jackie saw Catherine pause for a minute, she hoped she wasn't worrying about her and Tommy being in Europe together.

"Why didn't you ever mention that you wanted to go back to school?" Catherine asked.

Not what Jackie was expecting. "I assumed you knew. Just because Neptune came along didn't mean I ever planned on stopping my education."

"Where are you going to go?"

"Well, I think that all depends on where you land a job now. I don't want to interfere."

"What if you land that big movie?"

Jackie just stared at her. Given their current situation, it made things a little awkward.

"What?" Catherine asked confused.

"You've cut off the circulation to my arm, I don't think you'll be getting on a flight half way across the world anytime soon."Catherine let go of her arm. She wasn't sure if it was due to the circulation comment or if she was upset.

"You're not turning that down because of me."

"Well you're not the boss of me," Jackie replied, pretending to be tough.

Catherine just smiled.

"We'll figure it out when the time comes. By the way, Matt and Wade really want to set up a meeting with us and PR before we put ourselves out there too much. I know you've got enough on your plate right now, so we'll figure out a time when I get back from Europe."

"What exactly is this meeting going to entail?"

"Just getting everything in order in case anything leaks out. Damage control is the official lingo."

"Such official business for a relationship" Catherine responded, seeming somewhat bothered with the entire thing.

"Welcome to Hollywood," Jackie said, rolling her eyes. "So what about you, what's the best case scenario for these job interviews. Which is your first choice?"

"My first choice will always be Stanford since it's my alma mater, but they haven't reached out to me."

Jackie knew Catherine was upset about Stanford but it was so far from Los Angeles that it made her worry a bit. Regardless, she needed to stay supportive. "You never know, they still might. What about second choice?"

"Second choice is UCLA. They have the number six psychology department in the country."

"You know what else they have?" Jackie asked.

"What?"

"Me, minutes away," she grinned.

Catherine laughed, "yes, that too."

"So Berkley is your last choice?"

"Yeah, it's still a really good department though. They rank in at number 10. But we'd have to deal with some distance issues," Catherine said.

"Give or take six hours." Jackie smirked. She had already looked it up as soon as Catherine landed the interview. She knew she couldn't be selfish enough to complain though, Catherine was already moving across the country.

"We'll figure it out when the time comes," Catherine smiled, mirroring Jackie's response to her pending movie predicament.

They talked the rest of the flight, just enjoying each other's company since it had become quite rare for them to have five hours alone just to talk.


	24. Chapter 24

By the time they landed and checked into their hotel, Jackie and Catherine were both exhausted from the late night and long day of traveling. Not even having enough energy to get dinner, they collapsed on the bed and ordered in room service. "I feel awful, I'm so tired!" Jackie whimpered, as she fell backwards on the bed.

"So am I, and sore. That bathroom floor did a number on me" Catherine said, rubbing her aching neck.

"I'm sorry," Jackie apologized guiltily, "I can give you a massage?"

"Actually I think I'm going to go take a long, hot, bath" Catherine replied, before kissing Jackie on the cheek and rolling out of bed. Before she closed the bathroom door she turned back to Jackie, "you can join if you want" she said with a wink. She was in the bath almost ten minutes before she came to the realization that Jackie wasn't coming. Knowing her, she had probably fallen asleep. When Catherine's muscles finally felt relaxed and her body was at ease, she came back into the bedroom. The sight of Jackie made her laugh, confirming her assumption; she was curled up, in a ball, and fast asleep.

The next morning Catherine rolled over and smiled at the sight of Jackie in bed next to her. This was all becoming too normal, it was going to break her heart having to go back home in a couple of days. Jackie was leaving for Europe next week for the final leg of her Neptune 26 tour, so it would be a good three weeks before they were able to see each other again. They haven't had to deal with that much time apart since they'd reunited. Figuring Jackie would sleep a little longer, Catherine decided to get a work out in. After all of the food and alcohol they had consumed this weekend, she definitely needed it. She rolled over and whispered in Jackie's ear, "I'm going to go for a run, I'll be back soon" then kissed her on the cheek.

Jackie grabbed her wrist as she tried rolling back, "noooo, don't go yet" she said half consciously, as she turned over to face her. "Stay with me for a little while." Catherine smiled and rolled back over as Jackie nestled in next to her. "No wake up call is the best way to start a day" she murmured, as she slowly opened her eyes and stretched.

"Is it?" Catherine smirked, insinuating there was something better.

"Okay, waking up next to _you_ is the best way to start a day," Jackie said, fixing her statement.

"Better," Catherine smiled.

"Crap" Jackie blurted out, as the expression on her face revealed she was starting to remember something. "I fell asleep on you last night didn't I? The bath."

"You did. I almost got hypothermia waiting for you in there so long," Catherine responded stone faced.

"Shut up," she said slapping her arm, "I owe you though."

"Yes you do. Come on, let's go run."

"Noooooo" Jackie groaned.

"You don't want to spend time with me?"

Jackie flashed her an annoyed look so Catherine climbed on top of her and straddled her. "You're not going to see me for three...long...weeks," she said kissing her neck with each word. Jackie put her hands on her but Catherine grabbed them and pinned her down. "Nuh uh, not until after we run," she teased.

"Do you always get what you want?"

"Always," Catherine grinned.

Fifteen minutes later they were outside the hotel lobby stretching, despite Jackie's displeasure.

"So where to?" Asked Jackie.

"We're near campus so I'm eager to take a look since we won't have much time before our flight tomorrow."

"Sounds good."

As they were running through campus, Catherine was busy absorbing it all in as Jackie struggled to keep up. She hadn't ran in almost two weeks and the after party had really done a number on her. She was relieved when Catherine stopped to ask directions to the psychology building. "Need a breather?" Catherine asked, as Jackie was slumped over, trying to catch her breath, "Yes please."

After walking for a few minutes, Catherine stopped and looked up, "here it is."

"Professor Stark?" A voice said from behind them.

"Yes?" Catherine turned around.

"I thought that was you. Hi, I'm Professor Richardson. We spoke on the phone, I will be interviewing you tomorrow."

"Oh hello! It's a pleasure meeting you. Please ignore my appearance, we were just out for a run and decided to take a look around campus," Catherine said, obviously mortified.

"Don't be silly, I'm glad to see you taking an interest in the University. How are you liking the area so far?"

"We actually just arrived last night, so this is our first time getting out. Pardon my manners, this is my friend Jackie," Catherine said pointing to her.

"Hi, it's nice to meet you," Jackie offered her hand.

"You as well. I won't keep you two any longer. I'm looking forward to our interview tomorrow Professor Stark."

"As am I, it was a pleasure meeting you Professor Richardson," she said as she shook his hand.

Once he was out of sight, Catherine let out a groan, "oh my God, how embarrassing."

"What? You were fine," Jackie responded.

"Seeing me in spandex, dripping sweat, isn't exactly the first impression I wanted to make."

Jackie looked her down, "speaking of, being on a college campus with you- why don't we go find an empty classroom for old times sake?" She teased.

"Don't you dare" Catherine warned, pointing a finger at her.

"I love a good dare" Jackie responded playfully.

"I'm serious Jackie," she said sternly.

"I know, calm down I'm just kidding."

"Isn't it gorgeous here?" Catherine said, changing the subject. "Bloomington isn't even a blimp on the radar compared to this," she said in awe as her eyes skimmed the beautiful landscape.

Jackie followed her eyes. The campus was gorgeous, it was a lot prettier to look at than Bloomington and a lot larger. Jackie couldn't help but think of how many different people Catherine would meet if she worked here. Suddenly her stomach began to tie in knots thinking about her being so far away, making a new life here without her. What if she found another student that struck her eye? What if she lost interest in Jackie now that she was a big time Professor at a top ten university? When she looked back at Catherine she saw the excitement on her face and felt guilty for being so paranoid. "It is gorgeous, I'm sure you'd love it here."

Back at the hotel Jackie sat on the bed as Catherine showered. She couldn't shake the doubts she'd been feeling since back at campus. Their life this past week had been so perfect being able to see each other every single day. She couldn't imagine a six hour drive being between them.

When Catherine got out of the shower she opened the door and saw Jackie sitting on the edge of the bed with a gloomy look on her face. "You okay Porcupine?" Jackie jerked her head up, "yeah" she smiled, Catherine could tell it wasn't genuine.

"No you're not, what's up?" She said as she sat down next to her.

"Nothing, I swear," she smiled. There it was again.

"Jackie I know you well enough to know something's wrong, and I know you well enough to know that's not your real smile."

"You know, it's really unfair dating a psychology professor," Jackie said giving her a side smile.

"It's not so much psychology as it is how well I know you," Catherine laughed, "so tell me."

"It's nothing, I'm just having a jealous girlfriend moment and I have no right to be, considering my own career."

"I'm not following," Catherine asked confused, who was Jackie jealous about?

"I'm just feeling self conscious about this all. I'm scared you're going to get tired of me once you start your new exciting life. And the distance, what if you meet someone else who can give you something I can't."

Catherine's chest tightened as she listened to Jackie. "That's never going to happen," she said, placing her hand on her knee. "You don't think I have these exact same insecurities?"

Jackie laughed, "no, look at you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're gorgeous Catherine. When you walk into a room you make both men and women turn their heads" Jackie said as she stood up.

"And you're a young, gorgeous Hollywood actress!" Catherine fired back.

"I'm sorry, I really am. Your interview is tomorrow and I'm being unfair talking about this" Jackie said, growing quiet.

After spending all weekend in Jackie's world, Catherine was a little irritated that she was acting like this after one quick stroll around campus. However annoyed she was, she couldn't be upset though. She knew exactly what Jackie was feeling, because she felt it every time Jackie stepped into her movie star role. "Come here, sit down" she said, taking her hands.

"No, just forget I said anything. I'm just tired and being moody. Can we rewind the last 60 seconds?"

"Please sit," Catherine asked again. Jackie just stood there, "No, I'm being stupid and I'm embarassing myself. Really, I'm okay. We're out of ice though so I'm going to go get some." Jackie let go of her hands and began to walk away before Catherine grabbed her arms and pulled her in front of her again.

"You're not being stupid. No one is ever going to be able to offer me something you can't. You're not replaceable." Jackie looked down and offered a small smile, Catherine hadn't seen her look so insecure since they had first met. "You're my little Porcupine" she said, moving her hands to Jackie's hips, playfully rocking them before drawing her closer. "Come here..." Jackie leaned down and Catherine brought her face closer, kissing her and pulling her down onto the bed.

"I'm sorry, I really am. You don't need this on your mind before your interview, I'm just scared that-"

Before Jackie could finish, Catherine kissed her again. She could tell Jackie was feeling extremely vulnerable, to be honest she was too. She really liked what she saw so far down here and knew the distance would be brutal on their relationship. Especially if Jackie wanted to go to school on top of continuing to act. Wanting to make them escape these feelings of insecurity, she did what she always did and buried her emotional pain with physical pleasure, bringing Jackie along for the ride.


	25. Chapter 25

Jackie woke up the next day to Catherine pacing around the room, whispering to herself while reading off of a notebook. Her hair was in a towel so she had obviously been up for quite some time. Knowing how nervous she was and not wanting to to break her concentration, Jackie just laid there silently and watched. A few minutes, and several laps around the room later, Catherine's eyes finally caught hers and she stopped in place. "How long have you been awake?"

"A few minutes."

"I'm sorry, did I wake you?"

"No, not at all. You were in the zone so I didn't want to interrupt."

"I'm so nervous. I haven't been to a job interview in so long. Hecht literally hired me straight out of college."

"Come sit," Jackie said, patting the bed. Catherine came over and Jackie placed her hand over Catherine's, "You're going to do great. You've already met him, so that's half the battle right there. At least you'll be a little more comfortable now."

"That's true. I don't know how you do it. A big part of your occupation is basically being a professional interviewee," Catherine joked.

Jackie smirked, "pretty much. It gets easier though. You just have to do your best and not dwell on it. You lectured in front of full class rooms for years and gave your speech in front of a packed hall, you have nothing to be nervous about. You're the most confident person I know."

Catherine leaned over and kissed her on the forehead, "you're right, I shouldn't feel so out of my element."

"You're a damn good professor. Not many college courses have waiting lists. No matter how intimidating you were, students were still drawn to you." As soon as the words escaped her lips she knew that sounded wrong. "Okay, bad example."

"Yeah, I'm trying to avoid that subject at all costs" Catherine laughed, before glancing at the clock. "We need to leave in about an hour so I'm going to start getting ready."

By the time Jackie packed and got out of the shower, Catherine was dressed head to toe, wearing her lucky black suit. It seemed like just yesterday she had laid eyes on her from across the lobby at Stanford for the first time in a year, wearing that exact suit. These last few weeks had flown by but at the same time it felt like they had never spent any time apart. "You look gorgeous" Jackie beamed, as she walked over to Catherine. "You've got this. You're Professor Fucking Stark!"

Catherine laughed at the remark and hugged her, "I'm so glad you're here with me during my interviews to offer your mood lightening remarks."

While Catherine was in her interview, Jackie took it upon herself to walk around campus. As she sat on a bench she watched as students passed by, socializing and enjoying each other's company between classes. She felt extremely nostalgic even though it had only been a year. She missed the normalcy college offered. She missed finally getting to experience going to school. She missed the friends she made and most importantly, she missed the way her and Catherine's relationship was back then. How easy it was regardless of the sneaking around. Who would have guessed a year later, they'd be out here in California trying to figure out how to make it work. In the middle of her daydream her phone started to ring, it was Catherine letting her know the interview was over.

"So tell me everything" Jackie said, once they met back at the car.

"It went really well I think," Catherine smiled. "He was really impressed with my article and watched my speech online and loved it, so I guess we will wait and see."

"That's great! See I told you, you had nothing to worry about" Jackie grinned, playfully slapping Catherine's knee. "So do you want to get some lunch around here to celebrate? I looked up some local favorites online as I was waiting."

"No, let's just get a bite to eat at the airport."

"Are you sure? We have plenty of time."

"Yeah, it's fine."

Jackie wasn't sure why Catherine was so eager to get to the airport. They literally hadn't left the hotel room except for their run yesterday. She hoped it wasn't because of her, she didn't want to ruin this opportunity for her. "Is this because of my little meltdown yesterday? I promise I'm fine. I'm sincerely excited for you, I even walked around campus today."

"No, not at all. I just don't want to get my hopes up and fall in love with this place if it doesn't work out."

"Okay, airport it is then" Jackie replied as she pulled away from campus.

The next two days flew by. As expected, Catherine's interview at UCLA went equally as well as the one at UC Berkeley, and she loved the campus even more than the last. Jackie was thrilled she loved it considering the proximity it was to her. With all of the interviews and travel, they weren't left with much time to just spend with one another. Before they knew it, it was their last night together and time seemed to be quickly slipping away from them. They hadn't talked much about their pending three week separation. Mostly because neither of them wanted to think about it, yet alone let it ruin their limited time together, but it was definitely heavy on their minds.

Catherine decided to cook a nice dinner for them since nutrition was something Jackie was definitely lacking in her life. After her interview they took a trip to the local farmers market and Catherine gave Jackie a crash course in healthy eating before returning back to Jackie's.

"I'm well aware of how to eat healthy, I just don't have the time" she said, trying to pull any excuse she could think of as they were carrying the groceries back up to her apartment.

Catherine just shot her a look, "that's a textbook excuse you know."

"Be honest. Do you think I'm fat?" Jackie pouted as she paused before going in the door, only being half serious.

"Totally" Catherine teased, poking her in the stomach as she passed. "It's not about weight, it's about health. You're going to get sick with all of this traveling you do if you don't get your immune system in check, and I doubt you want to be sick in Europe."

Jackie swallowed hard at the word. It's the first time either of them had spoken of it in days. "Let's make this interesting while we cook" she said, changing the subject.

"I'm afraid to ask," Catherine said wearily.

Jackie went to the cabinet and pulled down two wine glasses before grabbing a bottle from the counter. "It's called Never Have I Ever."

"Okay, how do you play?" Catherine asked as she unloaded the groceries.

"It's easy. When it's your turn you just say something you've never done before and if the other person has, they take a drink."

"Are you just trying to get out of cooking?"

"Maybe," Jackie grinned.

"Fine. I'll start" Catherine said. "Never have I ever lived off of take out food."

Jackie laughed and took a giant sip, "I figured I'd better drink a lot on that one considering it's all I live off of." She made her way over to the counter to start helping Catherine. "So how did you learn to cook anyway?"

"When my parent's died we lived with my grandma before she passed away. She taught me what she could but then when she got sick it became my responsibility, so I began teaching myself and took a couple of classes."

Jackie looked up at Catherine but her eyes never left the cutting board as she chopped. It pained Jackie thinking how hard it must have been on her to lose her family at such a young age, no wonder she was so tough. Mark's death was enough to rattle her own world so she couldn't imagine losing her entire family. "Where did you guy's go after your grandma died?"

"I had just turned 18 so I moved back into my parent's house, the house I live in now, and my brother lived with me for a little while before joining the army. Then once he left I came out here to Stanford then back home for grad school, and you know the rest."

Jackie placed her hand on Catherine's shoulder sympathetically. Catherine looked up and smiled, "it's okay. It was a long time ago." She could see the pain behind her eyes and knew just because it had been there for quite a while, it was still painful no matter how hard she tried to hide it. After a short pause Catherine said, "It's your turn."

"What?" Jackie asked confused.

"The game."

"Oh, right. Hm… let me think. Let's make this interesting," Jackie wanted to change the mood and lighten things up. "Never have I ever… slept with someone younger than me."

Catherine rolled her eyes at her as she reached for her glass of wine, "real original."

"Oh wait! Never mind, I lied" Jackie said, grabbing Catherine's glass before it reached her lips. "I forgot about Zach. He was slightly younger."

"You slept with Zach?" Catherine said with quite a bit of shock in her face.

Apparently Jackie failed to mention that piece of information. "Yeah, not my proudest moment."

"When?"

"Right after we broke up, so give me a break."

"Were you drunk?" Catherine was firing off questions faster than Jackie could answer.

"Unfortunately no. As soon as he fell asleep I tried to sneak out and he caught me, I felt terrible."

Catherine stared at Jackie with a disgusted face.

"Oh like you can judge."

"Where?"

"Where what?"

"Where did this happen?"

"His dorm." Jackie knew Catherine was a tiny bit on the possessive side, but was somewhat shocked at her sudden jealously over innocent little Zach. She was actually enjoying it.

Catherine started laughing, "that's cute."

"What can I say? How could I leave college without having a one night stand in a dorm room?"

"What, having sex all over campus wasn't enough for you? You just had to get that one stereotypical experience in to end with a bang? Pun intended."

"Am I sensing a bit of jealousy? I did end it with a bang, but it wasn't him. As I recall I ran into a certain someone in the library my last day, someone who drug me back to their house."

"Drug? Please. You were more than willing. I believe you literally tackled me."

Jackie laughed, "guilty."

"And jealous of Zach? Please. I would break that boy."

"Ew, I don't even want to picture that" Jackie said, shaking the image from her mind.

"Hence my disgust."

"Yes, because it was such a joy watching you take that man upstairs."

Catherine looked at her, annoyed that she was bringing this up again but they were interrupted when Jackie's phone began ringing. When she pulled it out of her pocket she saw it was Wade.

"Hey Wade, how's it going," Jackie held her finger up to Catherine to excuse herself.

"Hey Jackie, its going good but even better for you. I just received a phone call from the casting director of that movie trilogy you auditioned for. You got a call back!"

"Really? That's great. When?" Jackie looked back at Catherine who was busy over the stove and slipped back into her bedroom.

"I told them you're headed to Europe so they would like to squeeze you in before you leave."

"I don't know if that's possible Wade, I leave on Monday."

"Okay, well let me give them a call back and see if there's anytime this weekend that would work for them."

"Okay, sounds good."

"Alright well congratulations Jackie! Stop by my office sometime tomorrow to pick up the script."

"Thanks Wade, I'll see you then."

Jackie sat down on her bed for a minute to collect her thoughts. As vain as it sounded, she wasn't completely shocked that she got a call back after the praise she received after her first audition. Thinking back to that day, how upset she was. It was the first time her and Catherine had to say goodbye since reconnecting, and now here they were again. Funny that the same audition went hand in hand with each difficult goodbye.

Catherine looked back when she hadn't heard Jackie in a while and noticed she had disappeared. She wondered what type of news Wade had for her, probably something to do with that big movie considering Jackie left the room. She reached over and poured herself another glass of wine before continuing with dinner.

"Smells greats," Jackie said from behind her as she came back into the kitchen.

"Thanks, it's almost finished if you want to grab some plates. Catherine waited for Jackie to say something about the call but she didn't, which was causing a bit of awkwardness. Finally when they sat down Jackie took a sip of wine and said, "so that was Wade letting me know I got a call back for that movie."

"That's great! Why didn't you say something sooner?"

"It's just a tough topic and I don't want to put a damper on the night."

"Never would I ever not be supportive of your career" Catherine smiled.

Jackie's expression turned solemn before grabbing her wine glass and taking a drink.

Catherine just looked back at her confused.

"I don't deserve not to drink. Not after the way I acted at Berkeley, and I'd be lying if I didn't say I want you to get the job at UCLA. I need to work on my selfishness apparently." After she finished drinking her glass she grabbed the bottle and stood, "we need more wine."

Catherine grabbed her own glass and followed her into the kitchen. "It's not selfish. I'd be worried if you wanted me to be far away from you. Here pour me a glass then too, because of course I'd rather you not go to Europe" she said, placing her glass on the counter.

Jackie filled both of their glasses then hopped up on the counter. "Cheers to two selfish assholes trying to make it work."

Catherine laughed and clinked her glass with Jackie's. "If it comes down to it, we will still see each other every weekend. We will take turns driving to each other. Hey at least it'll keep things fresh, we won't get sick of each other."

"Never have I ever thought in a million years that I'd fall in love with a college professor in Bloomington, Indiana" Jackie smiled.

"Never have I ever thought in a million years I'd fall in love," Catherine replied.

Jackie drank, "you never thought you'd fall in love?"

"No. Why do you think I slept with students? They were guaranteed failed relationships that could never work."

"Why did you do that to yourself?"

"When you're use to being on your own for so long, you just get use to the emptiness. You're too afraid to fill it in fear that you'll have to experience that kind of pain all over again when you lose them."

"I didn't mean to leave you. I promise you if I knew how you felt I would've fought harder" Jackie said, taking Catherine's hands in her own.

"I know. It was my fault. I was too scared to admit that I had lost control."

"Well now you're shit out of luck because you're stuck with me, and _I'm_ in control now," Jackie said with a tough look on her face.

"You wish," Catherine laughed. "I think it's safe to say it's an equal playing ground for once."

Before they knew it, they had stayed up all night talking and it was almost time for them to head to the airport. "I can't believe we've been up all night, at least I'll be exhausted enough to sleep through the flight home."

"Me either, even though we took advantage of every second of last night, it still feels like we got sucked through a time-continuum vortex. This all went too fast."

"Time-continuum vortex?" Catherine repeated, raising her eyebrow. "Is this another Neptune pick up line? I'm flattered, but I don't think we have enough time."

"Shut up," Jackie laughed, "you know what I mean."

"I do. It doesn't feel real to me yet. I think we might have spoiled ourselves being together so much. I might have to break the rules and let Ethan sleep with me to make up for it."

"No fair, I don't have anything to help me with the loneliness. I miss Ethan." Jackie frowned.

"You're going to be in Europe, I have zero sympathy for you," Catherine joked as she poked her in the chest.

Jackie laughed but her eyes shifted focus to the floor as pain suddenly began ripping through her chest. She didn't want to go to Europe, let alone for ten days. That was a lot of time to be away from home, and away from Catherine. "Are you sure I can't convince you to come?"

"You know I'd love to but I need to get back to Ethan, the poor thing has been getting quite neglected lately. The time is going to fly by, they're going to keep you busy and it's your last trip for Neptune so I'm sure everyone's going to let loose. You'll have a blast."

"You sound like a mom trying to convince her child how great summer camp is going to be," Jackie replied.

Catherine laughed at the reference but stopped as soon as Jackie looked up at her with tears in her eyes. "Porcupine! Don't start this!" Catherine frowned as she took Jackie in her arms. "My heart can't handle a sad goodbye."

"I can't help it," Jackie laughed as the tears escaped her eyes and rolled down her cheeks.

Catherine pulled back and took her face in her hands, gently wiping away the tears with her thumbs. "You know I'm just a phone call away whenever you need me."

"You know there's a nine hour time difference, right?" Jackie asked.

"I guess that slipped my mind. We'll make it work, I'll stay up late. Whatever it takes. I love you, you know that?"

Jackie slowly nodded with her head buried in Catherine's shoulder. They both stood there, clinging to one another tightly for a few minutes before they had to leave. Jackie let out a long breath trying to pull herself together, she couldn't believe how hard she was taking this. "I'm sorry, I don't think the exhaustion is helping. No more tears, I promise." Since last time was such a fiasco they decided Jackie would just drop Catherine off instead. When they reached the passenger drop off, Jackie got out of the car to help Catherine with her luggage. "We've got this. I'll see you in a few weeks, okay?" Catherine said, before giving her one final hug. Jackie slowly let go of Catherine's hand, letting her fingers slip through as she started to walk away. She stood there by her car and waved as Catherine walked towards the door but suddenly Catherine came back and hugged her one last time, dropping her bag and taking Jackie's face in her hands, kissing her right there on the curb. Catherine disappeared into the terminal before Jackie could even think, leaving her stunned on the street.

"Ma'am, I'm sorry but you're going to need to move your vehicle now" a voice said in front of her, bringing Jackie back to reality. As she drove away from the airport a big smile expanded across her face; simultaneously inside the airport, Catherine was wearing the same grin as she checked in for her flight.


	26. Chapter 26

Jackie woke up in a haze. The darkness of her room was playing tricks with her mind, the way it does when you've slept so long you don't know whether it's morning or night. The last thing she remembered was collapsing onto her bed after returning from Wade's office. She reached over and felt for her phone on the nightstand. It was 1 A.M., she had literally slept all day. Panicking, she checked her phone and saw a missed call and messages from Catherine. Thankfully she had assumed correctly, that Jackie had fallen asleep. Catherine was three hours ahead of her so she would hopefully be awake in the next few hours. She wrote her a text apologizing and asking her to call when she woke up. Slowly getting out of bed, she walked across the room and turned on the light. The sudden brightness was too harsh on her eyes, causing her to squint until they adjusted. When she could finally see clearly, she noticed the emptiness in her room now that all of Catherine's things were no longer there. It was finally starting to sink in that she was really gone. Yearning to talk to her even more, Jackie made her way into the living room to start memorizing the script she had picked up from Wade. Hopefully this would keep her mind occupied until Catherine awoke.

Catherine slowly opened her eyes and glanced around at her surroundings. It felt strange waking up in her bed for the first time in a week, and even stranger being alone. She rolled over and placed her hand on the empty spot next to her. It's funny how she had slept alone for so long but now it suddenly felt unnatural. She missed waking up seeing Jackie in the vacant spot, curled up in a ball. Once she gained complete consciousness she retrieved her phone and saw the message from Jackie. It was 8 A.M. which meant it was only 5 A.M. in California, so she opted to first send a text in case Jackie had fallen back asleep. "Good Morning Porcupine, are you awake?" Seconds later Jackie called her. "I'll take that as a yes?" Catherine laughed.

"Thank God, I've been waiting for you to wake up!"

"Had a long night I assume?"

"Excruciatingly long. I woke up at 1 A.M., I fell asleep sometime around 1 P.M. mind you. I'm so sorry I slept through your call."

"It's okay. I figured you had fallen asleep, I called it an early night too."

"My apartment is depressingly empty and quiet, especially in the middle of the night. I miss you already."

"I miss you too, it was weird not waking up next to you."

The two of them spent nearly two hours on the phone together before finally hanging up. They would have stayed on longer, but Catherine insisted Jackie take a nap after her rough night so she would be able to ace her audition the next day. One would think they wouldn't have much to say after staying up and talking the entire night before, and being inseparable for the past week, but they did. They were as happy as they had ever been despite the distance, and were finally starting to feel like a supportive and stable pair. Both positive things that were needed going into their three week hiatus from one another. After her nap, Jackie spent the rest of the night studying and learning her lines while Catherine gave Ethan some much needed attention back in Bloomington.

Monday seemed to roll around sooner than Jackie was prepared for once the audition was over with. She came out of the second audition feeling better than she did the first, knowing Catherine had a lot to do with it. She had woken up at 5:00 A.M. the morning of just to call and wish Jackie luck, giving her that extra kick of confidence she needed. Now she was sitting in the airport waiting to board her plane to Europe, trying to stay positive about it. "Hey, I'm about to board the plane" she said, once Catherine picked up the phone.

"Are you okay, you seem more down than usual?"

"Yeah, I just want to get this over with."

"I know, it'll be over before you know it though. Make sure to stay healthy and take those supplements I gave you."

Jackie appreciated Catherine's concern but thought she was overreacting a bit. It was ten days in Europe, she'd be fine despite the exhaustion. "I will, thank you. They're starting to board now so I better get off of here. I love you!"

"Okay, call me when you land, I don't care what time it is. Love you too, be safe."

Two days into the trip, Jackie started feeling under the weather. She thought it was just the jet lag but then she became congested and it started to affect her sleeping which wasn't making things any better. After another day full of interviews she called Catherine as she usually did. The nine hour time difference actually came to their advantage with Jackie's late nights. She was usually wrapping up her day while Catherine was in the middle of hers.

"Hey Porcupine," Catherine answered.

"Hey, how's your day?"

Catherine ignored the question, "You sound terrible, are you sick?"

Jackie had been hiding her condition from Catherine since she had warned her about this happening. "Yes, but please spare me the 'I told you so' speech. I beg you."

Catherine laughed, "typically I'd jump all over this, but you sound awful."

"I feel awful. I'm so tired and and it doesn't matter how hard I try, I can't get any sleep when I'm hardly even given time to get any."

"Did you take your supplements?"

"Yeah." Jackie responded, trying to sound convincing.

"Jackie..." Catherine pried, not buying her act.

"Okay, I might have skipped a few. Don't yell at me, my head hurts."

"Aw, poor baby. Can't you tell them to cut back on the schedule a bit?"

Jackie laughed, "right."

"What's Rachel's number?"

"No, I'm not letting you yell at anyone. I'm a big girl and can handle this."

"Fine, then you need to hang up and go to sleep. Try drinking some tea, and for God's sake take the supplements!"

"Okay, I love you."

"Love you too, and Jackie?"

"Yeah?"

"I told you so," Catherine laughed before hanging up the phone.

As the days progressed Jackie just kept getting worse and worse. One day, halfway through the trip, she literally couldn't go on without some relief. While on a break between interviews she called Catherine, "I'm dying."

"Put Rachel on the phone. I won't be mean, I just want to tell her what to get you."

Jackie struggled through the rest of the interviews, apologizing for her physical and mental state. After 9 painful hours her publicist finally pulled her out of her last two interviews after she had spaced out during the last. "Jackie you need to go back to the hotel and get your act together before tomorrow when we start this all over again. You look like you're on drugs. Do you want those rumors to surface again?" Not having enough energy to argue, she got in the car with Rachel and headed back to the hotel where a Z-Pak was waiting for her at the front desk.

"Catherine's recommendation," Rachel smiled, as she handed her the package.

By the end of the trip, Jackie had just about enough of her publicists and manager. They had zero sympathy for her the entire time, pushing her to do more and criticizing her for not being at her best. She was sick of not being treated like an adult. Surprisingly Tommy, and Rachel of course, had been her only allies; standing up for her when the rest were beating her down. Without them she would have been lost. Catherine of course was furious, worried sick about her the entire trip wishing she could be there. Due to her exhaustion and illness, they weren't able to talk much since Jackie needed to sleep any chance she was given. Their last day was the Amsterdam premiere and Jackie was finally feeling better thanks to Catherine's Z-Pak. Before heading to the premiere she gave Catherine a quick call.

"Hey stranger, how do you feel?" Catherine asked.

"Hey, I'm sorry we haven't talked much. I feel so much better though, thanks so much for the medicine. You are a lifesaver."

"Good you sound much better. It's okay, I'd rather you be rested and healthy."

As good as she was at disguising it, Catherine was miserable. The last week and a half had been brutal not talking to Jackie, and she spent most of her time angry at the people surrounding her. She really liked Rachel but being her assistant, she wished she would have stepped up a little more to defend Jackie and her health. If she would have been there herself, things would have been a lot different. While she was talking to Jackie, she suddenly heard Tommy's voice in the background and Jackie giggling, ignoring her on the phone.

"Hey so I heard some good news today" she said, trying to get Jackie's attention back. It didn't work, Jackie was still laughing and talking to Tommy. Someone sure was feeling better and it was starting to anger Catherine that she was wasting the little time they had fooling around with Tommy, who had been with her all week.

"Jackie..."

"Yeah? What? I'm sorry Tommy had to tell me something."

"It's okay." Catherine tried to control her temper but she just kept picturing Tommy putting his hands on her.

"Did you say something about good news?" Jackie asked, interrupting her thoughts.

"UCLA called, I have a second interview this week!"

"No way! I'm so excited and happy! Now you can come visit!"

Once again Tommy interrupted them.

"So you and Tommy are on good terms again I see."

"Yeah, him and Rachel have really helped me out this week when everyone else has been so cruel."

Jealousy suddenly filled Catherine's body. She should be there, not Tommy, taking care of Jackie. How was he taking care of her? Was he in her bedroom alone with her? "Has he been behaving?" She asked instead.

"Hold on a second." Catherine heard Jackie move the phone away from her mouth, "Hey Tommy can you give me a sec? I'll meet you downstairs." After the sound of a door closing Jackie began talking again. "You're not getting upset about this are you?"

"I can't say I'm particularly thrilled with you being distracted by Tommy the entire time we've been talking, considering we hardly have been able to all week."

"I'm sorry, you're right. Things just get a little crazy around here during premiere days. I just kicked him out though so I'm all yours."

"I just wish I could of been there to take care of you rather than him." There were plenty of other words Catherine had about Tommy but she refrained from doing so. She didn't want to come off as crazy and jealous.

"I know. Trust me, I would much rather you be here than him. I miss you so much."

Before Jackie had to go, they ended on a positive note but Catherine still couldn't wait for her to get home, and away from Tommy. She trusted Jackie, Tommy not so much.

Jackie stared out the limo window, thinking about her phone call with Catherine. She felt guilty that she was distracted by Tommy but in no way was it intentional. Catherine made her hatred for Tommy very clear and Jackie couldn't blame her. She couldn't imagine Catherine jetting off to Europe for ten days with someone she shared a past with, especially the kind they had. The publicists interrupted her thoughts barking orders at her as usual, pushing her further to her limit. Before stepping out of the limo she sent Catherine one last text, "I'm going to make this up to you XO."


	27. Chapter 27

Jackie stepped out of the limo and took Tommy's arm, taking their regular stroll through the fans and photographers. As they entered the red carpet lined with reporters her heart began to race as she glanced back at the publicists. There wasn't any turning back now, she had made up her mind. She pulled Tommy's arm closer and leaned into him, moving her mouth to his ear, "I'm sorry Tommy but I can't do this anymore." He looked back at her in confusion but once locking eyes, his face softened. "Okay, you know they're going to give you hell for this though right?" He warned, tilting his head towards the publicists.

"Yeah I know, but I just can't anymore. I'm sorry."

"I understand" he said, letting go of her arm and smiling as he motioned her to go on without him.

It only took two questions before the first reporter mentioned her relationship with Tommy. Jackie took a deep breath in before responding. "You know, people just assumed we were together and I know I haven't done much to prevent them from thinking that, but we're actually just good friends."

The reporter was a little caught off guard by the comment. "Well I know a lot of young fans who are going to be devastated about this news, it seems as though they labeled you two as their their young 'IT' couple."

Jackie turned and looked directly into the camera, "well girls, I think it's great news for you all, because I know for a fact that Tommy is on the market" she said winking. "He's a great guy, any girl would be lucky to have him and I'm lucky to call him a friend."

"But never anything more?" the reporter pried.

Jackie smiled coyly, "Let's just say that I am _very_ happy with that part of my life right now and it doesn't involve Tommy."

"Oh really? Anyone we know?" The reporter asked intrigued, knowing she had just landed a hot story.

"No, I've always tended to prefer to try and live a more normal life outside of my career, so I have always been more attracted to people not involved in the business."

"How long ago did this relationship transpire?"

"I'm not going to answer that question, I know how you people work. If I give you a time range you'll go back and stalk every movement I made to see who I was with," Jackie teased. "This person means the world to me and I'm just going to leave it at that."

"Okay, I can respect that and can tell you are very happy. I wish nothing but the best for you Ms. Kirk."

"I am _very_ happy, thank you" Jackie beamed. After shaking her hand goodbye, she turned around and saw the look on her publicists' faces and could tell they were not happy.

"Holy shit Jackie, did you tell anyone you were going to do that?" Rachel asked, pulling her aside the moment the interview was over.

"No. After this week I'm done playing their games. This is _my_ life and I'm in control of things now. But I have a job to finish so you can tell them that we can discuss this later if necessary," she said, removing Rachel's hand from her arm and moving on to the next reporter.

Once the premiere was over the publicists pulled Jackie and Tommy into a room. "What the hell was that?!" They yelled.

"Tell me what I did wrong?" Jackie asked sternly.

"We had an agreement. You two were supposed to ride this thing out until the very end."

"It is the end. I did my part and now I'm done."

"You need to run these things by us before you selfishly run your mouth to reporters."

"Hey, come on now" Tommy said, putting his hands up and stepping in front of Jackie. "She's been nothing but patient this entire time. She did what was asked of her, there's no need to attack her like this."

"It's our job to be your guys' filter. You need to run everything by us."

"It's really not that big of a deal," Jackie responded. "And I am an adult, I can say whatever I please."

"Not that big of a deal? Let's see how you feel about that when you disappear from the public's interest."

"Are we done here?" Jackie asked, before storming out. How could they be so rude to her, treating her as nothing more than their puppet. And how dare they call her selfish after she kept this Tommy thing up for so long, putting her real relationship on the line. She knew it was the last Neptune after party but was completely over this entire trip and everyone involved. Staying only an hour, she called it a night and went back to the hotel. After releasing some stress with a long, hot shower she called Catherine.

"What's wrong? Aren't you supposed to be at your premiere?" Catherine asked.

"I left early. I just want to go to sleep so I can wake up and be on my way home" she sighed, plopping down on the bed.

"What happened?" Catherine asked concerned.

"I ended the Tommy facade once and for all."

"What do you mean? What did he do to you?"

"What? Nothing. I told the reporters me and Tommy weren't together and that I was happy with someone else."

"No you didn't..."

"Yes I did. I told you I was going to make it up to you. Problem is I didn't run it by the publicists because I knew they'd be against it, and let's just say they're not too happy with me right now."

"So you completely blindsided them?"

"Yeah, and then they pulled me and Tommy into a room afterward and tore me apart."

"How does Tommy feel about it?"

"He was completely supportive and even stuck up for me."

"Wow."

"I know right? He's been so different ever since New York."

"It seems like it. Is he still at the party?"

"Yeah, why?" Jackie asked, pulling herself up until she was sitting.

"Just wondering."

She could tell Catherine was subtly trying get information on Tommy and couldn't understand why, especially since she just told her she completely ended things with him. Aside from walking in on Tommy in her apartment before they were even together, and their drunken misunderstanding, she hadn't done anything to warrant Catherine's jealousy.

"Catherine."

"Yeah?"

"I just told a reporter at an international movie premiere that I wasn't with Tommy and was happily taken, and all you care about is where Tommy is?"

"I know, I'm sorry. I'm proud of you. It's just been a long three weeks."

"Are you ever going to trust me? I've done nothing wrong. You know I'm not going anywhere, I thought this would've proven it."

"I know, I know." Catherine replied apologetically.

"I'm just going to go to sleep, I'll talk to you in the morning before my flight." Jackie was exhausted fighting with everyone and didn't have the energy to do the same with Catherine. She called her hoping she'd make her feel better but instead she was just intensifying her frustrations.

"No please, don't. I'm sorry. It really means a lot to me and I just need to get over the Tommy thing. I do trust you."

Jackie talked to Catherine a little longer before calling it a night, venting her frustrations and eagerness to get home. The next morning she awoke to a message from her manager Matt, unhappy about the night before and telling her the PR meeting needed to be scheduled as soon as she returned to the States. On the way to the airport she gave Catherine a call but before she could talk, Catherine interrupted with great news that she had just received. "Stanford called! I have an interview!" Not having the heart to bring down her happiness with the dreaded PR meeting, she decided not to mention it yet, "I told you they'd call! I'm so happy for you! We'll celebrate when you come to LA in a couple of days!" The joy in Catherine's voice was infectious and lifted Jackie's spirits. She couldn't wait to get back home and see her. On the flight home she sat next to Rachel and the two talked all about their week in Europe and Jackie and Catherine's relationship. It felt good finally being able to talk to someone about Catherine. It removed so much built up stress talking through both her frustrations, and her happiness in their relationship. Jackie felt lucky to have Rachel in her life and their bond was only growing stronger.

When they finally arrived back in the States, Jackie spent the entire first day in bed. After ten days of illness and no sleep, she refused to move and gave her body the proper rest it needed. Catherine was arriving in the morning for her second interview at UCLA, so she decided she'd better get her act together and step out into the world to do some grocery shopping. Despite the lack of enthusiasm, Catherine agreed to the PR meeting and it was scheduled during her visit, one of many reasons to pick up some wine while she was out. After putting away the groceries and cleaning her apartment she called it an early night, eager to pick up Catherine in the morning.

Jackie opened her eyes looking around the room, wondering what had woken her. A few seconds later she heard knocking at her door and sat up in bed. It was after midnight, and her heart began racing, not knowing who it was. There was the knocking again. She slowly got out of bed and made her way down the hall, tip toeing to the door. When she looked through the peep hole her uneasiness turned into an overwhelming sense of excitement. She couldn't undo the locks fast enough before swinging open the door and throwing herself into Catherine's arms. Catherine held her tightly, pressing Jackie's head close against her as she laughed. "You scared the shit out of me!" Jackie said, squeezing her even tighter before stepping back. "What are you doing here?!" Her cheeks were already started to burn from smiling so hard.

Catherine cupped her face in her hands, "You're not the only one who can do all the surprising. I couldn't wait any longer to see you."

Jackie grabbed her face and kissed her, not having enough control or desire to stop. After a few moments Catherine finally pulled away, "aren't you going to invite me in?" She laughed, "It's pretty late and I have been traveling all day you know."

Jackie smiled and tossed her bags into the apartment before grabbing Catherine's hand and pulling her inside. "I missed you so much. My heart is literally going to explode right now." Catherine smiled and placed her hand on Jackie's chest to feel for herself. Jackie took her hand and kissed it before moving back to her lips, this time removing her jacket as they made their way back to Jackie's bedroom, leaving a trail of clothes.


	28. Chapter 28

The next morning Catherine quietly slipped out of bed before Jackie awoke. Her surprise went even better than planned, so she was feeling quite perky this morning despite adjusting to the time difference. She imagined Jackie's jet lag was going to keep her in bed a little longer, so wanted to do something nice for her to make up for her awful trip. Expecting the worse, she was rather surprised after finding Jackie's refrigerator and cabinets stocked with food, and healthy food at that. After whipping up breakfast and brewing some coffee she snuck back into bed and kissed Jackie on the cheek. "Wake up sleepy head." Jackie smiled before turning over and opening her eyes. "I made you breakfast. Somebody was paying attention during my grocery lesson I see."

"What can I say, you're a damn good teacher," Jackie grinned. Catherine laughed and kissed her before pulling her out of bed.

They spent the morning being lazy together, catching up on everything they had missed the last three weeks. In the afternoon they went for a hike before cooking dinner together and calling it an early night. The next day had quite a lot in store for them with Catherine's second interview at UCLA and their big PR meeting. Jackie drove Catherine to her interview and tried to fight through her uneasiness about the meeting before Catherine returned, not wanting to make her feel any more nervous than she already was. On the way there, Jackie had Catherine go into detail about her interview hoping to distract her. Upon their arrival at Wade's office, his secretary led them into a conference room where Matt and Wade were already seated.

"Jackie!" Wade said, as he rose from his chair and came around to hug her. "Hey Wade, you remember Catherine" she said, motioning towards her.

"Of course I do! Hi Catherine, thanks for joining us."

"It's nice to meet you again," Catherine said, shaking his hand.

Matt walked around and hugged Jackie as well. "Hi Catherine, I'm Jackie's manager Matt. It's a pleasure to finally meet you."

"You as well," she replied.

Once they sat down, Jackie's PR team arrived and it began to get as awkward as Jackie imagined, beginning with a cold hello. They weren't even warm to Catherine, just offering their hands from across the table. "Okay, we called this meeting to prepare a sort of damage control, if you will, in regards to the two of yours relationship. After Jackie's little stunt in Europe, eyes are going to be all on her, seeing who this new mystery person is that she's involved with. Right now as far as the public knows, Jackie is a straight actress who has been spotted with young Hollywood men. This obviously isn't the case, so as you can imagine, it is going to cause some attention. Our plan is to welcome this attention but to prevent it from harming Jackie's career."

"And Catherine's career," Jackie chimed in, amending their statement. "And what do you mean by this obviously isn't the case?"

Her publicist switched her focus between Jackie and Catherine, confused. "What do you mean why? You're in a relationship with a woman are you not?"

"Yes I am, but that doesn't mean I need a label attached to me. I've had relationships with men as well. Like I told Wade and Matt, I in no way shape or form want this being some big spectacle."

"Well it's going to be. I'm sorry, but it is. You're in a relationship with a female and as far as our society has come with accepting this lifestyle, it's still a shock factor in our world. Now, I understand that Catherine lost her job because of your ladies' relationship. That's where we need to start. In order to get our stories aligned and be prepared for any possible headline, we need to look forward and prepare for anything. To do that, we need both of your ladies' complete honesty and participation. The more you tell us the better. Okay?"

Jackie looked at Catherine and held her hand under the table, "Okay" Catherine responded.

"Okay good. To begin, what were the terms of your dismissal at the university?" They asked Catherine.

"The head of the department was a close friend of my father's. He approached me privately and told me he would keep this quiet and let me finish the school year as long as I resigned."

"And did that all run smoothly?"

"Yes. Rumors floated around as they usually did, but the pictures never surfaced and I was able to complete the year."

"What did these pictures entail?"

"Jackie had gotten into a physical altercation with another student and had shown up to my house after the fact. The pictures show her on my front porch and then us retreating into my house."

"That's it?"

"Yes, those are the two photos I was shown."

"Jackie, why did you get into a fight with the student?"

"There was animosity between us all year. She accused me of getting good grades just because I was famous then later on revealed that she knew I was having an affair with Catherine. She made some inappropriate remarks and then we got into a physical altercation."

Her publicists hardly showed any emotion as they scribbled down notes and typed on their laptops.

"Catherine, were there any other students you had relations with?"

Jackie squeezed her hand letting her know it was okay. "Yes." She answered.

"How many?"

"You don't need to know that," Jackie cut in.

"It would really help if we did so that we know exactly what we're dealing with in case they resurface."

"That's not necessary" Wade responded, coming to their defense.

"Okay, fine. Did any of the other students you had affairs with cause any issues once it ended?"

"No, not that I am aware of" Catherine replied.

"Did any claim that you took advantage of them?"

Catherine let go of Jackie's hand and stared down at the table, biting on her upper lip.

"Catherine? Did any claim that you took advantage of them?" They repeated. It felt as though they were on trial.

"Yes, I believe a couple of them did out of spite" she answered reluctantly, sighing.

Jackie looked over and could tell she was becoming uncomfortable. Her jaw was clenching and her eyes were beginning to water.

"Did you take advantage of any of them?"

"Is this really necessary? Of course she didn't!" Jackie blurted out

"Sorry but yes it is, we're only trying to help protect you two."

"No, I don't believe that I did. I always made it a point to make sure it was what they really wanted and that they were aware of what they were doing."

"She's completely right," Jackie butted in. "Our first..." She paused before continuing, trading glances with Wade and Matt, and let out a deep breath. "Our first time, Catherine asked me multiple times if I wanted to stop and made sure I was okay. She told me I could leave at any time and to let her know if I was feeling uncomfortable."

The publicists were completely expressionless staring down as they wrote. Jackie turned to Catherine but she wouldn't look at her. It was extremely awkward talking about her sex life in front of her peers so she knew Catherine had to be feeling even more uncomfortable talking about her past.

"Is there a reason why you always pursued students?"

"Oh come on!" Jackie laughed sarcastically."That's none of your business. She's not answering that, Catherine you're not answering that" she said, as she looked at her.

With a little hesitation they moved on.

"How would you pursue them?"

"Stop it." Jackie warned.

"We're any under the age of 18?"

"Absolutely not!" Catherine said sternly, finally looking up.

"How did you know?"

"I made sure of it" she quickly answered.

"How were you able to do that?" They began firing questions off, each one more inappropriate than the last.

"Enough!" Jackie yelled.

"I'm sorry but the media are going to be a lot more invasive than this. They'll dig deep and find out everything. Even without finding ages there is a good chance they'll label Catherine as a pedophile. Jackie do you have any idea what this would do to your career considering your audience is mostly children and families?"

"I don't care. I don't base my life and happiness off of other people's preconceived opinions of me."

"I'm sorry I can't do this anymore," Catherine said as she stood up and stormed out of the room, her voice quivering.

"We're done here." Jackie said as she looked them each in the eye before going after Catherine.

She went ran out into the hall and couldn't find Catherine so went to the bathroom, not there either. "Hey have you seen the woman I came in with by chance?" Jackie asked the receptionist.

"Yes, she headed towards the elevators a few minutes ago."

Jackie finally made it to the garage and found Catherine standing by her car.

"I'm so sorry," she said, putting her arms around her and giving her a hug. "I knew that wasn't going to go well but had no idea it would be that bad."

"Can we just get out of here?" Catherine responded, not making eye contact.

Catherine stared out of the car window not saying a word the entire way back to Jackie's apartment. She was in no way upset with Jackie, just completely in shock over the meeting and didn't know what to say, let alone how she felt. When they finally got back to Jackie's, Catherine changed her clothes and began packing for her flight that was leaving to go back home later that evening. Jackie had given her space without even asking her if she needed it, which she appreciated. After about a half an hour later, she appeared at the bedroom door, timidly knocking asking if she could come in. "Of course you can, it is your bedroom after all," Catherine slightly smiled. Jackie didn't say anything, just came in and sat on the bed and watched her pack her last few things. "Can you talk to me?" Jackie finally asked softly. Catherine turned around, "I want you to know I'm not mad or upset with you at all, I'm just trying to absorb all of what just happened in there."

Jackie rested her elbows on her knees and laid her head in her hands. "I just want to make sure you're okay, you didn't deserve any of that."

"What I don't deserve is you," she said kneeling in front of her. "I've never had someone stick up for me the way you did in there. I have a really, _really_ ugly past and now it not only has caught up with me, but it's affecting you as well."

"I don't care. I know you. You're not anything like what people assume you to be."

"But I was. I hurt a lot of people and I was extremely selfish. It's taking me a while to become the person I'd love to be."

"That doesn't matter anymore, everyone has a time in their life they're not proud of. You have no reason not to love the person you've become, but I'll love you for the both of us until you do."

Catherine smiled at her and brushed her hair behind her ear.

Jackie grabbed her hands, "Screw this place, do you mind if I hop on that plane with you tonight?"

"Really?"

"Yeah, after the month I've had I just need a break from these people and this life. I just want to be back in Bloomington with you, even if it is just for a few days."

"Well you better get packing," Catherine smiled, before kissing her forehead.


	29. Chapter 29

After taking a much needed mini break from Hollywood, Jackie promised Wade and Matt that she would still attend the final Neptune party. Catherine's interview at Stanford was the same day so Jackie was excited that she'd be able to join. On her last night in Bloomington, Jackie was sitting on the couch with Ethan, drinking a glass of wine while looking at pictures of outfits that Rachel had sent her. Catherine came into the room and joined her on the couch as Jackie showed her the pictures. "What do you think you want to wear to the party?"

"I've been meaning to talk to you about that."

"If you give me an idea of what you want to wear, I can have Rachel pick out a few different options."

Catherine was nervous but knew it wasn't fair to Jackie to ditch her at the last minute. She had to tell her. "I don't think I'm going to make it."

"What do you mean?" Jackie looked up from her phone, confused.

"My Stanford interview is that afternoon."

"I know, the more reason to celebrate. I'll book you a flight or I'll come with you and we can drive back. It's not a premier so I don't need to be there at any set time."

"I don't know if it's a good idea If I keep showing up at your events. People are going to start to get suspicious, especially since they know you're in a relationship now. You heard what the publicists said, they're going to be watching you like a hawk."

"What's wrong with that? I thought we were moving forward with this?"

"I told you I wanted to settle into a job before we even played around with the idea of becoming public."

"Playing around with the idea of it? We're back to that?" Jackie's facial expressions began to harden.

Catherine just looked at her, knowing this wasn't going to go well.

"Three weeks ago you kissed me on the curb in the middle of one of the busiest airports in the world, and now you're telling me you don't want to be seen with me in public? Jesus Christ Catherine, you're giving me whiplash!" Jackie said furiously, as she stood up. "When is it okay for you to be seen with me and when isn't it, because I'm exhausted trying to keep up. Do I need to check in with you everyday now?"

"Honestly, that PR meeting scared the hell out of me Jackie. It seems like no one is in my corner, and hearing how ruthless the media can be absolutely terrifies me. This is my career and life we're talking about."

"I'm in your corner. I've always been in your corner" Jackie said, pounding her fingertip into her chest. "Willing to do whatever you wanted to do, but from day one you've done nothing but go back and forth. First you tell me we're breaking up because you don't want me referring to you as a "college buddy." Then five seconds later when I tell you I'm completely in this, you tell me you don't want to go public. Fast forward almost two years later and here we are again, so which is it Catherine?"

"It's not that simple! There's a lot to figure out, I've never done this before let alone with someone like you. You were just supposed to be another one night stand like the rest of them. Then you came along and-"

Jackie interrupted her, "then I came along and messed up your whole life. I made you lose your job, I ruined everything."

"You know that's not what I mean and you know that's not true. It's just really complicated and I'm trying to figure it all out. Our relationship would be hard enough to explain to people given our ages and gender, but now that you're back in the spotlight... it's just difficult."

"Well if it's this difficult being with me then maybe you shouldn't."

"Don't." Catherine replied, shaking her head.

"No it's fine. It's not like I never had to deal with this before. My own mother couldn't handle this lifestyle so I don't know why I expected you to be able to." Jackie set the wine glass down on the table and headed upstairs.

"Where are you going?"

"Home." Not even a minute later she came back down with her bag in her hand.

"Jackie stop, you're blowing this all out of proportion. Do you not understand how difficult this is for me? You heard the publicists, if the media gets a hold of my past they'll make me out to be a predator."

"Yes, because I'm just a child," she said smugly.

"Can you please stop! Stop putting words in my mouth, it's not fair."

"Fair? You have the right to decide what's fair with the way you've treated this entire relationship?"

"You're forgetting who left in the first place!" Catherine blurted out in defense, regretting it as soon as the words escaped her mouth.

Jackie's eyes almost doubled in size and her mouth dropped.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I'm just feeling attacked right now."

Jackie just looked at her, then clenched her jaw. "Good luck at your interview," she said as she stormed out, slamming the door behind her.

Catherine let out a sigh and took a minute to gather herself before going outside. Jackie was at the bottom of the drive way on the phone. When she got closer she realized she was talking with the airlines, trying to get an earlier flight. She grabbed the phone from her hand, "Never mind, thanks for the help," Catherine told the operator before hanging up.

"What the hell are you doing, give it back!"

"Jackie you're not leaving, it's late and you're angry. I'll drive you to the airport tomorrow."

"I don't want to be here!"

"Either keep your voice down or come inside." Catherine snapped.

"Take me to a hotel."

"No."

"Then give me my phone back so I can call a cab" she said, holding out her hand.

Catherine turned and walked inside, with Jackie's phone in hand. She wasn't letting her leave this upset.

"Catherine give me my fucking phone!" Jackie yelled as she stormed back into the house.

"No, not until you calm down."

Jackie went over to the couch and angrily sat down as she rested her chin on her fist.

"I don't want you leaving like this."

Jackie stayed silent, not even looking at her.

"I'm really scared Jackie. I'm scared I'll lose my job again, so I'm being a coward. I admit it. But that doesn't mean I don't want to be with you. I'm scared to lose you too."

"Is this why we stayed in the hotel almost the entire time we were at Berkeley? You didn't want anyone to see me with you?" Jackie said, as she snapped her head towards her.

Catherine just looked at her, not knowing what to say. She had obviously been holding that in for a few weeks.

"You're ashamed to be seen with me?"

"Of course not" she said, sitting down next to her. "I don't want anything more than to be with you. That's exactly why I keep going from one extreme to the other. Anytime I'm with you I just want to be with you, but then I think of the worst case scenario that your publicists warned us about."

"So what's the end game here Catherine? I can't change my age or gender. Do you want me to quit acting? I know that's it because let's be honest, you've been hanging the fact that I left over my head this entire time. As soon as I took the job you began punishing me and pushing me away."

"No. I don't want you to sacrifice anything, and I just wish you'd reciprocate that feeling."

Jackie looked up at her. "So what? You want me to start bringing Tommy as my date to events again?"

"Now you're just being hateful."

Jackie got up from the couch and started walking out of the room.

"Where are you going now?"

"If you're not going to let me leave then I'm going to bed."

Catherine stayed downstairs giving Jackie the space she needed to cool off. When she finally went upstairs Jackie wasn't in her bed. She walked down the hall and slowly opened the guest bedroom to find Jackie sound asleep. She quietly tip toed to the side of the bed and placed Jackie's phone on the nightstand. It took everything she had in her, not to curl up in bed next to her but she was hoping by morning she would be more level headed.

Catherine woke up, not getting much sleep the night before, and opened Jackie's door but the bed was empty. When she went downstairs there wasn't any sign of her there either. As she looked around the kitchen, she found a note lying on the counter:

Took a cab to airport

Catherine couldn't believe she left without even saying goodbye. She was obviously a lot more hurt than she thought. She went to the door and looked outside, hoping the cab hadn't picked her up yet, but there was no sight of her. After running upstairs to retrieve her phone, she dialed Jackie's number. As she was pacing the foyer she suddenly heard a phone ringing from outside. When she opened the door, relief rushed through her body when she saw Jackie in front of her, sitting on the steps. "Can I please drive you to the airport?"

"Why? You don't want to be seen with me, I'm just saving you the stress."

"Don't be like this." Catherine sat down next to her, "are we seriously going to part on bad terms?"

"My cab is going to be here any minute so I guess so." Her arms were crossed as they usually were when she was this angry.

"Can you at least talk to me? I'm not exactly comfortable with the idea of leaving on a bad note when you're about to get on an airplane. My past experiences have taught me never to do that."

"We're obviously on different pages when it comes to our relationship, which is news to me. It would really mean a lot to me for you to be there tomorrow but you're not, so I don't have anything left to say to you right now that won't make things worse."

Catherine stared at her but she wouldn't even look at her. "I'm sorry I can't give you what you want right now," she said softly.

The cab pulled into the drive way and Jackie stood to leave. Catherine got up and hugged her but Jackie didn't return the embrace. "I love you," Catherine whispered.

"I love you too. But I'm only saying that because of what you said about airplanes." And with that she was gone, not even looking back once.


	30. Chapter 30

Jackie stepped off of the plane and walked through the airport completely ignoring her surroundings. She was hoping no one would notice her given she wasn't exactly in the mood to entertain. As much as she was hurting she had yet to cry, still too angry above anything else. While standing in baggage claim, she switched on her phone and saw Catherine's message asking to let her know when she landed. Not giving her the satisfaction of a phone call, she sent a one word text, "Landed."

Catherine went to retrieve her keys from the desk when she spotted it, her lacrosse T-shirt folded on a chair. Jackie must have left it before leaving this morning. She picked it up and held it close, breathing in Jackie's scent, heart broken at the gesture. After she returned home later she kept her phone close, knowing Jackie's plane should be landing soon. As she was fixing dinner she finally heard it vibrate on the counter, her eagerness soon dissipated once she saw the short response "Landed."

Jackie grabbed her bag from the carousel and was walking to the parking garage when her phone began to ring, Catherine obviously wasn't a fan of her message. She hit ignore and continued on her way. What else could she possibly have left to say to her? Thirty minutes later while stuck in traffic, Catherine called for a third time. Completely agitated at this point, she picked up. "Catherine I'm stuck in traffic trying to get home, can you please stop bothering me? I'm in a bad enough mood as it is."

"I'm not trying to bother you, we need to talk. Call me when you get home."

"I'll think about it."

"Jackie please..."

Jackie hung up.

Three hours had passed and Catherine still hadn't heard a word from Jackie. Her flight to Stanford was in the morning and she was supposed to end her trip in LA with Jackie, but now she wouldn't even speak to her. She texted her hoping she would get some sort of response this time, "Please talk to me. I'm going to bed for my early flight. I'm still planning on coming to LA after, will you at least talk to me then?"

Jackie was sitting on the couch, deep into a bottle of wine when she saw the message. She rolled her eyes and tossed the phone across the couch. A few moments later she looked over at it, knowing she had to at least give her an answer. "Yeah, we'll talk then."

The following evening Jackie was struggling to get moving so told Rachel she would just meet her at the party.

"Where's Catherine?" Rachel asked, looking behind her as soon as she met Jackie at the door.

"I don't want to talk about it" she responded, grabbing a martini from the waiters tray, swallowing the entire thing in one gulp. She placed the glass back down then slid the olive off of the tooth pick with her teeth, throwing the pick back into the glass.

"It's going to be one of those nights, huh?"

"You bet" she said, walking in front of Rachel without a care in the world.

"Did you guys break up?"

"What did I say?" Jackie snapped back at her.

"Okay, okay. Sorry." Rachel said, putting her hands up in surrender.

Catherine returned to the hotel after her Stanford interview and checked her phone. Jackie hadn't returned any of her messages since this morning when she let her know she had landed. Even then she just received a "K." She tried not to let it bother her since they would see each other soon, but she was hurt that she didn't even wish her luck for her big interview. Hopefully they would resolve their issues or at least compromise and meet in the middle. Since she was at Stanford, Catherine went ahead and made dinner plans with an old college friend she hadn't seen in years. She decided not to let the others know she was in town considering she wasn't exactly in the mood to discuss her love life. During dinner she checked her phone while her friend was in the restroom, unable to resist to see if Jackie replied. Nothing. It was then that she noticed the battery was only at 5%. She turned it off and stuck it in her purse to try and save the battery, not like Jackie would respond to her anyway considering she was at her party now.

It was barely past 10 o'clock and Jackie was well on her way to blacking out. Pre-gaming with a bottle of wine as she got ready probably wasn't the wisest idea. After stumbling into a couch, she collapsed in it for a minute to take a breather. She pulled out her phone and reread all of the messages Catherine had sent her since leaving Bloomington. She began to feel guilty for not wishing her luck today but didn't even know where they stood anymore. Thankfully Catherine was driving up to see her first thing in the morning before flying home. Ignoring her was supposed to teach her a lesson, that she didn't get to call all of the shots in this relationship. But Jackie was really missing her. She didn't want to admit it, but she understood why Catherine was so nervous. The media were snakes and would without a doubt make her out to be some sort of predator. It didn't make this any easier though, she thought they were finally moving forward for once. Would they ever be able to make this work? The alcohol was really starting to get to her, making her become emotional so she broke down and texted Catherine. "I'm sorry for not wishing you luck. I hope your interview went well, I really do."

When Catherine returned to the hotel after dinner she took a shower before remembering her phone was turned off. When she grabbed it from her purse it wouldn't even turn on so she dug through her bags to find her charger. "Great," she mumbled to herself after searching for it for five minutes. She must have forgotten to pack it. Picking up the hotel phone she dialed the front desk asking if they sold cell phone chargers. "No we don't, I'm sorry Ma'am but there is a convenience store about five minutes down the road."

"Great thank you," she responded. "Damn't" she whispered to herself, it was already almost 11 o'clock and she didn't feel like having to venture out into town again.

"There you are! I've been looking for you everywhere!" Rachel said, as she plopped down on the couch next to Jackie. "I'm going to head out do you need a ride?"

"Why won't she answer me Rachel," Jackie pouted.

"Catherine?"

"Yes," she moaned.

"So are you finally going to talk about it without biting my head off?"

"She wouldn't come tonight. We had a meeting with PR last week and they scared her by saying if the media finds out about her past, they'll label her as a predator. Because of that she's scared to be seen with me now, so we got into a huge fight back in Bloomington and have hardly talked since."

"I mean I can't really blame her, can you?"

"Yes! I should be more important!"

Rachel just looked at her.

"Ugh, but no, I can't blame her." Jackie said, sighing. "I just love her so much. Why can't we figure this out already."

"It's not easy dating someone in the spot light, you need to give her more credit. She already lost her job once because of you."

"I know, but it's hard."

"The things worth the most in life are usually the hardest. Come on let's get out of here."

"No, I'm going to stay."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, the longer I'm here the more busy my mind will stay before I see her tomorrow."

"Alright, well I'll see you later."

After Jackie hugged Rachel goodbye she got another drink and sat at the bar waiting for Catherine to text her. After an hour of no response she texted her again. "I wish you'd answer me. I love you so much. I can't wait to see you tomorrow. Wish you were here right now, xo." Jackie was kicking herself for not leaving with Rachel, now all she wanted was to go home. She got up from the bar stool and stumbled to the door, leaving the party. As she stood outside trying to decide how she was going to get home, she saw Tommy out of the corner of her eye making his way to the valet. "Hey Jacks, need a ride?" She stared at him contemplating what to do. She was far too inebriated to drive herself, but would rather not take a cab alone this wasted. Catherine would be so angry if she found out she left with Tommy, but this is what she gets for not wanting to be with her publicly. Why wasn't she answering her phone anyway? After wrestling with the decision she finally decided to get into the car.

When Catherine returned from the convenience store, she plugged her phone into charge before turning off the lights and attempting to get some sleep. A few minutes later her phone began vibrating uncontrollably. Jackie must finally be responding now that she's had some alcohol in her system, she thought. After leaning over to retrieve it she saw 9 missed calls from Rachel. Her heart immediately dropped into her stomach as she dialed her number. Jackie...

"Catherine!" Rachel answered, sobbing on the other end of the phone.

"What's wrong Rachel? Is Jackie okay?" Catherine frantically asked.

Rachel struggled to get out the words before finally spitting out, "There-there's been an accident."


	31. Chapter 31

"Is Jackie okay?!" Catherine repeated, raising her voice, unable to move.

"I don't-I don't know, I just got to the hospital now but they had to cut her out of the car."

"What hospital Rachel." Catherine was now pacing the floor running her fingers through her hair.

All she heard was her muffled crying.

"Rachel! What hospital?!" She shouted.

Catherine quickly contemplated what to do, her head was spinning. It was a gut wrenching 5 1/2 hour drive to Jackie, but she wasn't sure how long it'd take to fly there. She dialed the airlines as she quickly threw all of her belongings into her bag.

"I'm sorry Ma'am, the next flight doesn't leave until morning." Of course. Catherine grabbed her keys and headed straight to the car, with the longest drive ahead of her that she'd ever have to make.

The entire drive she kept playing their fight over and over in her head. After hanging up with Rachel she saw all of the text messages Jackie had sent her, which made everything that much worse. The guilt was tearing her up inside knowing that Jackie was trying to get a hold of her all night and was upset. She should of been there at the party with her. If she had, Jackie would have never been in that car. Now she was unconscious in a hospital thinking Catherine didn't love her anymore and was ignoring her, which was the furthest thing from the truth.

She finally reached the hospital in a record breaking 5 hours, which was still too long. She had Rachel call her whenever she had an update, all she knew was Jackie was in surgery and was in a car accident with Tommy. She ran into the emergency room and heard someone call her name. Rachel appeared behind her and hugged her. "Is she okay? Is she awake?"

"She's still in surgery but the doctors didn't seem concerned" Rachel replied, as she held her tightly.

"What do we know so far?" Catherine asked, pulling away.

"I went and checked on Tommy. His car hit a telephone pole, on her side. She fractured her leg and dislocated her shoulder which needed surgery on. She also has some stitches on her head from the windshield shattering and a couple of bruised ribs. Tommy got the least of it, just a sprained wrist and some stitches."

Catherine put her hands up to her mouth in shock, "how did this happen?"

Rachel looked around before pulling her aside, "Tommy was drunk. He's being arrested for a D.U.I. once he's released, and who knows what else considering how badly Jackie was injured," she whispered.

Catherine's entire body filled with rage and her fists clenched. "Where is he?"

"Don't," Rachel said placing her hand on her shoulder. "Trust me, he feels terrible enough."

Catherine tried breathing in deeply to put her anger aside, she needed to focus all of her energy on Jackie.

"Come on, let's go sit in the OR's waiting room. Do you want some coffee or anything? I know you've been driving awhile."

"You don't need to play assistant right now," Catherine smiled compassionately.

"I'm not." Rachel responded. "You're the closest person to Jackie. I'm a mess so I can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling."

"We had just gotten in a big fight," Catherine said shamefully, as her eyes began to well up.

"I know, she told me. That's not important right now though. She knows you love her and you know she loves you more than anything else in this world. If anyone should feel guilty it's me. I left her alone at that party. If I would've stayed she never would have gotten in the car with him. They were both so drunk, I didn't think either one of them would drive," Rachel started to cry and Catherine put her arm around her.

"No, I should've been there. I'm never going to stop regretting that. You didn't know."

The doors opened and a doctor came walking out.

"That's him!" Rachel said, touching Catherine's arm as she stood.

"Are you two Jacqueline Kirk's family?"

"No but we're all she has," Rachel responded.

"Okay. Well, the surgery was successful, it went very well. She'll need some physical therapy eventually to help loosen it up a bit, but everything looks good."

"Is she awake? Can we see her?" Catherine asked eagerly.

"She is still unconscious but should be awake soon. I'm sorry but we can only allow two people at a time in the ICU, and one needs to be family."

"She's estranged from her family. I'm her significant other, can I please see her?" Catherine knew what she said out loud and it didn't even phase her. None of that matter to her right now, all that mattered was seeing Jackie.

The doctor looked at her reluctantly then finally allowed her back, thank god they were in California.

"You go, I'll give you some privacy." Rachel said, placing her arm on Catherine's shoulder.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah I'm going to go home and change, it's been a long night. Can you let me know when she's awake?"

"Of course." Catherine said hugging her, "thanks for everything."

As Catherine and the doctor made their way down the hall, he paused before entering Jackie's room. "I just want to warn you that it looks a lot worse than it is. Victim's loved ones usually have a difficult time first seeing them, but I assure you all of the swelling and bruising will go down."

Catherine's heart sunk and she became light headed, how bad was she going to look?


	32. Chapter 32

Catherine's heart sank deep into her stomach as soon as she laid eyes on Jackie. Her entire face was swollen and bruised, what she saw of it at least. Gauze was covering the majority of her forehead and an oxygen mask was covering the rest. Her arm was bandaged in a sling and her lower leg in a cast.

"I know it's a lot to look at, but she's going to be just fine. The leg was just a fracture, but she's still going to be off of her feet for several weeks."

Catherine felt his hand on her shoulder, "you can go sit with her, she should be up in about an hour or so. I'll be back later to explain everything to her."

"Thank you," Catherine said softly, unable to say anything else. She walked over and stood above Jackie, closely studying her injuries. "Oh Porcupine..." She whispered, her voice cracking. She leaned down and gently kissed Jackie's forehead, before pulling the chair over to the bed and carefully taking her hand. She kissed it gently, not wanting to cause her anymore pain. "I'm so sorry." Why had she let such trivial things get between them. Jackie did so much for her and Catherine let her fear of other people's opinions get in the way of their happiness. From taking a beating from classmates to going against her PR team, Jackie had always put herself on the line for Catherine. A nurse suddenly entered the room, interrupting her thoughts. "Don't mind me Sweetie, I'm just coming to get her vitals." Catherine just looked up and smiled politely.

"Is she your sister?"

"No, she's my girlfriend" Catherine said softly.

"Oh, I'm sorry Honey. I shouldn't have assumed."

"Don't be. It's going to take some time for me to get use to saying that myself."

"Everything looks great, you give this button a push when she wakes up, okay Sweetie?"

"I will, thank you."

Jackie awoke to loud beeping. She was incredibly drowsy, her body and face felt heavy and weighted down. Everything was tingling yet aching, her head pounding. When she tried opening her eyes, they wouldn't open all the way. Everything was blurry but she could see the swollen features of her face crowding her vision. When her eyes began to focus some, she looked around and started to notice the machines and tubes consuming her body. She was in a hospital. Frightened, her breathing began to increase and she started to feel like she was suffocating. She saw her hot breath fogging the oxygen mask that was covering her nose and mouth, and lifted her arm to remove it, but it wouldn't move. She twitched her other hand but it too was being weighed down. The beeping of the machines increased as she began to panic, watching her chest raise up and down as she struggled to breathe. Suddenly she saw the outline of a person hovering over her, her hand finally freeing. She brought it to her face and grabbed at the mask, removing it and gasping for air.

"Jackie, shhhh.. You're okay." The voice was comforting and familiar. "It's Catherine, I'm here. You're going to be okay."

Catherine was here. What happened? Where were they?

"Nurse!" Catherine shouted as she banged on the buttons of a remote. A nurse ran in and placed the mask back on Jackie's face as she struggled with her to take it off again. "Honey, you need this to breathe. Take nice slow breaths," she said as she held it down on Jackie's face.

Jackie looked at Catherine with desperation, grabbing for her arm. She could see the fear in Catherine's eyes even through the fogginess. "Can't she take it off for a minute? Please, just until she calms down?"

The nurse finally agreed and Catherine gently caressed the side of her face as Jackie tried to slow her breathing. "Do you know what happened, Honey?" The nurse asked.

Jackie slowly shook her head no.

"You were in a car accident, but you're going to be just fine."

She glanced down at her bandaged body and felt tears slip down her cheeks as she tried to steady her breathing, terrified of her unknown condition.

"Hey," Catherine said softly. Jackie looked up at her. "You're okay, nothing too serious. I promise" she said, as she wiped her tears.

"How is your pain level? Would you like some medicine?" The nurse asked.

Jackie shook her head yes. The pain in her head was unbearable and the aching throughout her body was quickly sharpening.

The look in Jackie's eyes when the nurse was pressing the mask down on her face, broke Catherine's heart. She was terrified and grasping for Catherine to help her. Once her breathing began to regulate the nurse went to retrieve the pain medicine, leaving them alone.

"I am so sorry Porcupine. I should have been there."

Jackie squeezed her hand.

"Here you go Sweetie," the nurse said when she returned. "This is going to make you drowsy so you're probably going to fall back asleep."

"Water," Jackie tried to say, but her voice was scarce.

"I can't give you water yet but I can get you something to help alleviate some of the dryness."

She removed a stick with a small sponge at the end of it, from a wrapper. After dipping it in water, she applied it to Jackie's dry, cracked lips.

"You can do this for her as much as she wants, just don't let her swallow too much water. I'll leave you two alone," the nurse said, placing the mask back on Jackie's face. "Page me if you need anything else. Get some rest Sweetheart."

Jackie could feel the medicine quickly kicking in. Her eyes began to feel heavy as the tingling increased, rushing through her veins. She looked up at Catherine, wanting to know the whole story, but was too tired to try and speak. Her drowsiness heightened, jumbling her thoughts and dragging her back into unconsciousness. She felt Catherine take her hand and whisper how sorry she was again. Trying to fight the affects for a little longer, she reached up to lift the mask, but Catherine placed her hand on it. "You need to keep it on, I know it's uncomfortable. I'm sorry"

Jackie pointed to her heart but Catherine didn't understand. "Does your chest hurt?"

She slowly shook her head no and pointed to the mask again.

"Just for a minute, just so you can tell me what's wrong," Catherine said as she gently lifted the mask from Jackie's face.

Jackie swallowed and tried her hardest to speak, "I love you" she whispered, hoping Catherine could understand before allowing the drugs to completely consume her.

"I love you too Porcupine," Catherine said as she kissed her hand once more. Jackie's eyes were hardly opening now. "You can go to sleep, I'm not going anywhere." Jackie's thumb weakly rubbed her hand until it finally went limp, causing Catherine to completely break down for the first time.

"Honey there's family rooms you can stay in down the hall, why don't you go take a nap" The nurse said, waking Catherine.

"I'm fine," Catherine replied, rubbing her eyes.

"I can wake you when she wakes up again," the nurse insisted.

"Thank you but I don't want to leave her."

An hour later Catherine grabbed a quick coffee from the waiting room. When she returned Jackie was whimpering in her sleep, sweating and trembling. Catherine set the coffee down and sat on the bed, placing the back of her hand on Jackie's forehead, she was burning up. Jackie slowly opened her eyes and looked at Catherine. "Are you in pain?"

Jackie shook her head yes, her swollen face wincing.

"Okay, I'll call the nurse."

After the nurse administered the medicine she raised Jackie's bed slightly. "The doctor is on his way to come talk to you."

Catherine grabbed one of the sponges and slowly drug it across Jackie's lips. She then picked up a cool wash cloth and carefully dabbed Jackie's forehead. When she glanced down at her, their eyes met. "I'm beginning to think you just really enjoy me taking care of your poor head." Jackie attempted a smile and Catherine kissed her forehead before a knock was on the door and the doctor entered. Catherine slid off of the bed and held Jackie's hand.

"Well hi there Miss Kirk. I'm your surgeon, Dr. Jones and I'm here to talk to you about the extent of your injuries. Are you aware that you were in a car accident?"

Jackie shook her head yes.

"Do you remember the accident?"

Jackie let go of Catherine's hand and slowly moved it side ways.

"Okay, well you were a passenger in a vehicle that collided into a telephone pole. You dislocated your shoulder which needed to be operated on, as there was a tear in your ligament, and some glass from the window that needed to be removed. Everything looks good though from that standpoint, but you will need some physical therapy to help regain full mobility of it. You also fractured your leg which was casted as you can see, and you have a few bruised ribs that will be tender for a while. The windshield also shattered which resulted in lacerations to your forehead, so you have several stitches but not to worry, scaring will be very minimal. Now, do you have any questions for me?"

Jackie stared forward in shock and shook her head no.

"Okay, well we want to keep you a few days for observation so I will be back daily to check in, in case you think of any later."

As soon as he left Jackie lifted her hand up to feel her face but Catherine stopped her, "the swelling will go down, you're still beautiful don't worry."

"You have quite the girlfriend here, she stayed by your side the entire time," the nurse winked. "I'll give you two some privacy. I do have a treat for you though. The doctor gave the okay to move you up to ice chips," she said, placing the cup down. "Next will be getting you off of the oxygen mask which I'm sure you're looking forward to."

Jackie didn't respond. Still just staring straight ahead, absorbing everything. After a couple minutes of silence had past, Catherine stood up.

"Ice?" she asked, shaking the cup and smiling.

Jackie nodded and lifted her hand to remove the mask but struggled. "Here let me," Catherine said as she set down the cup and gently removed it. Jackie put her hand on Catherine's arm and looked at her through her swollen face. Catherine smiled and softly rubbed her finger on her cheek.

"Tommy?" Jackie whispered.

"He's okay. Just stitches and a sprain. I know it's hard but try and rest your poor voice, it sounds so painful."

After her first bite Jackie spoke again, "Girlfriend?"

Catherine smiled, "Yes. You know, you didn't have to go through such great lengths to get me to stop being so stubborn."

Jackie smiled but they were interrupted when Rachel burst through the door, "Jackie!"

"Careful," Catherine warned.

"You're up! I'm so happy to see you up! Look at you, you poor thing. Are you in a lot of pain?"

"She can't talk well yet. The nurse just came by and gave her some pain medicine, and the doctor just left."

"Oh, so she knows what all happened?"

"Yes."

"Man it sure didn't take long for the media to get the scoop. It's all over the news and the paparazzi are lined up outside, waiting for the police to come take Tommy."

Catherine winced at Rachel's remark when she saw Jackie's reaction.

"Shit. Did I say something I shouldn't have?" Rachel asked.

"Cops?" Jackie whispered hoarsely.


	33. Chapter 33

Jackie traded glances back and forth between Rachel and Catherine before finally shouting "tell me!" Once the words hoarsely escaped her throat she began to cough and grasped her chest in pain.

"Careful, don't strain yourself," Catherine said as she began rubbing her back. Jackie pushed her away with her good arm. "Tell me!" She whispered angrily.

"I thought you said she knew everything?" Rachel asked apologetically.

"She knows she was in a car accident." Catherine replied.

Rachel walked over and sat down next to her. "Jackie... Tommy was drunk. _Really_ drunk. He's being arrested for a D.U.I. and they're charging it as a felony since you were harmed so badly."

Jackie shifted her focus from Rachel and stared straight forward, not saying a word, her eyes in a daze.

Catherine leaned forward and placed her hand on Jackie's. "Are you okay?"

Not looking at her, Jackie shook her head yes and quietly whispered that she was tired, asking for her bed to be lowered back down so that she could sleep. Catherine did as asked, looking at Rachel concerned.

"Catherine I can stay with her for a while if you want to go sleep, shower, whatever."

"I'm okay."

"Go" Jackie said, opening her eyes.

Catherine looked at her confused and somewhat hurt. Why was she suddenly being so cold to her? Was she blaming Catherine now that she knew it was all her fault for not coming to the party?

"Go to my apartment. I need clothes" Jackie said, finishing her statement.

"She's right. She's going to need clothes when they release her. They had to cut hers off of her and they were covered in blood anywa-Sorry" Rachel stopped herself realizing she was saying too much.

"Okay, please stay with her. If her mouth gets dry her ice is on the tray and this is the button for the nurse. She just had her pain medication so she should be fine until I get back but-"

"Catherine, we will be fine" Rachel interrupted, smiling.

"Okay." Catherine leaned down and kissed Jackie on the forehead, "I'll be back soon."

Jackie didn't smile back, just slightly nodded.

"Thanks Rachel, call me if anything changes."

As soon as Catherine left Rachel stood up, "Jackie I didn't want to bring this up in front of Catherine, but Tommy really wants to see you before they take him away. This is all eating him up inside, he feels incredibly guilty. I understand, and he understands if you don't want to see him, but he just wants to apologize and make sure you're okay."

"Go get him" Jackie whispered, without any sort of hesitation.

Catherine rushed to Jackie's apartment, immediately taking a shower, wanting to get back to the hospital as soon as possible. It had taken her a lot longer to exit the hospital than she planned. Rachel was right, the media were swarming outside. After freshening up she went through Jackie's things, packing a few different outfits, not knowing what she'd be most comfortable in. As she made her way back into the living room, she threw their bags on the couch and noticed three wine bottles sitting on the coffee table. She went over and picked each one up, noticing every single one was empty. How on earth could one person drink that much wine when she wasn't even home for long. ,Her thoughts went back to how angry Jackie was with her that day, and the depressing text messages she received from her. Catherine collapsed onto the couch, covered her eyes with her hands and began to sob uncontrollably. What was she doing to Jackie. How could she cause someone she loved this much pain.

When she returned to the hospital she was optimistic, wanting to be there for Jackie in every way possible through this recovery. But as soon as she entered Jackie's room the smile on her face disappeared.

"What the hell is he doing in here?"

Tommy looked back at her. He was sitting next to Jackie's bed with her hand in his, Jackie propped up in bed.

"Tommy was just coming to make sure Jackie was okay" Rachel cut in.

"Get out." Catherine said furiously, pointing to the door.

"Catherine, please I just wanted to come apologize" Tommy explained.

"Look at her, she's not okay. Look what you did to her. Now get out!"

Tommy began to get up but Jackie took hold of his hand. Catherine looked down at their hands and didn't understand what was happening. She turned her attention to Jackie but she offered no insight, just looked back with empty eyes, leaving Catherine numb until Rachel pushed her out into the hallway.

"What's going on here? Is this why she asked me to leave?"

"She knew you'd react like this. Catherine just give them a minute, they just went through something pretty horrific together."

"Because of him! He was drunk! It's not like they were hit by a drunk driver, HE was the drunk driver!"

"I know, I know. I'm not condoning his actions whatsoever but just try to put yourself in his shoes. I know you'd never put yourself in that situation but he unfortunately did and has to live with what he did to her."

"He could of killed her, Rachel."

"I know that and he knows that. Why don't we go get some coffee," Rachel said as she took Catherine's arm.

"I'm not leaving her alone with him" Catherine said stubbornly.

"Okay, well I think it's best if you're not in there with him, so how about I stay and you go take a walk."

"Ten minutes" Catherine replied, before reluctantly walking away.

As she made her way through the halls of the hospital her anger began to turn into feelings of vulnerability. Why was Jackie in that car in the first place? She usually always had a driver to events. Why did she want to stay at the party if Rachel had left? Why did she leave with Tommy, was she planning on going home with him as pay back? There were so many unanswered questions but it most certainly wasn't the time to ask. For now she would just have to swallow it and try not to let it eat her up inside for Jackie's sake.

When Catherine returned Tommy was saying his goodbyes to Jackie so she stood outside the door. As he was leaving he spotted Catherine and stopped. "I know you don't want to see me but you'll never understand how truly sorry I am. I'll never forgive myself. I know you care about her but I do too."

"I don't just care about her, I'm in love with her Tommy. We're together. So I think she means _slightly_ more to me than she means to you. Even if we weren't in love, there isn't a chance in hell I would've let her get into that car with me if I were you."

"Wow. I'm so sorry Catherine, I had no idea. She never told me about you two but now I understand why you hate me so much."

"Because I didn't want her to and being the selfless person that she is, she kept it quiet for my sake. Kind of like what she's doing with you right now. She's a good person, better than the two of us combined. So good that she cares more about your feelings than the fact that her body is completely broken because of you."

"I know. I'm sorry. For everything. I'm going to find a way to make this all up to her. I promise." Tommy said, before walking away.

Catherine took a minute before going back into Jackie's room, not knowing how it was going to go. When she finally walked in, Jackie was sitting up with her oxygen mask back on. The sight of her all beat up was going to take some getting use to, that's for sure. Catherine flashed her a small smile and saw Jackie's cheeks raise behind her mask, returning the gesture. "I've got some phone calls to make so I'll leave you two alone," Rachel said, knowing they needed some privacy.

"I didn't know what to bring you, so I brought a few different things. I wasn't sure what you'd be comfortable in" Catherine said, as she placed the bag on Jackie's bed to show her. Jackie reached up to remove the oxygen mask to respond, when the nurse walked in.

"Someone's going to be a happy girl!" The nurse beamed excitedly after taking Jackie's vitals. "Your oxygen levels are up, you know what that means? We can trade in that bulky mask for a more slim nasal one. You won't even notice it now." When the nurse returned she had a toy-like machine with her. After switching out the oxygen she showed Jackie the machine. "This is called an incentive spirometer. You're going to need to do this a few times a day to make sure your lungs stay clear. It's going to hurt at first, but you need to breathe into it as hard as you can to make the ball reach this line. Can you try it out for me?"

Jackie placed her mouth on the machine, finding the task silly, how hard could it be just to breathe. As soon as she blew out a breath she realized she overestimated her abilities. It felt like fire erupting out of her lungs into her throat, she spit out the mouth piece and coughed. "I can't do that."

"Can you get that pillow off of the chair?" The nurse asked Catherine. "Here" she said, grabbing the pillow from her. "Place this against your chest as you do it. I'm sorry but you have to."

Jackie tried again, breathing as hard as she could. Her lungs stinging and ribs throbbing and the ball hardly moved. "Five more seconds" the nurse instructed. Catherine rubbed her back, offering some support. They were the longest five seconds of her life and once the nurse left she was completely winded. Catherine spooned some ice chips into her mouth and once she started to feel better, Rachel came back into the room. "Jackie you're all over the news" Rachel said, as she clicked on the remote. They revealed everything, from paparazzi shots of Jackie and Tommy leaving the party, to Tommy's blood alcohol level and then finally footage of the wreckage. Jackie couldn't believe what she was seeing, the car was completely smashed on her side. Suddenly they showed the jaws of life cutting into car and Rachel switched the television off. "You don't need to see that. I was on the phone with Matt, once you're feeling up to it the lawyers are going to need to come and see you to decide how to handle this all with Tommy."

Jackie was exhausted, too many visitors and commotion today and now the pain was quickly setting back in. "I don't want to talk about that right now," she fumbled for the remote but couldn't find it.

"What do you need?" Catherine asked.

"Pain meds."

"I've got it."

"You look tired and it's getting late, I'll let you get some rest" Rachel said before saying goodbye to the two of them. "I'll be back tomorrow."

As soon as Rachel left, the nurse entered and injected more pain medicine into Jackie's IV. "Alright Honey, this will last you until your night nurse gets here. Do you want me to lean your bed back?"

Jackie nodded.

When the nurse left there was an awkward silence between Catherine and her. Jackie closed her eyes and felt the medicine trail through her body, slowly making her feel like she was floating. The drugs were such a relief, instantly putting her into a better mood. Before opening her eyes she spoke, "nothing happened between me and Tommy. I just want you to know that. It was just a ride." Catherine didn't speak so Jackie opened her eyes and turned towards her. "I even hesitated before getting in the car because I was scared you would be mad."

Catherine looked back at her, her eyes brows suddenly pressing together in the middle and her eyes began to form tears. "Come here," Jackie whispered as she patted on the bed. Catherine got up and sat on the bed. Jackie carefully moved her hips and broken leg and scooted over, "lay with me."

"I don't want to hurt you," Catherine said softly.

"I don't think I have any bones left to break" Jackie laughed, "and I'm so drugged up right now I can't feel a thing."

Catherine laughed as tears continued to fall and Jackie tried her best to wipe them away one handed, but ended up poking her in the eye which made them laugh even more. "Thank God I can't feel my ribs at the moment. Now go turn off the light and snuggle with me." Catherine smiled and got up to turn off the lights. When she returned she curled up next to Jackie as they both laid in the darkness, well as dark as a room can be with the glow of the hallway light seeping in. Jackie could hear Catherine sniffling and felt her tears fall on her hospital gown. "Stop that. Why are you so sad, I'm okay."

"Because if I wouldn't have been so selfish, this would have never happened."

"This wasn't your fault. I don't blame you at all. I don't blame anyone."

"I'll always blame myself."

"Well you shouldn't. I should've left with Rachel and that's all there is to it. But I didn't and now I'm here, and you're here, and that's all that matters. Now can you scoot in a little closer? You're not going to break me." Catherine moved in a tiny bit closer and they both laid in silence, listening to the beeping of her machines. "This is our most romantic date yet," Jackie whispered. Catherine laughed, "I love you" she said in one breath, effortlessly.

"I love you too." After a moment Jackie whispered again, interrupting the moment. "And these drugs. I _really_ love these drugs."

Catherine laughed. Letting go of her regret for just that moment, to appreciate hearing Jackie's humor just 24 hours after thinking she would never even hear her voice again.


	34. Chapter 34

Catherine heard whimpering before she opened her eyes. Jackie was moving restlessly beside her, tears running down her face. "What's wrong?" Catherine asked concernedly.

"It hurts," she moaned quietly.

Catherine carefully got out of bed, worried that she hurt her. She knew it wasn't a good idea to get into bed with her. "Did I do something? Why didn't you wake me?" She asked, pressing the button for the nurse.

"No, the medicine is just wearing off. I didn't want to wake you, I know you haven't slept much."

"Jackie, you're not bothering me, I'm here to help."

"Please just call the nurse."

Catherine could tell Jackie was trying her hardest to be brave in front of her. "I did. Do you want ice?"

"No."

"What hurts?"

"Everything." She said, out of breath.

It killed Catherine seeing her in so much pain and not being able to do anything about it. The nurse finally came in, one they hadn't met yet. "What can I do for you?" She asked.

"She's ready for her pain meds."

The nurse checked her chart then looked up at the clock, "she's not due for pain medication for another hour and a half."

"But she's in a lot of pain, isn't there anything you can do?" Catherine insisted.

"I'm sorry but the earliest I can do is an hour." She walked over and checked Jackie's vitals, "just try and get some sleep Honey, I'll make sure I'm back in time."

Catherine looked down at Jackie who was now taking fast, shallow breaths and writhing in pain. "What can I do?" She asked heartbroken.

"I don't know" Jackie cried.

Catherine went into the bathroom, retrieved a washcloth and ran it under cool water. She came back out and placed it on Jackie's forehead. "Try to control your breathing, I know it's hard but it'll help, trust me." Catherine held the washcloth on Jackie's head with one hand and softly ran her fingertips down Jackie's arm with the other. This seemed to work for a little while but Jackie couldn't stay strong any longer and began to moan in pain again, gripping the sheets. Catherine offered her hand, "Squeeze it as hard as you want."

Jackie took hold but hardly squeezed, that's just the type of person she was. "You won't hurt me, do it."

"I don't want to" she shouted, pulling her hand away.

It was almost unreal that a few hours ago Jackie was laughing and joking while Catherine laid in bed with her, now she was in unbearable pain. Clearly the drugs had just been an illusion, in reality Jackie was significantly injured and it was going to be a long road to recovery.

"15 minutes" Catherine said, looking up at the clock. "You've got this."

Jackie squeezed her eyes shut, her face wincing. She let go of Catherine's hand and placed her hand over her eyes.

"You don't have to be strong right now."

"It hurts so fucking bad" she cried. "It literally feels like someone is turning my body inside out. I just want to go home."

"I wish I could take it away."

Jackie unexpectedly grabbed Catherine's arm, hard. "Go get the nurse."

"You heard what she said-"

"I don't care, get her _please_!" Jackie said sternly, pressing her fingers into Catherine's arm.

"Okay, okay I'll see what I can do," Catherine pressed the button then went into the hall, rubbing her arm and noticing the imprints Jackie left. "Clearly the pain was unmeasurable for her to resort to this."

She saw the nurse coming down the hall and waved to her to come. "I know you said an hour minimum but she literally can't handle it anymore. If you aren't going to do anything can you at least come talk to her? I don't have the heart to go back empty handed."

The nurse followed Catherine back into Jackie's room. "I know it hurts Honey but I literally cannot give you anything for another 15 minutes."

"PLEASE! I will sign whatever you need for you to give me something!" Jackie cried.

"I'm sorry but it doesn't work that way. I promise you I will be back, I'll go get it ready now" she said, as she walked out.

"Do you want the washcloth back on your forehead?"

"No."

Catherine cautiously went back to the bed and began rubbing her arm but Jackie pulled it away again, "please don't touch me."

"Okay, I'm sorry."

Jackie placed her arm back over her eyes and breathed deeply, they didn't speak until the nurse finally came back in.

"You made it!" The nurse said cheerfully, but Jackie wasn't having it, she just wanted the medication pumped into her veins as soon as possible. After she watched it being injected into her IV, she closed her eyes, hoping it would kick in quickly. Once the pain reached a tolerable level she turned to Catherine, feeling embarrassed. When she looked over Catherine was staring down at her arm and rubbing it.

"Did I hurt you?"

The way she looked up at her, let Jackie know that she did but Catherine was trying to disguise it.

"No."

"Yes I did, I'm so sorry."

"You do not need to apologize, I can't even begin to imagine the amount of pain you're in. I just wish there was more I could do."

"You just being here is enough. I'm embarrassed. I shouldn't have acted that way."

"I would have been much worse" Catherine smiled.

"Yeah, you would have" Jackie laughed. "Come back to bed?"

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"I told you, you didn't hurt me. Come on... I know you're tired and I know that chair isn't comfortable."

"You need your rest, I'll be just fine here."

The next morning, Catherine was sitting on Jackie's bed feeding her jello when Jackie's focus abruptly shifted towards the door. She looked like she had just seen a ghost.

"Well hello Jacqueline."

Catherine looked back and saw a middle aged woman with blonde hair standing in the doorway. At first she thought it was Jackie's lawyer until Jackie spoke, "Hi Mom."

Her heart dropped, not knowing what to do she rose from the bed, "I'll leave you two alone."

"No, stay."

Catherine shot Jackie a look, the uneasiness causing her stomach to turn, she didn't even know if Jackie's mother knew who she was.

"How come I had to find out through the news that my only daughter was almost killed in a car accident?"

"Well I've been a little preoccupied," Jackie said sharply, motioning to her crippled body.

"And Wade or your assistant couldn't have called?"

"I'm neither one of those people so I can't answer for them."

"It's been three days, I think you could have called."

"We didn't exactly end on good terms."

The hostility between the two of them made Catherine wish she was anywhere but there, trapped in the small hospital room with them.

"Jackie, that doesn't mean you're not still my daughter."

Jackie didn't say anything, just stared at her mother.

"And who are you?" she asked, finally acknowledging Catherine's presence.

"Catherine, it's nice to meet you" she said, offering her hand.

"Catherine Stark?"

She looked at Jackie first then smiled hesitantly, "Yes that's me."

"Well that explains why you didn't call." Jackie's mother failed to return Catherine's handshake as she shifted her gaze back to her daughter.

"If you're going to be rude you can go ahead and leave." Jackie responded.

Catherine finally got up the nerve to excuse herself once she realized she was part of the issue. "Jackie I'll be back later. I'm sure you both have a lot to talk about. It was really nice meeting you" she said quickly, not waiting for a response she knew she wouldn't get.

As soon as she got to the elevators she ran into Rachel. "Oh, thank God."

"What's wrong?" Rachel asked worriedly.

"Jackie's mother just arrived. She didn't seem too keen on me so I gave them some room, but will you go? I think Jackie needs some support and I'm clearly just making things worse."

"Oh God. We didn't call her" Rachel said, covering her mouth with her hands, mortified.

"Yeah, she's not too happy."

"Okay, yeah. I'll take care of it."

"Thanks, can you let Jackie know I'll be back soon?"

"No problem, wish me luck."

"You need it!" Catherine smirked.

Back in the hospital room, things weren't going any better between Jackie and her mom now that they were alone. "Are you okay? You look awful."

"Thanks mom. You've always had a way with words," she said sarcastically.

"Oh stop it. Is it anything serious?"

"Just a few broken bones and stitches."

"Knock, knock" Rachel said, as she appeared at the door.

"Hey Rachel this is-"

"Your mother" she said, finishing Jackie's sentence. "It's my pleasure, I'm Jackie's assistant."

"So you're the one who didn't call me."

Rachel was taken aback by her remark. "I apologize. Jackie's phone was ruined in the crash and things have just been so hectic. I called everyone's number I had."

"I should have been notified."

"I agree Mrs. Kirk, I'm very sorry."

"Could you give me a minute alone with my daughter?"

"Actually I was just coming to tell Jackie that the lawyers would be here at 4 P.M."

"Well what do we have here a party?" The nurse asked, as she entered the room. "Jackie I'm sorry to interrupt but we need to take you down to Radiology to make sure everything is still looking good. The doctor is coming to check on you in a bit and asked we provided new X-Rays."

"Darn, did you hear that mom? I gotta go."

"I'll wait."

When Catherine returned to the hospital, Jackie's room was dark and her eyes were closed. She cautiously entered and looked around, making sure her mother wasn't there. "Don't worry, Rachel took my mom down to the cafeteria" Jackie smiled, as she opened her eyes.

"I'm sorry, were you trying to sleep?"

"No it's okay. Just waiting for the pain killers to do their thing, the doctor is going to be in soon anyway to check me."

"So how did things go with your mom?" Catherine wasn't sure how else to bring it up other than being completely blunt.

"Not good. She started hounding on Rachel for not calling her, but then I was saved by the nurse who took me down to X-Ray. When I came back she was driving me crazy and my pain was increasing, so she finally agreed to go get a bite to eat with Rachel so I could rest."

"I'm sorry I left. I figured you two needed some space since you haven't talked in a while. She didn't seem too thrilled to see me though, I'm assuming she knows something about me considering her reaction."

"Hence why we haven't spoken in almost a year." Jackie revealed.

"What did you tell her?"

"We had began getting closer for once in our lives and I confided in her, but she went ballistic. She says I'm just going through some weird phase in my life."

"Ah."

Before they could go into it further, the doctor entered. "Good Afternoon Ms. Kirk, how are you feeling?"

"The pain meds are starting to kick in, so okay for now."

"That's understandable, you're going to be sore for a while." He began to unbandage the gauze around her head, "the stitches seem to be healing nicely. Can you hit the lights?" He asked the nurse. Once they were off he shined a flashlight into Jackie's eyes. "Good. Are you still experiencing headaches? Dizziness?"

"Yes."

"Nothing looks too concerning, your concussion shouldn't be anything to worry about. Now lets take a look at that shoulder. Your X-Rays looked promising as expected."

Catherine watched as he removed the bandages and lowered Jackie's gown. The entire right side of her body was black and blue, stitches lining the upper part of her shoulder. Catherine had never seen such a sight in real life. He gently placed his fingers on Jackie's ribs and she winced. "I know I'm sorry. Now, can you slowly lift your arm for me?" The doctor asked, as he took hold of her elbow and shoulder.

Jackie noticed the look on Catherine's face as she looked at her mangled body. Thoughts of self consciousness suddenly ran through her mind. Did Catherine still find her attractive? Would she be able to handle this? The tenderness she felt as the doctor poked her ribs brought her back to reality. She tried her hardest to raise her arm but it was seemingly impossible.

"That's okay, we expected this. With work it'll get back to where it was. Everything is really looking well for you so we need to start talking about discharging you. Now don't worry, we will give you the medication you need, but you can ride this out at the comfort of your own home until it's time for physical therapy."

"I just need to say something," Catherine chimed in. "Her apartment is not ideal. She lives on the third floor and there is no elevator."

"That's why she'll be staying with us," Jackie's mother said, as she stormed back into the room.


	35. Chapter 35

"This is humiliating."

"You're my little baby!" Rachel teased, as she played airplane with the spoonful of mashed potatoes she was feeding Jackie.

"I'm not eating if you continue to do that," Jackie protested.

"Okay, I'm sorry. I'll stop." Rachel surrendered, trying to wipe the amusement off of her face.

"Rachel what am I going to do? I can't survive living with my mother again, yet alone in this condition. I would literally be stuck there, relying on her for everything, like a child again."

"Well what do you want to do?"

"Be with Catherine. But she hasn't said a word about it, maybe she doesn't want the responsibility of taking care of me. I don't want to be a burden."

"I highly doubt that. Why don't you just talk to her?"

"Because I don't even know how we'd go about it. My apartment is impossible and I couldn't ask her to come stay out here that long regardless, she has Ethan."

"We'll figure out something, I promise" Rachel said, placing her hand on Jackie's knee.

"Well it better be fast, I'm being discharged in two days."

"Look at you eating!" Catherine said, as she entered the room. "Thanks for letting me go take care of a few things, Rachel."

"You know, you guys don't have to monitor me 24-7. I'm not a baby." Jackie was quickly becoming annoyed with her lack of independence and the current situation that presented itself.

"Sure you are, you're what? 12?" Catherine teased. Jackie flashed her a displeasing look. "What, you're the only one allowed making age jokes?" Catherine asked, coming over and kissing Jackie on the forehead before disappearing into the bathroom.

"Don't say a word to her about this" Jackie warned Rachel.

"Did you eat?" The nurse asked as she walked into the room. The constant traffic of people in and out was also getting to her.

"A little bit."

"Good, you're going to need your strength because we are getting you out of this bed."

"Today?" Jackie asked excitedly, this was exactly what she needed given her current mood.

"Yes, the physical therapist is coming. Today we will just start you slow, getting up and taking a few steps to the bathroom. I'm going to go get your pain medication first, then we are going to remove some of these tubes."

"What's going on?" Catherine asked, as she came out of the bathroom.

"I finally get to get out of this bed!" Jackie beamed, however it was short lived. Her spirits instantly dropped as soon as her mother appeared at the door. "The lawyers won't be here for a couple more hours" she snapped.

"I can't just see my daughter?" Her mother replied with a snarky tone.

When the nurse came back, she warned Jackie that they were beginning to ween her off of her pain medication, and would be removing her IV to begin her on a pill regime. "Don't worry, you will still be given ample amount of relief, it just won't make you so drowsy and isn't as potent."

"Good, we don't need her developing an addiction, she's strong enough to handle the pain anyway" Jackie's mother chimed in.

Catherine noticed Jackie flash a look at Rachel. She had seemed irritated since she returned from getting a bite to eat and wondered what the two of them had talked about while she was gone.

"Okay, I'm going to need to ask everyone to give us some privacy so I can remove some of these tubes," the nurse asked, after Jackie had swallowed her medication.

To say outside in the hall was uncomfortable was an understatement. Catherine had no idea what to talk to Jackie's mother about, so instead Rachel tried to cut the tension and make small talk with her. When they were allowed back in the room, Rachel excused herself letting them know she would be back when the lawyers arrived. Catherine was nervous to be left alone with Jackie and her mother, so tried her best not to step on anyone's toes. The physical therapist arrived and greeted them all. "We're going to start slow. Just to warn you, you may experience some dizziness and nausea from laying down for so long, it's not unusual. Now this is going to be a little tricky since you have a shoulder injury and leg injury on the same side of your body." He went to the hall and brought in a walker and crutches. "I brought a few different options, a wheel chair is also on its way."

"I am not using a walker," Jackie scoffed. "And I'd rather not use a wheelchair. I just really want to be independent."

"We want you to be too, but your health and safety come first so let's just see how things go. First things first, we need to teach you how to correctly get out of bed. I know it sounds silly but it's important so you don't harm yourself further."

After he showed Jackie, he had her mother and Catherine try, which increased the tension. "Okay, now we're going to try and stand. We're going to use the walker just to get you steady, alright?"

Jackie nodded.

"Can I have you ladies come stand on either side of her? For her injured shoulder, just place your hand on the middle of her back."

Catherine walked to her injured side, not wanting to impose on Jackie's mother's motherly instincts, assuming she had any. When Jackie noticed she became disheartened, her theory of Catherine not wanting to help her mend was becoming more of a reality. Determined to do this, Jackie grabbed hold of the walker and tried to stand but was unable to, she felt incredibly weak. "It's okay, take your time and try again" the physical therapist said encouragingly. This time Jackie put forth everything she had in her and stood. "Whoa, not so fast!" He said cautiously. As soon as she was upright Jackie became extremely lightheaded.

"I need to sit," she whispered.

"Just stand in place for a moment, it should pass," he said.

"I'm going to pass out," Jackie warned.

"You're fine. Just do this, take a step" Her mother insisted.

"No steps yet. She won't be able to use the walker with one hand, she will need a crutch but I just want to work on her balance right now. Can you two hold her on your own while I grab the wheel chair?"

"Yes," her mother answered for them.

"Sit me down, I can't do this right now" Jackie pled as the nausea began to set in.

"He's getting the chair, just wait a little longer," her mother replied.

"I'm serious, sit me down, I'm going to be sick."

"Okay," Catherine said softly, moving in front of Jackie to help her sit down.

"No, she needs to wait for the chair!" Her mother argued.

The physical therapist finally came back with the wheel chair, but Jackie couldn't wait a second more.

"She needs to sit, she said she's going to be sick." Catherine informed him.

"She's fine, lets get her in the chair," Jackie's mother cut in once again.

As they were turning Jackie around to sit in the chair, she felt it coming and didn't have time to warn them. Then it happened. She got sick all down her gown. Catherine was holding on tightly making sure she wouldn't fall, as her mother quickly stepped away. "Oh, for heavens sake" she yelled.

"Get out!" Jackie yelled at her mom.

"Jackie, I didn't-"

"Get out!" She yelled again, and with that her mom grabbed her purse and stormed out.

"Let's get you seated in the chair and I'll call the nurse to come clean you up." He said. "We'll try again tomorrow but I'm glad we got you up, you did good."

After he and Catherine carefully sat her down, he left to get the nurse. Jackie sat in the chair mortified, covered in her own vomit. This wasn't exactly going to win over Catherine or the idea of taking care of her. Feeling embarrassed and defeated she felt her throat tighten and her eyes burn, great just one more thing to add to the humiliation. She covered her eyes as she began to sob. Catherine leaned down and rubbed her back, "hey, it's okay."

"Can you please leave me alone?"

"No, I'm not going anywhere."

"Look at me, I'm repulsive. I don't want you to see me like this."

"Jackie, you don't have to be embarrassed, he said this was normal."

"Please just leave!" She yelled.

"Oh Honey, you poor thing" the nurse said as soon as she walked into the room. "Let's get you cleaned up. We're going to need to redress that shoulder."

Jackie sat in the wheel chair, being stripped and bathed by nurses, feeling completely degraded and worthless as tears streamed down her face.

Catherine sat in the hall, after leaving unwillingly. She felt awful for Jackie and wished she hadn't been so embarrassed. It wasn't her fault, she kept telling them she needed to stop but her mother kept pushing her. When the nurses let her know they were finished, she reentered the room. Jackie was sitting up, her eyes glazed from crying and she was staring blankly. "Is it okay for me to come back in?"

"Sure" Jackie responded, continuing to look down.

"Are you okay?" Catherine asked softly.

"I just vomited on myself then was bathed and dressed by strangers. And I can't even stand on my own two feet. What do you think?"

Catherine sighed as she walked over and sat on the bed. Before she could say anything, Rachel, Jackie's mother, and who she assumed were the lawyers, knocked on the door. She excused herself thinking it wasn't appropriate for her to be there. What felt like an eternity later, she watched as everyone filed out, including Jackie's mother who failed to even look in her direction. Rachel was last, who gave her a concerning look as she came over.

"Everything okay?"

"That poor girl. I don't know much about her and her mother's relationship but I can see why they're estranged. She seems pretty beat down, maybe you should go in and see her. I'm going to go talk to the doctors and see if I can help her in some way."

Catherine wasn't sure what Rachel meant, but was more concerned with Jackie. When she walked into her room, Jackie's bed was down and she was looking away towards the window. She didn't know what to say, you can only ask someone if they're okay a certain number of times, so she decided just to be there for her. Walking to the other side of the bed, she sat down in the chair. "Can I get you anything?"

"Can you turn off the lights?" Jackie asked, not looking away from the window.

"Sure." After she turned them off, Catherine could see the tears falling down Jackie's cheeks from the glow of the television, so moved closer and rubbed her hand until she fell asleep.

The next morning, the physical therapist came back early. "Are you ready for round 2?"

Jackie nodded reluctantly and Catherine was determined to make this a better experience to lift her spirits, thankfully her mother was not there.

"Yes she is!" Catherine said as she came over and offered her support. "It's just the two of us this time, I think we can manage."

"Alright, I like the positivity!" He replied. "You let us know if you need a break, okay?"

Jackie nodded again then stood slowly, Catherine trying her best not to rush her. "You good?" she asked, once Jackie was on her feet.

"Yeah, just give me a minute." After a few moments she was ready.

"Okay, want to try the crutch?" He asked. Jackie nodded and he brought it out. She struggled a bit balancing herself on it but slowly and surely with their help, she made her way to the wheel chair and sat down.

"Great work! See I told you we'd get you there. It'll get easier once you're out and about."

They practiced for a half of an hour, getting in and out of the wheel chair and bed and to the bathroom. Once her session was over, Jackie stayed in her wheel chair to get used to being upright. She was already looking happier and Catherine wanted it to stay that way so had an idea. "I'll be back in a second, do not move from that chair" she warned. When she returned a few minutes later, she was almost bursting at the seams in excitement, "You wanna get out of here?"

"What do you mean?" Jackie asked confused.

"I just got permission from your nurse to take you for a ride."

The smile on Jackie's face told her everything she needed to know and she was glad to see it surface after yesterday's awfulness. After strolling through the halls they made their way out into the hospital's garden and Catherine watched as Jackie breathed in the fresh air and sun. "I feel like I've been in a cave."

"You have been, but you're being released tomorrow, you should be happy about that."

She watched closely as Jackie's gaze shifted to the ground and noticed her struggling to swallow, as if she were choking down tears. "Are you going back to Bloomington?" Jackie asked timidly.

"Not until I know you're okay," Catherine replied, taking her hand. Jackie looked up and smiled weakly, the joy in her eyes beginning to fade. Catherine knew she didn't want to stay with her mother, but wasn't sure how she could help. One thing was for sure though, abandoning her was out of the question. After noticing the time, she realized they unfortunately had to get going. "The nurse made me promise we'd be back by lunch time." Making their way back indoors and through the lobby, a sudden flash of camera's erupted. Photographers were lined up outside on the street, shouting and snapping pictures of them through the glass walls, "there she is!" They called out. Jackie covered her face and yelled at Catherine to hurry. The sight of them all outraged Catherine, the crowd had not been that immense the last time she had left. As they made their way through the hospital, people began to give them looks and whisper as they noticed Jackie. Catherine tried her hardest to get her back to her room as quickly as she could, but it was drawing more attention to them. When she finally got her into the elevator alone, she knelt in front of her and saw her trembling, still covering her face. It was then she knew she had to to do everything in her power to get Jackie out of Los Angeles.


	36. Chapter 36

After making their way through the chaos and finally getting back to Jackie's room, they were greeted by her mother. "What's wrong with you? Where have you been?" She asked.

Jackie was still physically upset, so Catherine decided to speak up for once. "I took her to get some fresh air and the paparazzi spotted us as we were passing the lobby. It's complete mayhem out there and they're all after getting a shot of Jackie."

"Well what did you expect Jackie? This is the lifestyle you chose."

"I don't think she signed up to be almost killed in a car accident that she had no control over. She deserves some privacy as she mends."

"I beg to differ. She had control over getting in that car with a drunk."

"Do you hear yourself right now? Look at your daughter," Catherine said pointing to Jackie. "Look at the condition she's in and look how upset she is."

"I do see her, and I see you. The question should be have you seen each other? What on earth does a professor ten years older want with her? Is it money you're after or the fame?"

"You don't have any idea what you're talking about. You don't know me, you don't even know your daughter. I'm not getting into this though because all I care about right now is getting her better. Jackie I'll be back in a minute, I need to go take care of a couple of things." She made sure to kiss Jackie on the forehead before leaving, letting her mother know her opinions had no affect on her. When she got out into the hall, she took a deep breath before calling Rachel. "I have an idea and I need your help."

After talking with Jackie's doctors, Catherine's phone rang and her heart skipped a beat when she saw it was Rachel. She needed her plan to work, Jackie needed her plan to work.

"They agreed!"

"Are you serious?"

"Yep! They just faxed me the papers, I'll be there shortly."

Catherine couldn't believe it actually worked. Everything that could go wrong, had in their relationship, and it was about time they caught a break. She couldn't get back to Jackie's room fast enough to tell her. When she entered the room, Jackie's mother was attempting to help her into bed but Jackie was arguing with her to stop, she was obviously hurting her. "I've got this" Catherine cut in, hurrying over and reaching her arm around Jackie.

"She's just being stubborn," her mother insisted. "You're going to need to drop this attitude before coming home or it's going to be an even longer road to recovery."

"I need to talk to Jackie alone for a minute please." Catherine looked her straight into the eyes, letting her know she wasn't threatened by her.

After acting bothered by the idea, her mother finally exited the room and Catherine sat on Jackie's bed. "I need you to be completely honest with me."

"What do you mean?" Jackie asked.

"Do you really want to go to stay at your mom's?"

"I don't have a choice. My apartment-"

Catherine cut her off, "Do you trust me?"

"Of course, Catherine what ar-"

"Come to Bloomington with me." She blurted out.

Jackie just looked at her confused.

"I talked to your doctor, he said you're okay to fly, and Rachel spoke with Tommy's lawyers who are willing to pay for a private jet to take you to and from Bloomington as needed."

Jackie's face lit up but then turned solemn again. "Are you sure you want this? I don't want to be a burden, I know I'm a lot right now but I promise I'm going to push myself to-"

Before Jackie could babble on anymore, Catherine took her face in her hands and kissed her. Their kiss was interrupted when they heard Jackie's mother clear her throat from the doorway.

"Are you finished here?" she asked, agitated. "We have a lot of arrangements to make before tomorrow."

Catherine looked at Jackie and smiled, "I'll let you two talk."

"No, stay. Mom, I appreciate the offer but I've made other plans."

"What do you mean?"

Jackie looked at Catherine. "Catherine's going to Bloomington tomorrow and I'm going with her."

"You can't be serious."

"I am."

"Jackie this is absurd. She can't take care of you, she's brainwashing you."

"She's been here with me every minute since I was admitted, she took care of me all week."

"Because no one called me! She's trying to take you away from me!"

"Why, because she's the first person to show me what it really means to love someone?"

Jackie's mother just glared at her before softening her voice a little. "You can't travel, you need to be close to doctors, and what about your rehabilitation? Put our issues aside and be reasonable for a minute."

"I've taken care of all of that" Rachel said as she entered the room.

"You're in on this as well?" Her mom said annoyingly.

"I'm supportive of whatever's in Jackie's best interest and right now, that's with Catherine in Bloomington. It's not good for her health to be in Los Angeles until this blows over."

"This is ridiculous. Jackie don't expect any help from me if this is what you choose."

"It is. I don't need your help, I haven't for a long time."

Jackie's mother stared at her for a moment then looked around the room at each of them before leaving.

"I love you both more than you'll ever know, but how is this possible?" Jackie asked.

"It wasn't hard. Tommy's lawyers leapt at the idea of getting you out of the public eye until you're healed. Them seeing you like this would only worsen Tommy's image." Rachel explained.

"Jeez, do I look that bad?" Jackie asked, touching her face.

"No, you're beautiful. But seeing you bandaged up like this would break anyone's heart and want to crucify Tommy. Trust me, I know from first hand experience" Catherine replied.

The next morning, Jackie's doctor came in to go over her medicine regime and a list of referrals for doctors and physical therapists in Indiana. Jackie watched as Catherine paid close attention and couldn't help but smile. She would never be able to repay her for making such a sacrifice to help her. By mid afternoon Rachel had arrived with all of Jackie's belongings packed up, ready to go to Bloomington. Wanting to avoid the media, they were exited through a back door. Getting into their vehicle wasn't as difficult as she imagined, but the car ride was much worse. Every bump they hit in the road she felt throughout her entire body, despite taking her pain medication right before leaving. When they approached the airport they were driven right onto the Tarmac to their private jet. "Fancy Neptune," Catherine winked. Before being rolled onto the plane Jackie hugged Rachel hard, thanking her for making this all possible.

"You call me if you need anything, and I mean anything. I'll see you in a couple of weeks. Take care of our girl Catherine, and you call me if you need anything too." Catherine hugged Rachel as hard as Jackie did.

"You'll never know how much we appreciate this," Catherine whispered in her ear.

"Go on, go fly off into the sunset." Rachel teased.

After loading Jackie onto the plane, Catherine gave her the medication her doctor supplied, a sedative that would help her sleep during the long flight so she wouldn't be so uncomfortable. Fortunately, the fancy jet had luxurious leather recliners to make the ride a little more tolerable. Catherine studied the medicine bottle and saw Jackie smiling. "Medicine kicking in I assume?"

"Yes" Jackie giggled.

"Think I could get some of these for my fear of flying?" Catherine joked.

"Take some," Jackie insisted.

"No way, I'm all you've got now. I've gotta stay sober."

Jackie reached her handle across the aisle, "thank you so much. I'll never be able to repay you."

"Repay me? This is supposed to be repaying you."

"For what?" Jackie asked.

"How about this. How about we stop keeping score and just be happy for once."

"You got it," Jackie smiled.

After taking off, Jackie slipped into a semi coma state of sleep, as Catherine watched on. She should take advantage of the opportunity to sleep considering the lack of it she's gotten since Jackie's accident, but the fear of being her sole care giver with everyone else across the country scared her more than she'd ever let Jackie know. Despite her fears, Catherine knew it would all be worth it and never wanted Jackie to be so far from her again.


	37. Chapter 37

Jackie woke up when they were about thirty minutes from Bloomington. "Looks like the drugs worked" Catherine smiled.

"Looks like it," Jackie said, as she rubbed her eyes. Catherine saw her wince, she'd assumed she'd be in pain considering the time. "Need some pain meds?"

"Yes please."

Catherine unbuckled her seat belt and went to grab the pills from her bag, holding on to the overhead compartments as the plane rattled.

"Looks like someone is becoming more comfortable on airplanes."

Catherine smiled as she handed her the pills, "Here you go. Missing the IV yet?"

"Sadly yes, these pills have nothing on that morphine drip" Jackie said, swallowing them down.

"Junkie" Catherine teased. "Good news is we should be landing soon."

"Did you sleep at all?" Jackie asked, as she stretched out her leg and back.

"A little bit," Catherine lied.

"I bet you're as happy to get back here as I am. I bet you've been dreaming about that bed."

Catherine just smiled at her, not wanting her to know how draining it's been living in that hospital. The last person she wanted any sympathy from was Jackie.

Since it was a private jet, they would thankfully be landing directly in Bloomington, which would save them them the hour drive from Indianapolis. Due to the time difference, it was already 7:30 p.m. After landing, a car was waiting for them and the driver came aboard to help Jackie out of the plane. "Welcome Miss Kirk, it's my honor to drive you to your destination this evening."

"What's your name?" She asked.

"Curtis."

"Nice to meet you Curtis. The formality ends here, alright?"

He traded looks with Catherine and they both laughed. Once Jackie was seated in the car she looked around, "who knew all it took to be treated like an A-lister was to survive a deadly car crash," Jackie commented.

"I'm glad to see your humor's back," Catherine laughed. Curtis went through the drive-thru for them since they hadn't eaten all day. McDonald's, Jackie's choice of course. Catherine hadn't dared to judge her considering she had eaten nothing but what was either provided through her feeding tube, or what the hospital offered for the last week. Once they arrived at Catherine's house, Curtis helped her get Jackie out of the car and inside.

"I think we're all good here, thanks Curtis!"

"It's been my pleasure. Take care and let me know when you need me next."

Catherine shut the door once he left and turned to Jackie. "Home sweet home!" She said, raising her arms dramatically.

Jackie smiled and looked around before turning her direction to the sitting room. "Is that for me?"

"Ah, good it came! Yes, that's your bed," Catherine replied.

"Oh..." Jackie said, suddenly looking distraught.

"Don't worry, I'll be camping out down here with you until we can get you back upstairs."

Jackie didn't say anything for a minute then asked where Ethan was.

"He'll be here tomorrow. I thought we could use the night to settle in first, so had the dog sitter keep him at her house. Now let's eat, I know you're starving." She pushed Jackie's wheelchair into the kitchen and pulled her up against the table. Jackie insisted on trying to eat her hamburger herself, one-handed, which became quite the show. She moaned in ecstasy after taking her first bite, ketchup dripping down her mouth. Catherine couldn't help but laugh at the site.

"Don't judge me. This is the greatest moment of my life thus far," Jackie said through a mouthful of hamburger.

Catherine attempted to wipe her face when she was finished but she grabbed the napkin from her. "Did I get it all?" She tried her hardest to keep a straight face, knowing Jackie's independence was crucial to her, but her entire face was still covered in ketchup.

"Almost. Can I?"

After wiping the remnants of her dinner off of her face, Catherine kissed her to make it seem more like a loving act than just her being her caregiver. Jackie smiled with a look of pride for the first time since the accident, any little act Catherine could do would go a long way she realized. It was definitely the little things.

Once getting Jackie situated on the couch, making sure she was comfortable with plenty of pillows, Catherine handed her the remote and went upstairs to unpack and begin laundry. "Catherine!" she heard Jackie call from the living room, and went running.

"Oh I'm sorry, it's nothing serious, I just need help getting into my chair. I need to use the bathroom." After getting her to the bathroom and helping her stand and get her balance, she reached for her pants.

"No, don't. I can do it."

"Jackie I don't mind."

"No, please" she begged. "I promise I will be okay."

Catherine looked at her reluctantly, but agreed after seeing the desperation in her eyes. "Fine, but I'll be right outside." Several minutes later, Catherine started to become concerned and knocked on the door. "Jackie, are you okay in there?"

"Yeah just a minute!" She called out, her voice breaking.

"Are you okay, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, just give me a minute please!"

Jackie was inside the bathroom, her sling off and shirt lifted, staring at herself in the mirror. Although she had been up using the hospital's bathroom for the last couple of days, there was always a nurse in there with her so she was always rushing to get out, not having the time to look at herself. At first she started with her face, touching the disfigurement of it, she could hardly see her eyes. That's when she became curious about the rest of her body and slowly lifted up her sling and shirt. Catherine called into her and she could tell she was catching on, so quickly locked the door.

"Jackie, did you just lock the door?" Catherine asked, jiggling the door handle. "Jackie come on, don't play games right now."

"Just give me a minute!" She called out again.

"Jackie open the door, I'm not messing around."

She was silent inside the bathroom.

"I have a key, don't make me go get it."

"Catherine Please! Just leave me alone for a minute!"

As much as she wanted Jackie to have the independence she longed for, she was far too injured to give her this much freedom right away. Catherine searched through the desk drawer and found the key, running back to the bathroom. "Jackie, I'm coming in." She slid the key through the lock and unlocked it, slowly turning the handle and opening the door. Jackie was wiping her eyes with her good hand and her shirt and sling we're both lifted above her shoulder.

"What's wrong?" Catherine asked worriedly.

Jackie pinched the inside corners of her eyes, trying to stop the tears and shook her head no.

"Come here, sit down" Catherine said, as she closed the toilet seat and helped her sit. She knelt in front of her and carefully pulled her shirt back down over her shoulder and body, trying not to touch her bruised ribs. After it was in place, she slowly put her arm back into the sling. "What's wrong, was something hurting?"

"No" Jackie said quietly, keeping her head down.

"Then what was it? Do you want me to help you with a bath?"

Jackie swallowed hard and wiped another tear from her eye, not responding.

"What is it, let me help you" Catherine said, as she placed her hands on Jackie's knees.

"It's nothing, I was just looking at myself."

Catherine was relieved nothing was wrong but then realized it was probably the first time Jackie saw the extent of her injuries.

"Are you okay? I know it's probably scary, but you're going to return to normal in no time. You've already made so much progress."

"I don't know how you still look at me, let alone kiss me every day" Jackie said as she placed her hand back over her eyes.

"Stand up," Catherine replied, putting her arm around Jackie. "Come on." Once Jackie was to her feet she balanced her in front of the mirror and stood behind her, but Jackie wouldn't look in the mirror. "Look in the mirror." After a few moments she finally did, but did so self consciously. "You're alive. They literally cut you out of a car after it wrapped around a telephone pole, and you're alive. Not only that but it was one week ago and here you are standing and talking. Look at your eyes."

"They're swollen and disgusting."

"No, look closely at your eyes," Catherine instructed. "Are they the same eyes you've seen every day in the mirror for the last 23 years?"

"Yeah," she replied softly.

"That's all I see when I look at you. I was so afraid when I first saw you lying in that hospital bed, but the first time I saw you open your eyes I was overcome with happiness. You're still you, and after all of this you'll be an even stronger version of you."

Jackie smiled a tiny bit.

"Was that a smile? Don't do it, don't you smile" Catherine teased, copying Jackie's technique of getting people out of their head.

"You're gorgeous to me no matter how you look, because all I see is your eyes and heart. The only things that matter. And I hope you're prepared for how hard I'm going to hug you once these ribs and shoulder heal," she smiled.

Jackie dropped the sad demeanor and let a small laugh slip out.

"Was that a smile _and_ a laugh?"

Jackie looked at her through the mirror and gave her a big smile.

"That's more like it. Come on, lets dope you up and get to bed, it's been a long week."

After she got Jackie situated in her fancy bed, she asked if she was comfortable.

Jackie nodded.

"Are you sure? I can get more pillows."

"Catherine I'm fine, come lay with me."

"Okay" she smiled, before turning off the lights and crawling into bed with her. "Jackie?" She whispered.

"Hm?" she replied, not opening her eyes.

"Are you happy?"

"Mmhmm" she murmured before falling asleep.

Catherine spent the next thirty minutes just staring at Jackie's face and appreciating every single breath she took, hoping Jackie would learn to as well.


	38. Chapter 38

The feelings overcome her once more, relief and happiness like she had never experienced before. Her body relaxed, the pain fading as the drugs settled in. The small things that were creating so much gratitude now; pillows propped up around her, wearing her own clothes and most importantly, Catherine and Ethan on either side of her supplying her unconditional love. Despite her physical ailments, Jackie was extraordinarily happy in that moment. Doing absolutely nothing, yet having everything she had ever wanted right there on that couch.

That first week proved to be a learning process. As happy as Catherine was to be home, transitioning into the role of Jackie's sole care provider proved to more strenuous than she had ever imagined. Between keeping up with pill regimes and the spirometer, being Jackie's physical crutch, cooking, and keeping her comfortable, Catherine was left with little time for her own needs. On top of it all, Jackie was still waking up in the middle of the night in pain, and the couch was beginning to run its course on Catherine's back. She yearned for a good nights sleep up in her own bed considering it had been weeks. She was drinking multiple cups of coffee a day just to get by which was unusual for her, and her body was beginning to punish her. Keeping up her cheerful demeanor to keep Jackie's spirits high was an obstacle all in itself, but she was managing. She had to, she was to blame for this all. To top it off, she currently had awoken with a headache that was only increasing in pain as the day went on.

Jackie looked over at Catherine as she reveled in her happiness, but the sunlight streaming in through the windows revealed a different sight, one that was hard to see. Catherine's eye lids drooped before finally closing as she rubbed the bridge between them. Where her eyelashes ended, dark deep circles began and below them, puffy bags billowed from the tops of her cheeks. When she opened her eyes, they showed a tint of red and no longer were as big and vibrant, so full of life, as they usually were. Jackie suddenly felt an extreme sense of guilt. Catherine had been at her every beckoned call around the clock for two weeks, and it just now became apparent to her that it was slowly draining ever ounce of life from her. Of course it was. How was she just now seeing this? Jackie watched as she blinked her eyes a few times, trying to wake herself up, before looking at the clock and beginning to stand.

"Where are you going?" Jackie asked.

"To fix dinner," Catherine smiled.

Her smile looked so genuine it could deceive anyone. Obviously, since she had Jackie convinced, but that was the end of it. Now Jackie saw, _really_ saw her. "Sit back down," she said as she patted the couch. "Let's just order pizza tonight."

"That sounds wonderful actually" Catherine sighed. "I'll go order. Do you need anything from the kitchen?"

"No, I'm fine."

"Okay" Catherine smiled, as she began to walk away.

"Catherine?"

"Yes?" She asked, turning around.

"Are you alright?" Jackie asked compassionately.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" she replied, confused.

"You look off," after two weeks of being told how terrible she looked, Jackie learned the appropriate way of asking someone who obviously wasn't feeling up to par, how they were feeling.

"I'm okay, just have a headache. I'm going to go take some aspirin and I'll be good as new," she smiled.

When Catherine got upstairs she looked at herself in the mirror, no wonder Jackie said something, she looked absolutely terrible. After swallowing a few aspirin, she splashed some cold water on her face hoping to look rejuvenated. As she made her way back downstairs she glanced at her bed, dying to collapse in it. The food and aspirin dulled her headache and Jackie called it an early night, so she was thrilled to be able to squeeze in a decent amount of sleep before having to give Jackie her meds.

Jackie woke up in excruciating pain per usual, her leg throbbing, her shoulder piercing. It was 2:30 A.M. and Catherine was sound asleep on the couch. Wanting to give her the night off, she tried lifting herself. The pain in her shoulder tearing through her arm as she moved, biting down on her lip to prevent from making any noise, she finally sat up and carefully swung her casted leg over the bed, bringing the other with it. She reached for her crutch that was resting against the wall almost knocking it over, she froze and glanced at Catherine but she didn't even stir. She extended her arm as far as she could, leaning forward, at last she grabbed hold of it and carefully tilted it back towards her. This was the first time she didn't have anyone helping her stand, so she took a minute to prepare herself. Grabbing the crutch she held tightly to it and put all of her weight on her left leg. Biting down on her lip even harder to subdue the pain that felt like lightning bolts flashing through her body. Slowly and surely she hobbled her way into the kitchen and spotted her medication on the counter. The pain was unbearable and it was taking every ounce of her not to make a peep the last few feet. Once she had the pills in hand, she struggled balancing on the crutch while trying to open the bottle. Frustrated, she attempted to use her teeth. When that didn't work she squeezed the bottle as tightly as she could, sending more pain up her shoulder, and used her good arm to twist the child proof cap. She felt it click but the relief didn't last long. Her eagerness caused her to lose grip on the bottle, sending every single pill scattering across the kitchen floor.

"Fucking perfect!" She whispered.

While trying to carefully get to the floor, she dropped her crutch, causing both her and it, to slam to the floor. She let out a shriek before covering her mouth one handed, trying to smother her cries.

Catherine jumped up from her deep sleep, she looked over and saw Jackie missing from her bed and ran towards the noise. From the living room Catherine could see Jackie on the kitchen floor. "Jackie!" she yelled as she rushed into the kitchen. "What happened, are you okay?!" She began to put her arms around her to help get her up but Jackie cried out, "no! Please just get me pills first." Catherine hurried to the sink and got a glass of water as Jackie grabbed the closest pills from the floor.

"Are you hurt?" Catherine asked, closely studying her body for any indications.

"I don't think so, just give me a minute," Jackie said, concentrating on her breathing.

Catherine sat next to her on the floor, worried and unsure of what to do. Should she take her to the hospital? As Jackie took her time to recover from the fall, Catherine began picking up the pills. "Can we get you up off of the floor yet?"

"Yeah" Jackie said quietly.

Catherine helped her stand but as they slowly began to walk, Jackie asked to stop at the table and sit first. "Let me get the wheelchair." When Catherine returned she sat next to Jackie. "What were you doing in here?"

"I needed my pills."

"Then why didn't you wake me?"

"I wanted to give you a night off" Jackie said softly.

"It was just a headache, I'm fine," she insisted.

"No you're not. I'm a lot to handle, I know that."

"You're not-"

" _Catherine_. Yes I am." Jackie stated matter of factly, looking into her eyes. "I'm sorry it took me until today to see you."

"You could have really hurt yourself. Promise me you won't do that again," Catherine said, deflecting her statement.

That was the beginning of a change. From then on, Jackie made Catherine lighten the load she was carrying and fight her urge to do everything for her. To compromise, Catherine would leave two pain pills and a glass of water by Jackie's bed every night, so she would no longer need to get up with her. As much as she wanted her bed, she just couldn't risk leaving Jackie alone downstairs, especially after the stunt she pulled. She liked being close to her anyway. In a few days they would be going back to California for a check up and hopefully would receive good news. In the meantime, the extra sleep was doing wonders for Catherine. Also to her surprise, she received a phone call from Stanford asking to come for a second interview, which she was able to arrange around Jackie's appointment.

Once getting back to California, they were able to make it to the hospital unnoticed, a smiling Rachel meeting them there. "You look so good! And happy!" She said, hugging Jackie.

"I am, thanks to Catherine."

Catherine smiled down at her before giving Rachel a hug.

The doctor said Jackie was healing nicely, no complications and he signed her off to begin physical therapy. "How soon until I get this cast off?" She asked, knocking on her leg.

"A couple more weeks unfortunately, I'll give you a referral in Bloomington so you won't need to come back just for that."

Jackie was not pleased with his response.

Rachel booked a hotel room for them and would be staying with Jackie while Catherine went to Stanford for her interview. After giving her detailed instructions, Catherine hugged Jackie goodbye for the first time since her accident, hesitant to leave her.

"Break a leg!" Jackie shouted, as Catherine was walking out.

"Probably not the best thing to say right now" Rachel said, as she looked at Jackie's cast.

Catherine laughed, "don't have too much fun without me girls, and don't let that one pull a fast one on you Rachel" she warned, pointing to Jackie.

Jackie dropped her mouth in offense, "Me? _Never_!"

Catherine just shot her a wink before heading off to the airport.

Once checking in at Stanford, Catherine sprawled out on the King sized bed she had to herself. The first bed she'd laid in, in 3 weeks. She turned off the light, eager to enjoy it and the eight hours of restful, uninterrupted sleep she would be able to get not having to worry about Jackie, but instead something happened. Something she hadn't planned. She opened her eyes, suddenly missing the close proximity to Jackie and the luxury of knowing she was okay. Catherine reached for her phone and texted her just to check in, "How are you doing?"

Jackie laughed when she saw the message light up across her phone.

"What's so funny?" Rachel asked.

"Catherine's already worried about me" she said, lifting her phone and showing her the screen.

"Aw, she loves you," Rachel teased.

Jackie just smiled and wrote Catherine back. "I'm fine, stop worrying ;) I'm in good hands."

"I know you are, don't hesitate to call. Promise?"

"Promise. Enjoy your vacation from me :) and good luck tomorrow. Call me after."

Even though they had been joking, calling this Catherine's vacation, she hoped Jackie didn't think any part of that was true. "I miss you Porcupine."

"I miss you too, now get some sleep!"

"So how has it been back in Bloomington? Everything you imagined it to be?" Rachel asked.

"Yes, and no. Yes it's been great, but I'm so sick of being this way and having to rely on Catherine so much. I know it's beating her down."

"Honestly, it's probably helping her though. I don't think you realize how guilty she felt about this all. It tore her up inside and probably still does. Being able to help you heal is most likely helping her heal as well."

"The last thing I want is our relationship to turn into more of a patient/nurse scenario out of guilt, rather than a genuine one."

"That's not what I meant. She loves you so much, I can see it and _could_ see it before you guys even told me. She didn't leave your bedside the entire time you were here and it wasn't based off of guilt, she just loved you so much she couldn't bare to leave you for even a second."

Jackie just smiled, "yeah you're right. I've just been feeling a little insecure lately and can't wait to get back to my old self."

The next day while waiting for Catherine to return to Los Angeles, Jackie asked Rachel if they could stop by her apartment to get a few things. "I can't get you up those steps."

"I know, I can wait in the car. _Please_!"

After convincing Rachel, she handed her a list of things and there whereabouts. "I'll be back as soon as I can," Rachel said before disappearing into Jackie's apartment building, leaving her alone in the car. Jackie stared out the window, dreaming about the cappuccinos they were going to get at her favorite coffee shop down the street, when she spotted him. He was looking closely at her in the slyest way possible, before slowly reaching for what looked like a camera. Jackie quickly looked down, hoping she was just being paranoid.

"Jacqueline Kirk?" She heard through the glass. Nope. Definitely not being paranoid. Not even bothering to look up, she dialed Rachel. Suddenly two more men showed up and they all began shouting at her. "Jacqueline how are you? Are you pressing charges against Tommy? Have you talked to him?"

"Rachel get down here the paparazzi are here."

"Shit, okay I have a couple more things to grab."

"Forget it, just get down here please!"

"Jacqueline how is your recovery going?"

She didn't answer, just kept her head down and covered her face as she saw the flashes reflecting off of the windows. She finally heard Rachel's voice, yelling at them as she hurried to the car.

"Jacqueline! How does it feel to single handedly destroy Tommy's career?!"

"Those fucking idiots! Don't you listen to them Jackie!"

Rachel sped off hoping to lose them before they reached their cars, but they caught up to them. She tried her best to weave between traffic but they stayed on her tail. "Jesus they're even more relentless since you've been missing so long, you're still a hot topic here."

Jackie's eyes were covered but she could feel the speed of the car. "Rachel slow down" she whispered.

"You know a picture of you would go for thousands I bet" she said, ignoring her.

"Rachel please slow down," she repeated, losing her breath as her heartbeat increased.

"Jacks, if I do we'll lead them straight back to the hotel" she replied, staring out her rear view mirror as she continued changing lanes.

"Rachel! Please just slow the fuck down!" She yelled.

Rachel did what was asked almost immediately. "I'm sorry. Are you okay? I don't know what to do Jackie."

Jackie sat there hysterical, unable to breathe so Rachel called Wade and told her the predicament they were in. After pulling into his building, security met them in a garage and took them up to his office where Jackie sat quietly.

Catherine saw Rachel's number pop up and panicked, considering what happened the last time she called. "Rachel, is everything okay?"

"Not really-But don't worry! I took Jackie to her apartment, she wanted me to grab a few things and while she waited in the car, the paparazzi spotted her. They followed us and Jackie freaked out so we're at Wade's now because I couldn't lose them."

Catherine made Rachel give the phone to Jackie and even though she assured her she was fine, she could tell she wasn't. A couple hours later when she landed in Los Angeles, she hurried to meet her. Unable to get Jackie back to the hotel, Rachel went with security to gather their belongings as they snuck Jackie to the airport. Once there, Rachel met Catherine and led her to a private room they were able to keep Jackie in until she arrived.

"She was really upset, I've never seen her like that before. I think it was a panic attack, she couldn't breathe."

When Catherine entered the room she saw Jackie sitting in her wheel chair. "Hey, are you okay?" She asked, as she hugged her and kissed her forehead.

"Yeah, just get me out of here."

After returning to Bloomington, things didn't go back to the way they were. Jackie began seeming distant and her humor lessened. She began physical therapy on her shoulder which left her tired and irritable, but Catherine knew it was deeper than that. One day when they were on their way home from therapy, a car pulled out in front of them almost causing Catherine to wreck. She laid on her horn, cussing them out. Once her anger ceased she glanced at Jackie and saw her breathing heavily but Jackie just credited her response to the shock of it. Back home when they were eating dinner, Catherine decided to try to talk to Jackie about it since it seemed as though she was struggling with something internally.

"I'm sorry about earlier."

"About what?" Jackie asked confused.

"In the car."

"It wasn't your fault, that guy cut you off."

"I know but I could have handled it better."

Jackie just blew it off like it wasn't a big deal and continued to eat.

"Was that like what happened in LA?" She asked bluntly.

"What do you mean?"

"With the paparazzi?"

"Sorta, just their typical bullshit."

"You know, the doctor said you would probably start to remember bits and pieces about the accident once some time had passed."

Jackie just stared at her fork before putting it down. "I'm really tired from today, I think I'm going to go lay down."

"Okay, do you need help?"

"No, I've got it. Thanks for dinner it was great," she said before kissing Catherine on the cheek.

Jackie slowly made her way into the living room. She knew she wouldn't be able to hide her feelings for long, Catherine was starting to catch on. LA had been a disaster. Between the paparazzi scare and Wade breaking the news to her that she didn't get the part in the movie, she was beginning to feel more lost than she ever had. It seemed as though her struggle of finding a place where she belonged was becoming a constant. She left high school because she was treated as an outcast, left LA because she was lost without Mark, left Bloomington because everyone constantly pointed out the fact that she didn't belong and now, when she finally felt at home in LA again, she was being shut out once more. The last thing she ever imagined was the media blaming her for Tommy's mistake, and as much as she didn't originally want the role, it now made her feel empty knowing it wasn't hers. She was desperately trying to grasp onto something that would make her feel whole again, but she found herself left with nothing. Except for Catherine that is. But after seeing the affect she had on her, she was trying her best not to drag her down into this hole with her, leaving her no other choice than to distance herself from her.

Finally something positive. A few days later, Jackie's cast was removed and was replaced with a temporary walking one. With her spirits raised, they stopped by the store to get some celebratory foods. "I'm going to go grab a few things" Jackie said, before parting ways with Catherine. As she was was making her way down an aisle, she stopped in her tracks when she spotted none other than Sandy standing in front of her.

"Jackie?" She asked hesitantly, confused to see her there.

"Hi Sandy," Jackie smiled.

"How are you?" She asked before looking at her shoulder and crutch. "I heard about your accident."

"Yeah..." Jackie replied. "I'm getting there, how are you?"

"I'm good, just about to start junior year. Are you coming back to school?" Obviously that would explain her presence in Bloomington.

"Oh, uhh... no. I'm just here until I get better. I needed to get away from Hollywood for a bit." As Jackie was in the middle of explaining, Catherine walked up behind her.

"Hey do you want cookie dough or chocolate fudge-" Catherine stopped as soon as she saw Sandy.

"Oh, sorry I didn't mean to interrupt. I'll meet you up front okay?"

"Okay," Jackie nodded before turning her attention back to Sandy, who was staring at her in shock. Jackie smiled uncomfortably as Sandy stayed silent. Obviously seeing her with the infamous Professor Stark took her by surprise. "Well I better get going, it was good seeing you" she said, before beginning to hobble away.

"I'm sorry," Sandy finally blurted out. "I had no idea you two were actually-"

"It's okay," Jackie interrupted with a smile. "You couldn't have known."

When Jackie got to the front of the store, Catherine looked at her suspiciously. "Everything okay?"

She nodded.

"Well that was interesting" Catherine said, as soon as they got into the car. "I almost grabbed some frozen peas from the freezer section. I don't see a black eye or bloody nose so I assume all went well?"

Jackie laughed, "I'd say so. You should've seen her face when she saw you. She even apologized once the shock wore off."

" _Really_?"

"Yup. Guess she thought I was just another notch in your bedpost."

Later that evening, they were preparing to get Jackie upstairs for the first time. Catherine was thrilled, Jackie was in a good mood all day and now they got to finally sleep in something other than a hospital bed or piece of furniture. Jackie was equally as thrilled, having her leg casted for over a month, she wanted nothing more than to soak her leg in the bathtub. Jackie grabbed hold of the railing as Catherine stood behind her to keep her balanced, also prepared to keep her from falling backwards down the giant staircase. Before even reaching the halfway point, Jackie couldn't take it anymore. The added stress on her stiff and weak leg muscles proved to be too much. "I can't do this, take me back down."

"Jackie we're half there, just-"

"Catherine I can't!" She cried.

"Just stand here for a second and take a break, you're so close."

Jackie took a minute before continuing on. After the first step she stopped again, "I can't!"

"Yes you can. Come on, you can do this."

She screamed at every step. "That's fine, let it out, just keep going."

When she got to the top, Catherine handed her the crutch. Jackie looked at Catherine's door, it was still so far away.

"I hate you so much right now" she muttered, feeling defeated.

Catherine smiled. "You're going to take that back the moment you get into that tub and lay on that bed."

As soon as they reached the bed, Jackie collapsed onto it while Catherine went to run the bath water for her. She must have fallen asleep because when she awoke, Catherine was kissing her neck, straddled on top of her. Jackie opened her eyes and smiled. "What did I tell you" Catherine teased, as she helped her sit up and walk to the bathroom. She sat her down on the side of the tub and knelt in front of her, gently loosening the strap of her sling before carefully lifting it up over her head and removing her arm from it. "Are you okay?"

Jackie nodded.

She then removed her walking cast and pants as Jackie began removing her shirt, wincing as she tried getting her shoulder through. "Careful" Catherine spoke quietly, as she took control and slowly removed her shirt. As soon as it was over Jackie's head she looked down at her scar and covered it with her hand self consciously. Catherine took her hand and kissed it as she looked at her and smiled. She then gently ran her finger tip above the scar before leaning in and kissing it softly. Jackie looked back at her, full of emotion and Catherine took her face in her hands, kissing her. They hadn't kissed like that since before the accident, since before their fight. Catherine stopped and pressed her forehead against Jackie's, knowing she had to contain herself. "The water is going to get cold," she whispered.

Jackie nodded, her forehead still pressed against Catherine's. After getting in the bath, Catherine left her there to relax. "Don't, under _any_ circumstance, fall asleep" she warned, before smiling and leaving Jackie alone.

When she was finished, Catherine helped her up and wrapped her in a robe, sitting her on the bed as she brought fresh clothes. "That one" Jackie pointed, choosing Catherine's lacrosse shirt. "How did I know," she teased. After getting her arm adjusted in the shirt she flashed her a look, "still hate me?"

"Mmhmm..." Jackie mumbled, over-embellishing her nods.

"Oh really? What about now..." Catherine said, kissing her on the cheek.

"Mmhmm" Jackie mumbled once more.

Catherine smiled before kissing her on the neck, "And now?"

Jackie just smiled as Catherine slowly leaned her back on the bed. Without hardly even touching her, Jackie winced "ow!"

"What? Are you okay? Did I hurt you?"

"I'm just sore, maybe I should take my pain pills before this goes any further."

"Yeah, of course" Catherine said, as she carefully got off from on top of her. "I'll be back in a sec," she winked.

When she returned to the room not even five minutes later, she found Jackie lying in bed sound asleep. " _Jackie_ " she whispered smiling, rubbing her arm. No response. "Poor thing." After placing the pills on the night stand, Catherine pulled the covers up over her and kissed her on the forehead before turning off the lights and crawling in next to her.

Once she felt Catherine finally drift off to sleep, Jackie opened her eyes and stared out into the darkness.


	39. Chapter 39

Jackie stared up at the ceiling, watching the reflections of light casting from the windows scatter across it. She'd been doing so for a good portion of the morning, after a night of minimal sleep.

Catherine's phone unexpectedly began to ring, causing her to jump. Catherine grabbed it still half asleep, but quickly got up when she looked at the screen.

"This is Catherine," she spoke professionally.

Jackie watched her as she paced around the room, trying to figure out who was on the other end of the line. It was definitely a university offering her a job, but which?

"Again, thank you so much and you will be hearing from me shortly!"

She hung up the phone and spun around, smiling coyly.

"You got a job" Jackie stated, raising her eyebrows.

"I did." She smiled.

"So who was it?"

"UCLA."

Jackie flashed her a giant smile, at least now she knew she'd have Catherine in LA.

"When do you start?!"

"I didn't accept yet, they're going to email me the offer to look over and I have a couple of weeks to decide. Hopefully I hear from Stanford before then."

"What about Berkeley?"

"I didn't get it."

"I'm sorry, when did that happen?"

"When you were in the hospital. It's no big deal, Stanford and UCLA were always my top two anyway. I'm just relieved to know I have something now. What a way to start the day. I had the best nights sleep and I got to wake up to that... And _you_ ," she smiled. "How did you sleep?"

"Great" Jackie responded, lying through her smile.

"I figured as much since you fell asleep on me last night."

"I'm sorry, I guess the steps wore me out." Another lie.

"I'm sure the warm bath didn't help either."

After getting Jackie back downstairs, Catherine asked if she minded if she went on a run after breakfast. "I'm just feeling really energized and want to take advantage of it," she explained, cheerfully.

"Yeah, no problem. I can entertain myself."

When Catherine was on her run, Jackie sat on the couch feeling worthless. As happy as she was for Catherine, it just reminded her of her own career in shambles, not to mention her body. She glanced over at the liquor cart and debated for a minute before making her way over to it and drinking straight from the bottle of scotch. Not wanting Catherine to know, she brushed her teeth directly after and hoped she didn't keep a close eye on the amount in the bottles. She wasn't sure if it was because she hadn't drank in almost two month or if it was the medication, but she became light headed almost instantly. Another night went by with Jackie able to avoid Catherine's advances, this time claiming to suffer from a headache, which wasn't completely false given the scotch. Still unable to sleep, she silently slipped out of bed and went downstairs. She took some swigs of vodka before retreating to the couch, careful to switch things up so Catherine was less likely to catch on. Too nervous to turn on the television and wake her, she regrettably spent the next hour scouring through the tabloid articles on her. The paparazzi's comment to her was enough to drive her deeper into this hole, but now reading what the rest of the world thought of her sank her beyond saving.

"Jackie" Catherine said, shaking her.

She slowly opened her eyes, the warm sun just beginning to rise through the large windows in the living room.

"What's wrong? Why did you sleep down here?"

Her headache a reminder of her late night escapade, she nervously looked around, hoping she put the liquor bottle back. Relief set in when she saw it sitting on the cart. "I couldn't sleep."

"Is it your head still?" She asked.

Jackie felt the nausea abruptly set in and quickly went to the bathroom.

"Are you okay? Maybe we should go see the doctor," Catherine spoke nervously outside the door.

"No, I'm fine. It's just a migraine" Jackie said, opening it.

"It might be related to your concussion, I think we should go just to be safe."

"Catherine that was almost two months ago, I'm fine. It's just being out here in the Midwest, I use to get them all the time when I lived here." Jackie was impressed with her own quick thinking.

Later that day while they were eating lunch, Catherine received yet another phone call. Jackie's stomach knotted. As soon as Catherine began smiling she knew it was a done deal. When she hung up, the biggest smile Jackie had ever seen expanded across her face.

"Stanford?"

She didn't say anything, just nodded her head yes with the giant smile still plastered on her face. Jackie got up and hugged her as Catherine squealed in happiness, hiding her own disappointment. "I'm so happy for you, you deserve this."

As Catherine was busy reading over both contracts that night, Jackie slipped outside to the backyard and stared up at the sky. She missed being able to see the stars like this, the view definitely wasn't the same in Los Angeles.

"There you are" Catherine said from behind her, as she closed the door. "What are you doing out here?"

"Nothing, just relaxing."

"Can I join?"

"Of course," Jackie smiled. "This is the only view you can't get in Los Angeles."

"Very true, I'm going to miss it."

They both sat in silence for a minute, gazing up at the stars before Catherine spoke. "Jackie..."

"Mmhmm?" She mumbled, turning her head.

Catherine looked down, obviously nervous to speak. "I think I'm going to take the Stanford job" she said, looking up.

Stanford. Five and a half hour away, Stanford. Not thinking it was possible, Jackie's world just got even darker.

"I know," Jackie responded sweetly.

"You do?" She asked, looking relieved.

"You always said it was your first choice." Although she wasn't lying, Jackie had a small ounce of hope that Catherine would chose UCLA to be close to her.

"Are you upset?"

"Of course not," Jackie replied. "This is your dream, you didn't stop me from mine."

"This is really hard for me. I don't want to be that far away from you, but I don't think either of us would be happy if we sacrificed our careers. It's something we're both passionate about and makes us, _us_."

"It's a lot closer than here" Jackie chimed in, knowing she had to be as supportive as possible no matter what was going on inside of her head.

"This has all made me think and... I really want you to accept that role when they offer you it. It'll be hard but we will figure out how to make it work."

Jackie's stomach dropped, a reminder of how lost she was. Not wanting to lie yet not wanting to tell the truth, she just smiled.

"I love you."

"I love you too" she responded, as Catherine came over and kissed her.

"I'm going to go wrap up in there."

"Okay, I'll be in in a bit."

Catherine leaned in again before leaving, "don't get too tired," She whispered in her ear, before gently kissing her on the cheek. She flashed her a seductive smile before disappearing back inside.

Jackie knew she couldn't put it off anymore. It was Catherine's big day, it wasn't fair to push her away. She looked through the window and saw her sitting at the kitchen table so quietly went into the living room, grabbing the bottle of vodka and sneaking back outside. She chugged as much of it as she could while keeping a close eye on Catherine's whereabouts. When she saw her beginning to wrap up, she went back inside and placed the bottle back on the cart. She made her way into the kitchen, "do we have any ice cream left?" Stalling.

"Yeah, I think so. Are you hungry?"

"No, just need something sweet." Jackie grabbed a spoon but Catherine got to the freezer before her.

"Let's take it upstairs," she smiled.

When they got upstairs Jackie felt almost as nervous as she did their first time. Thankfully the vodka was beginning to kick in. Since Catherine had blocked her from the ice cream, she was going to have to avoid locking lips with her until she could mask the alcohol on her breath. Catherine had her sit on the bed then grabbed the ice cream and straddled her. "Is your leg okay?" She asked, before carefully sitting on her lap.

"Yeah," Jackie responded quietly, trying not to let her catch the scent of her breath. Catherine dipped the spoon into the ice cream but leaned into Jackie first. Panicking, she quickly began kissing Catherine's neck. Catherine began to quietly moan, the result of months of celibacy. Jackie pulled back to get to the ice cream but Catherine set it on the night stand and kissed her unexpectedly on the lips. She could feel Catherine begin to pull away as soon as she tasted it, so grabbed her head and kept kissing her, hoping the heat of the moment would make her forget. It didn't though. Catherine quickly broke free. "Is that vodka?"

"What?" Jackie hesitated, "no."

Catherine leaned in closer but Jackie leaned back, "Stop. What are you doing?!"

"It is. Jackie why do you have vodka on your breath?"

"Okay, you caught me. I had a drink" she said, continuing to kiss her.

"When. Why?"

"I just needed to loosen up. It doesn't matter, come on" she leaned in but Catherine stopped her.

"What do you need a buzz to sleep with me now?"

"Catherine stop. Just kiss me, come on," Jackie pled.

"No. Look at me."

She looked away, unable to.

"Jackie, look at me and kiss me if that's what you want to do."

She took a deep breath in and tried her best to hold in every single emotion that had been silently beating her down, then looked up at Catherine. Her action must have taken her by surprise, because she saw her aggression melt away as soon as they locked eyes. Not wanting her to catch on, she did as asked and kissed her. While deep in their kiss, she fidgeted with her sling, trying to remove it, but Catherine stopped and did it for her. The first time she did it was romantic, now it was just exposing her inadequacies. Jackie reached around and rolled Catherine over onto the bed, crawling on top of her. It only took until she was halfway down her body for her arm to begin shaking, struggling to play double duty and unable to hold her own body weight. As hard she tried, it finally gave and she fell on top of Catherine. She let out a sigh of frustration and tried to begin again but Catherine sat up. "It's okay" she smiled, before gently rolling over and taking control. Jackie felt the lump in her throat catch, making it difficult to swallow and knew what was coming. The moment Catherine began undoing her pants, she felt the tears overflow and begin slipping down her cheeks, hoping it was too dark for her to notice. Once they were off, Catherine leaned down and began kissing her neck but must have felt the tears. She placed both hands on either side of Jackie and hovered over her, "are you crying?"

"No." She wanted to give an excuse but it was all she could slip out, so grabbed Catherine's arm and began kissing it.

Catherine began kissing her neck again, but now Jackie's chest began to tremble as she tried choking back the tears.

"You _are_ crying, what's wrong? Am I hurting you?"

"No, nothing, just keep going," she insisted.

"Jackie you're crying, I'm not going to _keep going_ " she said, before leaning over and turning on the light.

As soon as the room illuminated, Jackie placed her hand over her eyes and began to cry even harder.

"What is it?" she asked concerned.

Jackie just shook her head, still covering her eyes.

Catherine grabbed her arm and removed it. "Hey, talk to me," she said softly.

"I'm just not having a good day."

"Is this about Stanford?"

" _No!_ " Jackie insisted.

"Then what is it?"

Jackie knew Catherine wasn't going to let this go until she gave her something, so decided on something small. "You went for a run today and I can barely make it up these steps without getting winded. You have to remove my sling for me and then just now... I can't even do that for you." Catherine took her hand and kissed it and when Jackie finally looked up, Catherine's eye brows were pressed together, her forehead wrinkled in concern. "Don't pity me, it's the last thing I need. I'm just feeling completely inadequate."

"I'm so sorry, I wish you would have told me this. I shouldn't have rushed-"

"It's been two months, that's a long time for you."

Catherine looked at her, shocked. "I'm not going to take offense to that given your current state, and the fact that it _may_ be true," she smiled, "but you're a lot more important to me than sex."

Jackie just smiled at her.

"Can we at least cuddle?" She smiled.

Jackie nodded and smiled back.

The progress they made that night seemed to dissipate as soon as the sun rose. Jackie slipped back into her melancholy ways and Catherine soon found out prying was only making things worse. Jackie began sleeping on and off most days and when Catherine would awake in the middle of the night, she'd be gone. The first couple of nights she found her on the couch watching television, so eventually stopped bothering and just let her have her space. Catherine would be moving to Stanford soon, and the thought of leaving Jackie in the state that she was in both terrified her, and broke her heart. After discovering the amount of liquor missing from her bottles, she knew it was time to either intervene or get help.

"How's you shoulder?" Catherine asked at dinner.

"Good," Jackie replied.

"Is it finally starting to feel back to normal?"

"Yeah." One word responses, Jackie's new favorite.

"If you're feeling up to it, maybe we can start going on walks every day, it might help give you some energy."

"Yeah, maybe."

"Are you excited to get back to California?"

"I guess."

"Has Wade said when you'd hear back about that movie? It seems like it's been a while."

"These big blockbusters usually take a while to cast."

Catherine thought back to when Jackie landed the role in Neptune 26. It only took a month to hear back and it was going on almost three now.

"Oh wow, so this must be a much bigger deal than Neptune 26 since you heard back pretty fast then, huh?"

Jackie paused before pulling her chair out, "I'm not really hungry tonight," she said before getting up. This was a current theme and their new norm. They would sit in near silence, or Jackie would hardly touch her dinner and disappear into the living room.

Catherine placed her hand on her arm, "Can you talk to me."

"Catherine not tonight, I don't feel good."

She closed her eyes as Jackie began to walk away, the pain she felt not being able to get through to her was unbearable at this point.

"Jackie, I miss you" she called out quietly. She heard her pause, hoping she would come back, but she didn't. After cleaning up Catherine made her way into the living room and saw her laying on the couch, mindlessly watching the television. That was it. She made her way to the liquor cart and grabbed the two bottles. "Is this what you do all night when you sneak out of bed? Get drunk? Is that why you lay around all day?"

Jackie ignored her and kept staring at the television, so she put the bottles back down and sat in front of her. "Jackie please talk to me. Let me inside of your head because it's killing me inside not knowing."

She finally looked at her. "No, I'm not excited to go back to LA because I have nothing to go back to."

"Your entire career is there. Everything you've worked so hard for."

"No it's not. I didn't get the role." She said, emotionlessly.

"I'm so sorry. When did you find out?"

"When we were in LA."

Catherine looked at her confused, "You mean months ago?"

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"It never came up, and when it did, you had just gotten the job at Stanford and I didn't want to interfere in your happiness."

Catherine placed her hand on Jackie's leg.

"It's fine. It's not like I wanted it anyway."

"Regardless of the role, you still have so much going for you. Now you can find a role that you're passionate about, just like you said you wanted."

"No one's going to hire me, they all hate me" Jackie said, her voice still monotone.

"What are you talking about? That's not true."

Jackie sat up and pulled out her phone. She began typing, then showed Catherine the screen. "Oh it's not, is it?"

Catherine took the phone and saw dozens of tabloid articles pulled up, all criticizing Jackie for Tommy being in jail. "This is all bullshit. Is that what you've been reading for the past two months?"

She just looked away, tears forming in her eyes.

"What on earth possessed you to look at these?"

"After I heard what the paparazzi had to say to me."

"What did they say?"

"That I single handedly ruined Tommy's career."

"And you listened? That's complete bullshit Jackie, they were just trying to get a reaction out of you to post in the tabloids. Tommy is to blame for all of this."

"You just don't get it," she sighed.

"Then help me understand."

Jackie stayed quiet, continuing to look away.

"Why won't you let me help you?" Catherine pled. She couldn't handle Jackie's silence any longer, "I have been in more pain these past few weeks than I _ever_ was the entire year without you" she said, her voice breaking as she began to cry.

Stubbornly looking away, unable to expose her own personal struggles, Jackie had felt entirely dead inside until that moment. The moment she heard Catherine's voice break before sobbing quietly. She quickly looked at her, tears running down her own face. It was that moment she realized that in her attempt to protect Catherine from the darkness inside of her mind, she had caused something worse to happen. Much worse. She had caused Catherine to create her own darkness and suffer in it alone.


	40. Chapter 40

Jackie opened the door and flicked on the lights. She stood in the doorway as she watched her apartment illuminate, taking a minute to look around at the familiar place she once called home. As if almost robotic, she numbly went through the motions of her old routine. Unpacking her things, she caught sight of herself in the medicine cabinet mirror, no longer recognizing the person staring back. She desperately tried to find some sense of familiarity, but the steam of the shower fogged her reflection. Stepping inside, she let the hot water trickle down her face as she thought back to that night with Catherine.

Catherine sat in front of her sobbing in a way she had never seen, causing her heart to shatter into a million pieces. She sat there, astounded by the affect she had on her. After taking it all in, she knelt in front of her and took her in her arms, the only thing she knew to do. Catherine dropped her hands from her face and wrapped her arms around Jackie's torso as she continued to cry. Jackie just held her closely for a while until her trembling stopped and tears ceased. When Catherine slowly pulled away, Jackie wiped her tears. "I'm sorry."

"Don't I make you happy anymore?" Catherine asked quietly.

Jackie just stared at her, completely at a loss for words. She watched as Catherine flinched at her hesitation and saw the pain encompass her face as she stood. "Wait," Jackie called out as she grabbed her wrists, pulling her back down. "I'm so empty inside and it terrifies me. I am completely numb, I literally feel nothing."

"For me?" She asked.

"For anything. But seeing this affect I have on you," Jackie went on as she held Catherine's hands. "It completely destroys me knowing I could do this to you. I didn't mean for this to happen, I meant for the opposite."

"You've been treating me this way on purpose?"

"I saw how I was draining the life from you and didn't want to bring you down with me, so I isolated myself."

Catherine looked at her, "Jackie as physically exhausted as I was then, I wasn't unhappy. I thought I had lost you that night so having you here, being able to take care of you, I was grateful for every minute of it. I was genuinely happy. Now I'm just miserable. You made me feel like nothing I could do would be enough. And now, what you just said, what does this even mean?"

Jackie turned her gaze to the floor. "I don't know. I don't know how to fix this," she whispered.

After what felt like an eternity of silence, Catherine rose and went upstairs without saying a word. Struggling with not knowing the right thing to say, Jackie stayed downstairs for a bit before following after her. When she slowly opened the bedroom door, the band of light coming from the hall shined directly on Catherine. Her back was to Jackie and she was lying in bed, motionless. Jackie quietly closed the door and sat on the side of the bed, her back to Catherine's. "I know how unfair this has been to you."

Catherine was silent but she knew she was awake, so laid down next to her. "What can I do?" She whispered, turning her head towards her. Catherine didn't respond so she got to her knees and pulled her shoulder back, turning her around until she was laying on her back.

"I don't think you're in love with me anymore."

"That's not true" Jackie insisted, supplying a defensive expression.

"You said you felt nothing for me."

"That has nothing to do with-"

"You haven't touched me in weeks" Catherine interrupted. "Not even a hug, do you know how terrible-"

Jackie leaned down and kissed her, cutting her off but Catherine pushed her away. "Stop it, I know it's not real."

Struggling with her, Jackie grabbed her hands and pinned them to her sides. She saw the despair in Catherine's eyes and stared into them, hoping she would see that the person who loved her was still inside of her somewhere. Catherine's chest trembled, so physically upset, causing Jackie to be drawn back to her, wanting so desperately to console her. She kissed her again, this time she meant it. She felt Catherine beginning to kiss her back, and her arms ease under her hands, so let go of them. Suddenly the two of them were pulled into every emotion of everything that had ever happened between them. Things began to heat up, but Jackie could taste the saltiness of Catherine's tears. Pulling herself away, she gently wiped her tears away and softly kissed both of her cheeks before continuing on.

Rachel arrived the next day to help them pack for Catherine's big move, leaving them no time to discuss what transpired the night before. Despite what happened that night, things still weren't the same. Catherine reached over and placed her hand over Jackie's as they were driving to the airport. Jackie looked down then up at Catherine who flashed her a small smile as she squeezed her hand. Jackie just smiled back before looking out the window again. As guilty as it made her feel, she was relieved Rachel was coming.

"Hey girls!" Rachel squealed as she ran and hugged them both. "I missed you two so much!"

Rachel chatted their ears off the entire ride home, pausing only for a moment to ask how they were doing. They both hesitated before offering a generic, "great!"

Before beginning their packing duties, Catherine cooked them dinner as they enjoyed multiple glasses of wine throughout the night. Jackie could feel Catherine mentally keeping track of how many glasses she had, which was becoming irritating. Rachel gulped down the last bit of hers and asked if anyone else wanted another a glass as she stood. "I'll take one," Jackie responded, however Catherine's facial expression let on that she thought she had had enough. "Actually, never mind. I think I'm going to turn in for the night."

"Aww so soon?" Rachel whined.

"Yeah, sorry. I'm wiped out and the wine didn't help."

"Ok, well sleep tight. Catherine, another glass?"

As Jackie was changing for bed, Catherine came into the bedroom.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"I'm fine."

"You don't seem fine."

"What do I seem then? Drunk?"

"I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to. I saw you judging me for every glass of wine that I had."

"I'm just worried about you," Catherine said softly.

"Well, you don't need to be. I'm a big girl, I think I've made it pretty clear that I don't need your help any more," Jackie snapped. After Catherine didn't fire back at her, she looked up and saw the shock in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that" Jackie apologized, but Catherine turned and left.

The next day when Jackie woke up, Catherine wasn't in bed next to her. She wasn't sure if she slept through her coming and going, or if she never came to bed at all. Feeling guilty for snapping at her, she was nervous to see what type of mood she was in, hoping there wouldn't be a scene in front of Rachel. When she reached the kitchen, the two of them were packing up the dishes.

"Hey sleepy head," Rachel joked. "Looks like little Miss Hollywood can't hang anymore."

"Very funny" Jackie responded, noticing Catherine ignoring her presence.

"So where do you want me?" Jackie asked.

"You can start on that cabinet" Catherine replied, pointing to it, but still avoiding eye contact.

Later, when Catherine left to go pick up lunch, Rachel turned to Jackie almost immediately.

"What's going on between the two of you?"

"Why? What did she say?" Jackie asked.

"Nothing, she didn't have to. I just spent all morning in the same room with you two and you hardly even looked at each other. Usually I can cut the sexual tension with a knife."

"I snapped at her last night when I shouldn't have."

"Why, what happened? Everything seemed fine."

"Just stupid shit, I felt her judging me for how many glasses of wine I was having so said things I shouldn't have."

"Has that been a problem lately or something?"

"No. Well, maybe a little."

"Jackie!"

"Stop. I don't need this from you too. I don't have a drinking problem."

"You better not, or I'll bust your ass!" Rachel teased, putting her fist up to her face.

Later that day when they were finished packing, Jackie went upstairs to take a shower. When she was on her way back downstairs she overheard Rachel and Catherine talking about her, so paused at the top of the steps.

"I just feel like I can't make her happy anymore. I don't know what I'm doing wrong."

"She's just going through a hard time," Rachel insisted.

"Maybe. Or maybe she just doesn't love me anymore."

Jackie could hear Catherine choking on her words.

"Oh Catherine, she still loves you."

Not wanting to bombard them, Jackie made as much noise as she could coming down the stairs. When she entered the room, Catherine quickly said she was going to go take a shower now. Once she was out of eye sight Rachel pointed up the stairs, "go talk to her!" She whispered.

Jackie hesitated and Rachel yelled at her once more, pushing her. "Go! You two take all the time you need, I'll be down here."

By the time Jackie got upstairs, the shower was already running and the door was closed so she sat on the bed and waited. As she was waiting she saw the stuffed bunny Catherine kept above the bed and smiled, grabbing it. She thought back to that first night, how terrified she was of Catherine. To think, now, she had the power to absolutely destroy the once overly confident woman she was so scared of, it made her feel awful. Not long after the shower stopped, Catherine opened the door and came into the bedroom. "Can we talk for a minute?"

"Jackie, Rachel's here-"

"She's fine. Please?"

"Let me get dressed first."

Jackie fidgeted with the bunny as Catherine dressed, realizing she never asked Catherine about the story behind it. It didn't exactly fit Catherine's personality, or decor. Catherine stood in front of her once she was dressed.

"Sit" she patted.

When Catherine sat, she put the bunny down and turned to her, "I'm really sorry for snapping at you last night. I didn't mean it."

"I just don't understand. What was the other night? Just a way to shut me up?"

" _No,_ of course not."

Catherine kept her focus on the ground.

"You know I appreciate everything you've done for me right?"

Catherine didn't answer.

"Right?"

"I'm not sure of anything anymore" she finally said, looking up at Jackie.

"I still love you, I hope you know that. The other night was real. And you don't deserve the way I've been treating you in the slightest. I'm just in this really bad place and I don't know how to get out of it, but none of that is because of you. I promise you that's the truth. It kills me seeing the way I'm hurting you."

"I just don't know what else to do" Catherine sighed.

"There isn't anything more you can do, you've been my rock throughout this all. I'm just a really independent person, so suddenly being faced with all of these limitations, it's been hard. It's also got me thinking. After we get you moved to Stanford, I'm going to go back to LA for a while and let you settle in."

Catherine looked up at her, confused.

"Not like that," Jackie insisted, shaking her head. "Just some time for me to get my head straight. I think we both need some time to figure out our lives and you're going to be so busy at Stanford, I don't want to get in the way of that."

Catherine picked up the bunny and rubbed its ear between her fingers. "I just want you to be happy again."

"I want us both to be happy again."

Jackie leaned over and hugged her for a long while. When she let go she noticed Catherine still holding the bunny. "Where'd you get that from anyway?"

"My mom" she smiled.

Jackie took it from her hands and kissed it before handing it back to her. Things after that seemed fine, they were able to enjoy the time they had left with Rachel without the tension. When the weekend was over and they loaded all of Catherine's belongings into the moving truck, they looked back at the house. "I'll leave you two alone" Rachel said, getting into the car.

Jackie watched as Catherine stared at the house. "Are you okay?" She asked.

"Yeah, I just never thought I'd ever be leaving this place."

"It's not gone forever, we'll be back. I promise" Jackie said, rubbing her back.

When they landed in California, Rachel immediately went back to LA to give Catherine and Jackie some time alone. Jackie only stayed for a day, to get Catherine's essentials put away. She scheduled her flight back to LA early in the morning, thinking it would be best not to drag out a long goodbye. When the alarm went off early at 5am, she quietly rolled out of bed but felt Catherine's hand on her arm. "Stay."

Jackie smiled, "okay but I only can a little longer."

She moved in closer before she heard her whisper, "don't go."

The words broke Jackie's heart. "Catherine..." Jackie said, hugging her tightly. "This isn't goodbye, it's just an 'I'll see you later' as cliche as that sounds."

"I hope so."

"It is."

When she came back from the bathroom she turned on the light and packed her remaining things as Catherine sat on the bed.

"So is this your thing? You leave me broken in my bed" she joked, but Jackie could tell she wasn't.

After a long hug and kiss goodbye, she left. Just like she did in Bloomington. In some ways it was better, she wasn't leaving her with nothing. She had a great job to look forward to. But in one way it was worse. Much worse. This time Catherine asked her to stay.

When Jackie brought the wash cloth up to her arm she saw how red her skin was. She realized she had been in the shower a lot longer than she had planned so quickly wrapped up. When she stepped out, the entire bathroom was filled with steam. She rubbed the sleeve of her robe over the mirror and looked at herself again. This time she focused in on her eyes, remembering the way Catherine had taught her when she was feeling lost. Then she saw it. Herself. She was still there, and she would find her way back to Catherine.


	41. Chapter 41

Catherine tried to go back to sleep but found it impossible. She knew this time was different, but it didn't make it hurt any less. Last time she released Jackie to live her dream, now Jackie was releasing her to do the same. She would come back this time though, wouldn't she? As Catherine laid in bed she thought back to before, how Jackie didn't even attempt to make contact with her. If it wasn't for her reaching out, none of this would have ever happened, they'd both still be leading separate lives. The last four months had been a whirlwind-Four months, wow. How is it possible they experienced so much in just four months? So many different cities, so many different hotel rooms, so much happiness, so much heart break. The longer she laid awake, the more her mind wandered. Their first time around was only four months as well, that couldn't be right- could it? She counted in her mind, it was. Only a few short months before things went sour. Could they really make it considering this was now their second go at it and still found themselves drifting apart? An odd sense of relief surfaced. She was thankful she took the Stanford job, she couldn't imagine being in LA if they didn't work out this time. No. She didn't want to think like that. Despite it all, Catherine couldn't imagine going back to a life without Jackie. Wanting to shake the sudden sickness she felt at the pit of her stomach, she got out of bed. Even though it was only 6:00am, she grabbed Ethan's leash and took him for a walk around the new neighborhood they called home, hoping to silence her insecurities.

Jackie didn't do much of anything her first week home. She was still nervous about the paparazzi finding out she was back in town so hid out in her apartment, soaking in the solitude of it considering she hadn't been alone in months. Rachel was on her way over now though to drop off some scripts for her to take a look at.

"Hey kiddo, welcome home" she smiled, her arms filled with scripts and bags of Jackie's favorite take out.

"Bless your heart!" Jackie beamed as she helped her with the load. "You don't know how long I've been craving this."

"So how's it been, being back home and all?" Rachel asked, as she emptied the bags onto the coffee table.

"Good" Jackie said, tearing open the containers and stuffing her face.

Rachel shot her a look.

"What?" She asked with a mouthful of food.

"That's all you're going to give me? You've been gone for months, survived a terrible accident, are miles away from your girlfriend, and all I get is a 'good'?"

Jackie rolled her eyes. "Can I just have one week to myself without someone on my case? Exhibit A- all of the things you just listed that I went through, don't I deserve some time to myself to do absolutely nothing?"

"Yes, and now that week is over so here you are" she said, pushing the scripts across the table.

"How long do I have?"

"First one is in a few days."

"Negative." She shot back.

"Jacks..."

"I need time to get back on the horse."

"It's acting, not bull riding."

"Tell that to the studio execs who cut me out of their feature."

"What do you mean?" Rachel asked confused.

"Wade didn't tell you?"

"No?"

"They want me. _Wanted_ me. But said due to the extent of my injuries, I am too much of a liability" Jackie said, mocking their words.

"That's a load of crap."

"Yeah, well, apparently I'm a cripple now."

"Forget them, you didn't want it anyway."

"I didn't then..."

"But you do now?"

"It might have been nice to throw myself into something."

"You really think you and Catherine could've handled that?"

"Is she here right now?" Jackie asked, looking around sarcastically.

"No, because you left her."

"I didn't leave her any more than she left me" Jackie responded defensively. "She took that job at Stanford, she could have taken the UCLA position. Even before things changed, it was never in our plans for me to move down there. Not full time at least, I can't."

"How is she doing?"

"Fine, I assume."

"You haven't talked to her?"

Jackie could feel her judgements. "Here and there. She's really busy setting up her apartment and everything with her job, I don't want to get in the way and mess her life up more than I already have. Especially now."

When she looked up Rachel was just looking back at her, concerned.

"Things got really rough those last few weeks. She didn't deserve that version of me. I just need some time."

"I hope you guys work it out" Rachel said, supplying a sad face.

"We will, we're just in a transition. We'll be fine."

Jackie spent the next few days memorizing the scripts, uneasy about jumping back into it so soon. Despite Wade and Rachel's wishes, she was going to skip the first one, she didn't want to go into her first audition back unprepared. It was times like these she missed Catherine's support. It had been a few days since they had talked, so she decided to call her. Once she dialed, she sat back on the couch and fanned the pages of the script in anticipation of hearing Catherine's voice, realizing how much she had missed her. It rang longer than usual until finally going to voicemail, that was a first.

Catherine's living room was a mess. She tore through every box looking for it, but it was no where to be found. There was no way she left it in Bloomington, she remembered packing it. When she went back into her bedroom to double check, she saw her phone screen was lit up.

"Hey there!" Jackie responded cheerfully on the other end.

"Hey, sorry, I was in the other room" Catherine sighed, laying down on the bed.

"Are you okay?"

"No, I think I lost something in the move and I've been tearing open every single box looking for it."

"Oh no, what did you lose?

"Don't laugh."

"I promise" Jackie responded.

"My bunny."

"Aw, well I'm sure you'll find it when you're least expecting it."

"I hope so, what's up with you? Did you need something?" The phone call was quite unexpected.

"No, just sitting here trying to memorize a script, realizing it was much more fun when you would help me."

"Oh really? Are you starting to audition again?" Catherine was thrilled to hear that Jackie was getting back to work, and more thrilled that she was thinking about her.

"Yes, ugh that makes me nauseous just saying it."

"You're going to do great, is there someone you can practice with? Rachel maybe?"

Jackie laughed, "she's not the greatest person to read lines with."

"I wish I could help."

"Me too, so what's new with you? Sounds like the apartment is a headache, but how's Stanford?"

They talked a little longer about Catherine's new life in Stanford before Jackie let her go. She seemed well, happier. A lot happier than she had been in Bloomington at least. Catherine was hoping she was making improvements and was wondering when they'd see each other next. Thankfully she had her work to throw herself into in the meantime.

Catherine seemed stressed and distracted, Jackie hoped she wasn't adding to it. She couldn't let her emotions get in the way of her plan to work on herself though. After that call she decided to give her some more time to adjust, communicating with her less and spending all of her time diving into the scripts, brushing up her acting techniques, and most importantly- not picking up a bottle of alcohol.

As the first day of classes drew nearer, Catherine became more and more nervous. She spent the majority of her time working on lesson plans, trying to revamp her originals considering she was now at big time Stanford. She wanted to keep things fresh and exciting, spending many late nights pushing herself to do more. Despite the long hours she was putting in, Jackie's silence wasn't going unnoticed.

The day of her first audition, Jackie looked in the mirror, carefully smoothing her hair in place. "You've got this," she told herself confidently. When she arrived, she took a deep breath in the car before going in, her stomach in knots. As she entered the hallway there was a sea of girls waiting, all staring at their scripts and mumbling the lines to themselves. She caught eyes with a few of them as she made her way to check in. On her way back to find a seat, more and more girls were now staring at her and whispering as she walked down the hall. Unable to find an empty chair, she leaned against the wall as the whispering became more profound. She tried to ignore them but caught on to some of their words, "Drunk. Tommy. Car. Hiding." She tried to block it out by reading the lines on the page, but they began to blur as she saw the tears beginning to form. Her heart began to race so hard she could hear it pounding in her ears as both they, and her face, began to radiate. The swirling of the whispering was amplifying, making her head spin, and with that she quickly disappeared around the corner and out the building. As soon as she reached her car she began sobbing. She pounded her fists against the steering wheel, she had worked so hard since coming back to LA, only to end up right back in the dark place she had come from. Driving home, she became more and more angry over what had just happened. Walking to her door, she pulled out her phone. She couldn't call Rachel because she would be mad at her for missing the audition, and she most certainly couldn't call Catherine because she didn't want her to know she had failed. Pausing at the door, she placed her phone back in her pocket and turned around, heading back down the street.

"Hey Catherine."

"Hey Rachel, what's up?" Catherine asked, as she balanced the phone between her shoulder and ear, busily collecting her things from the desk.

"Is Jackie visiting you?"

"No, why?" She asked confused.

"She didn't show up for her audition today."

Catherine stopped what she was doing, "you're kidding me."

"I wish I was."

"Well did you check her apartment?"

"That's where I am right now."

Catherine sighed, "I'll try to get a hold of her but if she's not answering you, I doubt she will answer me. We haven't exactly been taking much lately. Let me know if you hear anything."

When a couple of hours past and Rachel still hadn't heard from Jackie, Catherine began to worry. Struggling to pay attention to her work without glancing at her phone every few minutes, she decided to just head to Los Angeles to put her mind at ease. Classes began on Monday, so spending her last few days in LA wasn't exactly what she wanted, but she couldn't help what she feared. After the long drive, it was almost 11pm by the time she arrived at Jackie's apartment. She decided to first try to buzz her at the main door but when she didn't answer, she pulled the key out that she still had from when Jackie was in the hospital. The apartment was dark and when she flipped on the lights she was taken aback at the filthiness of it, take out boxes and alcohol bottles everywhere. So much for working on herself. Catherine had spotted her car when she was parking, so decided to walk down the street and check out the spots she had taken her before. With no luck, she headed back. Just then, she thought she spotted Jackie walking down the street in front of her, but she wasn't alone. Catherine pulled out her cell phone and dialed Jackie's number. She paused as she watched her remove the phone from her pocket, look at it, then slide it back into her jeans. In disbelief, unable to move, she then looked on as Jackie and the girl disappear into her apartment.

"Jackie's fine and at her apartment, I'm going back home." Catherine texted Rachel before making her way back to the car. Before Catherine even opened the door, Rachel was calling her. "You're going back to Stanford? It's almost midnight, what's going on?"

"I just need to get out of here, I don't need this right now."

"If something happened with you and Jackie, stay at my apartment. It's way too late for you to drive."

"I'll be okay, I'll stop if I get too tired."

The next morning Jackie woke up to Rachel shouting at her. "Screening your calls now, are we? Where have you been?"

"Here" Jackie responded, annoyed to be awoken in such a way.

"No you weren't. I was here. What the hell is this Jackie? Look at this mess, I could smell the alcohol from the hallway. Why didn't you go to your audition?"

"I forgot about it."

"Forgot about it? So you couldn't even pick up your phone? Do you know how worried we were? Not to mention poor Catherine drove all the way up here when she starts her new job Monday."

"Wait, what?"

"What do you mean what?"

"Catherine wasn't here."

"Yes she was, I talked to her myself."

"Rachel, Catherine was never here."

Rachel pulled out her phone and showed her Catherine's message, "I even talked to her on the phone, she was pretty upset."

"I don't understand. I never saw her," Jackie said confused.

Just then the toilet flushed and Rachel looked at her suspiciously. The door opened and a blonde girl walked into the living room shyly. "I'm going to head out, I'll see you later" she said, before grabbing her purse from the chair and letting herself out.

"Who are you?" Rachel snapped, after turning back to Jackie, eyes full of disappointment. "No wonder Catherine was so upset that she drove straight back home."

"It's not what it looks like."

"All I see is an apartment full of booze and a girl leaving your apartment early in the morning. How would you like to see this scene at Catherine's?"

"She's just a friend. Can't I have age appropriate friends?"

"Age appropriate friends? Gee, thanks Jackie. I'll be sure to relay that one back to your much more mature girlfriend who just spent the last few months aiding you back to health for you just to disrespect her like this." Rachel looked around the apartment before turning back one last time as she opened the door, "you know, I was always so impressed with how great of a person you turned out to be considering you were a child actor. But now..." She just shook her head. "This isn't you. Catherine deserves better." And with that she closed the door and left.

After Rachel left, Jackie called Catherine but there was no answer, and their continued to be no answer the rest of the weekend.


	42. Chapter 42

The first week of classes proved to be exhausting. With everything that happened over the weekend, mixing with her nerves, Catherine hadn't been able to get more than a couple hours of sleep a night. After Jackie called her nonstop she had to cave and write back, asking for some space, unable to deal with it on top of school. When she finally returned to her office after her final class on Friday, she spotted a vase of flowers sitting on her desk. As upset as she was, she was relieved to see them. Although she had asked for space, it hurt that Jackie had listened, especially considering she had yet to explain herself. She smiled as she removed the card but it soon disappeared when she saw they weren't from her. They were from the staff, welcoming her and congratulating her on her first week. "You survived!" She heard from the door. When she turned around she saw a fellow professor standing in the doorway and smiled. "I did. Thanks so much, this is so sweet of you all."

"You're welcome. I hope the first week wasn't too rough."

"It's taking some adjusting, but I'm incredibly grateful to be here," she smiled.

"We're grateful to have you, have a good weekend!"

"You too, thanks again!"

Catherine turned around and began packing her things when she heard another knock. As nice as it was to have friendly coworkers, she really just wanted to get home to a warm bath and a glass of wine. When she turned around she saw Jackie standing there and her heart dropped. They just looked at each other before Jackie revealed a plant she had hidden behind her back. "I see someone beat me to the punch" she said, offering a small smile as she looked at the flowers. "Can we talk?" She asked softly.

"Not here. You shouldn't be here" Catherine said, fumbling with her papers.

"You didn't give me a choice, you wouldn't return my phone calls."

"Doesn't feel good, does it?"

"I'm really sorry you drove all the way to LA. If I would've known..."

"Jackie I'm serious, you shouldn't be here. This is my job."

"Please, just give me a minute to explain. I gave you the space you asked for, but you really need to hear the whole story."

Catherine hesitated before finally asking her to shut the door.

"I'm sorry you drove all that way. If I knew you were going to do that, I would've answered my phone."

Catherine continued rustling around her desk.

"Catherine... Please..."

"Why did you ignore my calls?" Catherine quietly snapped, looking at her.

"I knew you'd be upset about me missing my audition, and I just couldn't handle disappointing you again."

"You know, when you got into your accident, I swore I would never hold back my feelings for you again, no matter how scary it was. But now-" she began to choke up and tried hard not to. "I never expected you to hurt me like this."

"What did you see? I didn't even see you, and if Rachel said something- she was just drunk so I offered her to stay."

"She stayed the night?" Catherine couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"This is all a misunderstanding. Why don't you just tell me your side first."

"I drove to LA after no one could get a hold of you all day. I checked your apartment first then the local spots, and as I was walking down the street I literally watched you ignore my call as you led a girl into your apartment at midnight. Do you have any idea how that felt?"

"It was Sarah."

"I don't want to know her name."

"Catherine!" Jackie yelled, coming over to her and grabbing her arm.

"Keep your voice down!" She hissed. "And don't you dare touch me" she said, jerking her arm free.

Jackie grabbed her shoulders and pushed her against the wall. "Catherine it was Sarah, the barista I introduced you to at the coffee shop. We had a few drinks and she was too drunk to drive so she slept in my bed while I took the couch."

Catherine looked at her in disgust. "She slept in your bed?"

"No. I mean yes, but I wasn't in there. I would never do that to you! She's just a friend. And she's straight!"

"How do you know? Did you try something?"

"Catherine..."

"What if she wasn't straight Jackie, would you have?"

"You know I would never do that to you."

"Do I? Because I'm not sure I know you at all anymore."

Jackie became silent and dropped her arms from Catherine's shoulders, backing up. Catherine could tell she hurt her feelings. Voices began to gather in the hall and as she opened her mouth to speak, Jackie spoke first.

"I know, I need to leave" she said, as she turned and left.

Catherine stayed pressed against the wall, inhaling deeply as soon as Jackie left, trying to subdue the tears in case someone saw her when she was leaving. When she got home she looked around the street for Jackie's car, but didn't see it. She wasn't sure if she'd be there or if she would be on her way back to LA, unsure of which she was hoping for. When she opened the door Ethan greeted her. Dropping to her knees, she rubbed his ears and kissed his head, needing his love. She poured herself a glass of wine and undressed, sinking into the warm bath. Taking a long sip of wine, she grabbed her phone from the ledge and scrolled through, making sure Jackie hadn't tried contacting her. By 11pm she came to the conclusion that she wasn't coming and turned off the lights, heading to bed. Just as she turned off the last lamp, she heard what she thought was knocking on her front door, but it was so soft she was uncertain. Pausing for a second, she heard it again and made her way through the dark living room. She slowly opened the door, only partially and hugged it, using it as a sense of security. Jackie's face was solemn.

"I didn't want to-I couldn't leave without..." Jackie struggled forming a sentence. "Catherine I swear on my life nothing happened, nor did the idea even cross my mind. I realize how awful it looked considering my behavior that day but-" she sighed and looked off to the side. "It's just, I have been trying so hard to work on myself. I've spent the last week locked in my apartment just working on those scripts, not touching one drop of alcohol because all I want is to get back to myself, and get back to you. But then I got to that audition and everyone was staring at me and whispering, and the things they were saying about me, I couldn't do it. I was so upset at them, I was so upset at myself and the last thing I wanted was to disappoint you, so I turned my phone off and I made a mistake. I turned back to the me that you hate. I went to the liquor store and drank all day, then went to the coffee shop where Sarah saw me and she kept me company the rest of the night. But it was strictly platonic, I swear. If I would have known you were there... Have you seen her? She's not even that attractive and I mean, look what I have with you. You're gorgeous and your dimples that make my heart explode every time I see them. And your heart and sense of humor. I don't know why you're with me or why you put up with me these last couple of months, because I can't even stand myself."

Jackie was going on and on without taking a breath or looking at Catherine once, just nervously rambling. She was talking a mile a minute which was beginning to melt Catherine's heart, but she just stood there and listened considering this is the most Jackie had spoken in months.

"But hearing you say you don't know me anymore?" Jackie finally looked at her and placed her hand over her chest, "that kills me. I'm still here. I'm still me. I'm still porcupine and I miss you, I miss _us_. I have fucked up in so many ways and all I want is to-"

Before she could go on any more, Catherine came out from behind the door and pulled her into her, holding her tightly. And there they stood on her front porch, just like that for a couple of minutes, not saying a word.

"I don't hate you porcupine," Catherine finally whispered as she held her close.

"I'm so sorry for everything."

"I know you are. Come on, let's get inside."

The apartment was almost completely dark, the only light coming from the glow of the stove in the kitchen. After Catherine closed the door she could only see the silhouette of Jackie standing by the couch, biting her lip and nervously looking around.

"I know, it's still a mess. I've just been so preoccupied with school."

"Like I could judge."

Ethan came into the room and went straight to Jackie. She knelt down and greeted him, "hey buddy, I missed you." As she was getting back up she put her hand on her leg and grabbed a box behind her, shifting her weight.

"Are you okay?" Catherine asked, moving towards her and putting her hand behind her elbow for support.

"Yeah, it just gets stiff. I should probably do those exercises they taught me more." Jackie glanced at Catherine's hand on her arm and slowly looked up at her. Catherine slid her hand up to the bottom of her neck and leaned in, pressing her forehead against Jackie's.

"I'm so sorry, I really am. For everything."

"I know." Catherine slipped her hand a little further up until it rested at the base of Jackie's head, leaning in to kiss her. When they parted lips, Jackie immediately pulled her back into her, returning her kiss, more passionately this time. As Jackie placed her hands around Catherine's neck, Catherine leaned into her, moving her hands down to her body. Jackie stumbled backwards and Catherine extended her arms behind her, placing them onto the edge of the box to catch her balance, but over estimated its sturdiness. The top box caved in causing Jackie to fall back into it, Catherine tumbling on top of her. They both began to laugh as Catherine got up off of her, "are you okay?! Your shoulder?"

Jackie laughed, "I'm fine, just get me up" she responded, holding her hands up for Catherine to take hold. But when she tried to pull Jackie up, she wouldn't budge.

"My body has become one with this box," Jackie laughed hysterically. Catherine tried again to pull her up but failed, mostly due to neither of them having the strength from laughing so hard. "Okay, okay. One more try." This time they succeeded.

"Are you okay?" Catherine laughed, as Jackie stood to her feet.

"I think so" Jackie giggled.

"Maybe we should get out of this danger zone." Catherine grabbed Jackie's hand and led her back to the bedroom. As they passed the kitchen she looked back and smirked but saw the blood on Jackie's arm in the glow of the light. "You're bleeding" she said, lifting the sleeve of Jackie's shirt. "Come on, let me clean you up." Jackie squinted as her eyes adjusted to the brightness of the bathroom. "I know I have band-aids somewhere around here."

"It's really not that big of a deal, it's just a scratch."

"Ah ha! Here we are." Catherine cleaned the cut before placing the band-aid on it, then kissed it gently.

Jackie smiled at her, "always fixing me."

"Someone has to," she grinned.

When they got to the bedroom Jackie sat down on the bed. Catherine took her face in her hands and slowly kissed her. "You didn't have a bag" she blurted out, mid-kiss.

"Huh?" Jackie mumbled confused, eyes still closed.

"You didn't have anything with you, do you have to be somewhere?"

"I don't want to be anywhere but here."

"Jackie..."

"I have an audition tomorrow."

"What time?"

Jackie just smirked, "it doesn't matter."

"You can't miss another audition."

Jackie just kept smiling. "Catherine, I don't care" she said, taking her hands. "I don't want that life anymore. I missed my flight anyway."

"Don't say that, you're just having a rough time."

"Yeah, I am. And it's not worth it. Look what it's doing to me, look what it's doing to us. Look what it _did_ to us."

"It's your passion. Speaking from someone who almost lost theirs, you'll regret it if you walk away again."

Jackie just looked at her.

"Now, what time is it?"

"Noon," Jackie muttered unwillingly.

"Okay then, we'll get up early and I will make sure you go through with this one" Catherine said, moving the hair from Jackie's eyes and smiling. She grabbed her laptop from the night stand and opened it, booking two flights for first thing in the morning.

"Make them both round trip," Jackie said, leaning over her shoulder as she watched.

"You don't have any other auditions coming up?"

"No."

"Are you lying to me?" Catherine asked skeptically.

Jackie reached her arm over in front of her and held out her finger, "pinky promise."

Catherine looped her pinky around Jackie's and laughed. Just as she was finishing up their reservations she felt Jackie's breath in her ear, "hurry up."

Shivers went down her spine feeling the warmth in her ear, "I'm trying."

"You're... not... going... fast... enough" Jackie said, pausing between each word to kiss Catherine on the neck. As soon as she hit confirm, Jackie reached over her and closed the laptop then pulled Catherine backwards onto the bed.

After being up all night, they were both in rare form for the plane ride. Catherine helped Jackie with her makeup to look as awake as possible as they both chugged coffees on their way to the audition. Once again Jackie was greeted with looks and whispers as she waited, this time she had Catherine by her side though.

"Why don't we just give them new material?" Catherine leaned in and whispered.

Jackie looked back at her confused, "what do you mean?

Catherine placed her hand on Jackie's knee and smiled. Jackie looked down at it then smiled back, suddenly understanding. Catherine then took Jackie's hand in her own and sat that way until Jackie's name was called. She kissed her on the cheek before she got up as she wished her good luck, noticing the wondering looks of the other girls' faces. When Jackie's audition was over and she came back out, Catherine stood and linked her arm around Jackie's as they left, leaving an entire room of girls with shocked expressions.

"Oh my God!" Jackie exhaled as soon as they were out the door. "Their faces!"

"I know," Catherine laughed.

"And you're okay with this?" Jackie asked.

"I'm use to the looks, and I don't care anymore. I'm not worried about Stanford, we're not doing anything wrong."

Jackie's face lit up and she kissed her on the cheek, it was the happiest Catherine had seen her.

"So how was it!?"

"I think really good!"

"See, you still got it" Catherine said, jabbing her elbow into Jackie and winking.

Before catching a plane right back to Stanford, they stopped by Jackie's apartment. After getting out of the car Jackie linked her arm through Catherine's.

"So... will you do something for me?"

"Maybe..." Catherine responded, looking at her hesitantly.

"Can we stop and get a cappuccino."

Catherine flashed her an unpleasant look. "Jackie, I don't want to get into that."

"Please" she said eagerly, "I just want you to see it was nothing. It'll help us both feel better about the situation."

"Fine, but only if you don't say anything."

"I promise."

Jackie held the door open for Catherine as they entered.

"Hi Jackie!"

"Hey Sarah, you remember Catherine."

Sarah looked shocked yet excited, "of course! Hi Catherine, I'm glad to see you and I know Jackie is too" she winked.

Catherine smiled, suddenly feeling ashamed of herself. It was silly to think Jackie and Sarah were fooling around behind her back. "It's good to see you too."

After Sarah hugged them both goodbye, Jackie turned and nudged Catherine once they were out the door. " _See_."

"Okay, I admit it, I was being foolish."

"It's okay, I was being a jerk."

Stepping inside Jackie's apartment, it was still a mess. Bottles everywhere. "I'm sorry. I was a mess and didn't have time to clean up," Jackie said bashfully.

"Jackie," Catherine said before pausing. "Do you need help with this?"

"No of course not, just give me a second to throw this all away."

"That's not what I meant" she said, grabbing her arm.

"Oh," Jackie looked down at the bottles in her hands. "No, I don't think so. I know it looks bad, and I've been using it as a crutch, but I don't _need_ it."

Catherine looked at her worriedly.

"I promise. If I feel like I do, I'll tell you."

Catherine trusted her but hoped it was true.

After packing some of Jackie's things they headed to the airport and went straight back to Stanford. As soon as they got back to the apartment they collapsed in bed, exhausted from the chaotic day. Before falling asleep Catherine heard Jackie whisper to her as her eyes grew heavy and closed. She opened them slightly. "This is it." Jackie said.

"What?" She asked.

"This is it. No more bullshit. I promise."

"You're making a lot of promises today."

"I know, and I'm going to prove them."

"I hope so" Catherine whispered before falling asleep.

They spent the next week inseparable. When Catherine was at work, Jackie was back at her apartment finishing up her unpacking for her, which removed a lot of stress when she'd return home at night. Midway through the week Catherine was surprised to find Jackie knocking on her office door. "Is this okay?" She asked.

"Yeah, of course. Come in" Catherine smiled as she got up and hugged her.

"I brought some lunch, I tried my best but I'm sorry if it's awful."

"I'm sure it's delicious, thank you," Catherine beamed as she kissed her.

"So I have some news," Jackie said after taking a bite of the sandwich.

"Oh?"

Before she could speak there was a knock on the door.

"Come in," Catherine called out.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know you had company. We were just going to lunch and didn't know if you wanted to join."

"I've got some already but thanks! This is my girlfriend Jackie, Jackie this is Jennifer. She's another Psychology Professor here."

"Oh, it's so nice to meet you!" Jennifer smiled as she shook Jackie's hand.

"Likewise," Jackie said, in somewhat of shock. Once Jennifer left she turned to Catherine.

"New chapter, right?" Was all Catherine said.

"It sure is" Jackie smiled. "Is it weird how easy this all suddenly feels? Why did we stress out about it so much?"

"We are complicated people. So what was your news?"

"Oh! I got the role!"

Catherine's mouth dropped before turning into a giant smile. She got up and came around the desk, hugging Jackie tightly. "Congratulations! I'm so proud of you!"

"Thanks, and thanks for getting me back out there. I'm really excited for this one."

After a month of blissful living and office visits during lunchtime, Jackie had to head back to LA to prepare for her new movie. The night before her flight back, Wade sent her the filming schedule and as she looked it over, her heart broke. She would have to film overseas during Thanksgiving when she had promised Catherine they would go back to Bloomington for the holiday. Making it worse was the fact that despite Jackie's wishes, Catherine had decided to put the house on the market and it would most likely be the last time they could visit. Catherine was going to be devastated. Not knowing how to tell her, she just handed her the schedule, "I am so sorry." She watched as Catherine tried not to look upset, but could see the disappointment in her eyes once she saw the date.

"It's okay, there's nothing you can do."

Jackie just hugged her.

"I'll be okay. I've made it this many years, I can handle another holiday. And it's not like I'm completely alone, you'll just be across the ocean. This is huge for you, I don't want you to feel guilty."

As hard as it was, it was the happiest farewell they had ever had, knowing this time it was different in the best way possible. This time they didn't have to worry about an uncertain future.

Thankful to have made friends, Catherine left Ethan with one of them as she made her journey back to Bloomington. The last week had been hard. Jackie was overseas now filming, so communicating was rough. She was also dealing with the emotional toll of finding out her home in Bloomington had sold and she hadn't been able to tell Jackie yet. When she landed in Indiana, her nostalgia was becoming painful. She couldn't believe this would be her last trip home. Driving the hour from the airport, she couldn't help but cry after feeling extremely overwhelmed with the idea of packing up the house and spending Thanksgiving alone. She wanted nothing more than to just talk to Jackie but she hadn't been able to get in touch with her. All she had received in the last few days were apologies sent through text messages. When she finally got home, she opened the door and turned on the lights. Her realtor had dropped off a bunch of empty boxes for her and the site of them alone stung. Unable to deal with it yet, she went into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of wine. Starting a fire, she rested on the couch and reminisced about holidays she and her family had spent in the house before her parents had passed. Falling asleep that night wasn't easy. She wasn't use to not having Ethan there and she was missing Jackie terribly, but after much tossing and turning she was able to drift off finally. In the morning she poured herself a cup of coffee and attempted to call Jackie.

"Hey!" Jackie responded cheerfully on the other end.

"It's you!" Catherine said excitedly, relieved to have finally gotten her on the phone.

"I'm sorry, the service here is awful and we've been so busy."

"I need to tell you something."

"Catherine?"

"Jackie?"

"Catherine, you're breaking up."

"Jackie, can you hear me?"

"Catherine? I can't hear you. I'll try calling you back later, I love you and miss you so much! Happy Thanksgiving!"

Disappointed, she put her phone down on the counter and sighed. As she drank her coffee, she went into the foyer and stared at the empty boxes that she avoided the night before. "Happy Thanksgiving" she muttered aloud.

Not wanting to wallow in self pity, she threw herself into making a Thanksgiving feast for herself. The hours ticked by and she still hadn't heard from Jackie. She stared down at the plate she had spent so much time on and smiled, impressed with herself, before taking it into the living room in front of the fire. She never ate in there but figured what the hell, it isn't her house anymore anyway. Just as she was about to take her first bite, the door bell rang. Who in the heck was that? Especially on Thanksgiving. Maybe the neighbors saw the lights on and were worried since she hadn't been home in so long. When she opened the door she couldn't believe her eyes. Jackie was standing on the porch, pumpkin pie in hand. "Happy Thanksgiving!" She yelled.

"What are you doing here!?" Catherine asked excitedly as she grabbed her, careful not to spill the pie.

"Do you really think I would have let you spend Thanksgiving alone?"

"But your movie?"

"They were nice enough to give us a few days off. But can I come in? It's freezing and my hands are full!"

Catherine grabbed the pie and set it down, putting her arms around Jackie as soon as she got in the door. "You don't know how much this means to me."

"Yes I do, that's why I'm here" she said, kissing her. "Woah, what's all this?" Jackie asked, looking at the boxes.

"That's what I've been trying to tell you. I sold the house."

"No!" Jackie moaned in sadness.

"I know, I'm having a harder time than I thought. But come on, you came at the right time, I just finished dinner."

After they caught up with each other and talked all about Jackie's movie and how Stanford was going, Catherine poured them glasses of wine while Jackie went to change. When she came back down she had a grin on her face and her hands were behind her back.

"What?" Catherine smirked, suspiciously.

"I have an early birthday present for you since I'm going to miss it" Jackie said, pulling a box out from behind her.

Catherine smiled as she handed it to her. She slowly undid the ribbon on the box. When she opened it, she gently pushed back the tissue paper then looked at Jackie when she saw what was inside. "My bunny! You jerk! I thought I lost this in the move!"

Jackie laughed, "I told you you would find it when you were least expecting it."

"When? How?"

"I'm sorry. I stole it that last day we were here when we weren't doing well. I needed something to remind me of you while we were separated. I honestly didn't think you would notice, but then when you called me that day I knew I'd have to find a creative way to give it back to you so you didn't hate me for taking it. But that's not all, look closely at it."

When Catherine looked harder she saw a key tied around its neck. "A key?" She asked confused. "What's it to?"

"Take it off and I'll show you." Jackie took a sip of wine before she stood and held her hand out to Catherine, smiling.

Catherine untied the key and placed her hand in Jackie's as she opened the door and led her outside. Catherine walked to the porch and looked around as Jackie closed the front door. "Where are we going?" she asked curiously.

"Home," Jackie grinned as she placed her hands on Catherine's shoulders and turned her back around to face the house. She put her hand over Catherine's and slid the key into the door to unlock it.

"I don't understand."

"I'm the one who bought your house, I told you I would never let you sell it. This is your home and as happy as I know you are in California, it will never compare to this place. You were robbed of a life filled with traditions with people who love you, so I promise to do everything I can to make up for it. Weekend escapes, holidays, summer trips, whenever you want to come back here, we can. Forever."

Catherine eyes watered as she turned to Jackie. "I can't believe you did this."

"I can't believe you picked me," Jackie smiled.

Good thing I'm a procrastinator and didn't start packing yet," Catherine laughed through her tears.

Later that night as Catherine sat cuddled up next to Jackie in front of the fire, she felt like this was all just a dream. She was in her family home, on Thanksgiving, sharing a piece of pumpkin pie with someone who had completely shown her what it felt like to be loved, something she hadn't felt in a long time. Glancing over at the table she saw the stuffed bunny and smiled, looking at Jackie.

"What?" Jackie laughed uncomfortably when she caught her gaze.

"Nothing" Catherine replied softly, returning a smile. Her heart finally felt full again.


End file.
